


My light in the darkness

by banesarchangel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bad Parents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Pain, Panic Attacks, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:34:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 104,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banesarchangel/pseuds/banesarchangel
Summary: Magnus so desperately wanted to kiss those lips, but settled for kissing him on the cheek and slowly grabbing Alec’s hand and brushing his fingers along his palm and as he went to turn away.“Goodbye, Magnus.” Alec breathed.“No. Not goodbye, Alexander.” He smiled. “See you and your beautiful face later.” Getting to see Alec blush one last time before he left almost made him cry again but managed to contain himself. He smiled one last time at Alec, receiving one in return. He turned around and walked toward his gate for check in, fighting the urge to turn back for one more glance but knowing that if he did that he might not leave. So just kept walking. Not seeing Alec mouth behind him ‘I love you too’Or:Magnus and Alec were best friends in highschool, Magnus ended up moving away and they slowly drifted apart, but now that Magnus is back in New York he’s is determined to find out what really happened and be there for Alec





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New fic! This ones quite emotional and quite close to my heart. Hope you guys like the first chapter, let me know what you think.

Alec never was a social butterfly, but, he never used to be secluded, very anti-social, have anxiety and suffer from depression.

That was until that dreaded day, that dreaded day that turned his whole life upside down.

Alec used to spend time with his friends and family, but slowly he started to pull away and most disappeared out of his life.

Alec and Magnus used to be best friends, all through high school, they were inseparable, bouncing off one another. Alec never told Magnus this, but he had a crush on him throughout those years. That crush eventually turned to love. Magnus’ smile used to bring so much sweetness into his heart, his laugh would cause goosebumps down his spine-tingling all the way down.

He remembers those nights they used to spend at each other’s, losing track of time, staying up all hours watching re-runs of Magnus’ favorite shows. Falling asleep on the couch together, to then wake up, arms clinging to each other. Both of them had a gravitational pull towards one another, no matter what they always ended up in the same position every time. Locked in a bubble of warmth, causing Alec’s heartbeat to jump frantically. But back then Alec hadn’t come out as gay yet, he had been hiding it, afraid he would lose everybody he loved, including Magnus.

When Magnus left for his internship after high school, to work for his dream high fashion magazine. He was ecstatic, Alec was too. Seeing Magnus happy made him happy, also extremely proud that Magnus was following his dream. But the day he left, it all hit him like a tonne of bricks. He just let the love of his life go, without telling him how he felt. That was one of Alec’s biggest regrets of his life.

That’s when it started to go down hill. Well, at first he was optimistic. But that soon changed when he came out as gay to his family a month later, thinking it was time he was honest with himself and his family.

His parents had always been hard on him. Demanding good grades, always expecting perfect and nothing less. They were just those type of parents. Right? It was just their way of showing their love for him. So he thought that when he came out as gay to them, he would receive some backlash. But, nothing like what he actually received. They started calling him names, calling him disgusting, a joke. That he was sick and needed help and to come back when he wasn’t deranged and being stupid. That’s! When it really started in full force.

Luckily, he had Izzy, Jace, and Max his siblings to help him through the verbal and emotional abuse. But it only helped to a point. He and Magnus’ messages had started to become few and far between by then as well, which made it worse. He needed his best friend.

He wanted to come out to Magnus as well but wanted to do it face to face and not over the phone. But once messages and phones calls became rare throughout the years, he didn’t bother. Not wanting to burden him with his family problems and ruin his wonderful experience in L.A living his dream.

He slowly began to believe his parent's words, believing he was never good enough. That he was an embarrassment to their family. He started to pull away from the few friends he had left. Not feeling good about himself to make an effort. I mean who would want to spend time with him, he constantly thought. He was a nuisance to everybody according to his parents, they belittled him so much he didn’t have an ounce of self-worth left in his body.

He decided to turn his attention to college work, he was studying law. Well, at least that’s what his parents wanted, and if he could make up for being a disappointment in anyway this was the way. It was a great distraction being able to bury himself in a massive text book, consuming himself with the words on the page, escaping reality for just a little bit. Also, he had his siblings there too, trying their best at cheering him up and getting him out of the house.

He was very close to his littlest brother Max. Max would always bring him drawings, always bringing a smile to Alec’s face. He would constantly ask him questions about college sounding genuinely interested. Max would get him to play with his toys with him in his room, making up weird funny stories about his dinosaur toys. Alec loved doing all those things with Max. But, there was one thing, a very special thing that they would do together, something Alec had enjoyed since he was little and found therapeutic. It was archery. Max had stumbled across his bow in his room one day and wouldn’t stop bombarding him with questions. “How does this work.” “Is it fun.” “Does it hurt.” “Are you any good.” “Can I try.” So one day Alec took him with him and started to teach him one day at a time, he was gradually getting better at it and would sometimes get cocky and want to verse Alec, but Alec always won, unless he let Max win, because seeing a smile on his face brought just a little bit of happiness in to his life. Hanging out with Max made him forget all his parent's harsh words. Doing archery together was their own little oasis, their special place. That was until one day Max was ripped away from him.

Max’s death was the last straw for Alec. He completely withdrew, hiding in his room. He stopped answering the few messages Magnus would send his way, wanting to fully seclude himself in guilt. Knowing his parents blamed him for Max’s death and blaming himself was too much to bear. He dropped out of college, he stopped leaving the house. Only very rarely he would leave, if Izzy forcefully dragged him out the front door.

He got himself stuck. Stuck in an unhealthy environment within his household and within himself. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t see a way out of the darkness that was consuming him day by day.

So he stuck with what was comfortable to him now. Even though comfortable wasn’t safe for his state of mind. It was what he had begun to become familiar with, so it was easy to stay there.

So there he was a 22-year-old man, living a nightmare. Abuse being thrown at him week after week, in the form of slight digs and passive aggressive comments. His parents called him a failure and he believed it. They called him disgusting he believed he was disgusting. If they called him pathetic, he believed he was.

So there he was suffering from anxiety and depression, mental and emotional abuse not knowing how to get out. He felt hopeless.

__________

 

Magnus had had the best few years of his life, he truely had. Starting out as an intern at his favorite fashion magazine. Then making his way into a proper job as a personal assistant. Working alongside the CEO at a distance was an amazing experience and gave him all the knowledge and confidence to start his own fashion line. But he wanted to go back to his roots, for inspiration. That, and he desperately missed his friends. He stayed in contact with some of his friends from his childhood, they were like family to him, his only family, he cherished Ragnor, Caterina, and Raph with his life.

But he would be lying if there wasn’t one person dear to his heart who he never went a day without missing. It always felt like an ache in his chest.

While he was going back to New York for his career, he was also going back to reconnect with his dearest Alexander. They were best friends back in high school. He still remembers the first time he walked into English class on his first day in this new school not knowing anyone. Nobody even gave him the slightest glance, nobody but Alec Lightwood. The most gorgeous angel to grace the earth with his presence. His eyes were pure hazel, sucking you in with no return.

Magnus was pretty sure he fell in that instant. But then he spoke with his beautiful soft deep voice offering to be partners for the new assignment the teacher had just thrown their way. His lips turning into the most soul destroying smile. 

Since then, they became best friends. Never leaving each other’s side. Finding their way through high school together. Magnus never told Alec how he felt, not knowing if he felt the same or was into that as Alec had never confirmed with him. But, the slight blushes that would grace his cheeks and soft lingering touches that felt electric, he had a feeling Alec felt the same way, but wouldn’t push him. He knew that he needed to do that on his own.

  
Magnus, on the other hand, made sure everyone knew he was bi-sexual and proud of who he was as well. He hoped one day Alec would be proud of who he was one day as well. Magnus would wait. The type of connection he felt for him was something he would wait for.

Graduation came and still nothing, so Magnus was happy with being best friends, never wanting to lose Alec, and if that’s what it had to be then that was that.

After graduation, Magnus was offered an internship he just couldn’t decline. He was worried about how Alec would react, being that they were so close and it would hurt to leave one another. But thankfully Alec took the news rather well, very well actually. He said he was proud of him which made Magnus’ heart skip, that man was too perfect.

He still remembers their goodbye at the airport like it was yesterday, how emotional they both were, trying not to cry in front of a bunch of strangers but successfully failing. Leaving Alec was the hardest decision of his life.

Flashback~~~~

Magnus sat there next to Alec shaking his knee up and down. Nervous, scared, excitement and sadness all rushing through his body. He felt Alec’s strong palm rest on his shaking knee.

“Hey, Magnus. You are going to do amazing, this is your dream remember, I’m so proud of you.” He smiled. Then continued. “Also stop shaking your knee like that it’s making me anxious and it’s also distracting.” He teased.

“I know, I know it’s just it’s L.A. All on my own. This is crazy.” He turned to Alec hoping to see anything in those beautiful orbs of perfection, anything saying ‘don’t go, I want you to stay’ but he couldn’t. If Alec wanted to he could hold whatever he wanted to his chest and not let anyone know what he was thinking.

If Alec wanted him to stay he would. He loved him that much, and if there was even the slightest chance Alec wanted him, he would stay.

“Yeah, it’s going to be crazy. But you were born for this. As soon as you know it you’ll be a well-known fashion designer racing ahead of everyone else in the business. Everyone will want your designs. You are incredible. Don’t forget it.” He beamed.

Alec always knew the right words to say, the right words to boost his spirits and squish that self-doubt that was poking around. The sound of his voice alone was soothing enough.

Magnus desperately wanted to reach out for his hand, to feel his gentle touch one more time but knew if he did he wouldn’t want to let go. So he just smiled. “Thank you, Alexander.” He took a deep breath, it was time for him to go. “I’m going to miss you so much, SO much.” He emphasized. “You are my best friend. We have made the best memories together and I know there will be many more. I hope.” He cleared his throat feeling himself choke up. “We will talk every day, yeah?” He questioned.

“Yeah. Of course, Magnus.” Alec smiled through his tears that were now falling, making it that much harder to leave.

“I just want you to know, you are the most important person to me. I want you to promise me that this distance won’t change that.”

“Of course it won’t,” Alec replied, wiping one of Magnus’ tears, he closed his eyes savoring the sweet touch of Alec’s fingers brushing along his cheek.

“No. Promise me, Alexander.” Magnus pleaded. He needed him to promise.

“I promise.” He started, taking and deep breath and continued. “You, Magnus, are so special to me, I never ever want to lose that. I promise.” Alec smiled sweetly. “Now go, or you are going to miss your flight.” He laughed through his tears, that sound rippling through his body one last time, making him laugh through his sobs in return. Anyone witnessing this would have thought they were a couple saying goodbye to each other.

He brought Alec in for a bone crushing hug, melding his body to his, thinking how they fit so perfectly together. How there bodies came together in unison, harmony. He felt like they were the only two in the room. This hug meant something the both of them didn’t need to say out loud, they just knew.

Alec tightened his grip on Magnus, making the last of his remaining tears to fall and soak Alec’s jacket. Before pulling away, Magnus couldn’t help but whisper so quiet even Alec wouldn’t hear. He just had to say it, not knowing if he would get another chance.  
It didn’t matter if Alec heard or not he just needed to say it. “I love you, Alexander.” He whispered into his shoulder, composing himself one last time before pulling away.

Magnus so desperately wanted to kiss those lips, but settled for kissing him on the cheek and slowly grabbing Alec’s hand and brushing his fingers along his palm and as he went to turn away.

“Goodbye, Magnus,” Alec said full of breath.

“No. Not goodbye, Alexander.” He smiled. “See you and your beautiful face later.” Getting to see Alec blush one last time before he left almost made him cry again but managed to contain himself. He smiled one last time at Alec, receiving one in return. He turned around and walked toward his gate for check in, fighting the urge to turn back for one more glance but knowing that if he did that he might not leave. So just kept walking. Not seeing Alec mouth behind him ‘I love you too’

 

~~~~~~

 

Little did he know that slowly over the next couple of years they would lose contact. It broke his heart that he stopped hearing from Alec. He would still send the odd message in the hope of him replying one day, but he never received any in return. That made Magnus worry. It wasn’t like Alec to do that. Now that he was going back to New York he was determined to find out the reason behind Alec’s distance. Alec’s friendship was something he would fight for and wouldn’t give up on, no matter what.

 

He was now currently walking through the door to his new loft, he loved the wooden floors and big open spaces, most of it open living. But the thing that sold him was the beautiful balcony looking over the city. He could picture him self out there, night time soaking up the night time air, drinking cocktails in the summer. Or wrapped up in a blanket watching the snow fall in winter. It all felt quite magical.

“This is a lovely place, Magnus. You chose well.” Caterina spoke from behind him.

“Yes, I know. It’s just right and plenty of space for my creative energy to flow for my fashion line. Don’t you think?” He turned beaming.

“Yes, Magnus.” She smiled back. “It’s so good to have you back.” Bringing him in for a hug.

“It’s good to be back, darling.” L.A was great but just wasn’t the same without his friends.

“So, what do you plan to do first huh? You must have a long list of people to catch up with I bet.” She questioned. The truth was he did, but he only really wanted to catch up with one person really.

“Well, other than you, Ragnor and Raph. I’m planning on catching up with Alexander.”

“Oh, you guys are still in touch? I thought he stopped?” She said confused. Magnus did tell her everything so it wasn’t surprising she knew that.

“Yes, He did. But, I feel there is something more to it, and I miss him dearly so I’m going to try. But if he doesn’t want to that’s fine.” He said not convincing her at all.

“You are still not over him are you?” She groaned. “Magnus, Whatever you do, don’t get your hopes up. If he stopped replying to you maybe it’s cause you guys drifted apart and sometimes that happens. Please don’t get your heart broken again.” She pleaded.

When Alec stopped replying and contacting him it really hurt hard. Poor Cat was the one who had to listen through all his moans and groans over the phone.

“Cat, I just want to catch up. We used to be really great friends. I miss that, that’s all. He probably doesn’t even feel the same it’s fine. Don’t stress your little head.” He said receiving a yeah whatever eye roll.

“Well, I best be off. I have a shift at the hospital in an hour. Have fun unpacking. See you later at Taki’s for dinner.” She said as she waltzed out the door.

Magnus walked over to his leather couch and flopped down letting out an exhausted huff from all the traveling, and brought out his phone. Scanning for Alec’s name. Finding it he went to send him a text. But unsure what to say he almost put his phone back but then thought, he didn't really have anything to lose at this point.

Alexander (keeper of my heart)

He should probably change the name to something else.

To: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
Hello Alexander, how are you today? Just wanted to let you know I’m back in New York, for good and would love to catch up with you. Iv missed you greatly.

He pushed send and waited patiently, going about his apartment trying to distract himself, unpacking his suitcases. Doing anything to stop himself from checking his phone.

He was now currently in bed after a long day and going out for dinner with his friends catching up and laughing like the old times. But still, nothing from Alec which wasn’t anything new, but he thought maybe because he was back in New York Alec would reply this time. It had been over 10 hours. Not having an answer for why Alec was ignoring him was starting to grain on him.

To: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
Alexander, I don’t know what I have done to upset you or why you have stopped replying to me and started ignoring me, but the least you could do is let me know why. Please just text me back, you are starting to worry me.

He pushed send and rested his phone on his bed side table, turned over and went to sleep. Hoping to wake up to a reply, but wasn’t getting his hopes up. Alec hadn’t been replying for 2 years now, why would it change now. Maybe he did lose Alec’s friendship, but coming to terms with that was soul crushing.

 

__________

 

Alec was in his boring room as always, watching stranger things on Netflix. He had been peer pressured into watching it by Izzy and Jace claiming it was amazing. Of course, Alec would never admit this to Izzy or Jace but he was, in fact, enjoying it.

He was half way through episode 5 when he heard his phone ding. He hardly ever got messages unless they were from his nagging parents or it was his siblings. But, they were all down stairs. Curious, he reached for his phone, seeing his screen light up with that beautiful name, seeing that name started to make his heart race and he could feel his chest tightening. Why was he having a panic attack? It was only a text, sometimes it was the smallest thing that felt like the biggest thing that triggered him. He knew why he was having it, he felt guilty, every time he would receive a text from him trying to reach out, he would ignore it.

Ever since Max’s death he started completely ghosting his messages and phone calls. Feeling he would never see him again anyway, so why answer. But, god did he miss him. He missed Magnus so much. He opened the text and read it.

From: Magnus  
Hello Alexander, how are you? Just wanted to let you know I’m back in New York, for good. I would love to catch up with you, iv missed you greatly.

Magnus was the only one he didn’t mind calling him Alexander, the way he always said it like he meant everything to him. He really missed his voice, his silky smooth voice.

When Alec read the text his eyes almost popped out of his head. Did he read that right? Magnus. Magnus! Was back in New York, but, this time for good. He wasn’t leaving, and he wanted to catch up. Alec couldn’t do that, just the mere thought of being around Magnus made the panic set in more. He would have to explain so much and he didn’t want to pull up all those feelings and emotions again. But then he did really want to see him. See his eyes shine back at his, see what glorious outfit he was rocking that day. Hear his voice sink into his skin giving him goosebumps. But the fear and panic took over. What if like everyone else, he saw him as a disappointment, weak, disgusting. He had a feeling if he saw Magnus there was a possibility he might just break down in his arms, feeling all his built up emotions, pain and heartbreak he had kept to himself over the years, festering away, would escape him and he wouldn’t be able to stop.

He still remembers hearing Magnus’ faint whisper, thinking Alec didn’t hear it. But to him they were the loudest words in the room, so clear, drowning out any other noises around them. He always wondered what would have happened if he said those words back to him at that moment instead of when he was walking away not looking at Alec. He was always struck with the what if’s, but the what if’s were dangerous.

He couldn’t do it, there was just too many things that could go wrong. So, he did what he had done for the past 2 years, he ignored it.

He was brought out of his deep thoughts by a loud knock on his door, praying it wasn’t his delightful pair of parents who always wanted to dampen his already shitty mood. He got up to answer the door, he couldn’t handle the emotional thrashing right now, he was already hard enough on himself.

He slowly opened the door to see a bubbly, happy Izzy waiting outside.

“What do you want Iz? He asked.

“Well, since it’s such a lovely day outside, I thought I’d go for a walk in the park and you are coming with me.” She finished looking determined, but Alec was determined to say no.

“Hah, no, I’m not in the mood Izzy. Can we go another time?” He declined. But she looked like she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Nah ah, Alec. You are coming, Okay. Now get dressed.” She said walking away.

“No.” He yelled down the hall.

“Yes. Now hurry up.” She yelled back.

He groaned, turning around closing the door knowing he wasn’t going to get out of it, not today, unfortunately. On the plus side, if there was one. It might distract him from that text and thinking about where Magnus was and what he was doing.

He had a quick shower, threw on some clothes and went to meet Izzy in her room.

When Alec walked in her room dressed and ready, she looked very pleased with herself.

“Alright.” She said getting up from her seat. “Ready?” She asked.

“Does it matter if I say no?” He retorted.

“No, let’s go.” She said pulling him to the front door.

They made their way to the park, exchanging small talk, Izzy telling him about college and her friends while breathing in the fresh air, which actually felt good. Getting out of his dark stuffy room. A change of scenery was good.

They made it to the park and rested down on a park bench and relaxed.

They sat there for a few minutes, both knowing why Izzy actually asked him to come out.

“So, any nightmares lately?” She asked gently, knowing it was a sensitive subject.

Ever since Max and his accident, resulting in his death. He had started to get nightmares of different scenarios of that day, of himself failing, again and again, time after time, always with the same outcome. Every time he would have them, he would then stay up all night not being able to get back to sleep afraid of what his dreams might bring him. Sometimes he just wanted it to all end, the pain.

“Ah, a couple in the past week, yeah.” He said shrugging, hating that it would worry Izzy.

She grabbed his hand for comfort. “Alec, you know you can always come to wake me up if you have one, right? I’m always there if you need me.”

Alec knew he could, but, he didn’t want to burden her, keeping her awake all night with his problems wasn’t fair.

“Yeah, I know.” He brushed it off sending her a half assed smile, hoping that would be convincing enough. It must have worked.

Izzy reached over making grabby hands for something. Alec gave her a confused look.

“Your phone. I want to take a selfie with you.” Alec chuckled, of course. He rolled his eyes. Passing her the phone he forgot he didn’t exit out of Magnus’ text, so when she unlocked his phone it was staring both them in the face. Oh god. Alec wanted to face palm.

Izzy’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Wait, Magnus is back in New York? For good!? And he wants to catch up?” She questioned one after the other.

Alec just shrugged.

“Well, are you going to catch up?” She asked.

“No.” He stated without hesitation.

“What!?” She almost yelled in protest. “Why not? You guys were best friends, you were always happiest with him around. And, I know you loved him and probably still do if you gave yourself the chance. Don’t lie to me. So, please, tell me why not?” She finished crossing her arms on her chest waiting for a reply.

“I can’t Iz. He’s going to hate me for ignoring him for the past 2 years. I just can’t deal with someone else being annoyed or hating me. I won’t be able to take him hating me. No, Izzy. I just can’t.” He rushed out feeling himself start to panic, trying to control his breathing.

“Alec, it’s fine. You're safe, calm down.” She said bringing him in for a hug. “But, tell me this, what if he doesn’t hate you. I know for a fact Magnus would never hate you. By the looks of it, he misses you a lot and just wants to reconnect with his best friend. You guys love each other, don’t let a good thing disappear cause you are scared. I know, I know easier said than done, trust me I know. But, please Alec, will you regret it later? Just think about it. You deserve happiness back in your life.” She finished. Alec could see a stray tear fall down her cheek and knew she was right and really meant what she said. Alec could only nod in response to not being able to trust his voice at that moment. They hugged again.

“I love you, Alec. Okay, you will always have me.” She said as she pulled away.

“Love you too, Iz. Thank you.” He smiled

They walked back home in a peaceful quiet surrounding them. Reaching home to find Jace watching a movie in the lounge, so they joined him.

Once the movie was finished. Jace turned to them. “So, where did you two go?”

“Just went for a walk in the park and had a chat and got some fresh air,” Alec replied.

“A chat? About what?” He queried.

“Nothing import-“ Alec was cut off.

“Magnus moved back to New York.” Izzy threw in. Alec sent her the evils. Why did she have to do that, now Jace would ask all sorts of questions.

“What? Really? Are you going to see him?” Jace asked getting more and more in his business.

“No.” He answered, not feeling the need to clarify.

“Why? I thought you two were obsessed with each other. You were so heartbroken when he left. Now he’s back, why not go for it?” Jace continued.

Alec was over this and got up feeling betrayed by Izzy. “Izzy can fill you in, since she is so determined to spread my business freely.” He said as he walked away up the stairs to his room.

He lay down, flopping on his bed, pulling the covers over his head groaning, wishing he never left his room that day.

He had fallen asleep from exhaustion. To be awoken by a light knocking coming from his bedroom door.

It was now night time and dark outside so his room was in complete darkness. He reached for his lamp turning it on scrunching up his eyes at the sudden light blinding him. Making his way to the door, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes in the process.

It was Izzy.

“What do you want. Here to get more in my business, so you can go tell jace.” He sassed. “Sorry, But I’m not in the mood.” He finished closing his door to have it stoped by a hand.

“Alec, wait. I want to apologize.” She started. Alec just stood there waiting.

“I don’t know why I blurted that out. I just thought Jace would help push you in the right direction. But, that’s no excuse and I’m sorry. I just worry about you and think Magnus would be good for you.” She said. Then continuing realizing he wasn’t going to answer. “ I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me.” She battered her puppy dog eyes, but also seemed very remorseful and genuine.

“It’s okay, Izzy. I know your intentions were good. Just ask me before you go blurting things out like that.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I guess you are forgiven.”

“Thank you.” She said pulling him in for a hug. “Now go back to sleep, it’s late.” She chuckled.

Alec laughed, well more scoffed at being that she was the one who woke him up. He said goodnight and closed his door rolling his eyes.

He made his way back to his bed, but, stopped, looking down at his phone noticing a flashing light coming from his phone.

It was another text from Magnus. God, he was making it hard, heart achingly hard.

It read.

From: Magnus  
Alexander, I don’t know what I have done to upset you or why you have stopped replying and started ignoring me, but the least you could do is let me know why. Please just text me back, you are starting to worry me.

 

Magnus thinks it’s his fault. What, No, Oh god this is totally backfiring. That just made him feel even more guilty. He couldn’t think it was his fault, how could he, he was the kindest, purest human on this earth. But then Alec thought about it, his sudden stop of contact, like he just dropped off the face of the earth without any explanation. Of course, he would think that what person wouldn’t? He groaned rubbing his hands on his face.

Magnus deserved an explanation and Alec would give him that. He took a deep breath and started typing.

To Magnus  
Magnus, none of this is your fault. Please don’t think that. I know I owe you an explanation and I will give you one. But, not over text. Meet me at Taki’s your favorite, tomorrow at 12 pm for lunch. I have missed you too like you wouldn’t believe.

Well, it was done. He was going to have to face Magnus.


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus awoke that Sunday morning, feeling rather deflated. He thought Alec would have actually texted him back last night, but, instead, he only got his hopes up like always to have them come crashing down around him. It really got on his nerves not knowing why he all of a sudden dropped out of his life, like it was nothing. Yeah, their messages and phone calls became few and far between, Alec’s study from college and Magnus’ work there wasn’t much time left in between. But, when they did talk it was like they had been talking everyday, they would just fall right back into natural conversation like they were each other’s world, laughing, teasing, confiding.

Magnus had a horrible feeling something had changed in Alec, he just felt it in the pit of his stomach. Even though he still acted and sounded fine. Magnus knew him better than anyone and could hear the trouble underlying his melodic laughs.

Alec never talked to him about anything like that, and Magnus never pushed, trusting he would when he was ready. But, that time never came. Just, radio silence.

On the surface, Magnus tried to act like it was no big deal, but deep down it slowly, torturously tore his heart apart day after day.

Magnus scrunched his eyes feeling all his thoughts overwhelm him. So, he sat up and decided to push them to the side for the meantime, Yes, he may have stumbled with Alec’s friendship. But, there were other amazing opportunities awaiting him, things to look forward to. Starting his fashion line, being around his family and friends, living back in his city. He wouldn’t let Alec’s ignorance deflate his mood.

He stretched himself out of his soft silk sheets, dragging his sleepy legs to the shower, to get ready for a new day.

Feeling optimistic with his new mood, he walked out of the bathroom feeling fresh and revived, wearing his favorite dark kohl eyeliner and glitter eyeshadow ready to take on whatever got thrown his way.

He was making his bed when he noticed a flashing on his phone, assuming it was just Cat or Raph texting some sort of nonsense, he ignored it, finishing fluffing his pillows. Making his way to the kitchen to make breakfast, grabbing his phone on the way.

Sitting down admiring the delicious breakfast he prepared, bacon, egg, avocado, and tomato. It smelled divine. He wasn’t one to normally cook but being back in New York he felt the need to make himself some breakfast instead of opting for bakery pastries. Taking a sip of his coffee, he decided he should probably check his text or one of his friends, whoever it was would kill him, complaining he never texts them back.

To say he was surprised when he saw Alec’s name flash up on his screen was a big understatement. All his self-talk from earlier went completely out the window, quicker than the wind.

Flutters of excitement soared through his body, but also a deep pit of anxiousness settled in his chest. He was ecstatic Alec had finally texted him back, but, also extremely scared of what the outcome would be. What if it was him saying ‘leave me alone.’ Plain and simple or him saying all the reasons why their friendship turned to shit, saying it was all Magnus’ fault. But, Magnus couldn’t for the life of him think of what he had done so maybe he was just being paranoid and should stop overthinking this, stop talking himself into a panic and open the damn text. But, what if it hurt more to read then to ignore it and save himself the pain, or. He groaned, cutting off his train of thought that was spiraling fast. Taking a deep breath, sipping an imaginary drink of cement and opened the godforsaken text that was currently tormenting him.

From: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
Magnus, none of this is your fault. Please don’t think that. I know I owe you an explanation and I will give you one. But, not over text. Meet me at Taki’s you favourite, tomorrow at 12 pm for lunch. I have missed you like you wouldn’t believe.

Magnus was pretty sure his eyes started watering, his heart flaring at the last sentence ‘I have missed you like you wouldn’t believe.’ Magnus didn’t feel as stupid for pining after him for so many years knowing he was missing him too. The fact that he still remembered that Taki’s was his favourite after so many years, Alec was still that sweet adorable soul he had come to love. The only thing that was niggling at him was, if Alec had missed him so much over the years, why push him away? There were so many things he needed answering and apparently he was going to get that today at 12 pm.

It must have been a severely big thing if he couldn’t say it over the phone and needed to say it face to face, assuming he was going to apologize. That was probably the right thing to do and Alec was always very noble in everything that he did. One thing on a very long never-ending list of reasons why Alec was so pure through and through.

Magnus’ nerves that he had before he swiped the text open, were nothing compared to what he was feeling now, those nerves just multiplied by a thousand.

He hadn’t seen Alec’s tall long body or his beautiful angelic face in so long, it was easy to fall in love with his adorable eyes, they would crinkle when he was truly smiling, his eyes that were so simply orbs of sunshine shining upon you. He hadn’t heard Alec’s voice or heard his cute attempts at jokes or teasing in so long it almost didn’t feel real that he would be seeing and hearing all those things in just under an hour and a half. Speaking of which that didn’t leave him much time to get ready. He quickly went to write a reply, his fingers shaking from anticipation.

To: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
I will see you there :) Also the fact that you still remember that is adorable Alexander

He sent the message, secretly hoping Alec would blush on the other end. The possibility of creating those innocent blushes once again was almost too thrilling.

Finishing his breakfast, he cleaned his mess and rushed to his bedroom, frantically rummaging through this giant collection of clothing, flinging tops, shirts, and pants over his shoulder carelessly. Needing to find the perfect outfit. It was the first time actually seeing Alec in person in 4 years and he was out to impress.

While Magnus was going through his outfits, probably being to picky. His phone chimed. It was Caterina.

“Hello, lovely. How are you this fine and beautiful day?” He greeted her, sounding a little too chipper.

“Magnus, it’s raining so I’m assuming you don’t mean the weather, so, what’s got you so happy, what’s happened?” She queried.

“Oh, nothing dearest, just Alexander and I are meeting for lunch in 45 minutes. No biggie. I’m not stressing out at all.”

“What? I thought you said last night he still hadn’t replied to you?” She asked sounding confused and needing more of an explanation.

“He hadn’t then, but, late last night before I went to sleep I tried one last time.”

“And?”

“And, I woke up to a message from him asking to meet up for lunch at Taki’s.” He explained. Beaming from ear to ear.

“Wow, that’s great Magnus. But, don’t get your hopes up all at once take it slow. I don’t want to see you crushed again. You are extra moody when you are heartbroken.” She warned through the phone, giving her best responsible protective friend/sister speech.

“Cat, I’m always moody, what are you talking about.” He teased. Then continued. “But, honestly don’t worry. I think he just wants to explain himself and apologize, well, hopefully. And I have a lot of questions. I’ll be fine okay. But, thanks for the overprotective speech.” He finished. He heard her sigh and probably roll her eyes.

“Well, I hope he does apologize, he owes you that much. But, in all honesty, I’m happy for you, he brings a side out of you no one else can so I hope you guys can re-establish your friendship. Plus, at least I won’t have to hear you mope around pining after him.” She said

“Yeah, Yeah. Thanks, Cat, But I must leave you. I only have 40 minutes to find an outfit and get to Taki’s by 12, so, have a great day. I’ll talk to you later and let you know how it went. Love you.”

She laughed. “Okay Magnus, Love you too, bye.” He hung up the phone, going straight back to finding an outfit he could hopefully choose that Alec would like. Oh god. He was gone already and he hadn’t even seen him yet.

He finally settled on a bright maroon/red shirt that was tight in all the right places, black ripped skinny jeans with suspenders hanging down. His neck was adorned with long silver chains overlapping one another, his favorite ear cuff framing his ear. Fingers aligned with his set of rings. Styling his hair in its normal waved updo, his makeup touched up with a little extra glitter cause why not. By then it was time to go.

He took a deep breath in and looked himself over one last time in the mirror, feeling pleased with the outcome, ready to go meet Alec.

His phone dinged as he was waking out the door.

From: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
On my way, see you soon.

Nervous jitters crawled up his spine

To: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
See you soon, indeed. :)

He tried to mentally prepare himself to act cool. Something told him this was more of a serious emotional reunion.

Once he reached the window of the restaurant he saw Alec sitting at a table nervously playing with his thumbs and biting his lip. He was hunched over like he was worried he was drawing too much attention to himself, he looked very uncomfortable. The last time he saw Alec he was happy, vibrant, full of life. Now, he looked well, broken, defeated, like all the color had been drained out of his life. Seeing Alec like this really wasn’t what he was expecting and it shattered his heart.

Whoever made Alec look so lost or if anyone had hurt him in any way, Magnus would make it his mission to find out so he could protect him from them. Where did his Alec, the Alec he remembered so dearly go?

He pulled the door open, took a deep breath in. He could already feel the emotion bubbling away inside him, building. Alec looked up at the sound of the door closing and immediately their eyes locked and it was like they were in their own world, just them. No one else was in the room. Alec’s eyes were still just as breathtaking as they had always been, but, now behind that glorious hazel, lived a fragile, beaten down soul. Again making Magnus wonder what happened to his Alexander.

He walked up to him receiving a smile. Bringing a smile to Magnus’ face in return. They both just stared at the other for awhile both sort of in disbelief they were both standing in front of one another.

By this point Magnus was holding back tears, reaching his arms out, inviting Alec in for a hug. Alec accepted, falling into Magnus’ arms like he was a magnet. That’s when it really felt real. The feeling of Alec’s arms wrapped around him for the first time in what felt like forever was overwhelming. The sudden rush of emotion bubbling over. They slotted together like two pieces of a puzzle, them being the only pieces and were now complete. Tiny tears escaped his watering eyes. Not wanting to let go, but, unfortunately having to. They pulled away from each other both smiling through their tears, slightly embarrassed as people were staring.

Magnus breathed trying to compose himself and spoke to Alec. Sighing with relief.

“Hello, Alexander.” He spoke softly, smiling and sitting down at their table.

“Hi, Magnus.”

 

_______________

 

Alec didn’t sleep much that night, tossing and turning, his mind in a whirlwind of thoughts. Every now and then he would try talking himself out of it, going to see Magnus. The tight feeling in his chest to overwhelming. Wishing he could just stay in the safe bubble of his room. But, he needed to see Magnus, to explain everything, it was the right thing to do. The mere fact that Magnus had thought he had done something wrong didn’t sit well in his heart, so, he tried not to dwell on everything that could go wrong and tried to think back to their old times, convincing himself that there was nothing to worry about.

 

Flashback~~~~~~~~

Alec and Magnus tumbled into Taki’s after a sunny afternoon spending it with friends at the park. Alec and Magnus were starving, so, they detached themselves from the group and made their way to the best food joint in the city, obviously, they were biased.

Taki’s did the best milkshakes and fries, it turned out that’s what they were craving.

“Ahh.” Alec sighed happily, sitting down in the corner booth. “Man, iv been craving this all day.”

Magnus smirked. “Really? You wanna know what iv been craving all day?”

“No.” Knowing where this was going’s “don’t even say it.”

“Y-“ Magnus started but Alec cut him off, putting his hand over Magnus’ mouth just in time before people heard. Honestly, Magnus and his flirtatious personality, was he trying to kill him.

Alec never thought anything of it, Magnus flirted with all their friends, even though it would cause somersaults on his insides. And his betraying blush that would crawl up his neck and paint his cheeks. Like, it was doing right now.

“Honestly, Alexander. Making you blush is too easy, but it is rather cute.” Of course, making Alec blush again at the word cute, was Magnus doing this to him on purpose? Probably.

“Whatever.” He replied trying to downplay the effect it had on him. Thankfully the waitress was making her way over to their table cutting off whatever Magnus was about to reply with. Smirking Magnus turned toward the waitress and ordered for them both. 2 chocolate milkshakes and a basket of fries.

As the waitress walked away, Alec’s mind started to wonder, god knows why it was never a good idea to let his mind wander.

He started thinking about how much he would miss these times. They were 1 month away from graduating and most likely they would go their separate ways, different colleges. Alec was staying in NY and Magnus, Well Magnus still hadn’t decided, still waiting on a couple replies.

It would be a big contrast to how they had spent the last 5 years literally by the others side, almost every day. He would miss seeing Magnus’ smile, Magnus’ eyes, hell he’d even miss that glitter that ended up everywhere. Those teasing chains around his neck complimenting his sharp jawline, in short, he would just miss everything about Magnus. Even the blushes he would give him.

“What’s going on behind those closed doors up there? Hmmm.” Magnus queried. Most likely seeing Alec go off in his own world.

“Have you decided where you are gonna go after high school?” He replied.

Magnus chuckled. “Is that really what you are thinking about?” He paused. Then continued. “But, to answer your question. No, I haven’t I’m still waiting on a couple other things. Why do you ask?” He finished, almost looking concerned why Alec was asking that.

Alec didn’t want to actually tell Magnus what he was really thinking about. God, if Magnus found out he was in love with him, he had been for many years now. That might ruin their friendship and like he said before, they were going their separate ways soon, so, there wasn’t any point. Plus he hadn’t even come out as gay to Magnus yet, not even his family, other than Isabelle who claimed she always knew.

“Yeah. What ones are you waiting on?" He questioned, then quickly followed. “Was just wondering is all.” He smiled.

“Well, there is this internship in L.A that I applied for and if I get that, it would be huge Alexander.” Magnus beamed. He looked truly happy talking about it. Alec remembers Magnus talking about the fashion magazine internship last year sometime, saying it was his dream and couldn’t wait to give it a shot.

“No doubt in my mind you will get it, 100%. This stuff is your passion, plus you are amazing at it.” Alec said. He wasn’t biased. Nope, not at all. Magnus was very talented, Alec didn’t know much about fashion but knew himself that Magnus always looked jaw-droppingly good in his precisely planned outfits.

Magnus smiled adoringly. “Thank you, Alexander. But, darling you are my best friend, you have to say that.”

“I’m serious, Magnus.” He affirmed.

“Well, thank you, darling.” Once again, Alec was blushing at the nickname. “Hey.” Magnus continued. “Maybe once I have my own fashion line you could be my model. OH MY GOD. YES!” He exclaimed, excitingly.

“Hah, No.”

“Hah, Yes. You’d be perfect, tall, gorgeous, modeling my clothes, they’d go flying out the door. I mean you do make everything look good.” He winked.

Magnus was going to make him die of embarrassment, it wasn’t normal to blush this many times in the time frame of 20 minutes. Soon he’d just have a constant sheet of pink blanketing his face if Magnus kept this up.

“And with that adorable blush, I mean who could resist.” Magnus continued.

Alec couldn’t help but let his hands cover his face, shielding his pink glow, that he was pretty sure was permanent. Laughing, out of sheer embarrassment. Magnus was ridiculous. Magnus soon joined both laughing.

~~~~~~~~~

Alec found himself smiling like an idiot at the fond memory, crazy how that was 4 years ago now. Wow. Time Flys.

Alec was so caught up in the memory he didn’t see Izzy or Jace enter his room, staring at him.

“What’s got you smiling like that, huh?” Jace questioned.

Alec snapped his head towards them feeling caught off guard. “What? Oh, nothing.” He replied.

“Yeah right, you never smile like that.” Izzy protested. “Come on, spill.”

“It’s nothing really.” He said trying to get them to give up.

“Alec.” They both said in the tone ‘you ain’t fooling us’

“Fine, if you must know, I replied to Magnus, asking to meet for lunch.” He said getting up and walking into the bathroom to wash his face so they couldn’t see his little smile.

Izzy and Jace both followed eager to hear more.

“Continue.” Izzy pleaded.

“There is nothing to continue, he hasn’t replied yet.” Alec shrugged.

Just as he said that his phone went off. Alec saw Izzy make a beeline for it, so he sprinted, just grabbing it before her. He opened the text and felt some tension go that he had been holding in since he sent the text.

“Oh my god, you are blushing. What did he say?” Jace chuckled.

Honestly, how could Magnus still make him blush?

Izzy grabbed his phone, but he didn’t even fight it, still trying to control his blush.

“Awww, he called you adorable, that’s so cute that that made you blush.” Izzy cooed.

“Yeah, Yeah. Whatever.”

“On a serious note though.” Jace started. “I’m glad you are doing this, he obviously makes you happy and it will be good to see you smile again. Hell, just look at you, you are already blushing over a text.” He finished. It wasn’t like Jace to be the serious one and that was nice for a change.

Alec smiled at Jace’s kind words

“Hey, Can I ask you two a favor, well actually, Izzy I’m asking you two favors.” He asked.

“Yeah, of course, Alec.” Izzy smiled passing him back his phone.

“Go ahead, dude,” Jace replied.

“In the next hour and a half I’m probably going to try and talk myself out of this, so, no matter what please don’t let me. For a change, I’m actually looking forward to this and I don’t want to sabotage myself.” He said.

Jace came over and patted him on the shoulder. “Of course, we got this.”

Izzy just smiled letting Jace answer for the both of them.

“Also, Izzy.” He paused. “Can you, maybe, please help me choose an outfit.” He asked shyly.

Izzy just jumped up and down in excitement. “Yes, I would love too.”

“Okay, thank you. But, until then could you both leave my room so I can have a shower.” He shook his hands signaling for them to leave. They both snickered and left the room.

Alec was actually excited to see Magnus underneath all the anxious self-doubt. It felt good, he hadn’t been excited by something for quite some time.

As he jumped in the shower, he started thinking about how Magnus was going to react. Was he going to be mad, confused, annoyed? All of the above. Hopefully once Alec explained he would be more understanding.

When he jumped out of the shower, he went straight to his closet pondering on what he should wear. He hadn’t bought anything new in over 6 months and it was too late to get something new now. He pulled out an outfit hoping Isabelle would approve.

Izzy came waltzing in the room took one look at the plain black t-shirt and jeans. “No.”

“Why not?” He protested, he didn’t see anything wrong with it.

“The jeans can stay, but Alec, you are not wearing that a boring old t-shirt.” She said picking it up and throwing it over her shoulder.

“Well, what do you suggest?” Starting to get flustered that he might not find anything good in his wardrobe.

“Let me have a look.” She said as she scanned his wardrobe. “Uh, Huh. Here it is.” She pulled out a dark denim shirt with plain black buttons. “Or, this one.” She said grabbing another, this one was a light pale green with short sleeves. She then continued. “They will both bring out your eyes, so up to you.” She finished.

Alec pondered on his choice for a Little constantly going between the two, then coming to a decision. “The denim one.”

“You sure? Don’t change your mind again.” She asked making him second guess himself again.

“Yes, no, I don’t know.” He sighed in a huff, sitting down on his bed.

“Alec, calm down. I was just making sure that was the one you wanted, and personally, I would have gone for the denim one too, so don’t sweat it.” She said sitting beside him.

“Izzy, what am I doing.” Sinking his face in his hands, taking deep breaths.

“You are going to see a friend, a friend you have missed.” She stated and then continued. “Remember why you are going, Okay. Magnus needs some answers and you are going to give them to him. And look I know Magnus too, he’s not going to judge you, he’s very understanding, that’s why he is such a good friend for you to have, if anything he won’t even be angry when you first meet, Okay. If you are worried about it being awkward and uncomfortable just remember that he wants to be there. So, just take a deep breath and block out all those pesky negative thoughts and enjoy yourself.” She smiled resting her head on his shoulder.

“Easier said than done, Iz.”

“Yes, I know. But at least try, Okay?”

“Okay, thank you, Izzy.” He smiled. His sister was truly amazing.

“You’re welcome. Now get dressed and go have a good time. Oh and also I’d go with your leather boots for shoes.” She beamed, walking out of his room.

Alec got dressed out of his sweats and into his outfit. Sending Magnus a text telling him he was on his way, receiving one right back making him smile. As he was leaving when he was stopped by his mother. Dread settling in. Why couldn’t he just have gotten out the door without them seeing him?

“What, mother?” He asked.

“Where are you going dressed like that?” She demanded.

“Dressed like what? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” He asked feeling more and more insecure.

His mother just scoffed. “That’s not answering my question, Alec.”

He looked to the floor feeling little, he always felt little under her glare. “I’m going to catch up with a friend. Why?”

Maryse laughed like it was some joke. “Friend? I thought you didn’t have any friends?” Alec didn’t need reminding.

Alec could have replied and stayed for more insults, but, he decided to think back to what Izzy said to him up in his room. He just opened the door and walked out zoning out whatever words his mother was saying to him.

When he reached the restaurant Magnus wasn’t there yet, so he grabbed a table and sat down twirling his thumbs nervously. Maybe Magnus wouldn’t come, of course, he’s coming he literally just texted 20minutes ago ‘see you soon.’ But maybe it was some form of payback for all the times Alec ignored him. It was still 5 to 12 so he didn’t know why he was letting himself spiral, he just had to remind himself Magnus wasn’t like his parents or other people, he was an amazing man who would never play with someone like that.

He managed to control himself, that was until he heard the door open and locked eyes with those gorgeous deep brown eyes that if the light hit just right would sparkle with lots of ambers.

Magnus was still just as beautiful if not more then back then. He didn’t even know that was possible, but, here he was simply stunning in the most teasing outfit. Wow. Alec was speechless.

Magnus walked up to him and smiled, lighting up the whole room. Opening his arms out for a hug. Alec couldn’t move fast enough, jumping straight into his arms, letting his touch consume him whole. It was like being in Magnus’ arms made all the worries and pain he had lived within those past few years, vanish for a split second. He held him tighter. Tears slowly starting to leak down his cheeks, feeling so much at once.

They finally pulled away from each other, sitting down, both with sappy smiles enlightening their faces.

“Hello, Alexander,” Magnus spoke softly, sending shivers down his spine.

“Hi, Magnus,” Alec replied nervously rubbing the palms of his hands together.

“It’s been a minute hasn’t it.”

“Look, Magnus about that-“ Alec was cut off by Magnus reaching his hand out, lightly brushing his fingers along Alec’s

“Hey, we have all day to talk about that, let’s just enjoy our meal and not worry about that yet, I just wanna hear your voice for now.” He smiled.

No, he wasn’t blushing. Nope. “Okay, sounds good, I mean yeah.” He chuckled, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck, heart beating out of his chest.

The waitress came over and asked for their orders, Magnus getting a steak, medium rare, side of roast vegetables and fries, whereas Alec just got a simple chicken burger with fries. But one thing that was the same was them both ordering chocolate milkshakes. Like they always used to.

“So, Alexander. What have you been up to these past couples of years?” Magnus spoke, sounding genuinely interested, which was a foreign thing for Alec not many people really cared. Magnus spoke again. “Last time we talked you were still in college doing law, you still doing that?”

Alec cleared his throat not really knowing what to say. “Uh l, umm... no, not anymore. I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore, so I’m currently trying to figure that out.” He smiled through the pain of why he really quit college. He would tell him, but, later.

“That’s completely understandable.” He smiled, this small talk was starting to get awkward and Alec felt like that was his fault.

“Yeah, So, What about you? What are you doing back in New York?” He asked, curious about the reason why.

“Well, iv come back to start my own fashion line.” He started

“Wow, that’s awesome, told you-you were amazing at what you do.”

Magnus smiled fondly. “Thank you, But, I also came back because Well, I missed my friends.” He paused, then continued. “Including you Alexander.” He stated with emphasis

Alec wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make him feel guilty, but, it did. One of Alec’s biggest regrets was pushing Magnus away.

Alec looked down at the table, biting his lip, not being able to look him in the eye.

“Hey, that’s not a bad thing, don’t look so sad darling.”

There it was, that nickname that made his knees weak.

“I’m not sad Magnus, I feel guilty.” He paused sighing. “For pushing you away.”

“It’s okay, Alexander, I’m sure you had your reasons and I’m willing to hear them. But, a little later.”

“Okay.” Alec brought his eyes back up off the table and locked them with Magnus’ and the guilt washed away, seeing the sincerity in Magnus’ eyes.

The waitress brought over the food and milkshakes.

“Man, do you remember how we used to live by these milkshakes. I haven’t had one in forever.” Magnus stated as he sipped, moaning at how nice it was, a little too loud in Alec’s opinion.

“Yeah, me neither,” Alec said receiving a loud shocked gasp and wide-eyed expression from Magnus.

“What, why? You live here, Alexander. I can’t believe you.” He teased.

They soon fell back into there old selves, reminiscing over the high school days and all the stuff they got up to, Magnus also talked a bit about his job in L.A. Alec liked seeing him being so vibrant talking about it, you could tell it was his passion. But amongst the chatting, you could also sense the tension of the unresolved conversations weighing over them.

They had finished their meals awhile ago and time had slipped away on them, it was almost 2 pm.

“Magnus,” Alec said politely cutting Magnus off. “Sorry, for cutting you off. But, can we go somewhere private and chat please, I just really need to get this off my chest.” He pleaded.

“Of course, we could go to mine, it’s only a 20-minute walk from here. The rain has stopped so it would be nice.”

Alec nodded in agreement and they both got up to pay. Magnus insisting on paying the bill. Alec only agreed as long as he could next time.

As they walked back to Magnus’ apartment. Alec had a strong urge to hold his hand but didn’t. Always being around Magnus he couldn’t help but want to and through the years that still hadn’t changed.

“Ahhh, I have missed this city.” Magnus inhaled and exhaled.

“Ha, really. I don’t see the appeal.”

“I didn’t either until I lived in L.A for 4 years. It’s hard to explain, it’s just a feeling.”

“Fair enough.” He laughed.

They continued to walk in silence until they reached Magnus’ apartment.

Once they were inside, Alec was rather impressed. It was a very nice, lovely designed apartment.

“Well, here we are,” Magnus said finding his way over to his leather couch and tapping the cushion next to him for Alec to come to sit.

He took a deep breath and followed.

“Do you want me to go first or do you?” Magnus asked.

Alec shrugged.

“Okay, I’ll go.” He started, then continued. “There’s only one question on my mind really, why did you stop talking to me? like complete radio silence.” Alec was trying to hear if there was any anger in his voice, but, he could only sense confusion and hurt. Magnus spoke again. “I mean, did our friendship mean that little to you?”

“Oh my god, no. Magnus, no, don’t think that.” Alec quickly replied.

“Well, What was I supposed to think, Alexander?”

“I know, I know. I just don’t know how to start this.” He shook his head trying to push away the tight feeling in his chest.

“Hey,” Magnus said grabbing his hand. “Just take it one sentence at a time, I have all the time in the world,” Magnus reassured. Alec took a deep breath and started talking.

“I guess I’ll start from the beginning.” Magnus squeezed his hand a little tighter as in to say he wasn’t going anywhere. “So, after you left, I saw you following your dream and being true to yourself. Which encouraged me to do the same. I wanted to be who I was, finally. About 1 month after you left, I got the courage to come out to my family as gay.” He paused, taking a look at Magnus’ expression, which was currently wearing a proud but curious smile. “So, I guess I’m coming out to you right now as well.” He nervously laughed.

“I’m so proud of you Alexander.” Slowly running his thumb softly over Alec’s fingers, soothing him.

“Thank you.” Smiling back at him. He continued. “Anyway, I knew I would receive some backlash because of the way my parents are. But, nothing like what I got.” Pausing starting to feel his ribcage tighten. “It was horrible Magnus. The things they said to me.” Breathing rapidly increasing.

Magnus moved closer running his hand up and down his back, comfortingly. “It’s okay, Alexander. Take your time, you don’t have to continue if it’s too overwhelming for you.”

“No, no. I want to do this.”

“Okay, well just take a deep breath and whenever you are ready, darling.”

Alec nodded leaning into Magnus' hands caressing his back in small movements

After a few minutes of calming himself, he continued. “They threw me down with so many hurtful words, I started to believe them.” Trying to ignore the flashbacks. “I started to believe I was disgusting, sick in the head, an embarrassment to their family. I just started withdrawing from the people around me, thinking no one liked me or wanted to be around me. I so desperately wanted to tell you, but whenever we were on the phone you always sounded so radiant, happy and I didn’t want to burden you with all my problems. It didn’t seem fair to bring you into that when you were having the time of your life.” He saw Magnus wiping his eyes, he reached for his other hand. “So, no your friendship wasn’t worthless to me, it meant the world to me and that was why I didn’t tell you. But, I guess over the years it just got out of control to the point where I hardly left my room. Fully secluding myself from the world, the judgment, the stares. I’m sorry for pushing you away, Magnus. It just seemed easier at the time but in reality, it only made it harder. I know that’s no excuse, I've just lost my way and don’t know how to find it again.” His shoulders felt lighter like a weight had been taken off.

“Alexander, you are not disgusting or an embarrassment. You are none of those things your parents said you were. You are beautiful, kind, one in a million. You are brave, strong. You have so many qualities to love, you have no idea how many people love you and care about you. The first person starting with me, and it will always be me, we were and I hope still are best friends and that will never change.” Magnus’ voice was shaking as he bleeds his heart out. Tears staining his cheeks. So was Alec’s. Hearing Magnus’ words at that moment was indescribable. He softly brushed away Magnus tears.

“Magnus, I haven’t looked forward to or been excited about something in so long I had almost forgotten what that felt like. So, thank you for pushing that last bit. I’m relieved I got to do this.” He didn’t feel ready to open his wound of Max’s death today, not wanting to overwhelm himself, talking about his parent's neglect and abuse was challenging enough. That was for another day.

“Come here.” Magnus pulled Alec in wrapping his arms around Alec’s vulnerable body. It was strange at first not having someone scold him and hurt him. He didn’t feel ashamed seeking comfort in his arms, feeling welcomed and safe. He didn’t feel worthless sitting their next to Magnus wrapped around one another.

_________

Magnus’ heart slowly tore piece by piece hearing Alec talk about what he had been through and continued to go through, most likely every day. Nobody deserves that. All he could think about was, he should have tried harder to be there for his friend. He knew something was off with Alec, but regretfully never pushed. To think how he went through all that alone, feeling unwanted. He couldn’t even imagine.

By now he was crying, hugging Alec with everything he had. He would never let him suffer alone again.

“Alexander, thank you, for sharing this with me. I know it wouldn’t have been easy. No one deserves that. I just wish I could have been there for you. Knowing you struggled with all that basically on your own. You are still pushing through and that is so admirable. I said it before and I’ll say it again, you are so strong. I’m here for you no matter what Alexander. I’m not going anywhere. Okay.” Pulling back and looking Alec straight in his cloudy eyes.

“Okay.”

“If you ever need somewhere to escape, my apartment is always open and welcoming. There is a spare room, waiting for you if you ever need it.” Magnus said, lightly stroking way Alec’s remaining drops of tears.

“Thank you, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos so far, that’s awesome! :) 
> 
> My updating schedule is going to be probably every Wednesday or Saturday New Zealand time, will most likely change between the two depending on how far ahead I get with the story. 
> 
> I’m on Twitter @MeishaErica1


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s wednesday (maybe Tuesday, depending on where you are in the world) so new chapter wew!
> 
> Thanks everyone for the support and comments and kudos so far it really gives me extra motivation. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy

“Soooo, how was it?” Izzy asked as she came walking in his room.

“It was good.”

“It was good.” She said “give me more than ‘it was good.’”

“Well, it was.” He exclaimed. Why did everybody need every little detail? Why couldn’t she just accept ‘it was good’ as an answer. It was exceptionally good, better than he could have ever hoped for. Magnus was so understanding, encouraging. Everything Alec wanted and needed. But, he also wanted him in another way but didn’t know if he could have him in that way. He didn’t even know if Magnus felt that way about him and if he did, why would anyone want someone so damaged. But Alec could live happily with Magnus as his friend nothing more.

After their chat last night Magnus ordered takeout and they ended up watching movies until late. Alec had to get home, he would have walked but Magnus insisted on paying for a cab, he said ‘ I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you’ making Alec feel like mush on the inside, slowly falling word after word.

“Yes, But, I need details. Obviously not all of them but something better than ‘it was good’” Izzy said, pulling him out of his lovely thought process of Magnus.

“Fine, what do you want to know?” He huffed.

Izzy excitedly came over to Alec’s bed and sat on the corner.

“Well, is he still drop dead gorgeous?” She smirked.

Alec tried to fight the widening smile spreading across his face. Thinking back to Magnus’ tight shirt and jeans hugging his muscles in all the right places. His stunning eyes and face. He was gone.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She laughed.

“Yeah,” Alec said sounding like he was in a dream, snapping himself out of it fast, remembering Izzy was next to him. Clearing his throat “uhh ahh yeah, I mean yeah.” He stumbled out.

Izzy continued laughing at Alec’s rosy cheeks.

“No, like seriously Iz. I didn’t think he could get any more attractive, considering he was absolutely stunning in high school. But, wow I was wrong.” Once he started he couldn’t stop.

“Look, Alec, would you like me to leave the room? You seem to be getting all hot and bothered.” She teased.

“Shut up. You asked.” He threw his pillow at her.

“True. Anyway on to the deep stuff. What did he say when you explained what had happened over the years?” She continued to ask.

“He was really great about it Iz. I don’t know why I was so worried.”

“I knew he would be. Magnus loves you, of course, he’s going to be supportive.”

“He doesn’t love me, Izzy.” He exclaimed.

“Sure he does, don’t deny it.”

“Well, maybe as a friend. But nothing more.” He said shooting her down. Magnus didn’t love him like that he was almost sure of it.

“Seriously, Alec,” She said throwing his pillow back at him. “You are so oblivious sometimes.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, yes Alec you are.” She laughed.

“Look, do you want to know what he said or are you going to continue to tell me I’m supposedly oblivious to Magnus loving me. Which I’m not, because he doesn’t.” Talking about this was making his heart feel weird and he didn’t like it.

“You are. But, continue.” She paused, then spoke again. “Did you tell him about everything?” She asked.

“No, not everything. I didn’t tell him about Max’s death, it was already hard enough getting through all the stuff with Mum and Dad.” He said nervously rubbing his finger over his thumb, something he always did when Max’s death got brought up.

“That’s understandable Alec.” Izzy smiled a reassuring smile.

“Yeah.” He chuckled nervously.

“Did you tell him you were gay? What did he say?” She asked quickly after.

“I did.” He smiled. “He said he was proud of me.” His smile was so wide his cheeks were starting to ache. A nice change from his constant frown.

“Alec.” Izzy beamed. “That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, He said really nice things Iz, like when I told him about what Mum and Dad would say to me. He started crying, saying I was none of those things they said I was.” Thinking back to all the words Magnus called him, praising him. He continued. “It was like being around him, just hearing his voice was like a calm I didn’t know I needed. He made me feel special and appreciated.” He had to stop himself otherwise he would get emotional again and he didn’t want to because for once in so long he had a reason to smile.

“Alec, I’m so glad you went. I can already see the effect he has on you.” She paused, sighing out a shaky breath full of emotion. “ He makes you happy.”

“He does, I forgot how being around him made me feel.”

“Hey, Alec thank you for opening up to me about this. I know you don’t normally like to do that sort of stuff. But, it’s nice seeing this side of you, I haven’t seen it in a while.” She praised.

Alec just smiled back at her.

“Anyway, I have to go, study and all that. But see you later.”

“See you Iz. Have a great day.”

“You too, oh and next time you see Magnus tell him to text me, I miss our shopping trips.” She said as she was walking out the door.

“Okay.” He laughed.

Crazy how a week ago, hell, two days ago he didn’t feel like there was anything out there for him to make him smile. Now he was opening up to Izzy more than he normally did. He felt a slight jump of excitement at the possibility of spending more time with Magnus. It was crazy how one person could alter your life just a fraction in the space of 24hours. Magnus encouraged him, reassured him, told him everything his parent didn’t. He told him the things he wanted to hear from them. That he was proud of him, that he was brave, beautiful and special. Magnus gave him hope, that maybe just maybe he could claw his way out of this deep pit of darkness that had swallowed him up over the past years.

“Alec.” He heard that dreadful voice again.

“What?” He asked.

“This weekend we are having a company party, I would like you to be there and look presentable. That’s the least you could do for this family.” She spat.

“I thought I was an embarrassment to our family why would you want me there?” He retorted. Why did his mother have to ruin his good mood? It’s like she sensed it and was like no, no can’t have that, where’s Alec I need to knock him down a few notches.

“Yes, well as much as you and your unfortunate fantasies or whatever they are repulse me. I need all my children there to uphold the family image. You already tarnished it enough by dropping out of college and wasting away in here. The least you could do is show your face until I don’t need you anymore.” And there it was, fantasies, repulsive, basically saying she didn’t want him, she’d only use him until she didn’t need him. She didn’t care about him. Alec not wanting to waste his energy fighting with her agreed hopefully making her nice to him for at least that night. “Yes, mother I will go.” He sighed.

“Good.” She said and walked away. Good riddance.

Alec was already starting to feel the anxiety creep in surrounding his lungs. All those people all those stares. He couldn’t do it alone. It would piss his parents off, but, since when did they care about him. So why should he try to please them? He’d ask Magnus to come, that way he’d have some form of comfort other than Izzy and Jace at the party.

He picked up his phone and texted Magnus.

Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
\- Hey Magnus

Magnus  
\- Hello dearest, how are you this morning? I know last night was hard.

Honestly, how could Magnus be so caring and amazing?

Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
\- I’m good. Thanks for listening and being there

Magnus  
\- always Alexander

Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
\- Um, I was wondering if I could ask you something?

Magnus  
\- of course, what is it?

Alexander ( keeper of my heart)  
\- I’d rather ask you in person

Magnus  
\- is this your way of finding an excuse just to see me again (;

Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
\- maybe.... but all seriousness, I do have something I’d like to ask you.

Magnus  
\- Okay well come around later after 5 pm, I’m currently working on some sketches

Alexander ( keeper of my heart)  
\- Okay sounds good

Magnus  
\- Hey, why don’t we make a night of it, I’d love to catch up with Izzy and the others we used to hang out with back in high school. You all still hang out right?

Alexander ( keeper of my heart)  
\- Okay, yeah they do. I’ll tell Izzy to tell the others.

Alec hadn’t actually seen his old friends being clary, Maia, and Simon in quite some time. He didn’t want to think about it too much, freaking himself out.

Magnus  
\- can’t wait, see you then Alexander :)

Alec didn’t really want them there but, it was fine, giving him a chance to catch up with them.

 

____________

 

When Magnus received the texts from Alec his heart had palpitations. That fact that Alec already wanted to hang out again was a good thing and why was he being so secretive about what he wanted to ask. He tried not to think too much about it not letting his mind run away with crazy ideas, getting his hopes up.

For some godforsaken reason, he suggested inviting everyone. Yeah, he wanted to catch up with them, but not when it took away valuable time away from spending time with Alec. He internally slapped himself for being an idiot.

After finishing his latest sketch, a suit inspired by somebody’s eyes. His phone went off, it was Isabelle. His second favorite Lightwood.

Isabelle  
\- Hey Magnus, Alec just told me about tonight. I’m so excited to see you.

Magnus  
\- me too, sweetheart. Me too

Isabelle  
\- I missed my shopping buddy.

Magnus  
\- we should go to L.A sometime. You’d love the shops there.

Isabelle  
\- oh my god, Magnus don’t tease me.

Magnus  
\- haha, see you tonight Isabelle.

 

It was 4:30 pm and they’d be arriving soon. Although when he heard a knock on his door, he wasn’t expecting anyone so early.

He opened the door to an adorable looking Alec, looking nervous but beautiful. Ahh, Magnus wanted to kiss those lips bad when Alec would, (probably not on purpose) lick his lip teasingly with his tongue. He told his mind to stop running off with dangerous thoughts.

“Alexander, you’re early”

“Yeah, sorry. I was just bored and also wanted to talk to you before hand. But, if it’s not a convenient time I can leave and come back later. Sorry, I should have called first.” He rambled. Magnus found it unbelievably cute.

“Alexander.” He laughed. “It’s fine. I just finished up. Come in.” He said stepping aside to let Alec in. Walking in Alec shook off the chilly breeze that was currently gracing New York, Alec probably walked here the silly man.

“You know, you shouldn’t walk in this weather. You could get a cold.” He teased, but also meant it.

“Magnus.” He said rolling his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Yes well, I’m sorry it’s my job to worry.” He said. Alec ignoring him and walking over to the table where a few of his designs layout.

“Magnus, these are incredible,” Alec exclaimed.

“Thank you, darling. But, those are just drafts, nothing special.” He said gathering them up, not wanting Alec to see the suit he designed after him, not that Alec would probably realize but just to be safe.

“Drafts or not they look good.” He smiled. Hearing Alec’s praise was a nice boost.

“Thank you, you are too sweet.” He paused. Then continued. “Now, What is it that you want to talk about first?” He asked growing more and more curious.

“Uh, oh yeah.” Alec nervously chuckled. “My parents are having some stupid company party this week at my house and they are forcing me to go so that our family can have a good image. I know ridiculous. But, she basically guilt tripped me into it. I don’t think I’ll make it through the night if I do it alone. So, I was umm..... I was wondering if you’d come with me?” He asked, but then quickly added. “As a friend, of course.”

There it was the word friend, the word he didn’t want to keep getting reminded of. Pushing that aside though, Alec needed him and he would be there.

“Of course, I will be there.” He smiled. “What time?”

“Saturday at 7 pm. I’ll text you the address.”

“Lovely.” Magnus chimed. “Would you like anything to drink?”

“Um, water is just fine, thanks.” He replied.

“Okay, take a seat. I’m just going to get changed and I’ll join you in a minute.” He said while carrying Alec his glass of plain water. Alec always was a simple guy.

He touched up his makeup and changed his shirt to something fancier since he was having guests.

Walking out to find Alec looking deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowed together.

“Darling, What is troubling you?” He asked, snapping Alec out of his haze.

“Oh, Uh Nothing. Sorry, I just zoned out.” He smiled. But Magnus saw straight through it. Something was troubling him. Walking over and sitting next to Alec, he placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Alec, you don’t have to hide your worries from me. I’m never going to judge you.”

Alec looked up from his knees and this time genuinely smiled. “I know.”

“Then what is it?” He asked, hopefully not pushing too hard.

“It’s just, you know how I said I secluded myself and pushed everyone around me away.” Magnus nodded, letting Alec continue. “Well, that includes Clary, Simon, and Maia. If possible I probably would have pushed Jace and Izzy away too but, luckily they stood by and stayed.” He paused, sighing. “ I just haven’t seen them in over a year and I’m a little nervous about it, but, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Alexander, if this is too much for you, I can cancel and it can just be us two. It’s up to you?” He offered, not wanting Alec to go backward and run again.

“No, Magnus it’s fine as long as you, Izzy and Jace are there I’ll be fine.” He smiled.

“Okay, but if you need a breather or anything, just tell me and we can escape to the balcony for some fresh air. Sound good?”

“Sounds good, thank you, Magnus.” Alec smiled, reaching his hand up to Magnus’ that was still on Alec’s shoulder, gently squeezing it. Magnus could lie and say that subtle touch didn’t make him want more. But, it did. He wanted so much more, to lace there fingers together and cuddle up on the couch in the others arms, watching movies, but, not really paying attention cause he’d be too focused admiring every perfect feature that man had.

Clearing his mind, he asked. “So, What should I order for food?”

“Pizza.” They both said at the same time, laughing. Magnus hadn’t heard Alec’s laugh in so long it was like a song he’d never get bored of.

Slowly Magnus’ apartment started to fill up. Izzy and Jace were the first to come.

“Oh, there you are Alec, I was wondering why you weren’t at home,” Jace smirked.

Alec rolled his eyes, Magnus had missed that irritated eye roll indeed. “Yes I’m here, so what?”

“So, Nothing. Just interesting is all.”

“Nice to see you again, Jace. I think.” Magnus said greeting him.

“Uh huh, yeah you too. We all know you love me, Magnus.” Jace teased straight back.

“Isabelle.”

“Magnus.” She beamed.

“Come here.” He said pulling Izzy in for a much-needed hug, he hadn’t seen her in forever.

“I forgot you two used to be dangerously close,” Alec said from behind Magnus.

Magnus turned around to him. “Don’t worry darling, you are still my favorite Lightwood, even though you hate shopping.” He said winking, causing the rush of color to spread along Alec’s beautiful cheeks.

The doorbell rang again, he left Alec, Izzy, and Jace talking in the kitchen. Magnus overheard their conversation.

“Dude, you are so far gone for him it’s ridiculous,” Jace said.

“No, I’m not. We are just friends that’s it.” Alec replied. Causing Magnus to zone out of the conversation not wanting to hear how they were only best friends. Fuck the friend zone. Only maybe he should have kept listening instead of focusing on opening the door, he would have heard Alec continue. “He will never want me, it doesn’t matter if I like him. It’s never going to happen, no matter how much I want it to.” He opened the door completely oblivious to what Alec was saying and was greeted by three smiling faces.

“Clary, Maia and Samson.” He exclaimed excitedly. “It’s been too long.”

They all walked in, Simon stopping on his way. “Magnus, it’s been 4 years. Don’t you think that’s a bit old.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He grinned watching simons annoyed face.

He followed through to the lounge room shouting. “The crews all back together again.” Smiling he walked over to where Alec was seated, sitting down next to him and said to him quiet enough for only him and Alec to hear. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here the whole time. Just remember these people are your friends.”

“Thanks, Magnus.” The way Alec looked at him at that moment sent butterflies racing through his body. He stayed looking into those eyes, completely lost for a few seconds, until, somebody cleared their throat. Making Magnus and Alec quickly awkwardly leave each other’s eyes.

“It’s a nice place you have here,” Maia said smiling at Magnus and Alec’s flushed cheeks.

“Uh, thank you, Maia.” Magnus felt so flustered. No one ever made him feel off balance like that. No one but Alexander Lightwood that was. What made it worse was everyone was staring at him like they knew exactly what was going on inside his head.

Thank the angel, his doorbell rang giving him a brief chance to escape and compose himself. Alec had completely ruined him, by staring at him, that’s it. But, it was the way they were looking at one another. Maybe Magnus was just over thinking it too much.

“Oh, look. That must be the food.” He said while quickly walking out of the room hearing Izzy snicker under her breath. “Oh, Magnus.”

————

Magnus was acting strangely after he went and got the food, Alec tried to not to think he was the problem. But, that didn’t work. It was on his mind the whole night.

Alec had been talking to Simon for the past 30 minutes or so, something about what he was studying, Alec wasn’t really paying attention. Too busy trying to think What was wrong with Magnus.

Fortunately, Maia, interrupted simons babbling. “Hey, Alec. Haven’t seen you in a while. What have you been up to lately?” No, not, fortunately. He hated that question, he never really knew what to answer it with. ‘Oh you know not much just living with my abusive parents who hate me, so I live in my room and don’t do anything.’ Nobody wants to hear that. His palms had started sweating.

“Uh, um I’m just figuring out what I actually want to study, law didn’t really work out.” Oh god that was such a bad answer. Maia though didn’t seem to notice Alec’s inner struggles and continued talking.

“Tell me about it right, it took me a good year after high school to decide what I wanted to do, so much pressure on us to choose right away. It’s stupid if you ask me.” Maia saying that was not what he had expected. He needed to stop thinking everyone was like his parents, that people his age actually related to him. Which was nice for a change.

“Hah, yeah. What did you decide on?” He asked, genuinely curious.

“Marine biology would never have thought I’d choose that but once I started I just got hooked. Learning about all the things in the ocean, it’s like another world down there. I’m only in my first year. So it’s only going to get better.” When she was taking Alec couldn’t help but notice she was happy and vibrant, a lot like Magnus was when he talked about his job. Alec wished he could one day find something he was passionate about.

“That sounds awesome Maia, hopefully, one day I’ll find my passion.” He smiled.

“You will give it time.” She grinned back.

“What’s going on here.” He heard a silky voice from behind them. A hand resting on his shoulder, creating a smile on his face and instantly relaxing under his touch.

“Just talking about college and pressure and all that shit,” Maia answered.

“Sounds riveting. Alexander, can I steal you for a minute.” He said brushing his fingers along Alec’s neck causing shivers down his spine.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Out on the balcony,” Magnus said walking towards it.

“This is all very cryptic, I’m gonna go over there,” Maia said pointing to Izzy and Clary.

Once out on the balcony, Alec asked: “what’s up, what did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing, I just saw you before and you looked like you got a bit uncomfortable, so I thought I’d interrupt,” Magnus said leaning over, resting his arms on the edge of his balcony.

“Yeah, I was for a second, but talking to Maia was quite nice. I forgot how real she could be, you know.”

Magnus turned smiling at him. “I’m glad you seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“I am. But, I was actually going to ask you the same question. You sort of disappeared, acting weird after the food arrived. Are you alright?” He asked, worried he had done something wrong.

“No, no.” He replied. “ I’m fine Alexander, just worried about people ruining my new apartment.” He lied.

Alec didn’t really believe him but thought best not to push. “Well if there is anything you want to talk about, just know I’m here for you, just the way you are there for me.” He said placing his hand atop Magnus’ feeling bold he started to circle his thumb across his hand.

“Thank you, Alexander. Good to know.”

“That’s what friends are for.” He felt Magnus go stiff under his touch all of sudden, Magnus pulled away and shivered to say it was cold.

Alec took his coat off, placing it over Magnus’ shoulder, feeling his face heat up at yet another out of character gesture. What was Magnus doing to him? He wanted to wrap his arms around him, to comfort him over whatever was going on inside his head. But settled for resting his coat around him, receiving the most beautiful smile in return.

“Darling, you are the sweetest.”

Alec laughed shyly, probably heating up his cheeks, hell he didn’t need a coat his hot cheeks would keep him warm enough.

Little did they know that behind the closed doors of the balcony, the others were talking about them.

“Do you think they will ever figure out that they have been in love with each other since high school?” Clary asked.

“Lord knows, they are both seriously oblivious sometimes,” Izzy said.

“I hope it’s soon, they make the most adorable couple. After everything, Alec’s been through with his parents and Max.” Maia paused observing the sweet moment, Alec placing his coat over Magnus. “ I think Magnus is what he needs, to remind him of who he is and what he deserves. I mean Alec would have never agreed to this if it wasn’t for Magnus. Iv missed them both.” Maia finished, looking over to the other two who were smiling at Magnus and Alec through the doors.

“Yeah.” They both said.

__________

 

“So let me get his straight.” Ragnor started. “You are going to his family’s company thingy as his plus one, but, just as friends.” He said his hands in quotation marks when he said ‘just as friends’

“Yes, Ragnor just as friends.” He retorted.

“You are kidding yourself, that’s totally a date.”

“No, no it’s not. He asked me to come as a friend. It’s not a date. As much as I would like it to be, it’s not” he sighed. “ he needs me there, so, I’m going to be there. Now, does this suit look alright?” He Said while straightening out his jacket.

“Your clothes always look fine. Stop trying to change the subject.” Caterina exclaimed.

“Will you two drop it. I don’t like talking about it, Okay.” He was starting to get sick of his friends. Why did he let them in again? “It’s just reminding me of what I can’t have.” He grumbled.

“You seriously think Alec doesn’t love you, don’t you,” Caterina said.

“I don’t think, I know! I overheard him saying to Jace and Izzy the other day, saying that we are just friends and that’s it, so yeah.” He said getting really irritated.

“Maybe he just said that because he doesn’t know how you feel.” Ragnor piped up again.

“Whatever, I’m over this subject. Can you please drop it. Alec needs me tonight and that’s why I’m going. End of.” He stated.

Ragnor raised his hands up in surrender while Caterina stayed quiet.

“Your suit looks amazing, Magnus. You look very dapper.” Caterina said, probably trying to change the subject. Thank god.

“Thank you, dearest. I must be leaving now though, don’t want to be late.” He smiled at himself in the mirror admiring his blue velvet suit jacket and slim black pants tailored to perfection. He was wearing silver and gold patterned shirt underneath complementing his caramel skin. He had styled a blue streak in the front of his hair. His usual makeup, just a little more glitter on his eyelids. He was wearing black leather printed shoes with chains on the back to bring his whole outfit together. He was ready to face the lightwoods.

“You guys can let yourself out right?” He asked grabbing his phone to tell Alec he was on his way.

“Yes, yes. Go.” Ragnor shooed

“Bye.” He said as he was walking out the door.

He walked up the steps to the Lightwoods massive house feeling apprehensive as he didn’t know what to expect, from what he could remember and what Alec had told him, they weren’t nice people.

He was about to knock when the door flew open, startling him. It was Alec.

“Oh my god, Alec don’t do that.” He laughed trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Sorry.” Alec laughed “I saw you from upstairs, so I thought I’d save you the hassle of knocking.”

“You just startled me.”

“Sorry,” He said again. “ wow, Magnus you ....you look beautiful.” Yep, Alec’s blush must be contagious because it had spread to his cheeks, flaming on his face.

The way he said it, so confident. Fuck that was attractive. He let his heart settle before admiring Alec. He was in a normal black and white suit, but, damn did he look good in it.

“Thank you, Alexander. You look amazing yourself.” Magnus wasn’t the only one blushing anymore. He smiled smugly.

“Uh, thanks. Um everyone is in the other room. Come in.”

“Anyone I know here?”

“Other than Izzy and Jace, probably just Clary,” Alec answered. Magnus had been wondering for a while now, noticing how Alec hasn’t mentioned his little brother Max yet. Why wouldn’t he be at the family party? Maybe only for adults? He let it go, even though he had a feeling niggling away at him.

Alec and Magnus entered the party room, seeing so many stuck up faces.

Most of the night they were able to ignore most of them including Alec’s parents. Just hanging out with Izzy, Jace, and Clary. Until Satan spoke.

“Alec, who invited him?” Maryse spat, not even acknowledging him. Rude.

“Him? Oh, you mean Magnus. You know Magnus Mum, from high school remember?” Alec said sounding so innocent, not picking up on Maryse’s bitter tone.

“Yes, I know who he is. Why is he in my house, I didn’t invite him.” Seriously she was a bigger bitch than he remembered.

“I did.”

“Why, He is a bad influence. You probably got that stupid idea from him that you were gay. Just look at him.” Harsh, But Magnus bit his tongue.

“Mum, stop. No, I didn’t. I’m gay with or without Magnus as my friend. Leave him alone. He’s done nothing wrong.” Alec pleaded. Magnus could see him slowly falling apart, he needed to get him out of there.

“Excuse me. Hi yes, it’s me, Magnus. The one you don’t like. You should probably shut your mouth Maryse, people are starting to stare. Also if you have something to say about me, say it to my face, not to Alec, trying to make him feel guilty for inviting a friend. You shouldn’t put him down like that, shaming him, for who he is. Don’t talk to him like that.” Magnus said shutting her down. He wouldn’t let anyone speak to anyone he was friends with like that. He saw Alec’s face go red, but this time it wasn’t a blush. He hoped he didn’t cross a line.

“Huh. Alec, you are so weak you have to have him fight your battles, how embarrassing.” Maryse glared back. Magnus wouldn’t stand for this, watching her belittle him in front of his face. Magnus was gonna lose it.

“Excuse yo-“ Magnus was ready to let it rip, he didn’t care who was in the room. But he was stopped by a hand yanking him out of the room and up the stairs to another room. He assumed it was Alec’s bedroom.

“Magnus, stop it, it’s fine,” Alec said looking defeated.

“No, it’s not Alec, she doesn’t have the right to talk to you like that.” He exclaimed.

“Well, she does and there is nothing, you can do about, Okay,” Alec said raising his voice.

“Alec, I didn’t mean to make you angry. I just... I just couldn’t stand there and let her attack you like that.” Magnus came closer to Alec, grabbing his hands, Alec shoved them away. He had never seen Alec like this.

“Magnus, you don’t understand. I’m used to it, this is my normal, you don’t need to fight my battles.”

“I do understand Alec,” Magnus said softly trying to get Alec to calm down.

“No! Magnus, you don’t!” Alec yelled Magnus was taken back. “You don’t understand, because while I was here going through this, you were in L.A having the time of your life. Ignoring all your friends here. Ignoring me, like you always did. It was always about you back then. You don’t understand and you never will. Because you weren’t here.”

“Alec.” Magnus gasped. “I didn’t know, how could I have known. You didn’t tell me! So, that’s your fault Alec, not mine. Don’t you dare put that shit on me.” He retorted.

“I couldn’t feel I could, I wasn’t good enough for you just like I’m not good enough for my family. I’m weak just like my mother said! Live with it, this is my new normal.” Alec said huffing out a sigh and sitting on his bed.

“Alexander.” He said, trying to ignore the harsh sting of Alec’s words that were stabbing his heart. Did Alec actually think that? This had gotten way out of hand. “Don’t you dare settle for that being your normal. Because that’s anything but normal.” Magnus needed him to see that, but all he could see was Alec slowly crawling into his shell.

“She’s right though, I am weak. I have been for years.” He whispered.

“No!” Magnus stated. “Alec you are nowhere near weak. Don’t believe a word your mother says, she is so far from the truth.”

Alec just shrugged.

“I’m serious, Alec. Listen, come to stay with me tonight. We may not be in the best mood with each other right now but it’s too toxic here for you tonight.” Magnus didn’t want him anywhere near that horrible women.

“I don’t know,” Alec mumbled.

“Please, if not for yourself, do it for me. For my piece of mind that you won’t be bashed with any more insults tonight.” Yes, Alec’s word hurt him badly, but they could talk about that later. He needed Alec in a safe environment for the night.

“Okay.”

_____________

 

Alec started packing a bag. He was actually relieved he could leave. Normally he would just hide in his room for the next couple of days, but now he had Magnus who seemed to care enough about him to not only defend him but to want him out of this house for his own sanity. The fact he still wanted to help him after all the horrible things he said to Magnus, was surprising. Alec didn’t mean a word of it he really didn’t. He just got so worked up and needed an outlet and took it out on the only person who cared enough to get him out of here. He felt horrible, wishing he could take it all back. He could sense the tension in the air, Magnus was way more hurt then he was letting on.

Once he had finished packing his bag he went back over to Magnus who looked, hurt and angry. They had never fought like this before, yes they would bicker but nothing so personal like this and it was all because of Alec.

“Magnus, I’m sorry for snapping before. I just got so worked up and I know that’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Alec, that was a tense moment for all of us. Are you done packing?”

They both turned there heads towards the knock on his bedroom door. Izzy followed by Jace and Clary stepped into the room.

“Lovers tiff?” Jace said, regretting it as soon as it left his mouth, as Alec and Magnus sent daggers his way.

“Shut up Jace, not what I need.”

“Sorry, Alec. You’re right I was just trying to lighten the mood but obviously, that didn’t work.” He awkwardly shuffled on his feet, sensing the tension in the room.

“Obviously.” Magnus sassed.

“Alec, Magnus ignore him. Are you two Okay. That got pretty heated down there.” Izzy said

“Yeah, well. It got pretty heated up here too.” Magnus scoffed.

“Magnus, please. Can we not start that up again. I was trying to apologize.” Alec pleaded.

“Oh, so you did fight?” Jace asked, surprised.

“Yeah, We did,” Magnus answered, which Alec wished he didn’t, he didn’t want more people getting involved.

“Yes, but we are fine now,” Alec said.

“Oh.” Magnus laughed. “Are we?” Magnus was still very upset, he’d fucked up bad.

“If you guys are still mad at each other, why do you have a packed bag?” Clary asked, deciding to but in to.

“As much as I’m pissed off at Alec right now, I offered for him to stay at my place for the night. He doesn’t need to be round that bitch.” Even though Magnus was mad he could tell he wanted Alec out of there, it was more important than the fight.

“Oh, you all good with that Alec?” Jace asked probably concerned.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be.” He answered, harshly.

“Geez, sorry was just asking. Fuck you can literally feel the tension in the air.” Jace retorted knowing that would piss off Alec.

“Shut up, Jace. Seriously.” Alec wouldn’t admit it but Jace was right. 

“Let’s just go Alec,” Magnus said standing up.

“Bye Izzy, Clary.” Alec ignored Jace. He was pissing him off.

“See you guys, text me, Alec,” Izzy said as they walked out the door and downstairs to the cab Magnus had ordered.

The car ride to Magnus’ was filled with loud sighs, angry huffs and lots and lots of tension. They both walked in Magnus’ apartment tired and grumpy. Just wanting to go to sleep, Alec was so over this day.

“Spare bedroom is there. You know where everything else is. Good night.” Magnus left, no emotion left in his words. Leaving Alec in the hallway alone with his thoughts. He had hurt Magnus bad, Why was he stupid sometimes. He made his way to the guest bedroom. And sat down on the bed, head in his hands and cried, letting all the anger, hurt and sadness weep from his eyes. This wasn’t how he had pictured the night going. He couldn’t believe he said those nasty words to Magnus. It wasn’t his fault Alec is the way he is. He was upset with his mother and took it out the only person who was defending him. He felt horrible. He needed to apologize to Magnus otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

He knocked lightly on Magnus’ door, hoping he was still awake. He heard a faint ‘come in’, so he entered. Alec almost fainted. Magnus was sitting upright shirtless, his full bare chest out for Alec to see, Abort. He came to apologize.

“Magnus, Can I sit?”

“I guess so.”

He sat at the end of Magnus’ rather large bed and sighed. “Look, I didn’t mean what I said. Not a word of it I promise. I was so worked up and I took it out on you, the only one who was sticking up for me, I shouldn’t have done that and I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” He pleaded.

“If you didn’t mean those words, why did you say them?” Magnus asked still not looking at him, just looking down at his phone.

“I don’t know, I guess I was hurting and I wanted someone else to hurt too. I don’t know. I didn’t mean them at all. I feel horrible, I really do.” Tears started to fall again. “You mean so much to me Magnus, I know you didn’t ignore me in L.A. I was the one to ignore you. It just came out. Please, you only just came back into my life, I can’t lose you again. Not you too.”

“What do you mean, not you too? Who else did you lose.” Magnus asked, fuck he let that slip.

“Just all my other friends.” He lied, he hated lying to Magnus about Max but he wasn’t ready.

“Okay, Alexander. I do forgive you Okay. It’s just I already felt guilty enough for feeling like I neglected you while I was in L.A so when you said that. It really struck a nerve. But, I forgive you and I understand. I’m also sorry for raising my voice at you and acting childish in front of your siblings. That wasn’t right.” Magnus said, sitting up further, showing off more of his amazing body. Alec needed to leave before he stared for too long.

“Magnus, you didn’t neglect me, I was the one who pushed you away. Don’t feel guilty.”

“No matter what, I always will. Especially after seeing the way your mother was tonight.” Magnus said.

“Well, you shouldn’t. I’m fine, it’s fine.”

“It's not Fine, but let’s drop it. Are we all good?” Magnus asked reaching out for a hug. Alec couldn’t say no, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t internally dying over the feel of Magnus’ bare skin.

“Yeah, we are all good.” He said pulling away trying to hide his blush. “Thanks for letting me stay tonight.”

“You are more than welcome, darling. Anytime.” He smiled.

“Goodnight, Magnus.” He hopped off his bed heading for the door.

“Goodnight Alexander. See you in the morning.”

_____________

 

It was a week later and things had taken a day or two for all the tension to disappear. Magnus could tell Alec still felt bad about what he said, that was evident over breakfast the next morning and throughout the week.

Alec had been through a lot and Magnus had forgiven him. Friends fought right. It was fine.

Magnus had had a busy week full of sketches and meetings, not being able to spend much time with Alec. But, it was now Saturday and he had invited him over for dinner and also had a small but hopefully good surprise lined up for later. Hoping this was still something Alec enjoyed.

He got a rush of excitement as he opened the door to Alec looking jaw-droppingly gorgeous as usual. Alec always looked shy whenever Magnus opened the door, he found it cute.

“Come in, Come in.”

“So, What are we doing tonight?” Alec asked as he walked through the door.

“Well, my dear we are having dinner as planned, but, then I have a surprise at 8 pm. You should like it, I hope.” Magnus replied.

“I’m sure I will, Magnus.” He smiled.

“Right, so, shall we eat?” Magnus said dragging Alec in the kitchen.

Alec laughed. “Someone’s eager to eat.”

“Yes, yes I am. We don’t have much time if we are going to leave on time.”

“Leave on time? Where?” Alec asked looking confused.

“Well that wouldn’t be a surprise now would it.” He said plopping Alec down in his chair, causing him to laugh again. “I hope it’s okay, I didn’t have much time to cook. So, I just ordered Chinese food.” He had had a day full of ideas and designs.

“That’s Fine Magnus, anything is fine.” He chuckled.

“Great eat up.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Magnus broke it. He had been worried about Alec going back to his house, but he insisted he would be fine. So, Magnus reluctantly let him go. He was just protective over Alec. He couldn’t help it.

“How’s your mother and father? They haven’t harassed you this week have they?” He asked

“No, I haven’t seen much of them this week, thank god. They are both busy with work.” Alec smiled before taking a mouthful of food.

“That’s good then. How’s the rest of the family doing? I know we left them on tense terms last weekend.” Remembering back to that god awful fight and Alec snapping at Jace afterward.

“They are good. We are good. Jace and I apologized to each other, so we are fine. Izzy on the other hand was more concerned about our friendship and was asking why we fought.” Alec said. Magnus couldn’t help but notice for the second time, Max his younger brother wasn’t mentioned.

“Did you tell her why?” Magnus asked

“Vaguely, just so she’d leave me alone. She called me an idiot, which I agreed with.” He laughed.

“You were in the moment, Yes,” Magnus said joining in the laughter.

“I know iv already said this multiple times, but, I really am sorry.” Alec’s face went serious.

“I know and I forgive you, let’s move on hmm?”

They finished their dinner, Magnus talking about his new designs and Alec talking about how he’s started to look into new study opportunities. Which was great. Once they were done and cleaned up.“Right, ready to go?”

“Yes,” Alec replied laughing.

“Good, taxis waiting.” He said pulling on his coat and walking out of his door, Alec following. He locked his door and they both jumped in the cab.

Once in the cab, Magnus could see Alec hesitating in something he wanted to say.

“Alexander.” He laughed “spit it out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I can literally see the words trying to jump off your tongue. What is it?” He asked again

“Nothing, I was just wondering why you are doing this for me. I mean I wasn’t exactly nice to you last week, it’s not like I deserve a surprise or anything like that.” Alec rambled

 

“I thought we had agreed to move past last weekend?”

“We did, sorry, I just-“ Magnus cut him off before he could finish his sentences.

“Just nothing. I’m doing this because I know you’ll love it and I wanted to do something nice for you, is that a crime.” He teased

“No.” He laughed. “Thank you, Whatever it is I’m sure it will be great.”

“I hope so,” Magnus said nervously. He hadn’t heard Alec talk much about it since they had hung out, but hoped that didn’t mean anything.

“So, are you really not going to tell me what it is we are doing?” Alec asked. Magnus wouldn’t budge.

“Nope, You Just have to wait. We are almost there.” He replied. Getting more and more excited to see Alec’s reaction.

Alec sighed in defeat.

As they pulled up to the archery range, Magnus saw Alec’s face drop. Stepping out of the taxi he walked round to Alec. “Alexander, everything Okay?” He was worried, Alec looked sad and he couldn’t work out why.

Alec gulped. “Yeah, Fine.” Magnus didn’t believe him for a second. His voice sounding shaky like he was on the verge of tears.

“Darling, you’re not. What’s wrong? I thought you loved archery?” Alec started rubbing his thumb and finger together, something he noticed he did when he was uncomfortable. He reached out and closed his hands around Alec’s. “Alexander.” He pleaded “Talk to me, did I do something wrong?” He wasn’t sure what was going on, but seeing Alec like this was heartbreaking, he looked haunted.

Alec shook his head, Magnus saw tears start to fall from Alec’s fragile face. What had happened to make Alec cry. Magnus was missing a massive chunk of the story and he knew it.

Magnus wiped away Alec’s falling tears. “Please talk to me, so I can understand what’s going on.” He asked again.

“Magnus.” Alec sobbed. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” He sniffed.

“Why, Alec. Don’t go, you’re too emotional, please.” He couldn’t let him leave like this, so upset it wasn’t right.

“Please, I can’t be here. I have to go.” He ripped his hands from Magnus’ and started walking away. Magnus followed not caring if he made a scene.

“Alexander, wait.” He begged.

“Please don’t follow me, Magnus. This is nothing you have done. I just..... I just need to be alone right now. Please. Just don’t follow me” Alec pleaded. Magnus normally wouldn’t give up but something in Alec’s eyes told him not to follow, it would only make things worse, so he didn’t. He nodded and let Alec walk away.

He sat down on a bench that was nearby to try and wrap his head around what just happened. Alec was happy one moment and then crying the next. He was confused, worried, scared. He needed to know Alec was okay, or at least know he had gotten home alright. He called Izzy.

“Isabelle. Hi.” He said as soon as she picked up

“Magnus, Hello. What’s up? I thought you were spending time with Alec tonight, why are you calling me?” She asked.

“It’s about that Isabelle, I have no idea what happened.” He rushed out.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“I had planned a surprise for Alec cause I remembered how much he loved archery, so, I brought him to the archery range. But, we didn’t even make it inside. He broke down. Iz, I don’t know what happened. He told me not to follow him. I’m worried, can you make sure he gets home alright?” He sighed. No matter what he was going to be worried about Alec tonight.

“Yes, I can. Magnus don’t worry. I know why he got emotional. Don’t push him on it, it’s a sensitive subject. I’ll give him a call and pick him up.” Izzy sounded upset too.

“I’m so lost Izzy, what is it?” He asked.

“Magnus, I can't tell you. This is something Alec needs to tell you in his own time, thanks for letting me know though.” Izzy replied sounding stressed.

“Okay, that’s fair. Thanks, Izzy. Tell me when he’s home.”

“I will see ya.”

“Bye.” He said hanging up the phone, dropping his head in his hands. Tonight wasn’t supposed to go like this. He could only hope that Alec would trust him enough to tell him what was troubling him so much.

He sent Alec one last message.

To: Alexander (keeper of my heart)  
I hope you get home safely, I’m sorry if I caused you any pain. Call me tomorrow?

Pressing send, he put his phone away and walked back to his apartment, Needing the fresh air.

____________

 

Alec couldn’t stay, he had to leave. He felt bad leaving Magnus there alone, confused, but all his memories with Max came rushing back slapping him in the face.

He hadn’t been back to the archery range since Max’s death. That was too much for him. Hoping Magnus would understand even though he hadn’t told him about Max. He hoped he wouldn’t be angry at least.

Alec didn’t even know where he was going he was just walking, so when Izzy called him asking him where he was, he didn’t know. Setting off a panic attack. The street was dark, his breathing becoming uncontrollable, his rib cage crashing against his lungs. He was alone with no one he knew around him, leaning against the wall as he slid to the ground.

“Alec, Alec breathe,” Izzy yelled through the phone.

“Tell me a street name or a building you see and I’ll be right there, Okay.”

“Alec, you there, Alec?” She said again.

“I’m here.” He shook.

“Deep breaths. Do you see a street name or anything you recognize?” She begged

“Yeah, Yeah. There is a street name.” He said through short breaths.

“Okay, tell me.”

He told her the street name and was about to hang up the phone but Alec spoke again

“Izzy, please hurry. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m scared. Iz.” He cried.

“I know, I know. I’m coming. See you soon.” And she hung up. Still hyperventilating, Alec saw he had a text from Magnus.

Right now he wishes he stayed with Magnus, at least he wouldn’t be alone on the street having a severe panic attack. He couldn’t read the text properly, his vision going blurry.

Izzy came 10 minutes later, with Jace as well.

“Hey, buddy, we got you. Come on let’s go home.” Jace said pulling him in the car.

“You’re safe now Alec.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) hope the pain wasn’t to bad 
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know what you thought :) 
> 
>  
> 
> See you Saturday with a new chapter x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is a couple days late, iv been super busy and time got away on me. but, here it is 
> 
> Warning; Talk of drunk drivers and child death, not graphic but just a warning

Alec stumbled into his room exhausted, and barely standing, feeling completely drained mentally and physically. Resting down on his bed, he continued to take deep breaths still trying to settle his pounding heart. The feeling of dizziness and blurriness had subsided greatly, but his brain and heart were still going at the sped of light.

Being back there, at the archery range, being in the one place that used to bring him so much happiness and calm, only brought him pain. It all just hit him at once standing outside there with Magnus. Flashbacks swarmed his mind, reminding him of all the memorable times he had with Max, but, those memories were now tarnished by a deep sadness within him. It brought tears to his eyes, remembering Max's laugh, his jokes, his cheeky smile. Remembering how Max would always tell him to ignore their parents and not to worry because he would always have him. But he didn't, he was gone now. He should have protected him, he could have prevented Max's death from happening. It always crossed his mind that he should have been the one, he would trade places with Max, Max didn't deserve that. He was young, still had so much life to live, hell he hadn't even grown up yet. His childhood, his life was all taken away in an instant, because of him and archery. If only he never taught max, showed him. it would have worked out differently, he would still be here. All he felt was the pain, nothing else.

But, Magnus didn't know that. Alec hadn't told him, no one had. He could have told him tonight, told him why he was reacting the way he was, he could have let Magnus in. But, he didn't, he ran like usual, to scared to face the devastation and actually talk about it. Staying with Magnus would have been nice, letting himself be comforted and cared for by the one person he was in love with. Let himself be vulnerable in that moment without shame, judgment or guilt swimming through his veins. He could've let himself grieve, heal. But instead he bolted, thinking he didn't deserve any of that.

Not knowing how Magnus was feeling was also on his mind. Would he be mad, frustrated that Alec didn't trust him enough for him to know the truth? He did though, he trusted him with his life, but, was just too scared of himself and how he would react in Magnus' arms. He had always meant to tell Magnus, he had. But, it never felt like the right time.  _Although would it ever be the right time._ He didn't know. All he knew was that he needed Magnus in his life and if he wanted him to stay he was going to have to be honest about everything. He couldn't risk losing Magnus again, having him back in his life showed him what he was missing and he would never lose that again. 

He slowly took his shoes, pants, and shirt off, sliding under his covers, clutching the top of his blanket with his fingers. Feeling utterly drained of life, his eyes started to droop, slowly becoming heavy. His eyes were red, bloodshot, swollen and sore from all the crying. Trying to let sleep consume his body and brain. Only his brain wouldn't let him. Nightmares plagued his mind of that horrible day, waking every time saying the same name.  _Max_. 

When he woke the next morning, stiff and zombie-eyed, brain not functioning. Grabbing his phone he saw it was 11 am, it didn't feel it with how much sleep he had. Magnus had left 3 unread messages and 2 missed calls on Alec's phone, all from this morning. Groaning he turned back over, throwing the covers over his head like a cocoon, hiding from reality just a little longer. He would reply later. 

From under his covers, he heard a soft knock sound from his door, hearing someone enter. 

"Go away Izzy, I'm tired. I didn't sleep much last night." He mumbled from his cave of darkness under his covers. 

"It's not Izzy." Alec's body went stiff.......Magnus. What was he doing here? 

 ------------------------

 

As he walked home that night, one foot in front of the other, his mind was a whirlwind of emotions and questions. So many questions. He didn't mean to cause Alec pain, he'd never do that intentionally, never wanting Alec to feel like that, But, he had. He thought that archery would bring a smile to his face, wanting Alec to smile like he did back then. Remembering how he used to always brag about how good he was getting, constantly trying to get Magnus to go with him. He always had the biggest grin afterward when coming to meet him, so at peace and vibrant. So, when he broke down, shut down and walked away. Magnus was dumbfounded and confused. Obviously, something had happened that Alec hadn't told him yet. But what? Isabelle had told him over the phone that it was something Alec should tell him. Was Alec scared to tell him, afraid? It hurt to think Alec might feel that towards him. If Alec let him in he could have been there for him, told him he was there no matter what, and that he could trust him, heart and soul. 

Alec had already been through so much with his parents. That he didn't even think there was anything else. But, he was so wrong. Whatever Alec was bottling up, was haunting him, eating away at him. It wasn't healthy and all Magnus wanted to do was help. The whole way home he couldn't stop worrying about Alec's well-being.

Once inside his apartment, he received a text from Izzy, telling him that she got Alec home safe and not to worry. But he would, he wouldn't stop. When you care about someone so much all you want to know is if they are okay with your own eyes, your mind won't rest. He needed to know he was safe and okay with his own eyes, hear his voice through the phone, something. All Magnus wanted was to hold Alec in his arms and let himself feel loved and cherished. Alec deserved so much more than what he let himself receive. 

He threw his phone on his bed, knowing Alec wouldn't respond to anything tonight. So he would try tomorrow. 

Walking into the bathroom, stripping his clothes off as he went. Turning the shower on hearing the water hit the floor in a steady rhythm. Relaxing his muddled brain. He still Ached, ached for Alec, for his touch, his laugh, his smile. Not knowing how to help him was worse than knowing, he didn't know what was happening inside Alec's brain. He felt powerless, hopeless that he couldn't help his friend. 

Resting his head against the shower tiles, letting the heavy drops of water bead down his spine, seeping away the tight knots in his muscles, he felt everything crash over him. Closing his eyes he let his tears fall, blending in with the floor. He cried for Alec and his pain, he cried for himself, for the guilt he was holding within himself, for letting Alec slip through his fingers back then, for everything he wanted to tell Alec but couldn't. 

After his shower, he felt heavy with exhaustion. He tucked himself in and let sleep take him away from the madness for a few hours.

As soon as he woke he reached for his phone, seeing if Alec had replied, nope. He tried calling. But nothing either. He wasn't about to give up though. Texting him he said

**Alexander (keeper of my heart)**

I hope you are okay, let me know if you need anything. 

sighing he rolled back over trying to distract his brain it was only 9:30 am on a Sunday morning he would give him time. Reaching over to his bedside drawer he grabbed his sketch pad, trying to focus on that. It didn't work. 30 minutes had past and he was still staring at a blank page. He grabbed his phone again

**Alexander (keeper of my heart)**

Let me know you are okay, I'm worried.

He didn't want to sound desperate, but, he was. He hadn't heard anything from Alec since he left last night. Only hearing from Izzy, that alone though wasn't reassuring enough. Groaning in an impatient huff he got out of bed and made breakfast. 

It was now 10:30 am and he was getting antsy waiting around for Alec to reply. Trying to ring him one more time. No answer. 5 Minutes later he sent another text along the same lines as the other 2 he had sent this morning. He sat there contemplating whether he should just go over there for a while until "Oh fuck it." He said sitting up from where he lay on his couch. He got dressed, jumped in a cab and headed to Alec's 

Once he arrived, after many moments of almost turning back. For his own sanity, he finally reached the door to the lightwoods home, knocking he prayed Maryse or Robert wouldn't answer. He couldn't deal with their crap at the moment. 

"Magnus, Hi," Jace said opening the door.  _Thank god._

"Hi Jace, is Alec in?" He asked.

"Yeah. He's in his room. He hasn't come out since last night." 

"I wanted to check on him, but if he's sleeping I might not." He said feeling unsure.

"No, he's normally up at this time. I'm sure he will be awake." 

"Are you sure?" He questioned.

" _Yes._ " He groaned. "Go on up, before I push you up there." 

Magnus laughed. "Okay, Thanks." 

Walking up the stairs to Alec's room, Jace spoke again "Hey, Magnus." 

"Mmm?" 

"Go easy on him, he's had a rough night." He smiled. But deeper you could see the concern in his eyes. 

"Jace don't worry. I have no intention of hurting him or getting mad." He paused, then continued. "I just want to see if he is okay." He smiled down at Jace.

"You are a good dude, Magnus," Jace said with such sincerity it shocked him. 

"Thank you." He beamed. 

He continued to walk to Alec's room. reaching Alec's door he knocked lightly, hearing a groan of annoyance from the other side. Smiling at the thought of Alec being a grumpy morning person. He quietly stepped into his room and closed the door behind him. 

"Go away Izzy, I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep last night." He heard a muffle from under Alec's covers.

"It's not Izzy." He said. Seeing Alec's body go stiff under the blanket. He worried that maybe Alec didn't want him there.

Alec rustled under his covers, peaking his head out slowly with an adorable sleepy smile. "Magnus, Hey." His voice in the morning was like sweet velvet running through his ears, smooth and sultry. Sending shivers down his spine. 

"Hey." He said sitting at the end of Alec's bed. 

Alec shuffled over and patted the space beside him for Magnus to come to sit, Moving up the bed he crossed his legs and sat across from Alec, admiring his bed hair, all ruffled and fluffy. 

"Sorry if I woke you." Magnus apologized

"You didn't. I Just didn't want to face the light of day just yet." He laughed, nervously. Something you'd do if you were anxious or trying to hide. 

"You said you didn't get much sleep last night? Are you okay?" Magnus asked worriedly.

"Yeah, my brain found it hard to settle, I'm fine now." He wasn't, Magnus could tell. His eyes were puffy, red and strained like he had been awake all night.

"You know, Alexander. It's okay to not be okay. You don't have to pretend with me." He said looking Alec straight in his eyes. He paused for a second and then asked again. "Darling, are  _you_ okay?" 

"Honestly, I am a little down since last night. But after I left you I had a really bad panic attack and I didn't know where I was, it all got hectic." He said fiddling with his sheets. 

Magnus' heart jumped at just the thought of Alec being afraid and alone like that. "You could have called me, I would have been right there." 

"I know, but Izzy had called me and I didn't want to burden you with my mess of a self." 

"Alec," He said, Shocked that Alec thought that. " _You_   will never be a burden to me, Ever." He emphasized.

"You really think that?" Alec asked Bewildered. Like it wasn't the most obvious thing to him. 

Magnus laughed. "Of course, you silly man." Alec laughed too. Magnus spoke again. "You promise me, that if things get crazy, don't push me away. Let me help you, let me be there for you. I want to be." 

"Okay." Alec all but breathed. "Okay." 

They could still both sense the elephant in the room, What had made Alec react like that last night. Magnus was fighting the strongest urge to not just burst out and ask him. He knew it was a sensitive subject and he wanted to let Alec be the one to initiate it. Luckily after a few moments of tense silence, Alec spoke. 

"Magnus," He paused. "I know you must be really confused right now." He said sitting up facing Magnus revealing that Alec was indeed shirtless. Cool cool, he wasn't looking. This was a serious chat and he wasn't about to ruin it by ogling at Alec's surprisingly sculpted abs and chest. 

"Yeah, you could say that, but it's okay." 

"No, it's not." He exclaimed. "There is something I haven't told you. Something that has been really hard for me these past 2 years." His voice shook with waves. Closing his eyes he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"If you are not ready to tell me, That's completely fine, I am just glad you are okay." Magnus interrupted in a soft calming tone, sensing Alec's stress

"No, that's the thing. I have been wanting to tell you, I have. It's just whenever I'd think about doing it I'd feel overwhelmed and decide to just leave it for another time." Alec stated. " I  _need_ to tell you." 

Magnus smiled at Alec. "It's okay Alexander, I have all day. Take your time."

"Okay." He paused, taking a deep breath he continued. "Last weekend, do you remember what I said to you?" 

"You said a lot of things Last weekend." 

"Right yeah. It's just do you remember after our fight and I was apologizing, I let slip that I didn't want to lose you too?" He asked his voice becoming thicker.

"I do, but, when I asked you just said that it was about all of your other friends." 

"I lied." He said looking down towards his sheets not making eye contact with Magnus. 

"Hey," Magnus whispered tilting his head back up with his finger. "That's okay, you are telling me now." 

"That I am." Alec smiled a sad smile. "You have probably noticed a certain someone's absence from our house." 

Magnus instantly knew Alec was talking about Max, his heart tore. "I have. But, I didn't want to intrude by asking where he was." He could sense what Alec was about to tell him, and he didn't know if he was ready. 

"Magnus." He choked. 

Understanding the raw emotion and need for comfort. He reached for Alec's hand. For Alec's needs but also for his. "It's okay, I'm here." He said feeling his throat tighten around his words. 

"Magnus, he's gone. Max is dead." Alec cried. Magnus could feel his pain. He pulled Alec close letting him rest his head on his chest. 

"Shhh...It's okay." He sobbed. Magnus loved Max, like he was his own little brother. He watched him grow up from the age of 2. His little adorable smile and cheeky jokes, anyone could fall in love with him. But, now. But now he was gone. 

"It's not Magnus. Its not.....He's.....He's gone and its all my fault." Alec said pulling Magnus closer. His shirt was getting soaked by Alec's tears but he didn't care. 

"What do you mean it's your fault, Alexander, don't think that." Just imagining Alec carrying around that blame for something like that was soul destroying. Pulling Alec up from his chest, he cupped his face with his hands. "Why would you think that? 

"Because it's true. If I had just said no if I had agreed not to take him. He'd still be here." He sniffed through his hiccuped breaths. 

"That doesn't mean you are to blame. I don't know what happened. But, I can assure you it would not have been your fault." Magnus pleaded, wiping away Alec's remaining tears. 

"It's true. Even my parents say so." He disagreed.

"Don't for the life of you listen to your parents, They are idiots and don't know what they are talking about." Alec chuckled through his tears.

"You really don't like my parents, do you" 

"Is it that obvious." He chuckled lightly. 

Alec's face changed in that instant and Magnus didn't know what it was from. He looked serious but also mesmerized.

"Magnus, do you know how god damn incredible you are." It wasn't a question. but a statement. You could feel the mood shift, completely silent. Just their breathing, Magnus lightly brushing Alec's cheek with his thumb. 

"I'm not." He said. 

"You are." Alec all but breathed so quietly it came out as a whisper. "You are supportive, caring, loving, understanding. This whole time we have been back together, you haven't pushed. You always let me breathe first. The most important thing to me is, is that you never left. You continued to fight for our friendship even when I wouldn't reply, you would still send me messages every month or two asking how I was. You stayed, even though I pushed you away. I am so glad that you did because I can't imagine my life without someone as loyal and amazing as you. There aren't many people out there in the world and now that I have you back. I  _never_ want to let you go again." Magnus sat there completely struck by Alec's words if he wasn't already crying he was a blubbering mess now. For the first time, he felt something from Alec he hadn't felt before. It was like Alec was telling him in his own words how he felt about Magnus. He could feel the meaning behind every word. 

"Alexander." He whispered. His eyes darting to his lips, then his eyes and back to his lips. Silently he traced his thumb delicately over Alec's lips feeling them twitch from his touch. Leaning in he moved his thumb away. Magnus' mind was going crazy, his insides internally screaming. His heart was beating out of his chest, he thought he might see it. But on the outside, it was calm, peaceful, It all felt right. His lips were so close to Alec's, sitting across from each other, there face's inches apart. 

A knock on the door startled them and they tore away from one another in a fright.

 

____________________

 

 

It all just hit him at that moment, Magnus was the most amazing man he had ever met and had the joy of having him in his life. Being so supportive as he told him about Max. He let Alec feel and just talk at his own pace, no pushing. It was something he didn't know he needed, to tell someone, rather than bottle it up. It was freeing. Like it was hurting him more to hide it than to open up about it. For once he let himself be vulnerable, he let himself be cared for and comforted. For years he thought he didn't deserve it because he thought his parents were right and that's how it should be, but, here in Magnus' arms felt right, he felt relief like he hadn't felt in a long time. being in Magnus' arms was like breathing his first breath of fresh air in 2 years. 

Magnus pulling him back and cupping his face so gently like he was the most precious thing, staring into his beautiful eyes, he chuckled through his sobs as Magnus ridiculed his parents. 

He needed Magnus to know how much he meant to him, to know how much he was grateful for him. He wouldn't take Magnus for granted ever again. 

"Magnus, do you know how god damn incredible you are." He didn't mean it as a question, he meant it as the truth. A statement, and by the look on Magnus' face he knew it wasn't a question.

"I'm not." He said. 

"You are." He breathed out. He had never said anything truer in his life. "You are supportive, caring, loving, understanding. This whole time we have been back together, you haven't pushed. You always let me breathe first. The most important thing to me is, is that you never left. You continued to fight for our friendship even when I wouldn't reply, you would still send me messages every month or two asking how I was. You stayed, even though I pushed you away. I am so glad that you did because I can't imagine my life without someone as loyal and amazing as you. There aren't many people out there in the world and now that I have you back. I  _never_ want to let you go again." Alec had never put his heart out there like this before. The whole time he was speaking he was staring right into Magnus' eyes, letting him in. Letting him see  _him._

There was a shift, he felt the air thicken, every movement or sound coming from Magnus was magnified like it was the only thing he could hear. 

"Alexander." His voice was full of air.

Alec watched Magnus' eyes dart to his lips, back to his eyes and then finally back to his lips. They were both feeling the same thing, well he assumed they were. When Magnus brushed along his lips heightening the tension in the room. Alec started leaning in, needing to feel Magnus' lips against his. The desire sure to be shown in his eyes. Magnus was so beautiful and he couldn't wait to finally feel his hot mouth molding to his, leaning in a bit further their lips inches away. Alec's heart was thumping loudly he was afraid Magnus might hear it. 

Suddenly they both pulled away from each other, a knock on his door ruining the mood.

"come." He tried to say but it came out sounding like a 12-year-old boy whose voice hadn't dropped yet. Embarrassed. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Uh, Come in."

"Hey, Alec, are you- Oh Magnus Hi, I didn't know you were here," Izzy said entering his room. 

"Hi, Izzy," Magnus said, his voice also sounding unsettled. thank god he wasn't the only one. 

"Did I interrupt something?" She asked smirking. 

"Uh no no, we were just talking." He said sending his sister  _that look._

 _"_ Oh right, I was just, I'll be leaving then, Nice seeing you Magnus." Real smooth Izzy, real smooth.

"That was strange." Magnus laughed. 

"Hah, yeah." He scratched the back of his neck not really knowing how to come back from that moment.

"Alexander." Magnus started, bringing Alec's focus back to him and his words. "I just wanted thank you for telling me about Max, and well everything really. I know it must not  have been easy to rehash, but I really appreciate it." He smiled.

"I should be thanking you." He laughed. "For sticking around and dealing with me." 

Magnus lightly rested his hand on Alec's "Always." Alec was taken back by how pure and genuine it sounded. "We can both thank each other." 

"Yeah." He said trying to catch his heart that was now in his chest. 

They were silent for a minute or two, both not knowing what to say until Magnus spoke. 

"Uh, I should probably get going, before your parents see me, I know they love me but I'd rather not too fond of them." He teased. Making Alec laugh. He continued. "But, I am glad you are okay." He slid off the bed, still looking unsure. "Bye." He started walking towards the door, but, Alec didn't want him to leave, he wanted him to stay. 

"Wait." He blurted out. Magnus stopped walking and turned around. "stay." He paused, then continued. "I mean if you want to obviously. If you have somewhere else to be that's fine too. I just thought it would be nice to stay in and watch movies or shows. But you are probably." Magnus was laughing. 

"Darling, when you ramble you are utterly adorable. I would love to stay." He said moving back to Alec's bed slipping off his shoes, and diving in next to Alec. He wasn't blushing, his cheeks were just still red from the crying. yup, that was it. 

"So, Alexander. What are we watching?" 

"Have you ever heard of Stranger Things?" He asked smiling. 

"No, whats that?" 

"You haven't heard of it? wow. Literally, everyone on the planet has. Anyway its a show. Izzy and Jace introduced it to me and I actually enjoy it. But, because you haven’t seen it we are starting from the start." He grinned. 

Magnus was laughing again. "Okay, Put it on." 

He started playing it on his T.V and sat back on his bed next Magnus, Grabbing a throw for them both to share. "Ready?" 

"Ready." Magnus chuckled.

They were halfway through season 1 when Alec was starting to get sick of Magnus' constant questions, whereas if he watched the show he would find out the answers to them soon. 

"Wait, so whats the upside down?'

"That's the body, so why do they think he is still alive. Isn't that proof enough."

"She looks crazy talking to Christmas lights, it's funny."

"Why does she bleed from her nose, when using her powers?"

"Oh wait, so that's a Demogorgon?"

"Wait, what are you doing? Why are you turning it off, I was enjoying that." Magnus exclaimed. 

"You know, you still ask just as many questions during a show as you did back in high school." He laughed. " _And,_ we have been watching for 5 hours, I'm starving." 

"I guess I do, don't I. Sorry." Magnus’ stomach grumbled. "I guess I'm hungry too." They both laughed. 

"We could go out for something to eat or we could stay in and order takeout. But, If you wanted I could always run downstairs and grab something." Alec asked.

"Whatever is easier, I'm fine with either."

"Okay, I'll be right back." He stated, sliding out of bed only just realizing he was only wearing boxers, he blushed and desperately searched for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He ran downstairs to the kitchen and bumped into Izzy. 

"Why in such a rush?" She asked. 

"I'm not in a rush, I'm just hungry." 

"Alec you literally sprinted down the stairs, and you don't normally do that for food. Whats going on?" She paused, but then came to realize. "Oh my god, Is Magnus still here?" She practically squealed. 

"Yes." He blushed. "But It's not like  _that_ okay. We are just watching Netflix." 

Izzy snorted. "Netflix and chill huh?? Didn't know you had it in you."

"Izzy  _Nooooo_." He scolded. throwing the nearest unlethal thing he could find at her. "Well  _actually."_ He teased looking round in the cupboards for some popcorn.

"Well, actually what?" Izzy exclaimed loudly. "You can't just say that and then leave it, that's rude Alec, Spill." She demanded. 

"We almost." He paused, Izzy, jumping down his throat.

"Almost what? I swear to god Alec." She practically yelled. Making Alec laugh. 

Composing himself, he grabbed the popcorn and continued. "Well, if you had let me finish, I would have said. We almost kissed." He said watching Izzy's expression, he bolted up the stairs, listening to Izzy behind him. 

"Alec you can't just say something like that and leave." He could and he did. 

"Come back, I need details." She wasn't going to get any, not yet anyway. 

"Oh my god, that's what I walked in on, isn't it. Curse myself for being a cock block, I ruined everything. Alec, I'm never going near your room again if he's here. Fuck, damn you, Izzy." Alec almost toppled over with laughter, she was so right. She was a damn cock block. 

"I will never forgive myself." God, she could be dramatic, no wonder her and Magnus got on so well. 

Opening the door still smiling, Magnus asked. "What did I miss?" He laughed. 

"Just Izzy, nothing important." He said returning to his bed. "I hope popcorns okay? I know it's not nutritious but," 

"Popcorn is perfect. This calls for a movie though. Pick one." Magnus smiled. 

"You can if you want?" He asked. 

"No, no. I'm bad a deciding. It would be faster if you choose." He insisted. 

Grabbing the remote he scanned through some movies, settling on one he and Magnus hadn't seen before.

Halfway through the movie, popcorn half gone. Alec noticed Magnus and him had gradually made their way closer to each other, they were now resting up against one another. It reminded Alec of when they were 18 and would stay in all day watching movies, being lazy. Except back then one of them would have been lying in the other's lap.

Feeling like doing that again, Alec shuffled down and rested his head on Magnus' lap. He felt Magnus' legs go stiff, about to move back up he felt Magnus' legs relax and his fingers caress through his hair. Alec turned his head to look up at Magnus and was met with a fond smile, his eyes looking back at Alec. It was safe to say they were both not paying attention to the movie anymore.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to." Magnus' said voice barely a whisper.

Alec nodded for Magnus to continue. 

"I was just wondering, why do you blame yourself?" Magnus asked gently.

Alec knew he was referring to Max. He moved his gaze to the ceiling, his head still in Magnus' lap. "That day I was studying for an exam, so I wasn't planning on going out. Max came in begging for me to take him to archery, at first I said no. But, he just kept asking." He sighed. Magnus fingers sliding through his hair, helped him stay calm, something to ground him. He continued. "He gave me the Puppy dog eyes, and you know how I can't resist puppy dog eyes." He laughed through his sob. 

"That I do." 

"So, I agreed. He was so happy." A tear fell at the memory. "We jumped in the car and headed there. We were talking and laughing. I was paying attention to the road but. obviously not enough otherwise I would have seen him coming. It was a green light but in New York, you always have to be aware." feeling his throat choke up, he took a breath and tried to block out the image that was trying to crowd his brain. "That was when it happened. We were hit by a drunk driver." Magnus brought his other hand up and wiped at his tears. "He hit Max's side with so much force, my head smacked the window, giving me a concussion. I past out cold for the first five minutes. I woke to flashlights and voices asking if I was okay." He stopped, Taking a breather. 

"Hey, if you don't want to continue, or if it's getting too much for you. That's fine. I can see that this is traumatic for you darling." Magnus said smiling down at him, it was a sad smile though, filled with sorrow and grief. Magnus loved Max, It must have been hard for him to hear this. 

"It's okay, I can do it. But are you sure you want me to continue, this is the first time you are hearing all this? It must be overwhelming for you." 

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. You need this." Magnus replied. 

"Just cause I need this, doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you, Magnus." 

"You are so strong Alexander, that makes me strong too." Magnus interlaced his hand that wasn't in Alec's hair with his, reassuring him it was okay to continue and that he was safe.

Alec continued. "All I could think about was Max, there was so much blood. But, I could see he was still breathing. Using the strength I had I took hold of his small hand and begged him to hold on. I told him everything was okay. That I wasn't leaving. That's why now if anyone brings up Max I start rubbing my thumb and fingers together at the memory of holding his hand and wishing for him to stay with me a little longer. It's like I try to imagine his hand there." Magnus was crying and so was Alec. 

Through a choked sob he said. "Alec, I am so sorry." 

"He died on the operating table while I was in the ER getting checked out." He closed his eyes feeling the overwhelming pain surge through him. "To this day, I feel a major amount of guilt that I could have done something more to save him. My parents blame me too, they don't say it outright, but, they hint at."

"Alexander, you can't think you were to blame for that. It was a drunk driver, not you." 

"I could not have taken him. That way he'd still be here." Alec said instantly on top of Magnus' 

"You weren't to know that would happen. You can't hold that against yourself." People had told him this all before, but no matter what he would always feel responsible for Max's death. It was his job to protect him and he didn't.

"He was so young Magnus. So much life left in him, and that got taken away."

"I know, I know." Magnus soothed. "But, Max wouldn't want you to blame yourself. He'd want you to move on and enjoy yourself. He would want you to prove your shitty parents wrong. I know it's harder said than done, But, just remember Max will always love you from wherever he is watching down from, I know he would be proud of you, and I know for a fact he wouldn't blame you for what happened." Magnus said these words, these words that were empowering. No one had ever said any of that before. He felt a strange emotion he couldn't quite put a finger on it. It felt, new and a little like relief. But also healing and acceptance all mixed into one. It was like Magnus was showing him a way out of that dark memory. "You have to forgive yourself, Alexander. It wasn't your fault." He was showing him away to forgive himself.

"I know." He cried. 

 

__________________

 

 

 

Eventually, Alec had fallen asleep on his lap. Magnus still stroking his fingers through his hair. He looked so drained and red-eyed, but, he also looked peaceful like it was his first deep sleep in months. Alec was carrying so much built up emotions and guilt, that letting it all out today was probably the release he needed. Magnus didn't want to disturb him so he sat there a little longer letting him sleep. 

He had always felt close to Alec, but after sitting with him today. Alec opening up to him. He felt only closer like he never wanted to move from where he was, just constantly wanted to be touching Alec or around him. He could feel something different around them now like maybe they both knew how the other felt about them.

It was getting late and he really had to get going, so quietly, he slid out from under Alec's head and placed him softly down on the pillow, tucking him in. Alec stirred at the movement but settled again, scrunching his face up in annoyance. One fact Magnus had learned today was that Alec was extremely adorable when sleepy. Before leaving he bent down and placed a gentle kiss across Alec's forehead, seeing a slight smile spread along Alec's lips, and he left the room.

Bumping into Izzy and Jace on his way out. 

"Magnus, hey. you are still here" Jace said surprised to see him here so late probably. 

"Yeah, Alec's asleep so I thought it was time I left."

"Is everything okay?" Izzy asked concerned.

"Yeah, we just had a really big talk. Also, I'm sorry to hear about Max guys. That's awful." 

"So, he told you?" Jace asked

"Yes, he told me." 

"What he meant to say was thank you, Magnus that means a lot." Izzy scolded Jace.

"Oh, yeah of course. I was just surprised he told you is all." Jace said

"I'm glad he did, it's not good for him to carry that round with him," Izzy said.

"Yeah, he had been through a lot, It's been a really exhausting 24hours." He sighed. 

"Is he okay?" Izzy asked. 

"I think so, he is so strong." He smiled.

"That he is." Izzy chimed. 

"Anyway, I would stay and chat but I really need some sleep. We will catch up soon." 

"See you, Magnus." Jace waved. 

Izzy just nodded and waved.

He was walking to the door when Izzy spoke again. "Oh and Magnus." 

"yeah?" He asked. 

"Take care of him." She pleaded. Magnus knew what she meant. 

"I have every intention to." He smiled and walked out the door. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed that, don't worry there will be some happy times in there.  
> Let me know what you thought :)


	5. Chapter 5

A couple of days had past since Alec had told Magnus about everything with max and to his surprise, the next day when he woke up he felt lighter like this burden and guilt he'd been carrying around with him for just over 2 years, the tight noose that used to hold around his life had loosened. He realized that hiding and pushing those events and feelings down to try and ignore them actually made it worse, and that facing them front on and speaking about it even though it was excruciatingly hard, it was a way to heal his open wounds, to grow and heal. 

 

Now he was currently walking through a mall with Izzy and Simon. He was unsure how he managed to find himself in this position, but here he was nonetheless. He wasn't really doing much other than observing the other two, those two had been dancing around each other for years both denying how they felt about the other, but, from the looks of things they seem to be getting closer. All Alec wanted was for Izzy to be happy and Simon seemed to give her that, be that how completely different they were from one another, although he thought to himself, you could say the same about him and Magnus. Complete opposites but have been best friends for years, maybe more Alec hoped. 

"Hey, Alec." Simon beamed rather loudly. 

"What?" Alec asked rolling his eyes, he honestly wouldn't mind just keeping to himself while the other two did their thing. 

"Nothing you just looked lost in dreamland over there." He said, still sounding just as chipper as before. 

"And you interrupted my train of thought, why?" He asked not very amused. 

"Alec, stop being rude to Simon, He's just trying to make conversation," Izzy said appearing from the side holding a bunch of men's clothing. Why? 

"Sorry Si, you know I'm not being rude, right? It's just my natural disposition to be grumpy." He said while smiling at Simon. 

"Right, yeah. I know." Simon replied looking nervous, Simon was easy to make uncomfortable. He secretly liked Simon but wouldn't tell him that. God forbid he'd never leave him alone. 

"Izzy, I can't remember why I agreed to come with you to the mall, Oh wait I actually didn't. You forced me. So, why am I here." He sassed leaning against the wall that he had been occupying for the last 30 minutes. 

"Calm down, Alec. Don't get in a huff." She said, but he could see some sort of mischievous plan behind her dark brown eyes. 

"What, are you planning?" He asked terrified. 

"Relax, me and Simon are just going to help you out with some new clothes selections for my birthday, since we are going to Pandemonium, and you can't go in with the clothes you currently have, So." She said looking pleased with herself. 

Alec let his gaze fall on Simon, why was he involved. He shrugged his shoulders innocently, he was probably pulled into this too, the poor man could never say no to Izzy.

"There is nothing wrong with my clothes." He protested. 

"Well, yeah but they aren't clubbing worthy. Come on Alec it will be fun. _plus_." She said her voice teasing around the word. "Don't you want to impress Magnus, make his jaw drop. You know you want to." She dragged out. 

True he did want to impress Magnus, but, he would never admit that to Izzy around Simon, what was she doing saying stuff like that around others. He nervously shuffled his position trying to hide his blush at someone else finding out about his fondness for the man. 

Simon laughed. "Alec, don't get shy about Izzy saying that around me. Dude I already know. I have known since the day you two met, the way you look at him it's kinda obvious to anyone with eyes. The whole heart eyes everytime he speaks, it's quite adorable to watch" 

Was he really that obvious, he thought he was pretty discrete about the whole thing but according to Simon, he wasn't. That made him think. Fuck. 

"How many others know?" He asked mortified at the prospect that all his friends know how he feels about Magnus. 

Izzy sent him a sympathetic look, with amusement tied in. Was she enjoying this? probably. "Oh Alec, everyone." 

"Great." He huffed, throwing his hands in the air. 

"Dude, it's fine. Don't get annoyed over it. We all just want you two to be happy." Simon said trying to reassure him that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. "Who cares if you look at him like he hung the sun, the moon, the stars. So, many people out there would dream for someone to look at them like that. Magnus is one lucky dude." 

"Magnus doesn't even know that's how I  _apparently_ look at him." And if he did he never said anything, so, Alec mustn't be that transparent. 

"Maybe not, but, let me tell you he looks at you the same way," Izzy said smiling. 

"Yeah, right. He does not." Alec scoffed, surely he would notice

"He does." Simon joined backing Izzy up on her claim. 

"Look, if I say yes to you guys finding as you say  _clubbing_ clothes for me, will you both drop the subject." He pleaded, he always felt too vulnerable talking about his feelings with other people, they already knew too much. 

Izzy jumped on the spot. "Deal, this is going to be so much fun." 

Maybe for her, but, not for Alec. 

"Okay, let's go, I know the perfect stores. Time to show Magnus what he is missing." Alec couldn't help but blush, it was sort of exciting at the idea of making Magnus be impressed. If he would be or even realize was another story. 

"Jeez Alec, try to contain that blush of yours, just the mere drop of his name makes you go all crimson." Simon teased. 

"Shut up Simon." 

As they were walking to Izzy's desired shop for him, she looped their arms and leaned closer to Alec. "Hey, speaking of Magnus. Did anything happen, you know after the  _almost_ kiss you told me about." She asked too loud because Simon heard and gasped so loudly you'd think he was dying of shock. 

"Thanks, Izzy." He rolled his eyes,  _again._ "Simon before you say anything, it wasn't a big deal, nothing happened. it was just an emotional day and we just got lost in the moment." He said holding his hand up to Simon. 

"A moment I stupidly interrupted." Izzy sighed, Alec had to laugh she was so dramatic. 

"Izzy," Simon protested, why was he so offended, there was something going on there he didn't know about. Truth be told he didn't want to know.

"Oh shush Simon, you can just choose another day," Izzy said patting him on the back, 

"Another day?" Alec asked brows furrowed, confused. "What are you talking about?" 

"Oh nothing, don't worry." She said dismissing him nonchalant like it was nothing, but it was, but he gave up, and just kept walking. 

 

"Well, well fancy bumping into you here." That soft voice said appearing out of nowhere.

Alec turned to be greeted by the beautiful smile that graced his face. "Magnus, Hi." He said walking away from Izzy and Simon who were still rummaging through clothing racks for him. "What are you doing here?" He asked. 

"I was just at the fabric store picking out some textures and whatnot, and thought I deserved to do some shopping, can you believe I haven't done any since I got back to New York." He said placing a hand on his chest. 

Alec laughed. "Oh my god, Magnus. Are you okay? Fever? a cold?" He teased, checking Magnus' forehead. 

"Haha, Alec." He said in a playful tone, removing Alec's hand. "You, however, were the most unexpected person I thought I would see here." 

He couldn't deny the fact that that was true. 

"We dragged him along cause I want him to get some new clothes for my birthday since we are going to pandemonium this weekend." Izzy chimed walking up to them, followed by Simon. "Hey, Magnus." 

"Hello Isabelle, Simon." He greeted. "But, did you mention shopping with  _Alec_ of all people, am I dreaming?" He teased winking at Alec. 

Alec rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

"Haha, Magnus. You know I do go shopping, just rarely." He protested, did people think he was a slob who just wore the same clothes his whole life. 

" _Very_ rare." Izzy teased. 

"Yeah, yeah we get it I don't shop a lot." He groaned. 

"There there, never fear, I'm gonna join this shopping party if you don't mind that is. I've always wanted to pick clothes out for you." Magnus beamed a little too excitedly, it had Alec worried. 

"Yes, yes. Please do." Izzy practically squealed. 

Magnus laughed. "As long as its okay with Alexander." He smiled, bringing Alec back to earth, he had been entranced by the sweet sound of Magnus' laugh. 

"Oh, what, yeah of course. I need someone to keep me company, I mean between those two I feel like the third wheel." Alec said gesturing to Izzy and Simon. 

"Well, we can't have that now can we." Magnus grinned slotting his arm through Alec's. "Come, come dear we have clothes to find." He said with much glee, Alec almost regretted letting him join, but honestly anytime spent with Magnus was always a joy whether it be shopping in an extremely overpriced store or sitting on the couch eating takeout and watching a movie. 

\-----------------

 

"So, Magnus. Anything new on your fashion line front?" Caterina asked, Magnus completely unaware as he was completely consumed by his phone, smiling bashfully at Alec's texts. 

soon enough he was pulled from Alexander land by a rude clear of the throat and someone speaking.

"Is there something more interesting on your phone there?" Ragnor asked amused.

"Magnus, Hello. Earth to love-struck puppy over there." Caterina said 

"What? Oh yes, Alexander is much more interesting I must say, but do go on?" He grinned completely unapologetic.

"Seriously Magnus." Ragnor sighed. 

"Yes, seriously Ragnor." He smirked. 

"As I was saying." Caterina sighed, trying to get the attention of the two men. "How's everything with your fashion adventure going? You haven't updated us in a while?"

So much had happened, he went on to tell them how he had finally found an investor to help fund his process of creating his masterpieces, it was such a relief to not have that hanging over his head. He had found most models for his outfits but was still looking for a couple more to fill out the clothes perfectly. Also just this morning he had received the most exciting of phone calls from a very popular fashion magazine in L.A that likes to feature new and upcoming designers they think are going to make it big. They wanted him to fly out and do an interview slash photo shoot of himself and also some models in said pieces of his fashion line. 

"Magnus!!" Caterina exclaimed excitedly. "That's amazing, you must be stoked." 

"Oh I am, It's going to be great coverage and exposure for me." He beamed. 

"Congrats Mags, this is great news, I am proud of you," Ragnor said, that was probably the nicest thing Ragnor had ever said to him, he might cry. 

"Thank you, Ragnor." He smiled in response. 

"I'm super proud of you too, you have big things coming, I can feel it," Caterina said, giving Magnus a sense of Achievement. 

"You guys," He said feeling loved. "You's are going to make me cry. stop it." 

"it's just the truth." Caterina grinned back. 

"Since when did you two get all sappy? Is it that old age?" He grinned, teasing the older pair. 

"Oh my god, Magnus we are literally 3 years older than you." Ragnor deadpanned. 

Magnus laughed. "Yeah I know, I just like teasing." He said, then continued. "But, while I have both of you's attention, can I ask you something?" 

They both gestured for him to continue. 

"Being that you guys are like my family I was going to ask you two first even though I already know your answer. Would either of you like to accompany me to L.A when I go?" 

Ragnor declined almost instantly, which wasn't a surprise he hated L.A

"When is it?" Caterina asked? 

"A month tomorrow," Magnus replied. 

"Magnus, that's too short notice for the hospital." She sighed. 

"I thought so, just wanted to check anyway." He smiled. "My backups were Isabelle and Alexander. Do you think they would want to go?" 

Ragnor huffed out a laugh. 

"What is so funny? dear old friend." Magnus glared. 

"Just the fact that they were secretly your top choice, but you had to be a good friend and offer it to us first." He laughed 

"Excuse you Ragnor, They were not." He said offended 

"Fine then, you were secretly hoping we would decline so that you could take  _Alexander_. Don't deny it." He smirked teasing Magnus. 

" _Nooo_." He scolded playfully like he had been found out. Ragnor and Caterina just looked at him like ' _seriously you ain't fooling us_ ' which he couldn't they knew him since he was little. "Fine." He threw his hands in the air. "I have been caught out sue me, I just thought it would be a good opportunity to get closer to Alec." 

"I don't think it's a bad idea, actually. Just why invite Izzy if you want to get closer to Alec?" Caterina made a good point, but it wasn't that easy. 

"I promised Izzy, that the next time I go to L.A I'm taking her with me, so yeah. I'm sure she will be fine with it." He surmised

"True, true. I'm sure you three will have a lot of fun." 

"Do you think Alec will even want to come? Like I shouldn't just presume right?" He felt nervous, he didn't know if Alec would feel comfortable going to such a new city.

"I'm sure if you ask he will tell you." Ragnor sarcastically retorted. 

"No really, Ragnor." Magnus sassed back.

"Stop it you two. Magnus, I am sure Alec would love to go, any reason to spend time with you I'm sure he would jump at it." Caterina said interrupting their childish banter.  

"Thank you,  _Cat_ ," Magnus said as he glared at Ragnor, Ragnor just smiled back unfazed. 

Soon after Ragnor and Caterina left, which left Magnus wondering on who to ask first, he decided to just get Izzy's out of the way quickly over the phone and would tell her all the details later. But would ask Alec over because it was another excuse to see him, he grinned. 

He dialed Izzy's number, She picked up almost instantly.

"Magnus, Hello." She greeted cheerfully. "Stopped texting Alec have you?" She teased on the phone. 

"Hello, Isabelle, and I'm not sure what you mean?" He asked acting unaware. 

"Don't bullshit me, Alec's been glued to his phone all day with a sappy adorable smile plastered on his face," Magnus grinned at the image. 

"Oh, well that does sound rather adorable indeed." He paused "But, any way to the reason I rang." 

"What is the reason you rang?" She asked, curious. 

"Well, you see I'm going to L.A in months time, and I would like you to come with me for the few days. I'll tell you the rest later." He blurted through the phone. 

"Magnus! are you serious? What sort of question is that? I'd love to come." She squealed back. 

"Fabulous. I will let you know all the details soon." 

"Magnus, this sounds all rather cryptic." She said 

"All in due time my dear, now I must go." He said hanging up the phone before she could ask any more questions. 

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart)

 -Alexander, are you busy today? 

 

To: Magnus

-No...Whys that? 

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart)

-Come over and find out (; 

 

To: Magnus

-Magnus, this is all very vague.

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart) 

\- I know, that's the point. So, is it a yes or a no? 

 

To: Magnus

-You're so annoying, but yes, obviously.

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart)

-You know you love it 

 

To: Magnus

-Maybe...What time? 

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart) 

-Whenever don't be too long. I'm too excited. 

 

To: Magnus

-You know that text could be interpreted in very different ways......

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart) 

-Oh. My. God. ALEXANDER. 

-I bet you are blushing at your own words 

 

To: Magnus

-Shut up, I'll be there in an hour 

 

To: Alexander (Keeper of my heart) 

-You so are. Hahaha. See you then. 

 

\----------------------------

 

Alec was starting to get ready to leave for Magnus' excited for whatever he was going to tell him. Until Izzy came bouncing in his room, looking on cloud nine. 

"What's got you all chipper? He asked

"Magnus just rang me." She said. 

"Magnus?" He asked confused. 

"yes, Magnus."

Alec looked at her for her to continue, but she didn't. She just stood there with a grin on her face. 

"Izzy." He exclaimed. "Why did Magnus call you?" He asked again, hoping to get an answer. 

"He rang me to invite me to L.A for a few days, cause he is going back in a month. How awesome is that right." She sighed happily, flopping on Alec's bed. 

"And?" That couldn't be it, his heart was racing. 

"And nothing, he didn't tell me anything else. He said he would tell me the details later." 

To say Alec was confused was an understatement. Magnus hadn't talked to him about this, if he was going back to L.A surely he would have told him by now. The last time they talked about L.A, Magnus had said he left for good and was staying put in New York. Why would he go back? Did he change his mind? 

Izzy must have seen his distress. "Alec, I thought he already told you? Has he not? I'm sorry. Shit." 

"Maybe that's what he is going to tell me today. He invited me round earlier. I'm just confused. Why would he say he is back for good and then just leave again." Alec said, realization sinking into his heart once again. 

"Maybe it has something to do with his fashion stuff. I don't know, you should talk to him." She said with a sad smile. 

He smiled back what he could. "Yeah, I am going to head off now." 

"Okay, tell me how it goes." She said as he left his room and headed for the door. 

As he walked to Magnus', world a spin. His internal struggles were only growing. He thought the walk to Magnus' would be good, to help him prepare for his heart to be shattered into a million pieces again. But, all it did was allow him to dwell and overthink on the prospect of Magnus leaving again. So, arriving at Magnus' door, he wasn't the least bit prepared. 

Magnus wouldn't just up and leave straight after Alec spilled his soul and deepest troubles with him would he?

He was about to find out. 

Bringing his hand up he knocked, feeling anxious. 

Magnus opened his door beaming from ear to ear, but, upon seeing Alec it faded quickly, Alec couldn't hide that he was upset and Magnus could most likely see that. 

 

\---------------

 

When Magnus ran to the door, he wasn't expecting to see Alec looking so sad, and upset, confused he let him in. Alec shuffled past, his whole demeanor feeling off. What had happened? Literally an hour ago they were joking over text, teasing one another, weren't they? 

They walked into Magnus' lounge room still silent, the air around them tense with confusion. 

"Alexander, what's wrong?" Magnus asked, stepping closer, only for Alec to move away. Hitting Magnus in the heart. 

Alec looked up at him hurt in his eyes, but not hurt by someone else, hurt by him, he could tell the difference. The way Alec was looking at him like he had destroyed his soul it felt horrible. 

Magnus stepped closer again. "Alexander." He pleaded. 

"Why are you going back to L.A?" Alec said almost instantly like he just had to blurt the words out, the words held no emotion like he was blocking it off.  

"Izzy told you?" He asked, it dawning on him he probably should have asked Alec first knowing Izzy couldn't keep her mouth shut. 

"Yeah, she did." He said as sharp as ice. 

"Alec, I'm sorry I didn't tell you first I just wanted to tell you in person." He said, wondering why Alec was so hurt by the fact he didn't tell him first, he wasn't normally like this. 

"What? I'm not upset that you told her first." Alec said scrunching up his face with confusion, they were both just as confused as each other and it was hurting Magnus' brain. 

"Well, then what is it, Alec? I can't read your mind." He said trying not to show annoyance in his voice, Alec was obviously upset and Magnus wanted to know why.

"You said you were back for good, But you are not," Alec said his voice wavering over the words. "Why would you say that, but, then just run off to L.A again, especially right after I opened up to you. Magnus, I'm so confused." 

"Alexander, why do you have a problem with me going to L.A." Magnus felt like this conversation was going nowhere and fast. 

"Cause that means you lied, and you have never lied to me before," Alec said, not realizing how much Magnus hated to be called a lair, especially because he wasn't one. 

"Alec, You're right I have never lied to you so why would I start now?" Magnus retorted trying to keep his voice calm, he didn't want this to turn into a fight. 

"Then why are you leaving again?" He asked so innocently, hurt still in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you again." His voice holding so much vulnerability. 

It finally dawned on Magnus that Alec must have misunderstood, he must have thought he was leaving for good, the silly man. 

"Darling, you know it's only for a few days right, for business?" He asked now slightly finding the situation amusing. 

Judging by Alec's shocked, yet relieved expression, he did not. 

Stepping closer he rested his hand gently on Alec's shoulder "Alexander, you really didn't think I was moving back there again?" 

 

\----------------

 

Alec was relieved, stoked that he had been wrong, but that was soon overtaken by embarrassment. He had just jumped to conclusions without letting Magnus say what he wanted to say, Oh god, he called him a liar, of all things. He knew he hated being called that. 

"Magnus, I am so sorry." He groaned covering his face. "The way Izzy made it sound. I should have just waited to hear you out instead of coming here my mind already made up." 

"It's okay, but, I do agree with you," Magnus said pulling Alec's hands away from his face. 

"I shouldn't have called you a lair. I'm such an idiot." Alec said looking Magnus in the eye. 

"You are not an idiot Alec, I understand how easy it would have been to get mixed up. Just next time don't jump to conclusions, please." Magnus said guiding him to the couch. 

Alec nodded. 

"I said I was back for good, and I meant it." Magnus smiled, sitting down.

"I'm so embarrassed."  He said face flustered. 

"It's fine, it's fine. All water under the bridge. Now can I tell you why I asked you round here in the first place?" Magnus asked amused by the situation. 

"Yeah." he laughed. "That would be good."

Once they were settled on the couch Magnus explained everything to him about his magazine shoot and interview. Which all made a lot more sense. He told him that he didn't want to tell Izzy all the details just yet because he wanted to tell him first and that they could have saved themselves this confusion if only he had told him first. 

"Magnus, That's awesome, I am so happy for you." He smiled sending Magnus all the praise he deserved.

Magnus thanked him. 

"You know you could have just told me this over the phone, I wouldn't of minded." he laughed. 

"Yes, I could have but I want to ask you something else," Magnus said, his mood going serious again. "I was wondering if you would like to come too? And," he said putting his hand up to stop whatever Alec was about to say. "Before you say you can't afford it, it's all paid for by the magazine so you don't have to worry." 

"Magnus." He breathed, taken back by the offer, he wasn't expecting that in the slightest. 

Magnus spoke again. "Of course only if you feel comfortable enough to, that is. I know you may-" Alec cut him off placing his finger over his mouth gently brushing his lips. A shy grin spread across Magnus' face. 

"Magnus, I'd love too. Thank you for the offer." Magnus had this look in his face like he was waiting for more 

"No, but?" Magnus asked

Alec chuckled. "No, but." He smiled a soft smile

Magnus' face lit up, He was so breathtakingly gorgeous. "It's going to be so much fun."

Magnus placed a soft quick kiss along his cheekbone, making Alec's breath hitch, it felt like fire licking along his skin, he wanted so much more. 

"It's going to be amazing, Alexander," Magnus whispered, pulling back. 

Alec's skin tingled. "Yeah." was all he could say his voice so full of air. 

 

\-------------------

 

"Do I have to go." Alec moaned behind the bathroom door, currently getting dressed for Izzy's Birthday drinks at Pandemonium 

"Of course you have to go, it's your sister," Magnus demanded on the other side. He had a point but surely Izzy wouldn't mind. 

"Yeah, but she wouldn't mind me not showing up right?" He continued. 

"Alexander!" Magnus sighed. "You are not ditching me okay, you are coming. you are already dressed, right?" Alec smiled at how Magnus didn't want to go without him. "Alec?" He said again after not hearing a response. 

Alec laughed. "Yes, I'll be right out." He opened the door and did a tiny twirl hoping Magnus liked his outfit. 

Magnus threw his head back in amusement. "You know you really could be a model. Is it hot in here or is that just you?" He teased, making Alec blush. "There it is." 

"Leave my blush alone okay, it has a mind of its own, I have no control over it." He ducked his head cursing his cheeks. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you and your blush darling." Magnus played winking at him. "Give me a minute, I'm just going to grab my jacket and will be off, oh, and Alec you look incredible." he said as he left to go get his jacket, Alec let the butterflies consume him, his heart aflutter. 

Once at the door of Magnus' apartment, Alec realized he hadn't told Magnus' how utterly stunning he looked tonight. before he opened the door to leave, he grazed Magnus' arm. "You should know, you look amazing too." He beamed, seeing the response. He was sure he could see a pink blush blooming along Magnus' face. 

"Thank you, Alexander." The way he said it so sincere, his voice full of adoration. "Let's go." 

 

They entered Pandemonium together, eventually finding everyone else who had arrived, it seemed they were the last two. Everyone was looking at them suspiciously, Alec rolled his eyes, they were so annoying. 

"We didn't even say anything and Alec already rolled his eyes, this is a new record." Jace teased from where he sat, Clary, sitting on his lap. 

"Shut up Jace." Alec sighed sitting down next to Magnus. 

"So, do you guys just arrive everywhere together now? or?" Maia smirked, was it going to be like this all night, now that he knew everybody knew about his unending crush on Magnus, he picked up on all there normally missed teasing remarks. 

Thankfully Magnus diverted the subject. "Where's the birthday girl?" He asked. 

"She's just gone to get some drinks, she will be back in a minute," Simon said appearing from the side of Maia. 

"I'll go help her." Magnus smiled, shuffling past Alec. Alec wanted to make Magnus stay, to not leave him with all these knowing eyes. But, he couldn't. 

Once Magnus was out of earshot, Simon piped up again. "So," He said in a teasing tone. "What did Magnus think of your outfit, did we do good?" Simon asked. 

Alec tried not to smile to give it away, but couldn't help himself. 

"He so likes it doesn't he." Alec continued to ignore Simon best he could. 

"Wait, you got an outfit just to impress Magnus? where did the Alec who didn't care what he wore go?" Jace asked smirking. 

"Jace, leave him alone," Clary said helping him out. "He's in  _Love._ " Okay, she was definitely not helping him out. 

Could Magnus come back already? 

"You know what I want to know," Maia said, okay so he was getting it from everyone tonight cool. "If  _you_ have realized how good Magnus looks tonight." She finished, Smirking her face off. luckily the room was dark enough they couldn't see his blush. 

"Of course I have, I'm not blind." He smiled, turning his head to look for the said man

"He speaks." Simon laughed. 

"When are you going to do anything about it, is what I want to know," Jace asked. 

"What do you mean?" He huffed. 

"Like,  _Do_ something about it, tell him how you feel. Just a suggestion." Jace replied 

"No, are you crazy and risk that rejection no thanks." At that, everybody rolled their eyes at him. 

"You have to be crazy if you think Magnus would reject you." Clary joined in. 

"Not, crazy just protecting myself." He retorted, he was starting to feel like he was being attacked or pushed and he needed a drink. 

Maia grabbed his attention quickly, instead of a teasing look, her face held sincerity. "Alec, yes protecting yourself is good, but, there comes a time when said protection actually starts harming you and stops you from living the life  _you_ want." Her words made complete sense, they did, and he knew that himself he was just scared. 

"Since you are hell-bent on me making a move how do you all suggest I do such a thing." He asked. 

They were about to answer him when said person they were talking about decided to return, and they all went quiet. Wow, subtle guys. 

Magnus gave them a confused suspicious look. "What is going on over here? were you all talking about me or something? I know I look fabulous, but, you don't have to stop on my account." He winked. How could he always make such light of every tense situation, Alec would never know. 

"That we were, Alec was just telling us how good you looked." Maia surprised the hell out of him, Pretty sure his mouth was on the floor out of embarrassment, how could she betray him like this. 

Maia just looked at him unapologetic, that was not the move he had in mind. 

But Magnus' smile on his face made up for it. "Is that right? Funny how I was just saying the same about him to lovely Izzy." 

Izzy grinned. "He was." She smirked across at Alec. 

Alec bit his bottom lip to hide his wide lifting smile. 

Izzy and Magnus scooted back in there seats and Magnus gave Alec his drink. 

 

Alec felt really awkward and out of his comfort zone for the next hour, just sculling back his drinks until he felt a light buzz.

"Woah, slow down there, don't want to have to end up carrying you out of here," Magnus said resting his hand on Alec's thigh. Honestly, Magnus could probably carry him out, have you seen his muscles, I mean they were something else. 

"I'm fine." He smiled down at him. "Although I am tempted to see you carry me out." 

Magnus threw his head back a full laugh escaping his lips. Alec loved making him laugh like that. "One day, I'm sure it will happen." 

"Looking forward to it." He replied, getting another laugh out of Magnus. 

"Oh my god, Alexander what has gotten into you." Magnus smiled looking at him with his beautiful eyes. 

Everyone had gone off dancing or doing their own thing, but, Magnus had stayed with Alec. Even though he wanted to go dance, Alec knew he wanted to he was just being nice and keeping Alec company. 

"You know you can go dance with the others right? I'm fine just watching." He assured Magnus. 

"As much as I like the idea of you watching me dance, I'd rather be out there with you." Magnus leaned into his ear and whispered sending tantalizing chills down his neck. "All up close and personal."  

The thought sent Alec crazy. The alcohol definitely had something to do with it because he grabbed Magnus' hand and started pulling him towards the dance floor. 

"Alec." Magnus chuckled. "What are you doing?" He said, but Alec didn't answer him until they reached the dance floor and pulled him close, wrapping his long arms around Magnus' muscular frame. 

"Getting all up close and personal." He said. but it came out as a breath, his heart racing having Magnus this close, their chests almost touching. 

Magnus grinned, moving his hands to Alec's hips. "Well, you should have just said." 

Magnus started dancing, his body as fluid as water, making Alec's mouth go dry. The way he moved his hips seductively slow and teasing, drawing Alec only closer. His hand trailing down Alec's back making his head spin with desire. Alec slowly started to loosen up and meet Magnus move for move, both basically glued to the other, lost in each other's eyes, sweat dripping down off their bodies. 

Alec pulled Magnus flush against his body, The top of their legs touching, a stuttered breath escaping his mouth. Slowly he slid a piece of Magnus' now wet hair that had fallen across his face to the side showing his eye that was hidden. "You are so beautiful." He breathed, 

Magnus just stared back in Awe of this great man. 

Everything around them slowly faded out and it only seemed like they were the only two left in the room. Their breathing ragged and choppy from the dancing. Alec felt himself leaning in, but, didn't fight it. To lost in the moment he let his lips meet Magnus' in a soft gentle kiss igniting flames across his already hot body, sending him into a blissful state of lust, Deepening the kiss he felt Magnus' sweet tongue dance with his. 

He was actually kissing Magnus, he had been wanting this moment for so long and it was happening, and it felt far better than he had ever imagined. Magnus' lips were soft but toxic, like an addictive drug Alec only wanted more of, but could never get enough. 

Wait. He was kissing Magnus. He pulled back breath out of balance, realizing where they were and Magnus' startled expression, oh god. 

"Magnus, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He said looking around nervously, scratching the back of his neck. 

 

_________________

 

Magnus tried to grab his hand, to soothe him, to tell him it was okay but he only flinched away. 

"Alexander, It's okay." He tried smiling at him but he was looking away uncomfortably. Did Alec not actually want to kiss him? 

The kiss was amazing, everything he had dreamed and more, Alec's lips were something he would like to savor the taste of. When they were kissing it was like they both just melded together, a unit, complete. But now Alec was frazzled and Magnus was startled by Alec's sudden pull away. 

"No, Magnus it's not. I'm sorry. I should go." Alec looked so stressed, why was he doing this to himself, did he genuinely think Magnus didn't enjoy that, didn't want that. He was sure he kissed back just as deep and frantic as Alec did.

He reached out for Alec's hand, he didn't want to let their first kiss finish like this. "Alexander please stay." He pleaded all he could. But he could see in Alec's eyes his mind was already made up. 

Alec just slipped his hand out of Magnus' grasp and walked out of the club, leaving a dumbfounded Magnus wondering what went wrong.

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

The music was blaring, piercing through his ears. His surroundings faintly coming back to him. The smell of alcohol and sweaty bodies now becoming pungent. Alec had just kissed him and ran off looking scared like he just did something wrong, but that's the thing it was so far from wrong, it felt so right. His lips still tingling from Alec's soft tender ones. Heart pumping from the rush of lust and desire. He had wanted this for so long and now that it had happened it was wild beyond his expectations. It took his breath away. But it ended in disaster. He needed to get off the dance floor. 

Making his way through the moving bodies. He reached the bar, finding a seat. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions, he couldn't think clearly with all this noise. 

Before he decided to leave he felt a hand tap his shoulder, startling him. Annoyed he spun his head around.

It was Jace, he wondered if maybe Jace and the others saw the moment that had happened between Alec and him. It would have been easy for them to, they were practically dancing a few metres away so it wouldn't be surprising. 

His breath still shaky, he asked. "What Jace?" 

"Wheres Alec? you two looked pretty cozy on that dance floor?" Jace said smirking. It was confirmed, they all saw. 

"He left, Well, ran." He sighed. 

"What!?" Jace exclaimed. "What do you mean?" 

"He left. What else does that mean?" He sassed back at Jace. 

"Magnus, tell me what happened?" Jace asked confusion written all over his face 

"Well, I'm guessing you all saw that." He said waving his hands in the direction of the dance floor. 

Jace nodded, trying to hide his growing smile. "It got rather steamy, so we decided to give you guys some privacy. Even though we are in a club, but you get the idea." 

Magnus huffed a laugh. "It didn't last long, someone must have dampened the mood cause it went cold and fast." Jace still looked confused, so Magnus decided to explain more in depth. "Alec must have I don't know, freaked out or something cause he pulled back fast and frantic, shocked that we just did that, said he shouldn't have done that and bolted for the door."

"Really?" Jace tilted his head, brows furrowed. Like he was thinking. 

"Yes, really. Why is that so hard to believe?" He asked trying not to show his frustration that was laying on his tongue. 

"No, It's just that. I probably shouldn't say this but screw it whats the harm. I myself have known Alec has wanted to do what he just did with you on the dance floor, for years. It's just strange that he bolted like that." Jace said. Magnus was hearing his words, he was, but he needed to hear them from Alec to actually believe them. 

"I don't know. I guess I didn't help the situation, I was so lost in the moment I didn't say anything until he started leaving. I should have tried to stop him, I should have told him how I felt instead of letting him disappear." he hung his head mentally exhausted by tonight, his emotions going through a roller coaster of highs and lows.

"Magnus, don't be like that. You will get another chance, I know you will. You two can't seem to stay away from each other for too long." Jace said smiling at him. 

Magnus just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing whether to believe that or not. 

"Hey," Jace said "Sorry I have to leave you like this but I should probably go see if Alec's made it home safe and all, but don't stress too much man." He finished, getting up to leave. 

"Thanks, Jace, for the talk." Wow, he never thought those words would have ever come out of his mouth. He continued. "When you see him, tell him it's okay and to call me." He smiled. 

Jace smiled back, nodded and left in the same direction Alec had left 15 minutes ago.

Magnus decided to stay and enjoy the night with Izzy and his friends, he didn't want to ruin her birthday with his troubles. Whacking on a smile he joined them and danced the night away. 

 

________________

 

Locked away in the safety of his room he let the nights events sweep through his brain. Remembering the music thumping beat vibrating off his racing heart. His heart that was in a constant battle with his head. His heart urging him to stay to let himself be loved, be wanted, to feel special, to let himself be surrounded by Magnus' warmth. His head screaming no, you could get hurt, you could lose him forever. Protect yourself, keep your heart safe from possible pain, you're not good enough he deserves better, someone amazing. His head always won. No matter how hard he tried, his heart always lost the battle. Friends. Friends were safe, comfortable. 

He was embarrassed, not embarrassed that he kissed him, but that he ran away so cowardly. Not giving Magnus a chance to talk, he deserved that. But, now it was awkward and he didn't know how to come back from that. How to talk to Magnus again without feeling anxious or worrying about what could go wrong. He needed to clear his head for the next few days and he would take it from there. 

 

 

Time had passed, it was currently Wednesday morning and Alec had been burying himself in distractions over that time. He was getting bored just sitting at home and thought a walk with fresh air would be nice, to let the winter sun beat down on him. His brain was still a mess, sore from all the thinking it had done. 

On his way to the front door, he was stopped by his lovely sister before he could turn the handle.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Nowhere Iz, just a walk. Why?" He replied smiling back at her. 

"Is it alright if I tag along?" She asked batting her eyelashes, no doubt probably wanting to check up on him. 

But in all honesty, he wouldn't mind some company so he agreed to let her join.

She grabbed her coat and scarf and they both headed out. 

As they walked Izzy had this expression on her face like she was trying to find the right way to say something or the right time, and it was starting to get on his nerve. 

"Izzy." He rolled his eyes. "If you want to ask me something, just say it." He pleaded. 

She stayed staring at the ground, lip between her teeth biting anxiously. 

"I heard what happened on Saturday. Well, I saw but I heard what happened afterward." She said rambling. 

"I guessed Magnus would have told you." He said, no anger or frustration in his voice. Magnus had a right to talk about it with his friends, it was only fair. 

Izzy furrowed her brows confused. "Magnus didn't tell me, he actually said nothing. It was Jace that told me." She corrected.

"Jace?" He asked face scrunched. "How did Jace know?" 

"Magnus was sitting at the bar when Jace came up and asked about you and so on." She explained. Then continued. "But that wasn't what I was going to ask." She smiled. "I was going to ask if you are alright, also why you left." She finished. Honestly, he was waiting for someone to ask him that question, mostly expecting it from Magnus, but he hasn't heard from him since that night.

"Izzy." He sighed. "I don't think I could give you a straightforward answer, especially on the pavement with people walking all around us."

"Why don't we find a quiet cafe or something and talk there?" She suggested. 

Alec agreed, they found a small cozy cafe nearby. Finding a quiet corner and settled in their seats. 

After ordering and getting their drinks and food, Izzy asked again. This time Alec really thought about his answer. 

"I think for the most part I just freaked out, I did it in the heat of the moment and realized Magnus may not have wanted that, so I just did what I do best. I ran." He sighed rubbing his face. "I shouldn't have, I should have stayed and tried to listen to what Magnus was trying to tell me but, I was afraid of rejection. What if he didn't feel the same. Izzy that kiss was amazing! But what if he didn't reciprocate my feelings, I don't think I could take that." 

Izzy grabbed his hand smiling fondly. "Alec I know Magnus feels the same, he was trying to hide it later that night. But, I could tell he was upset." 

He knew Izzy was trying to reassure him, but all that did was make him feel worse. "He doesn't deserve someone like me, someone so unsure about themselves, damaged. I have too much baggage. I wouldn't want to bring him into that, that relationship wouldn't be healthy for either of us." 

"Alec listen to me," She said determinedly. "Don't ever think of yourself as damaged. That's so far from the truth. Yes, you may have been through some less than enjoyable events in life. But that doesn't make you damaged, that makes you Strong, brave, resilient. Maybe you can't see it but, everyone around you can, including Magnus." She paused smiling, realizing she wasn't done he let her continue. "As for Magnus, maybe you should let him decide for himself if he deserves you or if you are worth it. I mean between me and you I have a feeling I'd know what he'd say." 

"Izzy." He tried to deny, but she just kept going. 

"No, Alec listen. I'm not done." Her voice stern but loving. "People face challenges in their lives, but that's what makes them who they are. That's what makes  _you_ who you are." Alec wasn't really surprised at how amazing Izzy was, but her words, she was saying them with such conviction and meaning. He didn't know how he would have gotten through the past years without her. She continued. "That's what makes you compassionate, loving, kind, accepting and courageous to everyone around you. It's only toxic if you let it turn that way." Her voice wavering over her last few words. 

Alec was trying to think of ways to put in words of how thankful he was but all he could come up with was 'Thank you'. He pulled her in for a bone-crushing hug squeezing every ounce of love into her. Pulling back he kissed the top of her head, breathing out another thank you.

"What are sisters for." She smiled. 

Alec couldn't help but grin back.

The rest of their time spent at the cafe was nice just small chatter about random stuff.

They soon started heading home, Izzy stopping just before their door. 

"Alec." She said, turning to face her. "Before we go in, there is just one last thing I want to say." 

Alec nodded, wondering what it was.

"I know we haven't really talked about this much, but, have you ever thought of going to a therapist?" She quickly added. "I don't mean that to be offensive, and I'm not forcing it. Just a suggestion. I know you are still struggling with your nightmares, even though you aren't getting as many, I know they still come and go. I just think it might be nice for you. I don't know." She finished, getting shy. Looking worried how he might react. 

He knew she was coming from a place of love and care, she had nothing to worry about. It had crossed his mind 2 or 3 times but he always pushed it away, not really knowing how it would be and insisting he would be fine. But maybe Izzy was right. 

"Izzy." He smiled. "I have actually thought about it, it just seems all very daunting opening up your wounds to a stranger." 

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, just know I'm here if you need the support." She smiled back. 

That he knew for sure, he would always have Izzy's support. 

 

\--------------------------

 

His parents had pulled him away from the lounge, where he was currently spending his Thursday night, huddle up on the sofa watching one of Izzy's favorite shows. 

He had no idea why his parents would call him away to their office, they normally just ignored one another unless they wanted to say something nasty or need him to do something, and their office of all places. It felt all very formal, and uncomfortable. When he reached the big angry looking door, he opened it to see two plain expressions worn across their faces, showing no emotion like they were robots, it wouldn't surprise him if they were, they had the heart of one. 

Slowly closing the door behind him, he could feel the tension building between them. It was hard for him to be around his parents, always making him feel worthless. 

They motioned for him to sit, in the lone chair that sat in front of his father's desk. Still, they hadn't said a word and it was airily quiet to the point where he would rather them talk when normally he'd be fine if he didn't have to hear their voices again. 

He sat, his face bound to show confusion. 

"What is this about?" He asked. His parents face still expressionless. 

"Alec." His father started, his voice void of emotion. "I and your mother would like to ask you something." Robert smiled, but Alec could tell it was forced. 

"And that is?" He probed wanting answers 

"Your mother and I met a lovely new family, the Branwells. They are new to town and work as lawyers, and we would like to partner up with them with our firm, it would be great for our business." Robert said, still not really giving Alec what he needed to know. 

"What does this have to do with me?" He asked perplexed. His stomach going into knots. 

"They have a beautiful daughter, Lydia." His mother chimed in from the side. 

"I'm sure they do. Again, what does this have to do with me?" Unsure where this was headed, his knee started bobbing up down, the unfamiliarity of the situation spreading in his body. 

His mother rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious. "Alec, we would like you to date her, as a sort of alliance to smooth over the deal." 

Alec was confused, they knew he was gay why would they ask that of him. It made him sick knowing full well they didn't accept him. But trying to force him into a relationship with a girl. It started to make his blood boil. They had no right. 

"Excuse me," He exclaimed, dumbfounded. 

"You heard me." His mother retorted. 

"Yeah, I heard you, loud and clear. Why would you ask that? You know I'm gay." He replied his voice showing irritation. 

"Alec, that will pass, I'm sure once you start dating Lydia you will realize it was just a faze," Maryse said in a condescending tone. Again, making Alec's whole inner body heat up with frustration. 

He laughed a tired laugh. Tired of having to try and earn his parents acceptance, their respect, and understanding. He'd had enough. 

"You honestly think this is a faze. You both honestly are the most ridiculous people I know." He huffed. 

"Alec," His father scolded. "Do not speak to us like that." 

Rolling his eyes, his brain in turmoil. "Look, Here are a few things you may need to get through both of your short minded skulls." He started, feeling every last bit of buried down anger, sadness and hurt they had caused him over the years. "I'm gay. Yes gay. I'm attracted to males. It is not a faze and never was, you can't just push a woman on me and expect that all to change. It's not something I can change, and trust me over the years I had cried at how I wished I could as If there was a slight possibility you could eventually love me. But you know what, I'm gay and I'm not ashamed of that anymore, that's who I am. I don't have a problem with that because I have so much love and support around me from my friends and siblings, that I don't actually want or care about your acceptance anymore." He said, his breath running out. It felt good to get that off his chest, to stand up to his parents. 

Their faces were one of shock and horror. 

"Alec." His mother snarled. "You better think about your decision. The least you could do after putting us through so much pain is help with our business." 

Alec was waiting for her to bring up Max, so he honestly wasn't surprised in the slightest. Yes, his heart stung at the thought but after the long much-needed chat with Magnus about Max, he had found it easier to talk about it and not let his parents hold that control over him anymore. They weren't in the car that day, they have no idea what went on.

Alec pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to contain his anger that was pooling through his veins. Sighing he spoke. "You know what mother, Max wouldn't want me to do this." He watched his parents faces hitch at the sound of Max's name, they very rarely brought his name up when chatting. He continued. "He would want me to be _me_ , to not let you both hold that guilt over me and let you two use that to your advantage. I'm not going to let you anymore." He never felt so good but angry at the same time, speaking his mind, standing up to his parents was exhilarating. Something he had wanted to do for so long.  

He noticed how his father had retreated from talking anymore, he didn't know if that was because of his mother or if he felt ashamed or embarrassed. 

He watched his Mothers face change from shock to pure outrage. "How dare you. you are the one who took him away. You are the reason my little boy is dead." 

Alec could feel his throat tighten, no matter if he believed that or not. Hearing it always made him weak and hurt. A small part of him still blamed himself for what happened and it wasn't nice to hear someone else say that. He had a choice he could stay and listen to more of his mothers blame and vile comments or her could get up and walk out. He chose the latter. 

Standing up, he put on a brave face and tried his best to relax his voice, he could feel wavering. "Yes, I was driving that day." He cleared his throat. "But," Was he actually going to say this out loud. He continued. "I am  _not_ the reason Max is dead." He didn't know why he had found it so hard to say that, knowing he wasn't to blame but believing and forgiving himself for that were two very different things. "I was there, sitting next to him, watching his body. You have no idea how much I blamed myself, how much I wished it was me instead of him. How I wished the world could be a better place." Breathing deeply, he paused. Then continued. "But, it's not. Unfortunately, this cruel world took him away and I'm sorry I couldn't do anything about that, I am. But I won't let you hurt me with that anymore." He finished, not waiting for a reply or to see their expression. Turning around he left the office and headed for the front door. Needing fresh air and space from this house and them. He sneaked past the lounge room, grabbed his coat and left.

Walking outside, letting everything that had just happened hit him. A mixture of relief, sadness, pain, anxiousness. But, mostly he just felt really emotional. He had finally stood up to his parents and didn't let them manipulate him, he stood his ground and it felt so overwhelming good he could feel the water building beneath his eyes. He had wanted to fight back so many times before, but never felt like he had the stamina in him to hold himself strong against their words, that constantly felt like whips slicing his skin. 

Something had changed in him, he didn't know what. But he felt the support of his friends and siblings behind him when he was standing in that room, He tried to remember all their words of wisdom, kindness, and love. It had felt like they were backing him up even though he was in that room alone, and that's how he knew his friends truly were the world to him. He felt Magnus' soothing voice in the back of his head reassuring him it was okay, telling him he was strong, that he could do it, He had all the courage he needed he just needed to dig deep enough to find it. Having Magnus back in his life was like a lifeline he never knew he needed. Something about Magnus just made Alec want to fight that little bit extra to be the man he knew he was deep inside.

He continued to walk the streets, just walking. Nowhere in mind of where he was going. Until he started to realize where his feet had taken him. Of course. Staring up at Magnus' Apartment building, he pondered whether he should go up. He really didn't have the brain power and strength to talk about what happened at the club last Saturday. He just needed his warmth, his comfort. He needed to hear his voice. 

Entering the building he greeted the doorman and headed up to Magnus's apartment. Reaching his door, tortuously slow he brought his hand to knock, taking one more deep breath he heard his knuckles dance along the big door, he waited a minute, than two. Nothing. So he knocked again. Still no answer. Not knowing where else to go or want to go anywhere else he sat down against the door and waited, letting the emotion of the night bubble over. 

 

__________________

 

Magnus was coming back home from a long meeting with a potential manufacturer that night. It had been a long week. His mind all over the place since his heart stopping kiss with Alec. The whole week he had been at war with himself, debating whether he should reach out or let Alec be the one to reach out. but as he entered his building, finding his way to his apartment. He soon found out he wouldn't need to think about that anymore, as it so happened, Alec was sitting against his door, head in hands. 

Magnus stood there a second or two, confused why Alec would be there. But then rushed to his side. 

  
"Alexander?" He asked voice laced with worry. 

Alec slowly tilted his head up a small smile showing on his face amongst his shed tears "Hi Magnus" 

Magnus hadn't heard that voice in a while and it still sent shivers down his spine. Concerned, Magnus asked. "Are you alright, darling?" 

Alec still smiling. "Never better, can I stay here the night?" Alec asked so gently and sweet it almost broke his heart. 

"Of course." Magnus returned his smile. "You never have to ask." 


	7. Chapter 7

"Thank you, Magnus," Alec said gratefully, 

Magnus reached out his hand tentatively for Alec's to help him up, his skin brushing against his sending tantalizing chills through his body, He pulled Alec up letting them both into his apartment. 

Closing the door behind them he turned to face Alec a cautious smile on his face. "Like I said before, you are always welcome here." He paused pondering on his next words, wanting to be gentle with the subject to why Alec was here in the first place. Not that he minded, he just wanted to double check if he was okay. "Alexander." He continued. "Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?" He finished, waiting for a response. Letting Alec take it at whatever pace he was comfortable with.

Alec's face was still one of exhaustion, but relief and it was hard for Magnus to gauge what was going on inside that beautiful brain of his. 

Alec shuffled to the couch, huffing out a rather big sigh as he flopped his long body along the cushions. 

Magnus waited. 

"Something happened with my parents, and I couldn't be there any longer, I just had to get out, and well I found myself here." Alec rambled sitting up straight, making room for Magnus to sit next to him. 

Joining Alec, Magnus asked concerned. "Are you okay? What did they do?" 

Alec soon went into a long story about what his parents had tried to force upon him and it made Magnus sick to his stomach that Alec's parents would go that far to try and push their son back in the closet, although they weren't very empathetic people. It shouldn't surprise him but he always thought there was some good in Alec's parents. Wasn't there in everyone? 

Although feeling pure outrage at what Alec's parents had said, Magnus also felt immensely proud of Alec. It would have been extremely difficult in that situation, for him to hold his ground. But by the sounds of it, he did far more than that. 

"I'm so proud of you Alexander." He said, seeing Alec's face light up. 

He went to reach out for Alec's hand but stopped himself, things were still up in the air since their kiss and he wasn't sure if he should show affection in that way until they spoke. But, right now definitely wasn't the time to chat about  _that_. 

"Thank you, Magnus. you have no idea how much I needed to hear that." Alec smiled back his voice still very much drained. 

"How are you feeling? That must have been a lot to process and take in afterward." He said worried, letting all that pent-up emotion out. Constantly bottling it up and then it all venting out unexpectedly can take its toll on somebody's mind and body, the only thing he cared about at this moment was Alec's well-being.

"I have no idea. I just feel....drained and emotional I guess, but also relieved, it's hard to explain." Alec laughed weakly 

"I get it. I can only imagine what your mind is going through right now." Magnus comforted him. 

Alec sighed 

"But, hey. You are here now, away from them. Everything's going to be okay." Again Magnus feeling the need to touch Alec but withheld himself from doing so. Hoping his words were enough to soothe Alec. 

Alec nodded. His chest no longer rising at a faster pace than normal. 

"I have no idea how I am going to ever face them again. I have never seen them so angry, I was almost certain I saw actual fire in my mother's eyes." Alec stated his face showing discomfort at the memory. Magnus just wanted to hold him. 

"Hey, don't stress," Magnus said, tone soft and loving. "Whatever happens I will be by your side, okay," He smiled making sure Alec believed his words. "We will deal with it together." He reassured him, but then quickly added not knowing if Alec would want that, feeling vulnerable with his words he rambled. "Only if you want me to, I mean you don't need me you are a wonderful independent man. Just if you would want my support it's there." He finished a shy smile gracing his face feeling embarrassed

"Magnus." Alec chuckled. "There is no one I would want by my side more than you." Magnus was taken back by the sincerity in his voice, the words tugging at his heartstrings. Why did Alec have to do this to him? Magnus just smiled in response not knowing if he could trust his voice. 

For a moment it was silent, the air thick with unspoken feelings. Until Alec spoke again.  

"I just left without telling anyone and Izzy is bombarding my phone." He paused reaching for his phone in his pocket. "I should probably call her back." 

"Okay, you do that while I go order some food, I'm starving. Any preferences before I order?" He replied feeling slightly relieved he had an opportunity to compose his heart that hadn't stopped rapidly beating since seeing Alec at his doorstep. It was hard being around Alec since last weekend. Not in a bad way, just in the way where he could remember the taste that Alec's lips had left on his that night, Remembering the way his body reacted to Alec's hands caressing him, running up and down his back as they danced. Having Alec that close was intoxicating, and having him here again in his vicinity was hard because all he wanted to do was tell Alec how he felt. Tell him he was in love with him, but he couldn't. Not feeling secure enough in Alec's feelings for him, plus that wasn't what Alec needed tonight. tonight he needed a best friend and that's what he would be. 

"Anything is fine, Magnus." Alec smiled. 

"Thai food it is." He said as he walked away to find the menu, leaving Alec to his phone call.

 

________________________

 

Magnus walked away leaving Alec to find Izzy's number. As he scrolled through his contacts he couldn't help but let a small amused laugh slip his tongue, The last time he had seen Magnus was when they shared their first kiss, the best kiss Alec's ever had and then frantically left him standing there in the club with no explanation or answers. Now he was sitting in Magnus' apartment, staying the night and about to have dinner with him. Magnus could have told Alec to leave as soon as he saw him on his doorstep, or even demand answers. But, he didn't. 

Magnus being the wonderful, caring, selfless person he was, put Alec before himself. Pushing aside the much-needed conversation they both knew needed to happen, to be there for him. 

The comparison to how his parents made him feel to how Magnus made him feel was dramatically different. Magnus made him feel happy and so much more. Just by being in his presence, him smiling, laughing. Everything Magnus did made him feel an overwhelming sense of  _want_. He wanted Magnus, to feel his soft puckered lips against his again. To feel him close to his body. Tracing his fingers along Magnus' delicate yet lethal jawline, peppering little kisses up to his ear. He wanted to feel, be with all of him. He yearned for domestic nights in where they would cook dinner together and probably burn the food, too preoccupied with one another. Ridicule cheesy movies, judging every character. Walk Magnus to meetings, take him out for lunch, sleep in the same bed as him, feel his warmth every day. Hell, he even wanted to clean dishes with him. He wanted to be with Magnus every step of his amazing journey, praise him with love and kisses, tell him how proud of him he was, how amazing he was. But, wanting that and actually acting on that was something Alec was finding hard to do.

He snapped out of those thoughts quickly as soon as he hit call, waiting for Izzy to pick up, it didn't take long.

"Alec." Izzy practically yelled. "Do you know how to answer a phone?"

"Izzy, I'm fine." He assured her. "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, I just needed some time alone to think and calm myself down." 

"Alec," Izzy said again, her voice slightly quieter this time. "Mum and Dad shouldn't have done that, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Honestly," He started unsure of exactly how he was feeling. His gaze moving from his fidgeting fingers to the kitchen, his eyes resting on Magnus, a smile on his face while he was talking to the takeaway place. Alec let himself admire the moment until Magnus must have sensed he was looking, as he turned his attention to him. Crinkling his eyes in a soft sweet smile which Alec returned. "I'm....good actually." He said confidently, He was safe with Magnus. "Don't worry." He finished, moving his gaze from Magnus before he stared too long. 

"Are you sure? Where are you? I can come to get you." Izzy asked again, firing one question after the other. Her voice still full of worry.

"Izzy, I'm with Magnus. I'm fine." He said smiling as he molded Magnus' name through his lips

"Oh," Izzy said obviously not expecting that to be honest neither was he. But here he was. She continued. "Sorry, it's just with everything that happened, that was the last place I had expected to hear where you were. But, I guess that makes sense. I'm glad you did, you two need to talk." She finished, her words now becoming calm.

"We do." He affirmed. "I just don't know how to bring it up, and explain how I feel." He sighed, feeling hopeless about it all. 

"Hey, I'm sure when the moments right you will do it." 

"Is there even such thing as the  _right time."_ He replied. 

"I guess it's more of when you feel ready to." She tried again. 

He sat contemplating her words, they seemed practical and made sense, but knowing you were ready was a hard thing to grasp, like how did you  _actually_ know. 

"I guess." He surmised. 

"You will be all good, you can be Shakespeare when you really want to." She laughed. "You got this."

He laughed in return, that was obscene he was nothing like Shakespeare. 

"When are you coming home?" She continued. 

He paused, thinking about his answer, already anticipating her response. But he said it anyway. 

"I have no idea, I don't even know if I could go back there Iz. I said my peace and if they don't want to accept that, I really wouldn't mind not ever going back there." It was true, he didn't want to go back. Going back would mean going backward, he saw it as letting his parents have that power over him again. It was a bad place for him to be in and he didn't want that anymore. He could confidently say that he deserved more than the way his parents had treated him. 

"Where are you going to stay, Alec?" Izzy asked, her voice unsure. 

"I'll sort something out. I'm staying with Magnus tonight and I'll go from there, Okay?" He tried to assure her, but it didn't really work.

"But, Alec." She stressed, But he stopped her. 

"I can't go back, I won't. It's not an environment I want to let myself be in anymore." He said again, trying to get his point through to Izzy. 

"You sure?" Izzy asked

Alec noticed Magnus walking back towards him, so tried as quickly as possible and politely to finish up the phone call.

"Positive. I have to go, I love you Iz, I'll see you soon." He said quickly, Izzy replying with a 'love you too' and he hung up. 

Magnus made himself comfortable on the cushion next to him.

"Food should be here in a little bit," Magnus said, breaking the silence, which Alec only filled again by nodding. 

"Good chat?" Magnus asked. 

"Yeah, She was her usual annoyed self at the fact that I didn't pick up my phone." He laughed. "But, she relented when I told her I was fine." He smiled, cause he was fine.

Magnus chuckled. "I can imagine. I have had the pleasure of being greeted with that side of Izzy once or twice."

Magnus stayed quiet after that, his face falling into deep thought until he spoke again. "Alec, I didn't mean to overhear, but." Alec froze. What if Magnus had overheard the whole thing, he could feel his face start to heat up. Magnus quickly added. "Don't worry I'm not an eavesdropper. Just when I was walking back from the kitchen I heard part of you and Izzy's conversation, and." He paused, fidgeting with his many rings that adorned his fingers. Was Magnus nervous? He soon continued. "I just want you to know, my spare room is yours if you want it." Magnus' gaze not quite meeting Alec's, it was strange to see Magnus shy like this.

Alec was honestly surprised by the offer. Was Magnus offering for him to move in, like be flatmates? 

"Magnus, thank you for the offer, but I couldn't impose on your space." He said.

Magnus shuffled closer, this time meeting Alec's eyes. Alec had missed those eyes. 

"Alexander." Alec's heart skipped over the sweet roll of Magnus' tongue at the use of his full name. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it, and don't be silly, you would never be imposing." Alec wanted to say yes, but he also didn't want this to be a permanent solution. Not wanting Magnus to think he was taking advantage of him. 

"You're sure?" He asked double checking.

"I'm positively certain, Alexander. Come on it will be fun." Magnus smiled, looking a little too eager for Alec's liking. He couldn't help but laugh. 

"Fine." He sighed, trying not to act like he was actually rather excited too. "But," He said, putting his hand up to stop whatever was about to come out of Magnus' mouth next. "This is only temporary until I find a cheap apartment or something." 

Magnus smirked, obviously humoring him. Not believing him for a second. He didn't really believe himself if he was being honest. "Okay deal." 

"Thank you, Magnus." He said with every ounce of gratitude and care in the world, Alec really had found the most selfless man. 

Magnus was giving him a way out, a lifeline. He was going to take it with both hands, for himself. 

Magnus was still beaming on the other side of the couch, his smile only enhancing his beauty.

"What got you looking all happy?" He asked. 

"Nothing, It's just," Magnus said, facing him still grinning. "I have lived by myself for many years and it gets boring and well lonely. So, having someone else here will be nice." 

"Won't it be strange, having someone else in your space again after so many years of living alone?" He questioned. Surely that would take some getting used to. 

"Don't be silly. I adapt well, and it's not like you are a stranger." He paused a beat and then continued. "Plus, I want you here." Magnus smiled, sweet and genuine. Voice soft and honest, making Alec's heart thud. 

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, he said. "I want to be here too." His words truthful, his tone matching Magnus'. 

In that moment, Alec got lost in Magnus' smile, lips shining with the gloss or balm he had on that day making them look irresistible. HIs eyes shifting to Magnus', so pure and full of love, the way the amber would shine through the chocolate brown when the light shone just right. He was so beautiful. Alec wanted to tell him just how beautiful. 

But, before he got the chance the doorbell rang startling them both out of their longing gazes. 

Magnus scooting off the couch to go retrieve the food. 

Alec needed to get his feelings for Magnus off his chest, to tell him. But would them living together now compromise that? He would find out eventually. 

 

Magnus soon came back with two cartons of food, placing one in Alec's hands.

"I got us both Pad Thai, I hope that's alright?" Magnus said. 

Alec smiled up at him. "It's perfect, thank you." 

Magnus and Alec settled in for the next hour or two talking and watching T.V. Soon the long night catching up with them, exchanging yawns and laughing at how contagious they were. 

"I'm going to head off for a shower and bed, make yourself at home in  _your_  new room," Magnus said as he crawled off the couch. 

"Will do." He replied as Magnus walked off towards his room, Alec letting a smile grace his face. The night started out horrible but finished with a whole new view, and no he didn't mean the view he had of Magnus' hips swinging from side to side, but that was good too.

 

He eventually dragged himself off the couch and went to have a shower in the main bathroom but soon realized he didn't have any spare clothes with him, Did he go ask Magnus for some? He didn't want to sleep in the same clothes. Although he could just sleep in his underwear, then again it was cold. Eventually convincing himself to go knock on Magnus' door, hoping he was out of the shower. 

After knocking he heard a faint 'come in'. Magnus was currently walking around in a pair of blue silk pajamas. How was it possible that he looked good even before going to bed, his face bear of makeup. Alec's breath caught in his chest, he very rarely saw Magnus like this and it was stunning. 

"You need anything?" Magnus asked, Alec, coming back from his daydream. 

"Uh, yeah actually." He paused, scratching the back of his neck. "I was wondering if you had any spare sweatpants or something I could sleep in you know only, just, cause, I don't have any with me." Why was it coming out like he was a shy teen asking someone out on a date? it was just clothes. 

Magnus didn't answer, just started rummaging through his closet, giving Alec a fright when a pair of sweatpants came flying his way. He caught them just in time. 

Magnus' laughter filled the air, Alec joined him. 

"Thanks." He said voice full of air, laughter filtering out. 

"You are more than welcome, plus I kinda like the idea of you wearing my clothes." Magnus winked turning back towards his bed. 

Alec wasn't blushing, the light was just giving him a rosy tinge. 

"Right. I'll just....uh..i'll be..uh." Alec stumbled out causing Magnus to grin so wide.

"Sleep tight Alexander." 

Alec smiled and walked out of the room before he could embarrass himself anymore, jumping in the shower. Cooling his flushed body.

Once in bed, Alec lay looking at the ceiling zoning in and out, thinking about what he wanted to do next. He knew he needed a job, to help pay his way. So, he would look into that. But he should probably start with retrieving his things from his parent's house. 

He eventually closed his eyes, hoping he wouldn't have a nightmare tonight. He had been having less since he started talking about the accident but he was always still afraid of letting sleep consume him. Worried of what images might plague his mind. 

As he was rustling around in bed, trying to get comfortable. He heard a knock tap lightly, and Magnus' head pop through. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you settled in alright. Oh gosh, I sound like a worried parent." He paused shaking his head. "I just wanted to make sure you are okay." He finished, coming in, closer. 

Alec pressed his lips together, trying to hide the look of adoration on his face. It was dark so Magnus probably couldn't see his face anyway. 

"I'm okay. thank you for checking on me though." He said so quietly it came out as a whisper. 

"If you need anything." Magnus started but was cut off by Alec's laughing. "Oh god, I'm doing it again." Magnus laughed. "Just...Sweet dreams." He turned to leave, but Alec didn't want him to leave and before he knew it the words were flying out of his mouth. 

"Magnus," He paused, watching Magnus turn back around. 

"Mmmm." Magnus hummed. 

"Can you stay with me, tonight?" Normally he would ramble, and get flustered but right now he didn't want to, he just wanted Magnus' warmth and comfort. 

Magnus didn't answer but instead walked over to the other side of the bed, causing Alec's heart to race. Shuffling in next to Alec, they turned to face one another, close enough to feel the breath of the other. 

"I'll always stay with you." Magnus' words were like a soft melody. Sweet but powerful. 

They stayed in that position for a little while longer, until Alec's eyes began to feel heavy. Having Magnus this close was soothing

"I don't regret it you know." He said his voice sleepy. 

"Regret what?" Magnus replied his voice husky with tiredness. 

"The kiss." He breathed out so quiet he wasn't even sure he was saying it.

Magnus shuffled closer, connecting their fingers. 

"Me neither," Magnus whispered back, pecking Alec's forehead. His breath hitching at the affectionate gesture. 

Alec burrowed in closer letting himself rest against Magnus' shoulder. 

"Goodnight," Magnus said. 

"Goodnight." 

 

___________________________

 

 Magnus woke up in the best way possible. Wrapped up tightly around his own personal hot water bottle. Alec's body heat radiating through his silk pajamas, warming his skin. Last night when he went to bed he did not think this was where he would end up, but he couldn't fight the smile spreading across his face. He hadn't slept that well in forever. His heart was singing with so much love at that moment, it was hard not to just kiss Alec then and there. 

He could tell Alec was awake by his light shuffling and breathing pattern. But he wanted to indulge in this dreamlike moment just a little longer. He refused to open his eyes, letting himself have this with Alec as he wasn't sure if he would get to again. 

After 10 minutes or so, he wasn't really keeping track of time. He felt Alec slowly and cautiously slip out of bed, obviously trying not to wake him up which Magnus found utterly adorable he was about to combust. Alec eventually left the room, allowing Magnus to groan at the loss of his warmth and comfort. Eventually, he forced himself to peel his eyes open adjusting to the morning light. 

Magnus' mind flashed back to the night before and the sweet confessions Alec said. Magnus' heart beamed at the fact that Alec hadn't regretted the kiss, cause he himself most definitely did not. His words so candid, no hesitation in his voice. 

Making the first move normally wasn't something Magnus would ponder over too much. But with Alec this time, he didn't want to rush him or be too full on and push him away. Everything that had happened in the past months and him now moving in. He felt it was appropriate to leave it up to Alec, he only wanted what was best for Alec. After last night and Alec asking him to stay with him, he felt secure enough to let it happen in its own time. But, knowing Alec felt the same way gave him some security in his feelings.

He faintly heard some rummaging and clanking coming from his kitchen, the urge to see Alec in his kitchen. _T_ _heir_ kitchen to strong, he practically jumped out of bed.

As he walked up to the kitchen Alec came into full view. Magnus' sweatpants hung nicely, Alec's legs and filling them out perfectly. Not that he was staring, just an observation. Yesterdays t-shirt slung on his shoulders. 

Admiring Alec for long enough, he made his presence known. 

"What are you doing?" He asked, Startling Alec, hearing his slight gasp escape his lips. Magnus laughed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Alec's expression too priceless not to find the humor in it.

Alec soon joined in. "How long have you been standing there?" Alec asked. 

"Long enough, to wonder what you are looking for." He replied. 

"Well," Alec started, composing himself. "I was attempting to find some sort of breakfast food, but it seems you don't even have much food as it is." 

Alec was right, he didn't. Always opting for takeout, it was pretty bad, wasting that much money. But, he never was a cook a meal type person. 

"I know, I'm terrible, constantly eating takeout." He laughed seeing Alec's disapproving look. 

"Looks like I know what we are doing this morning," Alec stated. 

"And what would that be Alexander?" He asked amused. 

"We are going to do our first grocery shop together," Alec said but soon continued, not letting Magnus get a word in. "And, before you make some excuse not to. I'm just letting you know I'm not taking no for an answer." He finished. 

Magnus just smiled bashfully. 

Alec walked towards him, excitement in his step. "Hurry up and get dressed." He said walking past him dropping a quick teasing kiss on Magnus' cheek. His heart on fire. He was not expecting that. 

Magnus smirked, "You know Alexander, this bossy side of you is quite something." He winked as he went to get ready, catching Alec's slight blush as he let himself slip away. He didn't let himself get over excited at how domestic it was to go grocery shopping together. Not at all. 

They soon found themselves in the local supermarket, bickering over pre-made meals, Magnus finding it all very amusing. 

"Magnus, no. We are not living off pre-packed frozen meals." Alec insisted, his tone light. 

"But, why. They look so easy to make." He tried, but Alec wasn't having his puppy dog eyes today. 

"Magnus, puppy dog eyes are not something that will work over frozen meals, sorry but just no." A small smile escaping his lips. 

"if you can give me a valid reason to not get them, then I will give up." He smirked. "I'm waiting, Alexander."

Alec rolled his eyes, a light huff of laughter sweeping through the air

"You are ridiculous." 

"Maybe, but I'm still waiting." He stood, arms crossed waiting for Alec to answer. 

"Alright fine." He started, playful tone in his words. Shaking his head with disbelief " One, most of them aren't nice. Two, they aren't very nutritious, most of it processed foods." Who knew Alec to be such a health freak. Magnus was pretty sure Alec didn't really give a shit if something was processed or not, but he was probably just trying to give himself more reasons. Alec continued. "And three, homemade meals are just nicer altogether. Isn't that a good enough reason alone." He finished, Magnus, smiling at him adoringly. 

"Is that it?" Magnus teased. 

"Magnus," Alec exclaimed. 

"Fine, fine. you win. Homemade meals it is." Magnus relented, even though it was fun to see Alec get so adorably worked up over it. 

Alec grinned triumphantly. 

Magnus went to hold Alec's hand as they walked away from the frozen section, but then reminded himself that they were indeed not a couple. So kept his hand by his side. 

"Don't get used to it, you won't win them all," Magnus said

Alec turned to face him, smirking, his eyes glinting with mischief. "I wouldn't dream of it." 

Magnus pinched his lips together to try and hide his smile, not wanting to show how amusing he found it all. But, it soon got away on him. 

Both sharing adoring looks as they went through the isles, they were stopped by a woman. 

"Sorry, to disturb you. But, you two make the most adorable couple. I just had to let you know." She said greeting them, making Magnus' heart scream, cause they weren't a couple. But, he wanted to be desperately. Before he could correct the woman, Alec had bet him to it. 

"Thank you." He smiled. "But, we aren't actually a couple, just really good friends." 

Magnus knew the words were coming but couldn't help but feel deflated. 

The woman's eyebrows raised up in shock. "Oh I'm sorry, you both just seemed so enthralled by each other, my mistake." She apologized and kept walking. They both smiled at her as she left. 

Alec turned to Magnus. "That was nice in a strange way." 

Magnus huffed out a weak laugh, trying to hide his disappointment. "Yeah." 

 

They were now home, and Magnus' fridge and cupboards were now full of food. it was nice seeing his kitchen actually being made useful. 

Once everything was in its new place. Alec turned to Magnus. 

"I'm going to head to my parents, Izzy texted me earlier to let me know they aren't home for most of today. So, I'm gonna grab my stuff, I'll see you tonight though." Alec said, about to leave straight away. But Magnus stopped him, resting his hand on his lower arm. 

"Do you want me to come with you? In case they come home while you are still there." He asked not wanting Alec's parents to get the chance to hurt him any more than they already had. 

"I'll be fine, Izzy and Jace are there and they won't be home all day." Alec tried to reassure him. 

"I don't mind coming, honestly." 

"Magnus, I know you have some work to do today. I'll be fine. I'll text when I'm on my way home." Magnus couldn't help but internally melt at the word  _home_ coming out of Alec's mouth. 

"Okay." 

"Izzy's here now though so I have to go," Alec said as he leaned forward and pecked Magnus' cheek. It seemed to be a recurring thing today, but he didn't mind in the slightest. More the merrier. 

"See you later." He replied his voice a little weak from being kissed on the cheek.

"Also, before I go. I plan on thanking you properly. So tonight I'm cooking you dinner." Alec said smiling at him as he turned and left Magnus standing in the kitchen, slowly turning into a pile of mush from how sweet Alec was. 

 

________________________

 

Alec was in his room, currently packing up his belongings with the help of Izzy. It all felt surreal like it wasn't actually happening. But, it was and he couldn't be more excited about it. 

"So, wait. Now you are moving in with Magnus?" Izzy asked. 

"Yeah, it's not a big deal." He replied nonchalantly. 

Izzy stopped what she was doing to come closer, a serious look adorning her face.

"Yes, Alec it is." She stated. 

"What? We have known each other for years, and I made sure he was completely genuine in his offer before I accepted." He said assuring her but also himself. 

"You're not worried it will ruin your friendship?" She asked cautiously. 

Alec scrunched his face up at such an obscene statement. 

"Why on earth would it ruin our friendship? I thought you would be happy for me?" He retorted. 

"Alec, don't get me wrong. I am, I truly am. I just." 

"Just what?" 

"Sometimes moving in with a close friend isn't such a wise idea. It can cause fights or disagreements between you two." She clarified, Alec still annoyed she would think such a thing. 

He knew where she was coming from, but she didn't need to worry. 

"Izzy, everybody is going to have disagreements, that's life and I'm sure Magnus and I will have plenty. It's normal. But it would never ruin our friendship, he is much more than a close friend, i would never let that happen."  

"But, that's what worries me. He means a lot to you." She stressed. 

"I'm not picking up what you are trying to put down, Izzy?" 

She sighed and started explaining. "You want to be more than just friends right?" Alec nodded. "And you plan on telling him, yes?" He nodded again. "I'm just worried that if you go from friends to boyfriends and living together in a short period of time it might be too much." Alec's heart flipped over the word boyfriends. 

He understood what Izzy was saying, he had even thought about it himself. But, after spending last night wrapped in his arms and this morning relaxing with him, bantering like they did back before all the shit hit the fan. He wasn't worried about moving too fast, they have known each other for years. They had been moving slow enough.

"Izzy, I understand your worries, I do." He started, then his mind wandered to last night. "I spent last night  _with_  him and it was amazing, and this morning was so much fun and just nice." He couldn't fight the fond expression that was crawling onto his face. "We have gone slow enough. I am ready for more." 

Izzy was currently sporting a suspicious look. 

"What?" He exclaimed. 

"Just the way, you said  _with him_. Did something happen between you two that you aren't telling me?" She queried. 

"Izzy, I don't have to tell you everything." 

"I know, I know. You just looked so happy when you said it, but you are right. Privacy is key." She said

"I am." He said, quickly adding. "Happy. that is. Being around him makes me happy." He smiled. 

Izzy's expression softened.

"If this is what you want, I will support you no matter what." She said. 

He brought her in for a hug. He was going to miss her, having her just down the hall from him. No matter how intrusive she could be, he loved her dearly. 

"Thank you, Izzy." He said pulling back. 

"So," She started and Alec knew that tone. "When are you going to ask him out, or just talk to him about it. Are you going to tell him you love him?" She asked. "Love declarations are so beautiful." She sighed, placing her hand over her heart. 

Alec rolled his eyes. 

"I'm not going to tell him I love him outright, I don't want to scare the man away." He proclaimed

"Well, then how are you going to go about it?" She continued to prod, what was that she said earlier about privacy? She was a persistent one that one. 

"I'll probably just start with the kiss, seems like a good enough place to start with the subject. Don't you think." He was expecting a response from Izzy, but all he got was silence. Confused he turned to see her almost tearing up. 

"Izzy, what is it?" He asked concerned. 

"Sorry, It's just, I'm glad to see you doing something for yourself again. Whether it be the effect of Magnus coming back into your life or just you realizing it on your own. I'm just proud of you." She said, her voice wavering over her last sentence. 

"it's a bit of both I think. Just being around Magnus made me realize I deserve better than how I have been treated. But it's up to me to change that, So that's what I'm gonna do." He smiled, trying not to tear up at seeing a stray tear slip down Izzy's cheek. 

"You know, Izzy I wouldn't have been able to even get to here without you or Jace. Thank you for being the best sister in the world." He said, this time letting the emotion consume his words. 

"Alec, you're going to make me a blubbering mess." She laughed through her tears 

"That makes two of us." A voice appeared from his door. Jace. 

"It's getting awfully emotional in here." Jace teased, hiding his emotion. 

Alec just pulled him, not letting him escape a hug.

Izzy eventually interrupted, reminding them that they didn't have much time before their parents got home. 

 

Everything was packed, he stood on the steps of the porch looking back up at his room. He was probably being overdramatic, but he had spent his whole childhood in that house and now he was saying goodbye. He was saying goodbye to so many bad and hurtful memories, but at the same time he was also taking away with him some of the most cherished and loved memories of his life so far, and those would be the ones he would keep with him. 

"Ready?" Izzy asked from behind. 

"Ready." He said, never more sure of anything. 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to warn you all there is a flashback of a certain event in Alec's life in this chapter that some of you may find triggering.

"How's it living with Alec?" Caterina asked as she sipped her hot coffee across from him. 

"It's been great, better than I thought it would be." Alec was very easy to live with, never making a hassle or a huff. Having him around the apartment wasn't foreign at all. He just slipped in effortlessly, like their lives were meant to be this way. The added company around the place was a nice change, no longer having to suffer long nights alone feeling lonely. 

Although they had both been busy that week, they always made time at the end of the night together, enjoying home cooked meals made by Alec. Magnus had to admit homemade meals were far better than any take away could give him. It also helped that Alec seemed to know his way around a kitchen. That man had many talents, never ceases to amaze him.  

However, he could feel his heart threatening to cross that line, getting glimpses of what it would be like to date Alec. 

"Have you two talked about what happened at the club, yet?" Magnus was a bit taken back by the question, but then again it was Cat. 

"Look, before you scold me. No, we haven't." He stated, watching her scold him anyway. 

"Magnus!" 

"What!?" He exclaimed. 

"You two can't go on pretending there is nothing between you." She argued back. 

"We aren't, we just haven't had the time to talk." He corrected. "Trust me, sometimes I find it hard to not just slam my lips against his. I just don't want to dive in if he's not ready." 

"That's understandable. But, maybe he needs that push. God knows you both do. I'm going to be on my death bed by the time you two declare your love for one another." Magnus rolled his eyes at that, she was being ridiculous. 

"Cat, stop being so dramatic, that's my job." He laughed. 

"What has it been since you two met? 9 years almost 10?" 

"I know, I know. There has always been something in the way." He sighed. 

"Maybe, but is there anything now?" She questioned. 

He tried to find some sort of excuse, but he couldn't find a legitimate one to use. 

"No, I guess not." He caved. 

"Exactly, so I say go for it. You both deserve happiness." She smiled kindly. 

"Have I ever told you, you give amazing advice?" 

"Not that I know of, but I always encourage praise." She teased 

He laughed. "Thank you." 

"Thank me once you have actually taken my advice." She sassed. 

They soon fell into chit-chat about nothing, just enjoying his friend's company. He didn't realize the time until he heard the front door open and close. Alec was already back from his job interview. He smiled to himself, at the mere thought of Alec. That smile soon faded when he saw Alec's sunken expression. 

Alec plastered on a fake smile as soon as he noticed them sitting at the kitchen table. 

"Cat, hi. I haven't seen you in forever. How are you?" He asked, sounding cheery. Magnus could see through it, the strain behind his smile. Something was bothering him. 

"I'm good, thanks, Alec." She smiled in return. "I guess you will be seeing a lot more of me now you are living here." 

"Yeah," He said uneasily. 

"I have to thank you for forcing Magnus to actually buy food, I had gotten sick of him offering me leftover takeaways." She laughed. 

Alec returning her laugh, full and real. 

"Yeah, Yeah whatever." Magnus scoffed at his friends ridiculing him. 

"We came up with a deal, that we could get take away once a week so that he doesn't sulk." Alec teased, grinning at Magnus. 

"Hey! I most definitely do not sulk." He objected. 

Alec cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow in protest. 

"I don't." He exclaimed. 

"So, last night when you went quiet after me saying I didn't want to watch project runway again for the fourth night in a row, wasn't sulking?" Alec smirked his killer lips. 

Magnus pressed his lips together, managing a small "No." 

Alec just continued smirking that god attractive face at him. 

"It was the final." Magnus finally gave in. 

"It was a re-run, Magnus. You have already seen it at least 3 times." Alec said like it made a difference. 

"Are you two done?" Caterina piped up, her face one of amusement at the exchanges between him and Alec. He had almost forgotten she was here. 

"Right." Alec cleared his throat, obviously getting lost in their conversation too. "Sorry, you two were having a conversation. I'll leave you to it." He blushed. 

"Don't be silly, we were just talking about nonsense. Come, join us." Caterina insisted. 

Alec hesitated for a beat, scratching the nape of his neck, eventually walking his long legs over, filling the seat next to Magnus. 

They all chatted for a little while longer until Caterina had to leave. Leaving Magnus and Alec alone. Giving him a chance to see if something was bothering Alec. 

 

____________________

 

"How was your morning?" Magnus asked, now that Caterina was gone. He was silly to think he could hide anything from Magnus. 

He just sighed, in return. Not really knowing where to start. 

"That bad, Huh?"

"You have no idea." He huffed, running his hands through his already disheveled hair. 

"I couldn't help but notice your fallen expression when you walked in," Magnus said, placing his hand upon Alec's knee. Finding comfort in Magnus' touch. "Anything you want to talk about?" 

Alec hesitated but only for a second, not wanting to push Magnus away again. Placing his hand atop Magnus'. "Actually, yeah. That would be nice." 

"I'm all ears, darling." Magnus beamed back at him. 

"it's just with these job interviews. They are really testing my anxiety, I feel like I'm about to be sick before I go and then when I'm there I'm all tongue tied and nervous, and end up just bombing the whole thing." He paused bringing his hands up to his face in annoyance. "I always leave feeling like a failure and upset with myself." He mumbled into his palms. 

He felt Magnus' soft hands pull his stressed tense ones away from his face, most likely showing the tension in his features. Lacing their fingers together in that quiet moment. He couldn't help but notice they had become more affectionate over the past few days and he liked it. 

"Hey, don't beat yourself up. You aren't a failure."  Magnus said tenderly. "It's normal for a lot of people to go through what you go through." He knew people did, but when it was happening you just feel like everybody is staring at you and you can't escape. "Even me." Magnus finished, barely a whisper. 

Alec was taken back by his confession. "You have?" He asked abruptly, probably to blunt. "You are so confident and outgoing, I would never have thought." 

"Maybe now, but I still have my days." His eyes diverted from Alec's gaze. He could see he was feeling vulnerable at this moment. He needed to show Magnus that he appreciated it and that he could trust him with his thoughts. Shuffling closer, holding their hands together firmer, in an attempted to show his support. 

Magnus soon continued. 

"When I moved to L.A, it was hard being there alone, in this massive new city. It was so daunting starting at this massive company with no one to really fall on if I had a bad day. Some days I would almost pack my bags and fly back to New York. But, I knew I would regret that, so I never did." 

"I had no idea." Magnus never showed any sort of sign he was struggling, if only he knew he could have been there to help him. 

"Noone did. I never told anyone. I thought they would just laugh at me and call me ridiculous." Magnus said. His confession so raw. 

"Magnus." He breathed. " I would never." 

"I know, but that doesn't stop it from overtaking your mind." He said. 

Alec understood that better than anyone, the mind was a powerful thing and could easily convince you something was true that absolutely wasn't. 

"I wish I could have helped you through it." 

"It's okay now, I found a way to deal with it," Magnus said. 

"How did you get through it?" He asked. 

"That's why I told you because I did find a way to help myself through it. It was scary, but it helped tremendously. I don't think I would be here starting my own fashion line if I didn't do what I did."

"What did you do?" He asked.

"I went to see a counselor. They showed me techniques to cope with it, it took time but I eventually found a couple that helped. It's different for everyone." 

Alec didn't really know what to say to that. Before he could answer, Magnus was speaking again. 

"Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do I'm just saying that's what helped me. It's an option you could possibly seek if you wanted." He smiled. 

"I don't know, speaking with a stranger seems daunting." 

"That's what I thought at first. But, they don't know you at all, they have no preconceived ideas about you. They aren't there to judge, but to offer support." Alec sat, listening to Magnus' words. 

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I didn't mean to overstep." Magnus apologized. He didn't have any need to. 

"No, no. You didn't." He reassured him. "I was just thinking." 

"So, I didn't cross a line?" He queried. 

"Not at all, Magnus." He said giving Magnus' hand a light squeeze. "I just wouldn't know where to start, you know? Just the mere thought of opening up and letting all the emotion overcome you, it's terrifying." 

"It is, very. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I just want you to know, I'm in no way trying to push you into this, it has to be your choice to take that step. Just whenever you decide or whatever you decide, I will always support you with all my heart." Magnus was genuine in his words, Alec's insides swirled with adoration for the man. He couldn't help himself, leaning forward he delicately placed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

"Thank you, Magnus." 

_______________________

 

Magnus lay awake that night, his mind not switching off. Alec was on his mind more than normal. He had never told anyone about his struggles in L.A, never intending to. He had always told himself he would keep that part just to himself, but telling Alec wasn't as scary as he thought. Hoping it actually helped him in some way. Alec meant everything to him and the fact that he was so respectful and judge free of other peoples struggles only made him fall in love with him even more. 

Knowing he was in the next room, some nights it was like torture. After getting a taste of what it would be like to share a bed with him every night, and wake up every morning. How his arms felt around his torso, the heat that circulated through him and on to Magnus. He wanted more nights and mornings like that. 

Groaning in frustration, he slipped out of bed. Throwing on his silk robe, making his way to the kitchen with the intention of making a nice hot chocolate on this cold winters night, hoping it would help with sleep. 

On his way, he came to a complete stop outside Alec's bedroom. Faint cries of pain swept through the air, crushing his heart at the sound. 

Forgetting his hot chocolate altogether he came closer to Alec's door, fighting with himself whether or not he should see if he was okay or not. Maybe he needed privacy, but maybe he needed comfort. Overcome with the urge to shelter him from whatever struggle was hurting him he creaked the door open slowly. 

What he was met with, was painstakingly devastating. He had left his lamp on, his face showing the struggle he was having in his sleep. Tears stained down his cheeks. Little whimpers of a name Magnus couldn't quite hear. 

Magnus' muscles twitched at the sudden need to be by his side. So he did. Making his way to the other side of the bed as fast as possible, he sat next to Alec, bringing him in closer, carding his fingers through his hair. That's when he heard the name. Max. Magnus' heart broke into tiny little pieces. He needed to wake him up. 

"Alexander, wake up." He said, pleading tone to his voice. 

"Wake up." He said a bit louder. "I'm here, you're okay." 

_______________________

 

  _"Alec, thank you for taking me today," Max said excitedly bouncing in the passenger seat._

_"That's alright buddy, I can never say no to you anyway." He said grinning back down at his little brother._

_"What I want to know is if you are ever going to let me hold the bow by myself?" Max asked._

_"Maybe, depends on how good your form is."_

_"My form is great." Max beamed proudly._

_"Someone is confident aye?" He laughed ruffling Max's hair._

_"I gotta be if I ever want to be as good as my big bro." Alec couldn't fight the grin that appeared on his face a Max's sweet confession._

_"Well, if I'm being honest if you keep going the way you are, you will be better than I ever could be." He said watching Max roll his eyes at him, but he could see his expression light up at his words._

_"You have to say that." Max challenged pushing his hand away_

_"No," He protested. "I am being serious. For only starting a short time ago you are picking it up really fast." He finished giving Max all the encouragement he could._

_"Really!?" Max exclaimed._

_"Yes!." He laughed saying back with just as much enthusiasm._

_"You're not just saying that?" Was it really that hard for Max to take a compliment? It made it very evident how their parents always brought all their kids down in their own ways. It hurt to see Max believe so little in himself._

_"Yes, don't ever doubt it either. You're amazing Max with so much give." He said._

_"You are too! I hate seeing the way they treat you, Alec, there is nothing wrong with loving whoever you want to love." One thing that always struck Alec was how mature Max was for 10 years old, it was a very rare thing for a kid his age to have._

_"Thanks, buddy." He smiled. "As long as I have my siblings I'll be fine." These moments with Max made all the hurt from their parents a little more bearable to swallow._

_"Good. Are we almost there?" Max asked impatiently._

_Laughing at his little brother's eagerness, he said. "Hey patience little man, we wil-." He never got to finish that sentence._

_A crash so loud his ears rang, making them bleed.  The force of the hit shattering the window, glass slicing down around him. Chaos ensuing, unable to move. His mind slowly fading into darkness. Eyes blanketed with blackness, head aching. Everything went quiet, completely silent, unconscious to the world around him._

_Screaming sirens, bright lights flashing behind his heavy eyelids. Disorientated, he tried to remember where he was. His whole body feeling out of whack, the throbbing beat in his head making it hard to move._

_"Sir, sir. Are you okay?" A voice asked._

_"We are going to get you out of here." It said again._

_Suddenly his mind let him remember. The only thing that came to his mind, the only thing that mattered was Max. Peeling his eyes open, fighting the grogginess he turned his attention to Max and his heart stopped. Seeing him lying there hurt and in pain, was his worst nightmare and all he could think was 'I did this to him'_

_"Max, Max please." He begged. "Wake up." He didn't know when, but his face was soon flooded, tears streaming down his face._

_Moving over as far as he possibly could he stretched out his hand for Max's, latching them together. Finding comfort but also a gut-wrenching pain feeling his faint beat pulsing through his hand._

_"We are going to get out of here, okay Max." He said determined, voice thick and raspy. The air around them now becoming heavy with smoke._

_This wasn't meant to happen. He was a kid, so much life left to live, but here he was hanging on for his dear life. His little chest still finding the strength to move up and down._

_"Alec," A fragile whisper escaped his mouth. Max's voice was weak but also the most precious sound he could have heard at that moment and he would cherish that sound no matter what happened that night._

_"I'm here, Max. I'm not going anywhere." He cried tightening his hold on his fingers._

_"I love you, Alec." Max breathed._

_Alec's entire body fell apart at that moment, he knew why he was saying that. But he couldn't accept that, not yet, not ever._

_"Max." He said choking on his tears. Words barely audible. "I love you too."_

_Within a blur, Max's hand was ripped apart from his. The outside noises becoming louder._

_"Max, Max." He screamed, but his voice was so damaged by the smoke and tears that it came out as a croaky mess._

_"Max," He tried one last time. One last time to see his face, hear his voice, feel his touch, not knowing if he would ever get that again._

_He needed to stay with him, to be there for him. Struggling against an unknown force of hands. Begging to be let go, he fought to go be by his brother's side._

_"I don't want to lose you, Max. I can't." He cried desperately into the air, hoping somehow Max would hear him._

"Alexander, wake up." He heard a soft tender voice ripping him from his memory. 

Heart thumping against his chest, an onslaught of pained flashbacks piercing his mind. Battling with his eyes, trying everything he could to open them. Tears streaming down his cheeks, struggling to find the reality inside of his nightmare. The soft voice spoke again. 

"I'm here. you're okay." Recognising the calming voice he sat upright, eyes wide. Lungs crashing against his ribs. 

Feeling Magnus' gentle hand fit in his, he clutched to him for support. 

"Alexander, I need you to take deep breaths for me." He was trying to he really was. But the images of Max were still embedded in his brain

"I can't I can't." He panicked. 

"Look at me," Magnus said firmly but kindly cupping both sides of his face. "Look at me, only me." He nodded through panicked pants, trying to focus on Magnus' eyes. 

Magnus was trying to get him to count with him, trying to help him. But his breaths kept coming out shortened and uncontrollable. 

"It's not working." He said shaken. 

Magnus' eyes were worried, unshed tears placed along his eyeline threatening to fall. He saw his eyes shift to his lips and before he could think about what was about to happen Magnus' lips were against his in a desperate kiss. His entire world around him coming to a complete stop, only focusing on the soft sensitive touch of Magnus' lips breaking him out of his state. Hands circling behind his head trailing along the nape of his neck in an effort to bring him closer. The rhythm of their lips moving in sync, getting lost in the others presence Alec's mind calmed. 

Eventually detaching from the others embrace, finding comfort in Magnus. Resting their foreheads against each other, heavy breaths escaping their hot mouths sending chills down Alec's spine. The close proximity keeping his mind clear of his previous torture. His breathing now deep with an intensity he had never felt before. Magnus' eyes were twinkling in the light. Alec placed little kisses underneath, tender with his touch. 

"Magnus." He breathed, voice so full of air. 

"Are you okay, darling?" Magnus asked still delicately caressing his face. 

"No." One word so honest, It hurt to say. 

Magnus pulled him closer. "We can get through this together." He said, pecking his forehead. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"Never leave." He said leaning into Magnus' side, finding strength in his warmth. 

"I never will Alexander, as long as you want me I'll be by your side." 

"I will always want you, need you. Magnus, I..." He started to confess.

"Hey," Magnus whispered carding his fingers through his hair. "You don't need to say it, not right now." 

"But we need to talk Magnus. About us." He said looking up at him. 

"I know we do, and we will. But not tonight, right now just let me hold you and be there for you." Magnus' words made his heart swoon, that he could do. 

"Fine, I just want to say one thing. I need you to know. This, _us_." He said feeling his heart jump over the word 'us'. "Is real. So real. I can't even describe the feeling I get when I'm around you all I know is I want more, so much more, with you and only you." He finished feeling relieved he finally in some words had managed to tell him how he felt, it was finally out there. 

He couldn't see Magnus' face fully, but from what he could he looked to be smiling and judging by the way his heart thudded unexpectedly under Alec's head he had a feeling he felt the same.

Magnus turned his head down towards him, looking like he was taking him all in for the first time in a brand new light. "There is nothing I want more in this world than you." 

Alec met him halfway, their lips touching again for the second time that night with the anticipation of having many more. Savoring the intoxicating taste of Magnus' lips one more time, they pulled back smiling breathing in each other. 

Turning off his lamp he nestled back into Magnus for the rest of the night, letting himself find ease in his arms. 

"How long have you been having the nightmares?" Magnus asked after a while of silence. 

"Ever since the accident." He replied

"Are they always that bad?" Magnus asked again while running his fingers through his hair, relaxing under the touch. 

"They used to be worse, I wouldn't even be able to sleep. But over the years they slowly started to be less aggressive." He paused bringing his arm up to wrap around Magnus. "I haven't had one like that in a while." 

"Alexander, seeing you like that, not knowing how to help you it was awful," Magnus confessed

"But you did help me and you are helping me now by being here." He assured him lightly brushing his lips over Magnus' shoulder in a tiny kiss. "Don't worry, I'm fine now." 

"I will always worry, can't help it." Magnus chuckled weakly 

"Well, for now, you don't need to worry. Because here in your arms I have never felt more at ease." He said not being able to hide his heart eyes. 

"In that case," Magnus said shuffling impossibly closer. "I better get comfortable then, cause I don't think I am going anywhere anytime soon." He finished smiling dotingly down at him.

Alec closed his eyes smiling, sighing one last deep breath of content, before replying. "Good. Because so it happens, I don't want you to go anywhere anytime soon." He felt Magnus' body giggle beneath him, making him feel giddy. 

Soon he let sleep overtake his red bloodshot tired eyes, and slept soundly the rest of the night, his heart alight with love. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed :) 
> 
> Fluff is coming, I promise.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been a couple of nights since Magnus found Alec in that horrible nightmare. Watching Alec in that much agony and strife was almost unbearable but being able to help him and be there for him meant more to Magnus then anything. Knowing he could provide a safe place for Alec to be calm and trust in him was something he wasn't sure he could do, but was extremely moved that he could. Since then they have definitely grown closer, it was hard to pinpoint but something felt different. The way they would look at one another now or even talked, there was this underlying pull to one another as they both knew how the other felt and it always made Magnus beam from ear to ear. 

"Good morning, Alexander." Magnus sang as he walked into the kitchen, being taunted by a sweet smell of delicious food. Only to be greeted by a beautiful looking cook.

"Good morning," Alec said turning his head to beam his gorgeous smile at him. 

Magnus had to try and repress his inner giggle as he saw a light dusting of flour sprinkled just above Alec's eyebrow. Moving closer to him he brought his hand up covering his growing smile. 

"Whats so funny?" Alec asked confused furrowing said eyebrows. 

A small chuckle escaping his mouth, Alec looked so adorable at this moment. "Come here." He said leaning closer, brushing a gentle finger along his skin wiping the flour away. Then replacing his finger with a delicate touch of his lips, watching a small glow spread up Alec's cheeks as he pulled away. "You had a little flour, but I took care of it." He smirked. 

"How will I ever thank you." Alec grinned back either subconsciously biting his bottom lip or doing it on purpose, either way, it was torture to watch. 

Magnus peered over Alec's shoulder gazing at the delicious food he had prepared. Fluffy pancakes cooked to perfection with sweet smelling honey and syrup to drizzle over them. Then to the side, he had cut up all sorts of fruit to go along with it, Strawberries, blueberries, kiwifruit, he lost count. He thought that was it until he saw two little ramekins filled with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Honestly, by now he was salivating at the mouth and not just because of Alec. 

"I think this," He said gesturing his hands to the glorious breakfast behind them. "Will be more than enough. It looks incredible. You didn't have to go to all this effort." He said bringing his gaze back to Alec. 

"I wanted to, to thank you for being so amazing to me," Alec said staring fondly back at Magnus. 

What did he do to deserve such an amazing man, he will never know. But god he was going to keep him. 

"Nothing to thank me for, I just did what anyone would do in that situation." He said trying to dismiss the praise he didn't deserve from Alec. 

"No Magnus not everyone would do what you did, you have helped me a lot. So get used to me spoiling you." He grinned ear to ear, leaning in and placing an innocent kiss a top Magnus' unexpecting cheek making his insides turn fuzzy. "Now, go sit down it's all ready for us to eat. Would you like a coffee?" 

Magnus followed Alec's request and sat at the table still slightly caught off guard by that kiss, he was sure he was blushing. Clearing his throat, "Yes, thank you, darling, I would love one." 

Alec was sweeping Magnus off his feet this morning with all these sweet gestures. He wasn't sure how one person could make someone feel so appreciated and wanted, he had never had anyone do this sort of stuff for him before and it was nice, so nice he almost felt overwhelmed at how much effort Alec had put into it all. 

Alec soon joined him bringing two cups of hot coffee with him, they sat in silence digging into the wonderful food, Praising Alec's efforts as he ate. 

"This is so good, who knew you could cook so well hmmm."  He smiled teasingly up at Alec.

"It's not that hard, pancakes are pretty simple you know." He smirked. "But you are probably so used to takeout you forgot what homemade food tasted like." Alec teased straight back causing Magnus' mouth to fly open, but soon they both ended up in a fit of laughter. If mornings were like this while living with Alec, he could totally get on board. 

Soon after they both quietened down Alec spoke again, "Do you have much planned for today?" He asked while drizzling some honey across his pancakes making it hard for Magnus' mind to function, but the next thing Alec did was downright sinful and Magnus was pretty sure he didn't even do it on purpose which made it worse. While drizzling his honey, some had made its way along one of his fingers. Watching Alec wrap his lips around his finger and slowly suck it off while still making eye contact with Magnus made him so flustered he was sure that if he didn't avert his eyes he would most likely have a problem in his lower region. 

Moving his attention to his now last bare Pancake he tried to compose his voice before answering. "I have to go into the city for a meeting with the magazine I am being interviewed for in L.A. Apparently skyping from home isn't acceptable and I have to go to their New York HQ. I'm hoping it won't take long but who knows." He shrugged. "What about you? You have much planned?" He asked Alec who was now safely not sucking his fingers. Magnus quickly thanked the angel and focused his attention on Alec's answer. 

"Well," Alec paused smiling, "Maia actually managed to get me an interview for a job at the Cafe she works at Hunters Moon. It sounded promising." 

"Alexander," Magnus exclaimed excitedly. "That's great news! You have to tell me how it goes afterward. Actually, why don't we just go out afterward? Dinner Maybe?" He asked in hope Alec would accept. It would give him time to bring up the topic of them and what they actually were. 

"That does sound great." Alec started but Magnus could already sense the decline in his voice." But, I actually have something else planned. Another night though definitely." 

Magnus was getting pretty good at hiding his disappointment so it wasn't that hard at this moment, but on the inside, he was feeling a little deflated. 

"Okay, that's fine. Another night sounds splendid." Magnus said smiling back at Alec, receiving an earth-shatteringly beautiful one in return.

"Do you know what time you will be home tonight?" Alec asked causing Magnus some confusion as to why he would need to know since he was going out anyway. He brushed it aside nonetheless.

"Probably around 8, why's that?" He asked. 

"I was going to leave you some dinner for when you got home. Can't have you going hungry can I." Alec smirked. 

Magnus chuckled under his breath as well as trying not to combust with adoration for this perfect man sitting in front of him. 

"Alexander, you know you don't have to do that. Go out have fun, don't worry about making me dinner." 

"I want to Magnus," Alec said shutting Magnus down straight away. 

Letting an admiring sigh escape his lips he just stared at Alec in awe. "What would I do without you?" 

"I honestly don't know." Alec laughed. "I hope you never find out." He finished, Magnus taken back by the genuine tone of his voice. His entire body shivered with goosebumps with the thought of having Alec in his life forever.

"I hope I never find out either." He responded voice soft and full of love earning another of many smiles he had been receiving from Alec that morning. 

Once done Magnus cleared the table and made sure all the dishes were done, so Alec could go get ready for his interview. 

"How do I look?" He heard a velvet voice say behind him. 

Turning around he saw the most dapper looking young man he had ever seen.

Alec was dressed in a pair of form-fitted black jeans that hugged his cute little butt just right, a casual but smart looking deep blue button up shirt framing his broad shoulders and biceps. The dark blue causing the green hazel in his eyes to sparkle. 

Magnus walked over noticing his collar was slightly tucked in on his shirt. "You, Alexander." He said once reaching him slowly straightening it out. "Look incredible." He finished while subtly fluttering his fingers along the nape of his neck. 

"Are you sure?" Alec asked still unsure of himself. 

"Darling, I have never been surer of anything in my life. You are making it impossibly hard for me not to kiss you." Shit did he say that last bit out loud? Judging by Alec's face he will go with yes. 

Alec brought his face up meeting Magnus', his little cheeks glowing with red, but his eyes were saying something else entirely. 

"You know I wouldn't mind if you did," Alec said, causing Magnus to feel like he was on uneven ground. 

Magnus grinned leaning forward. Slowly caressing Alec's face soaking up all his beauty. "One for good luck then?" He smirked before slotting their lips together in a soft tender kiss, igniting that familiar flame that always burned so bright when kissing Alec. 

Forcing himself to pull away after what felt like minutes but was only seconds, he licked his lips savoring the sweet taste of what was left on Alec's lips. Smiling he fluttered his eyes open feeling completely blissed out. 

"Well," Alec rasped his voice so full of air. "I most definitely feel lucky now." He grinned his cheeky smile. 

"That makes two of us," Magnus said still feeling the fluttering feeling inside his stomach. "Now, you handsome man, you better go before you are late." 

"That I should," Alec said pulling his gaze away from Magnus to check the time. "I'll see you later though or whenever." He smiled. After a few long-lingering seconds they finally decided to let the other get on with their days. 

 ___________________________

 

Alec got home around 2 pm having a pretty good day out, his interview had gone surprisingly well feeling confident enough with the interviewer to not feel a hot ball of nerves. After that Maia had offered to go out for lunch, it was great hanging out with Maia finding a friend in her that he didn't know was there. They chatted a lot about mostly random stuff but also a lot about Magnus he couldn't help it. He had told her his plan for tonight. Magnus may have thought Alec was going out tonight, but actually, he was planning their first official date. A night in, a candlelit dinner, the balcony in the loft being the perfect spot for it. He wanted to be Magnus' boyfriend officially, no more walking around each other exchanging brief intimate moments with one another. He wanted the full deal! To say they were together to all their friends. To finally let himself feel all the things he so desperately wanted to feel. 

Feeling slightly nervous about that night he went out to the balcony arranging there seating so it was now a comfy looking couch with soft blankets and plush cushions. Fairy lights hung above setting off a warm yellow tinge along with the white scented candles scattered across the area. Happy with how it looked, he quickly placed there plates and other assorted cutlery and wine glasses and went to the kitchen to prepare a meal he hoped Magnus would love. 

 

Soon enough he had cooked the meal and was now in his bedroom fiddling with a new shirt Izzy had bought him, he wasn't used to wearing this color but admittedly really liked it, it was almost like a deep plum purple. Adjusting is final button he flattened out his shirt and ran a hand through his messy mane attempting to make it look presentable. 

Waiting out in the lounge for Magnus to arrive home he made sure to dim all the lights and light the scented candles that were delicately placed around the dining area for that night. It all felt rather romantic and he hoped Magnus thought so too. 

He could feel excitement and nerves bubbling through his veins the anticipation was eating away at him. It had just past 8 pm Magnus would be here any minute, hopefully.  

 

______________________

 

To say it had been a long day was an understatement. His meeting with the magazine was unnecessarily long but he was trying not to complain, them featuring him in an article was beyond amazing. But all he wanted to do was go home snuggle up next to Alec if that was possible and watch some movie or t.v show and pass out on the couch. Unfortunately, Alec was out that night and that wasn't even a possibility. 

As he strolled up to his apartment, it was around 8:20 pm and he was starting to feel unbelievably tired and hungry, suddenly remembering Alec had made him dinner his mood soon lifted. 

Creaking the door open, he noticed all the lights were off. Wasn't surprising considering Alec was out. But what was surprising was the mouth-watering smell that wafted from the kitchen. He felt his stomach growl at the delicious smell. Alec must have left not too long ago if it still was lingering in the loft. 

Walking closer to the kitchen he saw a small glow of lights appearing from the balcony, also the doors were open. Why would Alec leave the doors open? Confused he walked over with the intention of closing them but his brain short-circuited as soon as he laid eyes on Alec who was standing there the most beautiful eyes staring back at him, holding a beautiful bouquet of red roses. For a minute he was sure he forgot how to breathe. Just next to Alec was the most romantic setting he had ever laid eyes on, he fought back tears that were now welling in his eyes. No one and he means no one had ever done anything close to this for him in his life and his heart was swelling with emotion. The fairy lights, the candles all the cushions and blankets, it was like a movie and he had lost the ability to talk.

Alec soon stepped closer stretching out his hand holding the flowers "For you." He smiled. 

Magnus brought his eyes to meet Alec's, eyes so pure and honest he could get lost in them. Accepting the flowers he smiled back, they were the most beautiful flowers he had ever seen

"Alexander," He said his voice barely audible. "This....this is incredible." 

"Suprise" Alec replied his voice sounding soft and sweet. 

"This," Magnus said while looking around him. "Is what you had planned the whole time?" He asked still finding it hard to believe someone would do this for him. 

"Yes," Alec chuckled at Magnus' bewilderment. "I..well if you want..I was hoping it would be our first date." He added shyly averting his eyes down. 

"Are you Alexander asking me out on a date?" He asked feeling like teasing slightly. 

Moving closer to him, Alec laced their fingers together. "That's exactly what I am doing." 

Bringing their joined hands up, Magnus placed a flutter of kisses along Alec's knuckles welcoming the sensational smell of his cologne. "It just so happens that I'm free tonight." He grinned. "I would love to go on a date with you darling." 

It was like he saw Alec let go of a breath he was holding, his shoulders sighing in relief. Was Alec really that worried he would say no? Now that everything around him had sunk in he now had time to fully appreciate Alec's attire looking absolutely delectable in that deep plum button up, a color Magnus had never seen on him before but absolutely adored it on him. 

"This shirt." He said bringing his hands up to rest near his neck fanning them out along his muscular shoulders. "is really working for you." Magnus smirked earning a blushing smile from Alec. 

"I had hoped you would like it." 

"Oh, darling I more than like it." He flirted back. Magnus found himself getting lost in Alec's aura. "God." He sighed dramatically while stroking a piece of fallen hair out of Alec's hazel eyes. "You are so beautiful, and I don't mean just your looks. Everything about you is just...Beautiful." He couldn't think of a word more perfect other than beautiful. So that would have to do, but judging by Alec's expression he seemed happy with the declaration. 

"Now, my gorgeous man. What have you prepared for us this evening? It smells just heavenly." Magnus inhaled. 

Alec clearing his throat came back from whatever adorable daze he was in. "Right, yes dinner. Take a seat and you will see." He said placing a quick peck on Magnus's cheek. He would never get sick of those not even in a hundred years. 

Magnus took a seat at the comfy looking table and well-cushioned chair, now getting a closer look at how amazing the fairy lights and all the little details were. He smiled turning his gaze to Alec who was now walking back to the kitchen. Alec really did look stunning tonight. He wished he could call him his officially. 

After a minute or two Alec came out with a bottle of wine in one hand and two plates in the other, smelling amazing Magnus felt his tongue tingle in anticipation. 

Once the plate was down in front of him and Alec had scooted in next to him, everything felt perfect. 

Bringing his glass of red wine up "To us," He beamed. 

Clinking their glasses together, smiling dotingly at one another they took a sip and turned to their meal. 

"So, Alexander the great and wonderful cook," Magnus said hearing a low chuckle escape Alec's mouth. "Please tell me the name of this marvelous looking dish."

"Its nothing too amazing trust me." Magnus rolled his eyes at that, Alec was to humble. "It's just a classic Carbonara pasta with a few Alec touches to it, plus I made my own sauce for the first time so I hope it is alright." 

On instinct, and reflex Magnus reached for Alec's hand giving it a light squeeze. "You don't give yourself enough credit." 

"I just want everything to be extra special for you, I want this date to be perfect," Alec replied sending a wave of love through Magnus' chest. 

"And it is perfect. You know why?" He asked, but it wasn't really a question cause he didn't want Alec to reply. "Because I'm here, with you." He smiled. 

"Can I kiss you," Alec asked determinedly. 

Magnus laughed. "You never have to ask." and with that Alec's lips were on his once again in a timeless kiss that no matter what it always felt like their first kiss but better because they both knew the meaning behind said kiss. Whenever he would pull away he always felt drunk, mind dizzy with desire and love. Alec completely and utterly destroying his train of thought. 

Fluttering his eyes open Alec asked. "Did your meeting go alright today?" 

"It dragged on but it was necessary, thankfully everything is settled and booked, we are all ready to go on Sunday." He informed Alec while starting to dive into his meal. 

"I can't believe it's this Sunday, it really came quick." 

"I know but I'm excited and the fact that you and Izzy will be there is so much better than going alone." Clapping excitedly he said again. "I can show you some of my favorite spots around L.A." 

Smiling Alec replied. "That you can, I can't wait." 

"Oh my god, your interview," Magnus said suddenly remembering. "I was so caught up in all this I haven't asked yet. How did it go?" 

"It went surprisingly well, they said they will get back to me within the week. Also, I hung out with Maia afterward. I didn't think we would get along as well as we do, but I actually really enjoyed her company." While Alec was talking his hand movements and face so expressive it made Magnus happy. 

"That sounds amazing sweetheart. Sounds like you had a great day." 

"I'm having an even more amazing night though." Alec grinned. 

"Alexander, I'm trying to eat this amazing meal you made and you are making it incredibly hard for me to do when you say things like that." Magnus scolded playfully.

"Sorry, but I just can't help it when I am in your presence, you are such a Magnus babe I can't contain myself." Alec laughed as he said that, Magnus, joining in throwing his head back in amusement. 

"That is the best thing to ever have come out of your mouth." He breathed trying to contain himself. 'I'm flattered you think I am a babe though." He said winking at Alec. 

"Would be blind not to," Alec smirked back. 

It was like the more time they spent with each other ever since they had reconnected, slowly Magnus began to see parts of the old Alec he knew so well. The cute jokes and sweet effective attempts at flirting. Hearing Alec laugh so full and happy. It really struck a chord with Magnus. He was just happy to see his now (what were they boyfriends? friends? more than friends?) it was confusing. Seeing him enjoy his days instead of dread them was definitely something special to witness like Alec was coming into his own. 

Soon they had both finished their meal and were now huddled together on a love seat on the balcony, the air cold around them but warm between them.

Magnus' head nuzzled on Alec's shoulder, he couldn't help but think to earlier when all he wanted to be doing was exactly this and here he was. 

"Thank you, for this," Magnus said. 

"You're welcome, but I actually have one last surprise. Dessert actually." Alec said. 

The doorbell stole both of their attention. Alec moving to go answer it Magnus moaned at his loss of warmth.

"Don't worry." Alec laughed. "I'll be back in a minute."

Alec left but like he said he was back in less than a minute carrying a Taki's bag and two drinks. Were they what he thought they were. 

"Alec," Magnus said sitting up. "Are they chocolate milkshakes from Taki's?" He asked excited, he had been craving one for a while. 

"Yes, yes they are." Alec beamed proudly. Magnus almost jumped from his seat. 

"Just stay there Magnus, I'm bringing them over I just have to put this brownie on a plate for us to share." Magnus felt like a giddy kid getting all the candy in the world. He couldn't help but feel a sudden sense of nostalgia. 

"Do you remember how we used to do this almost every weekend. We would get snacky and order exactly that from Taki's" Magnus asked almost in tears at the fond memories. 

"Yes, why do you think I ordered them." Alec smiled walking over with the drinks and brownie lowering a tender kiss on Magnus' forehead. "I know how much you love them." 

Do you know how much I love you, Magnus felt like screaming from his lungs. "Alexander," He breathed, still lost in how wonderful Alec was. "How did I get so lucky." 

"I think that's what I should be saying," Alec said slotting in next to Magnus. 

"No one has ever gone to this much effort for me, not in previous relationships, nothing." 

"Well, they are stupid and missed out on a great man. But secretly I'm not complaining seeing as you are here with me now." Alec said almost looking proud, his face alight with happiness. 

"Wouldn't want to be here with anyone else." He said pecking Alec's cheek. 

Alec turned his attention down to the brownie in their laps bringing a spoon full to Magnus' mouth, he couldn't fight the silly giggle that left his mouth. It was so cheesy but he wouldn't have it any other way. 

Magnus willingly accepted and ate the brownie, the taste bringing fond memories with it of nights of them in their teenage years snuggled in bed watching stupid movies whispering their greatest secrets to one another. 

They went back an forth feeding each other little mouthfuls until chocolate sauce ended up down Magnus' chin, both laughing at how sappy they must have looked. Magnus reached for a napkin but was stopped by a soft hand. Turning his gaze to Alec he was meet with the man staring at him hungrily, his eyes screaming want and desire. 

"You don't need a napkin, I've got it." Alec's voice sounded deeper than usual a little husky, so fucking sexy Magnus felt his insides squirm. 

Magnus waited in anticipation. Closing his eyes on contact. Alec's soft puckered lips kissing and sucking at the chocolate dripped on his chin making sure he got every drop turned Magnus' whole body into a burning furnace, he was sure the heat he was feeling was radiating off him. Letting a sweet hum of pleasure rip from his mouth he felt Alec lower his lips peppering gentle kisses along his jawline, ethereal with his touch. Giving in to his desire and want Magnus swiftly moved so he was sitting in Alec's lap his hands running over every and any section of Alec's fine-tuned body getting lost in every dip and crevis. Alec's body was like a temple and he was sure to praise it.

Alec's lips had turned him into a moaning mess, Making fine work at his neck his weak spot.  Alec made himself at home sucking and kissing down his nape sending Magnus into a whirlwind of emotions he couldn't control. His body reacting by rolling his hips against Alec's in a fast movement finding he had the same situation. Alec's moan sent shivers down Magnus' spine increasing the burning desire deep in his stomach. Wanting Alec's lips on his again he smashed their lips together in a now hot and fiery kiss, lust, desire, want overtaking their minds. 

Alec started rocking his hips back against Magnus' almost growling from the friction from his pants. "Alexander, fuck." He moaned searching for Alec's buttons on his shirt. Eventually finding them in his daze he went to start unbuttoning them but was stopped. 

"Magnus," He heard Alec say his voice now super raspy. 

Pulling back he now saw hesitation written all over his precious face. Oh god, he hoped he hadn't gone too far. 

Alec must have seen Magnus' mild freak out, caressing Magnus' cheek he smiled. "Don't worry you did nothing wrong. It's just as much as I want to do this, like unbelievably bad. I just.. well, I have never actually gone the whole way with someone before and trust me I want to with you, I just don't think I'm ready quite yet." Magnus could sense that he was feeling vulnerable watching his eyes avert to the floor Magnus brought them back up making sure Alec knew he would always support him and never rush him.

"Darling, That's fine. There is nothing wrong with that, I would never push you or rush you into something that you are not ready for. Let's just take it slow yeah." He said leaning and pecking Alec's lips quickly. 

"I'd like that." 

"For what it's worth, you are amazing with that mouth of yours." He smirked watching Alec blush a new shade of red. 

"That blush will never not be adorable." Magnus teased. 

"Why do you always have to pick on my blush, I can't control it." Alec pouted, he fucking pouted. This man was too much

"I know and that's why I simply adore it." He said kissing both his cheeks. "I know we said slow, but I was wondering. Is sharing a bed alright? I would love to snuggle up with you tonight." 

"It's a good thing I love a good snuggle, cause I'd like that very much." Magnus had only properly cuddled with Alec twice since coming back from L.A but he had a feeling this would become a recurring thing and he was completely fine with it. 

"Let's go." Magnus almost jumped, hoping he didn't seem too eager. 

"Wait." Alec paused. He looked nervous. 

"What is it?" Magnus asked worriedly. 

"I have been trying to think of a way to ask you this the whole night." he laughed weakly. "This may be out of nowhere but I don't care, I need to ask you." 

Magnus felt worried but intrigued, hoping it was nothing bad. 

"Magnus bane, you beautiful man," Alec said. Okay, Magnus was almost positive he was blushing. Alec continued. "Do you want to I don't know ...Maybe make it official and be my Boyfriend?" Alec finished looking so unbelievably cute and nervous Magnus had to take a minute to admire him. 

"Boyfriend, Huh?" He smiled at him. 

"Yeah, Boyfriend." Alec smiled back. 

"I have been waiting for this day for 9 years." He teased watching Alec roll his eyes in annoyance but there was no malice behind it.  

"Magnus." He drew out desperately waiting for an answer. 

Laughing and finally giving in he leaned forward from where he was still sitting on Alec's lap. Cupping his face and thinking finally, he leaned forward resting his forehead on Alec's looking into his eyes lovingly. Finding every ounce of passion and honesty, in his voice, he said the words he was so desperate to say. "Yes, Alexander." 

Alec smashed their lips together, in another quick kiss but ended it just as quick.

"Come on, let me take my boyfriend to bed," Alec said the biggest smile displayed on his face. Boyfriend! He was Alec's boyfriend!

That night they both went to sleep the happiest they had been in a while wrapped in each other's tight embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

For the past two days, Alec found himself in a state of complete bliss, finally letting those words 'will you be my boyfriend' leave his lips was one of the best decisions of his life. He didn't think he could find Magnus anymore perfect. But boy he was wrong. Being in a relationship, they both no longer hid what they actually wanted to say to each other and it was liberating being able to have Magnus come home from a meeting and instantly greet him with a kiss instead of just thinking of wanting to kiss him. Since their date night, they had continued to share a bed both not wanting to spend another second apart after wasting 9 years of possible love. 

Alec found himself constantly smiling, sometimes his cheeks would hurt. 

"Come on babe, we have to go they are all going to be waiting for us," Alec said trying to get his now boyfriend off the couch, although he himself wasn't actually moving so it wasn't a very effective effort. 

"So, they can wait," Magnus mumbled. "I've been out all day and I just wanna spend a minute or two hugging my boyfriend." Alec felt Magnus' grip on his torso tighten, smiling as he placed a kiss on his hair. 

"I know, so do I. But," 

"No, buts," Magnus grumbled, he could hear the pout in his voice causing Alec to chuckle lightly. He secretly loved how clingy Magnus could be sometimes. 

"Don't you think they will get suspicious if we turn up late?" He asked no longer trying to get him up.

"Let them," Magnus said smiling against Alec's neck, tickling his skin. 

"What do you think their reactions will be once we tell them that we are together?" He asked wondering his own question. 

"Hmmm," Magnus hummed, causing Alec to squirm slightly from another tickle. "probably knowing all them, they will most likely be all like 'Finally' 'About time' etc."

"I know Izzy will for one, the number of times shes told me to get my shit together and just ask you out, I think she might combust." He laughed at the thought. 

"That's a tad dramatic, I don't think she would combust," Magnus said who was now placing little kisses on his neck, most likely trying to distract him from where they had to be, normally it would work but not tonight. 

"Magnus," He said trying to get his attention. 

"Hmmm," Was all he got in reply. 

"Are you scared to tell them?" He asked, now grabbing Magnus' attention he stopped the attack of kisses and looked at Alec concerned. 

"Scared? Sweetheart, why are you scared?" Alec loved hearing all the little nicknames and pet names Magnus would call him now that they were together. 

"Just once we tell everyone, it will become real, like we will be out there in the world and everyone will know we are together." 

"Cause it's not real now?" Magnus asked his voice almost sounding hurt. Fuck that was not how he had meant to say that. 

"Magnus, no, no. Of course, it feels real, so real. Sorry, that came out all wrong" Shaking his head he tried to think of the right words before this conversation went down the wrong path. 

"Let me rephrase." He sighed, Magnus still looked confused. "It's not that I'm scared of everyone knowing, of course, I want everyone to know. I just don't want them all getting in our business." 

He must have said the right words or something cause Magnus began to smile again. 

"Alexander, you scared the shit out of me!" He scolded playfully. "But I get what you mean. Although, I don't think them knowing about us will change anything." He smiled. "As long as we don't let it." 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, and you're right." Alec smiled down at Magnus' waiting lips, pecking them quickly and gently before Magnus could distract him with a makeout session. 

"You know," Magnus started mischief to his voice. "We should see how long we can keep them from finding out." He grinned. 

"What do you mean?" Alec asked. 

"Let's not tell them as soon as we get there, let's see if one of them can figure it out first." 

"Won't that be easy though, I find it difficult not being able to kiss you," Alec said quickly stealing another kiss. "See it's near impossible." 

Magnus laughed, "I'm sure you could hold out for half an hour sweetie, although I know it will be hard." 

"Okay, let's do it." Alec agreed. "Hang on, before we go let me just get a few more in." He said grabbing Magnus' face and smothering him with kisses causing Magnus to giggle under his touch. 

"Now look who is stalling huh," Magnus smirked from underneath him. 

"You're right, let's go." He said watching Magnus' displeased reaction as he got up from the couch. 

Sighing out a big sigh Magnus finally got up from his seat and they went to meet their friends at Taki's for dinner. 

 

 

"Look who finally decided to grace us with their presence." He heard someone huff from the booth all their friends were sitting at. 

"Yeah, Yeah," Alec replied rolling his eyes which he found was a natural occurrence around such friends.

"Sorry, guys and girls my meeting ran over time, but we are here now so don't hold it against us," Magnus replied nonchalantly always finding it super easy to make up cover stories. Alec thought this one was actually quite believable but the eyes around the table didn't seem to believe him. 

"A meeting, sure," Maia smirked from her seat. Shit, Alec had forgotten he had told her his plan, maybe she had told everyone? No, she wouldn't? Alec's heart lurched at the thought. Sending her an inquiring look trying to gauge if she had said anything, she shook her head saying no. Alec sighed, one full of relief. 

He wanted to let them all know with Magnus by his side, it was the only way he saw possible. 

Alec and Magnus shuffled into the booth, sitting next to one another. Alec immediately sought out Magnus' soft comforting hand in an attempt to calm the nerves that had bubbled up out of nowhere, but he also just wanted to hold his hand because he could. 

Magnus sensing his nerves shuffled closer so their bodies were touching, his thumb lightly running along his knuckles. Magnus' touch alone already easing his jitters. 

He took his unexpected nerves and tried to focus more on the excitement element of them, he was excited and happy he was out with Magnus. They were boyfriends something he has always been too scared to reach for and now that they were he felt this immense sense of overwhelming emotions whenever around Magnus. Magnus was a calming presence in his life full of love and care and all he ever wanted to do was return the favor without second-guessing his actions. Now he felt confident enough to show Magnus exactly how he felt whether it be in small gestures around their home or just sending Magnus little texts during the day to make sure he was okay. Or just holding his hand while out for dinner with friends. 

"Darling," Magnus whispered leaning forward so only they could hear. "Are you okay?" It was crazy how Magnus could sense all his emotions without him even voicing them. 

Tightening his hold on Magnus' fingers, "Yeah, I will be just waiting for my chest to settle." He said taking a deep breath. 

He didn't know how but Magnus managed to shuffle closer to Alec, which he didn't mind in the slightest. 

"Are you nervous?" Magnus asked concerned and tentative. 

Looking down at Magnus he couldn't help but let the smile that was tugging at his lips grow. "Nervous, excited I don't know anymore. All I do know is I'm so glad we are finally together." He said making sure those last words sounded like they were the most important thing to him, cause they were, Magnus was. 

Magnus had been and is a constant in his life an amazing support and now that Alec had him, he didn't plan on ever letting him go, he would cherish him for eternity. 

Seeing the smile that formed on Magnus' seriously kissable lips, made Alec's heart rest easy finding all his earlier nerves or whatever they were irrelevant because as long as he got to see that smile every day, the rest wouldn't matter. 

"Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?" Magnus whispered even quieter it was like a tiny breath all airy. 

"I think I have a fair idea considering that it is a constant for me when it comes to you." He laughed lightly. 

"Later I am going to make up for all these lost minutes I could have been kissing you." Magnus grinned his voice a quiet hush. 

"Can't wait." He said biting his lip in anticipation. 

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Izzy said bringing them out of their bubble. 

"Secrets you would only dream of knowing," Magnus said winking at her cheekily. 

"What secrets?" She asked first directing it at  Magnus and then turning her attention to him. Sending her 'I know nothing' shrug in response. 

"You two are hiding something." She said wiggling her finger at them accusingly. 

"Well, duh, that's what secrets normally mean," Alec said seeing the opportunity to tease her. 

The only response he got was an annoyed eye roll. 

"This reminds me of when we were teenagers and whenever we would go out you two would just sit in your own bubble away from all of us," Simon added looking up from his menu. 

Alec smiled at the memories that flashed through his mind. 

"They are living together now, of course, they are going to be all secretive again." Jace chided from simons side.

"Glued at the hip then, glued at the hip now." Simon continued. 

"Are you two done?" Alec groaned. 

"Speaking of living together, how is it going? Regretting your decision of letting the grumpy lightwood into your home." He knew Jace was only teasing but was that how they actually saw him, grumpy?

Magnus must have noticed his slight hint of unease and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. 

"Jace, your brother is anything but grumpy, far from it." Magnus smiled, continuing. "And why would I regret such a great choice?" Alec felt his insides smile at Magnus' words. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Izzy smiling while watching their exchanges. 

"And Alec, how is living with Magnus?" She asked 

Alec could play down his answer as he normally would, but now he didn't want to because there was no need too. 

"Amazing, it's been great, he's been great. Couldn't ask for a better roomie." He said while ignoring everyone else and just looking at his boyfriend. 

"Right back at you, darling," Magnus winked at him knowing exactly what he meant

He didn't care if everyone found out, he couldn't fight his body from reacting, the desire to kiss Magnus too strong. He had the most amazing man and he was gonna kiss him. 

Cupping Magnus' face and resting his palm on the apple of his cheek he watched Magnus' reaction change from happy to shocked into realization. 

Soon his lips were on his in a sweet but ethereal kiss it was only a second but it always felt like more. Pulling back Alec sighed a breath of relief his chest feeling lighter. 

"You just kissed me," Magnus said his breath still pooling around their faces. 

"I know," Alec replied his voice always distorted after kissing Magnus. 

"And they are all staring." Magnus grinned. 

"Let them," He shrugged placing another quick peck on Magnus' plump lips before turning back to a bunch of smiling faces. 

"I knew it!" Izzy beamed. "You two are together aren't you?" 

"Yeah," Alec managed to squeeze out between his smiling teeth. 

"Excuse me, how long?" Izzy said half excited half looking cheated that she didn't know yet. "Details." 

Magnus laughed at his side "If you must know it's only been 3 days since we have been together, and as far as the details go let's just say your brother is quite the romantic, I got very lucky." He finished placing a kiss on Alec's hand. 

"I always knew you had it in you big bro, you big softie." Jace teased from across him. 

"Well, for what it's worth I'm happy for you both." Maia smiled from the end of the booth. Simon, Jace, and Clary all added similar things after that. 

"Alec, Magnus I'm glad you two finally got your shit together and saw what was between you. On a serious note though, Magnus." Izzy said her tone now becoming quieter and serious oh god she wasn't going to do the whole hurt my brother I'll hurt you speech. She continued. "Thank you." 

Magnus furrowing his brows which Alec didn't find adorable not at all said, "What for?" 

"For making my brother smile again." You could hear the underlying emotion wrapping its way around her tongue and it was doing the same to his heart. Magnus truly had brought a light back into his life. 

Magnus looked startled but also flattered and smiled back at her. "I don't know what else to say but, thank you, Izzy."  

After that, the conversation soon turned back to normal chat all ordering dinner. Enjoying himself being around friends and family, while also enjoying the small pecks exchanged between him and Magnus during the night. This boyfriend thing he could get used too. 

Just as they were about to leave Magnus dragged Izzy and himself off to the side for what he said was an 'important question' leaving Alec confused. 

"Sorry, I know this must seem out of nowhere I've been so caught up in everything lately this has just slipped my mind." Magnus started explaining. 

"Just get to it, Magnus." Izzy huffed. 

"Okay sorry for the late notice but I was hoping you two would model an outfit for me for my magazine shoot when we are in L.A" To say Alec was caught off guard was an understatement, Magnus asking that was the definitely not what he was expecting. He didn't really know what to say. 

Izzy on the other hand practically screamed with glee, "Yes, oh my god, I'd be honored, Magnus." She said pulling Magnus in for a hug. "This is so exciting, I can't wait. See you tomorrow for our flight." She quickly said giving Alec a quick hug and leaving with Simon a bounce in her step. 

Once she left a still silence fell between them Alec still caught off guard. Finding it hard to find words to say. 

"Alexander?" Magnus said hesitation in his voice. 

"Hmmm?" He said still thinking

"If you don't want to, that's completely fine." Magnus tried. 

He thought he should probably say something before Magnus gets upset, It's not the fact that he didn't want to it was just modeling he had never done before. 

"It's not that, I just thought you already had models." He asked. 

"I do, but none as handsome as you. Plus, there are a couple of pieces that are just made for your body so I thought I'd ask." Magnus said adjusting his feet and shuffling nervously like he was revealing a big secret. Which in turn got Alec thinking. 

"For my body type? Or for me?" He said with a cheeky grin tongue between his teeth. 

Magnus huffed throwing his hands up in the air. "I wanted it to be a surprise." He said obviously annoyed Alec had figured it out. 

"Hey, hey," Alec said reaching for his hand. "Look at me." Magnus being the stubborn man he was, didn't look which caused Alec to laugh at his growing pout."Magnus, that's really sweet and I'm flattered I mean the amazing fashion designer Magnus Bane made clothes for little old Alec Lightwood." He grinned slowly seeing Magnus turn his face back to him. "and it can still be a surprise babe, I don't know what this piece looks like." Finally, Magnus was back smiling at him with a glint in his eye. 

"You'll wear it?" He asked almost in disbelief. 

"Of course I will I-" He almost let those three words slip his tongue, even though he has loved Magnus for many years saying those words so soon after just getting together, he didn't want to overwhelm Magnus or pressure him into to saying the words back if he wasn't ready. 

"Oh my god, the day has finally come, the model, Alec Lightwood who in fact isn't little," He winked and then continued. "Will be modeling my clothes. I mean am I lucky or am I lucky?" Magnus said overdramatizing his actions while pulling Alec along the footpath. 

"Shut up," Alec laughed, But secretly he loved it. "But, I mean you're pretty lucky." He smirked feeling Magnus stop and pull him closer towards him, cupping his face gently. 

"That I am," Magnus said joining their lips in a soft kiss blocking everything out around them. 

As they pulled back small snowflakes began to fall around them dancing in the wind. "Let's go home," Alec said lacing their arms and bringing Magnus closer for warmth. 

__________

 

 After a morning of rushing trying to get to the airport on time, they were all seated on the plane. Not knowing the Magazine had actually booked them all first class tickets was a nice surprise. Having more room to try and relax on said plane, which Magnus found very hard. Fidgeting in his seat, trying to get comfortable he felt a soft hand rest on his. Having Alec here would help. 

"Magnus, is everything okay?" He asked concerned, Alec's concerned face was so very beautiful, his brows slowly furrowed but his eyes soft with care. 

"Yeah, I just hate flying. The whole taking off and landing part, I don't like it." He grimaced at the thought of his stomach turning into knots.

"Good thing you have me to distract you then," Alec replied stealing a quick kiss which indeed distracted him for a minute. 

"Oh god," They heard Izzy groan from next to them. 

"What?" Alec asked for the both of them 

"Nothing, I just realized I will most definitely be the third wheel on this trip." 

Alec and Magnus stifled a laugh, she really didn't sound too happy about it. 

"I would normally apologize, Isabelle. But have you seen your brother." Magnus teased dancing his fingers along the outline of Alec's arm. 

"Yeah, I get it you two are in love." She said still trying to sound annoyed but you could hear the happy note in her voice. 

Magnus felt Alec's arm go stiff at Izzy saying they were in love, that wasn't quite the reaction he would have liked. Magnus knew himself and knew that he has loved Alec for many years and but now it was like falling in love with him all over again and falling deeper than he had ever gone. He hoped Alec would feel the same. In an attempt to make him less tense Magnus rested his hand on Alec's lower part of his thigh, drawing small patterns. He smiled as he felt Alec's muscles loosen, he didn't want Alec to feel pressure over the whole 'I love you' thing. When the time was right it will happen, and Magnus was happy with that, happy with having this gorgeous smart man beside him. 

Soon the pilot and the flight attendants all started making sure everyone was ready to take off, checking seatbelts etc. Magnus felt his chest tighten. He didn't really know why he had a massive fear of flying it was just something he had always had, trying to distract himself he started fidgeting with his fingers and the rings that were placed along them until he felt a soft presence next to him, he was hoping Alec wouldn't see this stupid scared side of him, cause it was, stupid. 

"Sorry, I just-" He tried saying but was distracted by Alec tracing his fingers looking mesmerized. 

"Everyone has their fears babe, and I'm not going to judge you for it," Alec said quickly smiling up at him but then going straight back to his fingers. 

Magnus loved how Alec had started calling him babe the sweet endearment of the pet name always made his heart stutter. 

"Thank you," He flinched as he felt the plane start to move, trying to tell himself as soon as they were in the air just flying he'd be fine. 

Distracted by Alec's finger now twirling one of his rings on his finger, he looked down. "Where did you get this one from?" Alec asked. 

Smiling at the sweet question, he never knew Alec to be one for jewelry but he sounded genuinely interested. "This one I found in a small boutique in New York just before I left for L.A, there was something about it that I was really drawn to." He had remembered that day it was the last full day he spent with Alec before he had left, just roaming the streets of New York lost in each others company. 

"I think I remember that actually, you tried to get me to buy that silver necklace, you were so adamant that it looked great on me." Alec smiled as he said it. 

"Well, I was right you know." 

"Mmmm I don't know I'm still not sold on it," He said back. 

"Well, I'm a fashion designer now so you have to take my advice into consideration." Magnus watched a small light laugh escape Alec's mouth at his words, he couldn't fight the smile himself. 

"And what will you do if I don't." Alec grinned, while still playing with his rings. 

"I won't do anything, not taking my advice is punishment enough," 

"Oh, really?" Alec laughed raising his eyebrows. 

"Mhm." 

It went quiet again until Alec asked about another ring. "Does the B stand for Bane?" He asked, "Tell me how you got this one, I don't think I have ever heard it." 

Smiling sadly down at the ring, he began. "This is the last thing my mother gave to me before she died." He said quietly so it was only he and Alec who could hear.

"Magnus, I should have known I'm sorry for bringing it up," Alec replied quickly

"No, it's okay, It brings back nice memories alongside the bad, I don't mind really." He tried assuring Alec, trying to find his eyes. 

"I wish I knew her," He said finally meeting Magnus' eyes. His eyes were so gentle so loving, he could have cried. 

"I wish you did too, she would have loved you." He said meaning every word that left his mouth, Alec meeting his mum would have meant the world to him, but he hoped she was looking down on him, pleased with his choice of lover. 

"You really think so?" 

"I know so, she loved to cook. She would have tried to teach you all her homemade meals that she only shares with people she likes, I can just imagine it now." A fond smile growing on his face. 

Alec laughed, "How is it possible that your mother loved to cook, but you not so much hmm," His finger now tracing the B on his ring. 

"I have no idea, I think I just never got the time to really learn properly." There were moments after she had died that he had wished he had paid better attention to things like that. 

"Well, she sounds lovely, I'm sure I would have loved her too," Alec said bringing his ringed finger to his lips and softly placing a kiss, making Magnus melt on the spot.

Hooking his fingers under Alec's chin he tilted his head up, admiring all the beauty that this man held not only in his looks but within his heart too, he kissed him quick and passionate, trying to convey everything he felt in that moment. 

Pulling back both smiling at the other, the seatbelt sign went off both shaking them from their embrace. Magnus didn't even realize that they had taken off let alone were now in the air flying. 

Smiling and realizing what Alec had done, he intertwined their hands. "Hey," He said grabbing a sleepy Alec's attention. 

"Mmmm," 

"Thank you," His smile only grew larger. 

"For what?" 

"Distracting me." 

Realization hit Alec's face and a shy smile spread along his lips. "Oh, nothing to thank me for, I have always wanted to know about your rings anyway." 

"Well, I'm thanking you anyway." He said while pulling the armrest between them up so he could snuggle up to Alec in their rather large seats. Alec tightened his arm around Magnus and he soon fell into a sleep feeling lucky to call Alec his. 

 

6 hours later they were woken by Izzy, a teasing smirk on her lips. "Come on, sleeping beauties we are about to land." he didn't want to detach himself from Alec but he had to. 

He managed to get through the landing by squeezing Alec's hand, and if it was too hard Alec never complained. 

Once they made it to their hotel, they agreed to meet in a little bit to go out for lunch somewhere and do some exploring, Izzy headed for her room and Magnus and Alec headed for theirs. 

Magnus flopped down on their bed feeling exhausted even though he had just had a 6-hour nap. 

Something he wasn't expecting to happen though was Alec crawling up above and over him leaving little kisses along his way, suddenly Magnus wasn't exhausted anymore. 

"Alexander, what are you doing?" He asked, playful with his tone. 

"I have been wanting to do this since we woke up," He said through small kisses, running his hands up down Magnus' clothed torso making him shiver. 

Magnus was about to say something in return when Alec found his neck and started mouthing kisses up his nape and up to his ear, making his whole body feel like fire. 

This confident, assertive side of Alec was hot and he found himself getting really turned on. 

Alec found his lips in a fiery kiss, Magnus deepening it on contact, darting his tongue in asking for entrance. 

Dragging his arms up over Alec's and resting them on his neck, running one through his soft hair getting completely lost in the moment he felt Alec slot between his legs. A moan ripping from his mouth filled the room. Every emotion he felt was heightened and electric, it was like he was craving Alec and couldn't get enough of his lips, his touch, his smell. it was driving him insane. 

As Alec pulled away, his breath heavy, eyes blown wide, smiling he made his way down Magnus' chest pulling Magnus' t-shirt up over his head. His tongue met with his chest in a dance of kisses and little licks sending Magnus insane, all the blood in his body rushing downward. 

"Alexander," He moaned out but it was more of a hushed whisper his voice completely and utterly destroyed overtaken with desire. 

Alec continued is assault down his chest, teasingly nibbling at his nipples on the way down, causing Magnus to buck his hips up on reflex, now feeling something hard in Alec's pants too. 

As Alec made his way down, kissing every muscle on Magnus' body he felt like he was going to dissolve into the mattress. Fuck Alec was making him feel good. Wanting to return the favor he flipped them so now Magnus was straddling Alec's hips, diving straight in for his collarbone sucking along his skin and up his neck and finishing on his lips. 

Tugging his top off over his head he went straight back in for his lips. "You are so good to me," Magnus said running his hands up down Alec's strong biceps. 

"I try to be," If Magnus thought he was turned on before, hearing Alec's deep lust filled voice only made it worse. He would be the death of him. Trying to find much-needed friction he started to roll his hips against Alec's who matched him with every move. Magnus couldn't fight the deep pants and little moans that would escape his mouth.  

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, it could have been seconds, minutes, hours he didn't know too lost in all of Alec. Until they were rudely disturbed by a knock at their door. 

"Are you two decent?" They heard Izzy say from behind the door. Shit, Magnus had completely forgotten they were supposed to meet her downstairs. "I'm starving," She exclaimed. 

Same Magnus thought but for something else entirely. 

Annoyed Alec huffed and moved away from Magnus. "Dammit," 

"Just give us a minute," Magnus replied back, otherwise Izzy would most likely walk in. 

"Can't we just tell her to get something from the cafe?" Alec moaned. 

Magnus laughed, obviously he wanted to continue this just as much as he did. "As tempting as that sounds I don't think that's fair." 

"I know," Alec groaned stuffing a pillow over his face. 

"Hey, we always have tonight to make up for it." He said pulling the pillow off Alec's head and kissing him quickly before getting off and finding his t-shirt that Alec had thrown somewhere in the room. 

"Come on or your sister will get grumpy." He added, still amused by Alec's frustrated face. 

"Fine," 

 

The rest of the day was filled with sightseeing, food and a little shopping. which he would do more of the next day, Izzy insisted and who was he of all people to deny that. 

When they got back to the hotel though they were both too tired to even think about continuing what they had started earlier, so they fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. 

 

__________

 

"Are you sure you don't want to come? I know shopping isn't your number one favorite thing but it might be fun?" Magnus asked Alec as he was walking around their room while Alec was still in bed shirtless and looking sinful. 

"I'm sure, go have fun with Izzy. I'll be here waiting for you to come back." Alec smiled back, He looked content with his answer so Magnus didn't fight it any further. 

"Okay, well enjoy your day." He said walking over to Alec's side leaning over him and kissing him on the forehead. "I'll miss you." 

Alec laughed, "I'll miss you too." 

And with that he was gone, walking downstairs to meet Izzy for an exciting shopping trip around L.A. 

"Ready to go?" He said lacing their arms together. 

"Born ready," She said looking around for someone as she did. 

"He's not coming, was quite insistent on staying here so I didn't try to push him." He said. It was clear the only person she could have been looking for was Alec. 

"Oh," She almost looked disappointed but then smiled anyway. "More bonding time for us then." She said as they started walking. 

They made their way around L.A Magnus showing her all the best shops there was so by the time they made it to a cafe she looked very happy with all her bags. 

"Today has been great!" She exclaimed happily. 

"It has, I knew I invited you for a reason." He smiled back. 

"So you're not regretting your decision now that you and Alec are together. Since I'm sort of a buzzkill." She stated. 

"Oh gosh no, Izzy you are never a buzzkill." He affirmed. 

Izzy laughed, "So yesterday when I came knocking on your door?" She smirked 

"Well okay maybe then but that wasn't your fault we had made plans to go to lunch." He said then added. "I would never regret inviting you Izzy, as you said more bonding time for us." He grinned. 

"So, how are things with you and Alec? I know your relationship is still pretty new?" She asked 

"Things are good, really good. I can't believe we are finally together sometimes. Although before we actually made it official it already felt like we were together in some ways," Thinking back to The breakfast Alec had made and the little kisses that they exchanged and the honest chats they had while up late at night. 

"Really why do you say that?" She queried. 

"Just since he moved in we were gradually growing closer, learning more about each other and especially after," He was about to say after Alec's nightmare, he knew Izzy knew about them but he wasn't sure he would want her knowing about this one. 

"After what?" She continued probing. 

"Well he had a nightmare but I don't know if he would want me to talk about it." 

"Oh, yeah he told me about that. And how you were there for him. I'm glad he's got you, Magnus." She said surprising him. 

"He did? Oh, well yeah after that night I felt so much closer to him in every way. But, Izzy watching him in that much pain, it's not easy." He sighed remembering back to how his heart lurched at Alec crying. 

“I know it's not, but he's getting better I can tell." She smiled. 

"You think?" He asked back hoping it was true, hoping he gave Alec some sort of happiness. 

"Yes, oh my god. Do you not see it. Magnus, when you were in L.A and after everything that happened with Max and our Parents, I was so worried about him worried I'd wake up and he would be gone. I would try to help him, and I did where I could, but you, you are like this breath of fresh air he needed and was missing for so many years. I haven't seen him smile this much or be actually excited about things for so long it just makes me so happy." She stated her voice now becoming thick with emotion and Magnus felt the same. 

"Izzy, you are going to make me cry," He laughed weakly. 

"You love him don't you?" She asked, His answer was instant. 

"Yes," Yes he loved him, every single part of him, every bone, every fiber, every flaw (not that he had many) Everyday he was hit with new waves of adoration for the man, new things to love about him, he continued to fall in love with him every day. 

"Have you told him?" 

"No, we haven't gotten to that yet, but god there have been many times I have wanted to." He smiled thinking back to Alec in their hotel room and how beautiful and amazing he was, Excited for when he got to go back to his man and layer him with kisses. 

"Just go for it, if you love him tell him, scream it from a rooftop, don't hold back. You two have been holding back for a few years too many." She laughed, so did he, as that was very true. 

"Shall we go home then?" he proposed, feeling like telling him right this instant. 

"Yeah, I'm just gonna use the bathroom, I'll meet you outside." She said and disappeared. 

 

As he was waiting outside, he felt a strange unpleasant presence approach from behind him, that's when he heard the voice. The voice he had come to hate. 

"Magnus, fancy seeing you here." She smiled, venom seeping from her teeth. 

Forcing a smile he turned around. "Camille," He squeezed through his teeth. 

Camille lent forward placing a quick kiss on his cheek, slightly too close to his mouth he thought. 

Camille was a model he had met while he was in L.A, They dated for 1 year off and on but Magnus ended up getting sick of her shit and betrayal and left her. Since then she had risen to fame as a well-known model, so what was she doing here. 

"What brings you back to L.A I heard you left?" She asked her voice nice enough, but it still gave him unpleasant shivers. 

"I have business to attend to here for my fashion line." He said trying to give away as little as possible but also to show that all her doubts about him becoming a fashion designer were nothing but meaningless words now. 

"Oh wow, you finally got there then hmm, I'm impressed." 

"Yes, well as much as I would love to stay and chat," He started sarcasm in his voice. "I'm actually waiting for a friend, so-" he really wanted to her to piss off and but he didn't want to be rude. 

"Oh well before you go, we should meet up, you know, I have missed you dearly, we never could stay apart for long." She grinned, which only made him grimace. 

"Camille I am not interested and plus I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me way better than you ever did, so please if you don't mind." He stated rather firmly and went to wait somewhere else but was stopped by a hand on his forearm. 

"Please, let me guess, it's your dear little Alexander," She mocked, which only made him angrier. Plus how did she know that? That was worrying, what was she up to? "We both know you have always loved me." 

Magnus blood was boiling but they were in a public place and he wouldn't rise to her meddling ways. "I thought I loved you, But now I know that was not love, I was in love with the idea of love and being loved. Now please leave me alone." He yanked his arm free and saw Izzy coming out so went to greet her. 

Sensing his stress she asked, "Everything okay Magnus?" 

"Yeah, just someone from my past I didn't want to see. Let's go home, I miss Alexander." He said trying to force a smile. All he wanted was to be held by him, Seeing Camille brought up painful memories he didn't want to feel right now. 

Izzy still unsure about what happened agreed and they walked back to their hotel in silence. 

____________

 

Alec was sat on his bed, having nothing better to do than scroll through his Social media. Thinking he probably would have had more fun going out with Magnus and Izzy, but they should be on their way back by now anyway. 

he was scrolling away when he noticed something Magnus had been tagged in, it was an article. 

His heart stopped as he read the title. 

 

     **Camille Belcourt and Magnus Bane set to reignite an old flame.**

\- Camille Belcourt the famous Model was spotted out with upcoming Fashion Designer Magnus Bane today In L.A. 

They were formally in a relationship years ago before it ended abruptly, but from today's photos, it seems getting back together may be on the cards for the former lovers. Both looking chummy exchanging a kiss and affectionate gestures. 

 

 

 

Alec had to stop reading, his heart now in a panic. The photos were from today, but Magnus was out with Izzy today? He was confused. in one of the photos they were both pulling back from each other you couldn't really tell if it was a kiss on the cheek or a kiss on the lip based on the angle it was taken. 

Alec had never heard of a Camille before, why hadn't Magnus ever mentioned her. He needed him to get home and clear it up. He knew Magnus would never cheat, and to never trust the media. But that didn't stop him from feeling very shaken from the article. 

He needed Magnus to get back and explain before he found himself in a downward spiral of his own thoughts. 

As if on cue, Magnus walked through the door, he seemed a little off but smiled as soon as he lay his eyes on Alec. 

"Man, am I glad to see you." He sighed walking over and quickly kissing Alec on the lips. In which Alec didn't kiss back. 

"Is everything okay, darling?" Magnus asked concerned. 

"Who's Camille?" 


	11. Chapter 11

As soon as those words left Alec's mouth he saw Magnus freeze, grimacing at the name. 

"Camille?" Magnus replied his face showing confusion, pain, dread all in one. 

"Camille Belcourt." He said trying not to show too much annoyance in his voice he knew he should let Magnus explain before he came to a conclusion on that matter. The main thing that had actually hurt and made him feel insecure was that Magnus had never told him about a Camille, this all just coming out of nowhere basically slapping him in the face with that article. He couldn't help but want to protect his heart, but even that seemed impossible now. 

"How do you know Camille Belcourt? Did she come and see you? Threaten you? Alec?" Magnus stumbled out his words tumbling on top of each other. He sounded panicked by her name. Had Alec got this all wrong? Magnus was concerned you could see it in his eyes. 

"Alexander, I swear if she said something I will-" Magnus continued, but Alec needed to stop him before he went on the completely wrong tangent. He was all sorts of confused. 

"Magnus, slow down." He sighed, grabbing his hand in an effort to grab his attention. "Sit?" He said patting the spot next to him. 

"Alexander, I'm so confused." Magnus groaned exhaustion in his normally smooth upbeat voice. 

"That makes two of us," He couldn't help but laugh. "I ask who she is because I came across a less than pleasing and very hurtful article and I just, I need some explaining or something." 

Magnus still looking bewildered grabbed the phone from Alec's shaking hand, he was managing to keep his voice steady but his insides were a complete mess. 

Alec sat there fiddling with his pants waiting for Magnus to read the article. Waiting for any response good or bad. That feeling had crept back once again, that constant worry, that fear of rejection. That Alec wasn't good enough for Magnus. Trying to push those aside he focused back on Magnus' expression trying to read what he was feeling. 

"What the Fuck!," He said his voice raised, clearly frustrated. Alec wasn't sure if it was with him or the article or with that Camille woman. 

Alec saw Magnus' expression change from anger to pain or hurt, whatever it was it was eating away at him. He had never seen Magnus this broken, his eyes looked like they were reliving a nightmare. Alec felt bad for even bringing it up, seeing his boyfriend like this was a pain he had never felt before, all he wanted to was hold him and wrap him in his arms, but Magnus moved away just before he could. 

"Alexander," He sighed head in his hands. "I'm so sorry you read that, but please know that none of what that article said about us reigniting our old flame is true. I would never cheat on you or betray you, you mean the world to me and I would never want to jeopardize that." His voice was fragile. "Please believe me," His voice broke

Shuffling closer to Magnus on the bed, Alec reached out for Magnus' hands. He needed to feel them for himself but also for Magnus. Magnus needed his comfort this time. 

"Magnus," He whispered trying to catch Magnus' eyes. "I do believe you I do! Don't ever doubt that. I guess it just caught me most off guard as I had never even heard of Camille." Finally, Magnus looked back up. Alec could see in his eyes that this wasn't his favorite subject but he could also see the understanding man he loved so very much, his eyes still pained but relaxing slightly from Alec's touch. 

"Camille isn't a nice woman, we dated for a year off and on. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me at all." Alec could sense there was more Magnus wanted or needed to say, but he didn't push allowing him the same patience Magnus had shown him over the years and especially the past 2 months or so. 

"Magnus, if you're not ready to tell me that's fine." He said smiling at his boyfriend. 

"I want to, I need to. Seeing her has brought up bad memories and I need to talk to you about it or someone." Magnus sighed again like he was trying to let all the ache filter out of his chest and away from him. Whatever it was that Camille had done to him must have been bad and it started to make Alec's blood turn hot. 

"Whatever it is I'm here with open arms ready to listen," Alec said wanting Magnus to feel as safe and cherished as Magnus makes him feel on a daily basis.

Magnus scooted closer so he was now resting against Alec's shoulder, as soon as they touched Alec's earlier worries faded away reminded at just how much the smallest touch makes him feel like he was home. 

"Camille was abusive, not physically thankfully, but emotionally and mentally. When I met her she was a confident, beautiful model and I was still working as an assistant, for someone like her to take notice of me was strange. We started talking and she was nice at the start but as our relationship progressed she would start controlling me, humiliating me making me feel like I wasn't good enough to be a fashion designer. Telling me my designs were rubbish whenever we had a fight, knowing exactly where my weak point was. Then one day I came home one day and found her in bed with another man. She said he didn't mean anything and it was a mistake, so I forgave her until it happened again and again. I was so blinded by what I thought was love that I would let her walk all over me. It was then that I realized that she was starting to destroy me as a person, I was forgetting who  _I_   was. When I finally broke up with her for good she didn't take it very well. Before she left she trashed and ripped all my previous fashion ideas and dreams." Taking a deep breath he continued. "Seeing her today, Just brought back all those memories of being ridiculed and being told I'm not good enough. She made me feel so worthless sometimes I just didn't know what to do." 

Alec was shocked, Magnus didn't deserve any of that he was such a loving and kind man and for someone like Camille to take advantage of that made him angry as hell, but also want to cry, to know that Magnus had felt like that while in L.A and didn't reach out to anyone was heartbreaking.

It also showed on a more positive note how strong his boyfriend was and is still today. He left her, and rebuilt his dreams and here he is today. Magnus was an inspiration, showing him no matter what struggles you face you can always find a way out. 

"Magnus," He breathed voice feather light. "You didn't deserve that." 

"I know." He smiled back at Alec. "But just reading that article and seeing her today has overwhelmed me and worried me that you wouldn't believe me." 

"I do believe you, I want you to know you are the strongest most talented person I know. You give so much of yourself to other people around you, you deserve all the happiness the world can give, that I can hopefully give you. I will never tear you down but only build you up." The words just flew off his tongue like it was the most honest and important statement he had ever said. Cupping Magnus' face staring into his eyes he saw his world, his home, his one true love. Trying not to cry he took a deep breath in, his heart was about to explode if he didn't say the three words dying to slip off his tongue.

Brushing his thumb softly against Magnus' cheek he looked at him one last time, his smile that could make anything better, his eyes that always showed compassion and kindness, his lips that fitted perfectly with his like they were two pieces of a puzzle. "Magnus, I love you." The words were out and it was such a relief. 

Magnus' eyes were wide, shining with tears. 

\----------

 

 _Alec loves me_ he thought his heart now feeling full. He could feel the tears that were now slipping from his eyes, all the emotion from the day finally finding a release with the most precious of all overtaking the rest. His heart and body were alight with love for this man that sat in front of him staring at him with the most beautiful hazel eyes, that drew you in finding yourself getting lost in every speck of green, of yellow, mixing into the most stunning sight anyone could rest their eyes on. Magnus loved him so much, with his whole heart and entire body he loved this man. 

Unable to function he had forgotten to say those the words back. Alec's expression still smiling but slowly faltering. 

Sliding his hand up to meet Alec's that was still slowly caressing his cheek. He tried to think of all the emotions he wanted to get across in his next words. 

"Magnus," Alec laughed uncomfortably. "If you aren't ready to say it back that's completely fine I just needed to tell you." Not say it back he wanted to yell it back, tell the whole world. 

"Alexander, listen to me," He beamed grabbing Alec's attention. "I have wanted to say that to you for so many years you have no idea. I'm so in love with you, I'm in love with your smile, your laugh, your adorable little snores -don't say you don't cause you do- But coming back to New York I have found myself falling in love with you all over again, I didn't even know that it was possible to fall deeper for you, but I do every day." taking one last breath, "I Love You so much, Alexander," The tears were definitely still streaming down his face. 

Alec was smiling the brightest he had ever seen him, leaning forward Alec pulled him in for a kiss. Unhurried, and slow. Sensual with his touch, soft pecks turning into slow delicious kisses, relishing in his embrace. Pulling back their breaths slightly erratic, resting his forehead against Alec he smiled. 

"I love you," Alec said like it was his new favorite saying. it was Magnus' too so how could he blame him.

'I love you," He said back pushing Alec back on the bed kissing his lips again smiling, so that it was mostly just teeth and tongue, but it felt perfect. 

Sliding off Alec and lying next to him, he laughed to himself. 

"Care to share what's so funny?" Alec quired from his side, shuffling to lay on his side. Eyes open and waiting. 

"It's just I have actually said I love you to you once before." He smiled at the memory of them in the airport over 4 years ago now. Wow, how things had changed.  

"You have when?" 

"The airport when I left for L.A all those years ago."

Alec lay back down a huff escaping his mouth. "You have got to be kidding me." He said sounding very amused by the situation. 

"what do you mean?" Magnus asked brows furrowed. 

"I thought I was hearing things, but you actually said it! If only I said it back louder." Magnus sat up shocked, astounded by what Alec just said. 

"Wait you said it back? When? I swear I would have heard it." 

"When you were walking away." 

"We were so oblivious back then I can't believe it." Magnus lay back down. 

"I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was scared I would ruin a great friendship," Alec said shuffling closer to Magnus and facing him.

Caressing Alec's cheek he moved forward looking Alec in the eye. "You would never have ruined our friendship, but hey let's not dwell on that now cause I love you and you love me." He beamed as those words left his mouth. 

"I do, so much." Alec smiled back at him. 

before he knew it they were locked back in a tight embrace, lips on lips, exchanging heated and needy kisses. 

 

__________

 

Alec would never get sick of the feeling of Magnus' lips on his, always setting his heart and his whole body on fire. It was like he couldn't get enough of him, he needed to feel all of him. 

Minutes had past and they were now both shirtless, Magnus on top of him making him writhe with pleasure as he made his way down his chest kisses teasing his skin, sending goosebumps all down his arms. Moans being ripped from his mouth, the way he danced his tongue along his nipple licking and sucking making Alec roam his hands down Magnus' back wanting him closer. Wanting to feel every piece of him. His pants now feeling incredibly tighter, he groaned at the much-needed friction he wasn't getting, trying to roll his hips up to met Magnus' his breath hitched as he felt a hand palm his clothed erection, humming with pleasure. 

"Magnus, please." He sounded like he was begging, he just needed a release all the built-up emotions from the past few days overtaking him. 

"You sure?" Magnus asked meeting his eyes quickly. Alec nodded aggressively which made Magnus laugh.  

He held his breath as he felt Magnus' hand run up and down his thighs finally finding his zipper to his jeans, pulling it down torturously slow. Alec was nervous but excited, he was about to be completely bare show all of himself to Magnus. he was ready for this step in their relationship. He loved him, and Magnus loved him back. As Magnus pulled his jeans down over his ass and threw them to the floor, Alec's member felt a lot less restricted, although his underwear was still on, so he wasn't free yet. 

"Ahhh," he gasped as Magnus started mouthing over his clothed erection, making him twitch at the touch. Magnus was making him feel incredible but he wanted his mouth on him. To feel his hot breath wrapped around him. 

"Magnus," He said again. "I'm dying here," He moaned. 

"Don't die, sweetheart, then you won't be able to enjoy what I'm about to do to you." He heard Magnus say smirk evident in his voice. 

"Well, hurry up then." hoping he didn't sound too demanding. 

"As you wish," Magnus said kissing his clothed erection one last time until he felt it spring free from his underwear. 

Looking up he saw Magnus just sitting there looking at him. "Magnus, what are you doing?" 

"I've waited 9 years for this let me take it all in for a second." Alec felt his blush spread up his back all the way to his neck. 

"Well, do you like what you see?" He asked in reply, trying to hide his smile. 

Magnus went back up quickly stroking Alec for a brief second on his way, obviously pleased with the reaction he got out of it.

"Very much so, my beautiful angel." He said winking kissing his lips quickly and then sliding back down. 

Finally, Magnus' lips found the tip of his member, Magnus sliding his tongue teasingly along the top. Jerking at the new sensation his moans grew louder. 

"Oh my god," He said his voice so full of air. 

"Everything thing alright up there?" 

"Mhmm, ah-." Magnus took him in whole with no warning. Having Magnus warm mouth wrapped around his throbbing flesh felt amazing, the way his tongue would move on the underside, while also setting an amazing rhythm his lips sucking him dry, the little tugs and pulls sending him into overdrive. Magnus went deeper hollowing out his checks and humming around him sending a tantalizing vibration down and to his stomach, causing that release he so desperately wanted to stir. But he didn't want to come yet. 

Sitting up and running his hands through Magnus' hair he said through huffed breaths. "Magnus...stop..I'm not going to last if you keep going." 

Pulling his red swollen lips off him Magnus looked up at him confused. "That's the whole point." 

"No, Magnus," He paused falling serious, quickly. "I want all of you, I want to feel you." Smiling he saw Magnus finally come to realize what he was saying. "Inside me." He finished, squirming with anticipation at is own words.

"Are-are you sure?"

"God, yes. I want this so bad Magnus. Like you said 9 years. I love you and I want you." That was all Magnus needed to hear, as he was up smashing his lips with Alec in a needy hot kiss again. heavy panting and sinful moans filled the room. His hair disheveled by Magnus' roaming hands, his neck attacked with kisses. 

Making his way down Magnus' chiseled chest, he flicked his finger underneath Magnus' belt loop pulling their body's flush together. "Off," He mumbled out in between breaths. Fiddling with Magnus' rather complicating belt buckle, Magnus removed his stumbling hands and swiped it off in one move. He made it look so easy. Magnus made one swift movement and his pants were off. 

Alec held his breath. Magnus was sitting naked in front of him, bare for all of Alec to see.

Sitting up he pulled Magnus flush against his body, both of them sliding together enticing a growl from the back of Alec's throat. "Do you have anything?" He asked hoping Magnus did. 

"I do actually, god that makes me sound like I was expecting this." Magnus groaned sighing into Alec's neck. 

Alec laughed. "No, it doesn't. It's always good to be prepared." Wanting to make sure Magnus knew everything was fine. 

"Let me just go grab them." He said as he got up to grab them, Alec whining at the loss of his skin against his. 

Magnus came back setting it aside, leaning back down to rest between Alec's legs. "If anything gets too much please tell me." 

Alec nodded in reply, desperately wanting to feel everything. 

Magnus lubed up his fingers shuffled their position slightly and found his lips again. "Ready, darling?" 

Alec nodded again. He felt tense. "You need to relax baby," Magnus smiled at him. 

"Okay," 

Alec felt Magnus bring his finger to his entrance, his breath hitching as he entered him slowly. The intrusion felt different but nice, as he started to move in and out of him Alec wanted to feel more. 

"Another." So Magnus entered another one, this time the stretch burning slightly but soon he got used to it, starting to push back on Magnus’ long fingers. 

"Holy shit-" He blurted out unexpectedly as Magnus hits his bundle of nerves deep inside of him. 

"Are you alright?" Magnus asks stopping his movements concerned. 

"More than alright, that felt amazing." Magnus laughed and continued scissoring inside him stretching him open slowly.

His moans just kept coming as Magnus continued adding a third. Getting lost in his pleasure. Wanting to feel Magnus' lips on his he sat up kissing him fervently, hungrily. "I'm ready." He whispered through kisses. 

Laying down again Magnus lifted his bum slightly. Sliding on a condom and rubbing lube over his own member, he adjusted their position pushing just the tip to his entrance, Alec could already start to feel the burn. 

"Okay?" Magnus asked. 

"Okay." 

Magnus pushed in slowly careful not to hurt him. 

Magnus entered him slowly at first, small thrusts at a time until he was completely inside him. Both staring up at one another, Magnus smiling down at him lovingly, a little hazy from the pleasure but looking absolutely stunning, Alec sure to be displaying a similar expression. The sensation of having Magnus fully inside him was amazing, them being connected as one. 

"I love you," Alec whispered meeting Magnus' lips in the middle. 

"I love you too," Magnus said while pulling back. "You are okay?" 

Alec nodded, "Yes, please move." 

And he did, Magnus slowly moved back and thrust back in letting Alec get used to the new sensation, at first it stung but after a couple more thrust his mind started to frazzle completely overtaken by the pleasure he felt from Magnus being inside him. 

"Magnus," He moaned, pants and groans following. 

Magnus started to set a rhythm that had Alec clawing at his back. hooking his feet around Magnus' back and pulling him closer.

The small moans of Alec's name rolling of Magnus' tongue turned him on, even more, sounding utterly sinful. 

"Oh, you feel amazing Alexander," Magnus said in between heavy breaths.

Alec pulled him down wanting to feel his skin on his lips, kissing and sucking at his neck marking him sending him crazy. 

Alec felt Magnus hit his prostate dead on, thrusting back up to meet Magnus on reflex a loud moan leaving his mouth. "Again, there." He begged. 

Alec's whole body was on fire, sweat dripping from his skin, he had never felt this much pleasure in his life. Meeting Magnus thrust for thrust he thought he was going to explode. 

"Magnus, I-" 

"I know, me too," Magnus said kissing him hot and heavy on the mouth. "Come with me, baby." 

Magnus' hand was on Alec's hard throbbing member stroking him into oblivion. The feeling of both sensations was enough to tip him over the edge coming all over his chest and Magnus' hand, clenching around Magnus' member he felt him release inside him thrusts becoming erratic, sliding in and out of Alec through their orgasms. 

Magnus collapsed on top of him completely spent, Alec's vision going white.

"That was," Alec tried but his breath was gone. 

"Yeah," Magnus laughed. 

"Worth the 9-year wait?" Alec teased running his fingers through Magnus' sweaty hair. 

"Fuck yes," Magnus sighed still out of it resting on Alec's chest.  

Just laying there soaking up the after sex glow, trailing his fingers down Magnus' spine, relishing in the feeling of him on top of him their chests colliding together, he had never felt so happy. 

"I love you." He said whispering into Magnus' ear. 

Leaning upon his chest Magnus stared down at him, his lips red and puffy, makeup smudged, he had never looked so beautiful. 

"And I love you." Magnus pecked him on the lips and then slowly withdrew himself from Alec. 

Alec wincing a little. 

"Sweetheart, did I hurt you?" Magnus asked worriedly. 

"No-no you didn't, just a little over sensitive." He laughed sending Magnus a reassuring smile. 

Magnus walked over to the bin disposing of the mess, grabbed a cloth and came back to Alec to clean him up, feeling unbelievably cherished in the that moment

Alec couldn't keep his eye off Magnus' form. Seeing him naked properly for the first time was breathtaking, being that close and intimate with another person, the love of your life was an incredible experience. He thought he would be shy to let his eyes roam his boyfriend's body, but he was allowed, he just had the most mind-blowing sex and he was allowed to appreciate the gorgeous man's aura and physique.

Once Magnus was settled back next to him he sighed happily his mind still a haze. "Is sex always that good?" 

"Honestly, that's the best sex I have ever had and I'm not just saying that," Magnus replied peppering little kisses up his shoulder and across his collarbone.

Alec smiled to himself "Must be all those years of built-up tension." He teased. 

"Oh no darling I intend for every time to be like that," Magnus said as he started nibbling at his ear making Alec shiver. 

After both their hearts settled and breaths slowed they just lay there arms latched to each other legs intertwined, taking in the sweet silence. 

"Magnus?" He asked after a while. 

"Mmm?" 

"After what happened today I just want to make sure you are truly okay," Alec said shuffling to face Magnus, wanting to see his stunning features. 

Alec loved Magnus with all his heart and after hearing what Camille had done to him he had this overwhelming sense of need. Need to protect him from any unnecessary pain. 

"Yes, I was a little shaken after seeing her but I was more worried about us after that article but after what happened, how could I not be okay?" Magnus replied. "I'm here with you." 

Alec wondered if his heart would ever stop thudding uncontrollably around Magnus, but then did he really want it to stop, the feeling was amazing, he would be happy to have it for the rest of his life. 

"How have you been lately, you haven't talked about it much but I know a lot goes on up in the beautifully crafted brain of yours, any nightmares or worries you want to talk about?" The way Magnus always asked his questions made him feel like he had a choice and he loved that about Magnus, never pushing Alec trusting that he would come to him when he needed or was ready. 

'No nightmares, thank god. I think that has something to do with being in your arms every night though." He smiled stealing a quick kiss. "I still feel these lingering emotions, everything that I used to have just dampened down. I know it's not going to go away overnight but sometimes I wish it would, I hate it." He finished sighing into Magnus' shoulder. 

"Baby you have been through a lot, don't put pressure on yourself to feel good, that takes time. I know you hate it I remember those feelings well and sometimes still do but we are learning together how to cope with it." Alec wondered how he found such an incredible man, he was sure Magnus was some sort of rare breed that only came along every 100 hundred years. His heart was gold mined completely selfless, so much care for everyone else in the world. So Alec vowed to himself then and there he would always return the love Magnus gave him, not cause he had to but because he wanted too. 

"You have no idea how happy I am you decided to move back to New York." 

"Oh, I think I have a fair idea considering how happy I am that I decided to do it too." Magnus shined his smile up at him. 

 

____

 

Night soon fell and Alec was sleeping peacefully beside him. 

Magnus wasn't quite as sleepy as Alec so was still wide awake, but not complaining cause he would never get sick of his sweet snore filling the room. 

So much had happened today between Izzy's chat, Camille and that stupid article and then the best of all their love confessions to each other. 

Alec loved him. 

The feeling he got whenever thinking about it felt like something so unreal, it couldn't be true. How could someone be this happy with the person they love. 

All the years of pining and want all worth it to finally have Alec in his arms and deep within his heart with no intentions of going anywhere. 

With Alec's struggles, he knew it would be an up and down road but one thing he was sure of was he would never stop loving this man, he was it. 

Laying there in the quite running his fingers up and down Alec's arms softly getting lost in the feel of his skin he felt Alec start to stir, stopping his movements he pulled his fingers away thinking that was what was the problem. Alec's movements and sounds didn't stop his breath had increased and Magnus could see a small tear slip from his closed eyelid, 

Alec was having a nightmare. 

Magnus always felt hopeless in these moments seeing the love of his life so vulnerable and in pain, seeing tears fall. It hurt his heart, making it bleed. 

Wanting to wake him up as soon as possible before it got out of hand he started nudging his arm. "Baby, wake up." He called hopefully loud enough to pull him from his dream but not too loud to startle him. 

"Alexander," He tried again. 

Alec started to stir more his eyes flickering behind his lids. 

blinking his eyes open suddenly he looked taken back surprised even. 

Shuffling closer and kissing away his few tears he pulled Alec close. 

"You were having a nightmare, you're okay now." 

Alec still looked confused, what was going on inside that brain of his? 

"Darling, whats wrong?" 

"I just I-" His words tumbled out, Magnus gave him the time to gather his thoughts. 

"It wasn't like my normal dreams it was different." Magnus wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

"What was it about? Do you want to talk about it?" He didn't want to pressure Alec into telling him but he hoped he would. 

"My parents." He said his eyebrows scrunched together like he was still confused with the whole situation. 

"Your parents what about your parents?" He wanted to give time for Alec to talk to him, reaching out for his shaking hands he clasped his own around them in an effort to soothe him. 

"I - it was strange like I knew they were my parents but it didn't feel like they were it felt like I was invisible to them like I was -"

"Abandoned?" 

Alec turned to face him his eyes wide, he could see the pain Alec was trying to hold back. 

"Yeah, how did you?" Alec asked 

"I struggled with that feeling with my parents but it's not about me, this is about you darling." He said softly stroking his fingers through Alec's thick hair. 

"It just seems like I will never get a break. I just want to be happy, Magnus." Magnus' heart broke at Alec's plea, sounding so desperate. 

He wished he could just give Alec the answer but there wasn't even a right answer to give. Everyone is different and deal with things differently he had to let Alec find that on his own while he would fully support him from the side. He believed Alec would become happy, he was an amazing man, so bright with so much to offer the world. Magnus was excited about his future, for their future together.

"Alexander, I wish I could give you the answer to that, I really do. Just know I will always be by your side through everything. Let me be your rock, let me comfort you when you need, let me help you in the ways I know how?" He said staring into his boyfriends loving eyes. Trying to show him everything he had to give. 

"Magnus," Alec whispered kissing the top of Magnus' hand. "You are my rock, you have been for so many years, in times of struggle I remember your face, the way your mouth smiles, the way your eyes twinkle when the sun hits them just right setting off a beautiful amber within the richest of browns. The way your laugh filters into a room making everyone around you feel happy. I remember everything about you and smile. You are my happiness within this pain, and I wouldn't be able to get through any of this without you." Magnus was in tears, Alec's words making his heart erupt with how much meaning they held. 

His emotions making him completely speechless the only thing that managed to leave his mouth abruptly is. "Fuck, I love you." Kissing him enjoying the way their lips move effortlessly together.

Alec laughed against his lips, hearing that sound felt so good. "I love you too." 

They lay there for minutes or hours- who was keeping count- exchanging sweet kisses. Until Alec pulled away. 

"Magnus, I was going to tell you this once we got back home but I really just want to tell you now, it feels right," Alec says looking nervous. 

"Go ahead my love," He smiles back up at him. 

"I rang Caterina about a week ago asking for recommendations for a therapist," Alec replies shyly his eyes darting left and right. 

"Alexander that's wonderful, I'm so proud of you. I know that must of been hard." Magnus sees Alec relax at his words a sigh of relief escaping his mouth. 

"She said she'll get back to me when we get home, I'm pretty nervous but I think I'm ready." 

"It's normal to be nervous but just take it as it comes, I'll be there if you need." 

"Thank you, Magnus. How did I get so lucky to have found the most incredible man?" Alec sighs leaning into Magnus tiredness consuming them once again. 

"I don't know, but he's not going anywhere," Magnus replied pecking his jawline and resting his head on Alec's shoulder. 

"I like that sound of that." 

 

_________________

 

The next day things moved rather quickly, having his interview and shoot for his designs that day. They were currently in the studio where the photos would be taking place, all the models getting dressed. Magnus may or may not be more excited for just one model in particular. 

People were rushing all around him when Izzy walked up wearing the bright red dress he had designed, it was clinging to her body like it was meant for her, making her look like a complete goddess. 

"Izzy, you look incredible!" He exclaimed happily proud of what he had made.

"I make everything look good, although I must say this is a beautiful dress Magnus, you did amazing." 

"That you do, thank you, sweetheart,, where's Alexander?" He asked it had been 30 minutes since he went to get ready. 

Izzy laughed rolling her eyes. "You two are ridiculous." 

"Ridiculously in love yes." He beamed remembering yesterday. 

"Wait! You told him?" Izzy squealed. 

"Well, technically he told me first." He couldn't fight the smile that was forming on his lips. 

"What did I tell you first?" He heard his favorite voice say from behind him. His skin tingling as those familiar arms wrapped around him from behind. 

Leaning his head back against Alec's chest he smiled "Just that you love me." 

"I don't think that's new to her," Alec replied bending down and kissing his cheek. 

Magnus was so lost in the moment he completely forgot to have a look at his boyfriend in the suit he designed. Flinging himself out of Alec's embrace he whirled around only to almost die. Alec looked incredible. The way the black suit jacket framed his arms making them look long, elegant and gentlemanly. the little green and silver details he placed at the tips of the collar and edges of his sleeves making his eyes sing. He had always envisioned Alec in full black suit but this just exceeded his expectations. 

"You look gorgeous, Izzy doesn't he look amazing. Oh, my god, that's my boyfriend." He grinned amused by Alec's tiny eye roll and cute blush that had found its way onto his cheeks. 

"Do you want me to give you two a minute?" Izzy teased. 

"I'm going to need more than a minute my dear." He smirked back. 

"Magnus!" Alec exclaimed clearly embarrassed. 

"Okay, I didn't need to know that. Alec's my brother and I don't want even the slightest hint of what his sex life is like." Alec was blushing profusely now, face as bright as a tomato. 

"I'll see you over there Alec." She said to both of them as she left. 

"Magnus, I can't believe you just said that." Alec laughed his face slowly returning to its normal color. 

"I didn't hear you complaining this morning." Magnus teased smiling up at him lip between his teeth. 

"That's cause we were alone." Alec protested 

"Alone shmone, I want people to know this," He said gesturing to Alec's whole body. "Is mine, and I thoroughly enjoy it." 

Alec pinched his lips together suppressing a laugh. "You are ridiculous." 

"I have heard that twice today, I'm just going to take it as a compliment."

Alec leaned forward bringing their bodies together. "Do, cause I love it." 

"And I love you." He leaned forward and kissed him quickly "Now, go get that hot ass over there and work it." He said lightly smacking Alec's bum. 

"I take it back I don't love it." 

"See you later my darling." He walked away feeling completely unapologetic. 

He headed to his interview while they got their photo shoot underway. Slightly disappointed he wouldn't get to see his tall handsome boyfriend work it. 

"Hi, Magnus, my names Beth and I'll be the one interviewing today please, take a seat." He was greeted at the door by a smiling young woman. 

"Hi, Beth, Magnus." He said reaching out his hand. 

Once settled down the interview started. To say he was nervous was an understatement this was his first big thing and if it went right it could mean so many things for him. 

 

**Beth: So Magnus tell us a bit about your first few pieces here, what was your inspiration?**

_Magnus: My main inspiration with these few pieces were solely based around me coming back to my home city and just feeling at home again, a lot of these pieces are inspired by the friends and family that I love and my beautiful city and what I feel when I look at them. It was also just a fun way for me to get started, really find my footing._

**Beth: Do you have a favorite piece out of the few you have here today?**

_Magnus: I love them all, but I would be lying if I didn't say that there was one outfit in particular close to my heart._

**Beth: And which outfit may that be?**

_Magnus: I'll keep that to myself since I'm slightly biased._

**Beth: Fair enough. Where do you see yourself going with this fashion line?**

_Magnus: Ultimately isn't it everyone's dream to go to fashion week? But my main focus is just to have people feeling great in my clothes that's what matters most to me._

**Beth: You left L.A a couple months ago, why was that?**

_Magnus: It's not my home, It's not where the people I love are. That's New York That's where I'm comfortable, that's where I wanted to start this new journey and I couldn't be happier with my choice._  

The questions continued on like that for a while until he started to notice she was heading into more personal questions and that's when she asked the question he had been dreading all day. 

**Beth: So yesterday an article came out saying you and your ex-girlfriend Camille Belcourt were getting back together, Is there any truth to that?**

_Magnus: No, not at all. I'm currently in a very happy relationship with the man that I love. That article is a complete lie._

**Beth: Thank you, Magnus. It's been nice talking with you**

_Magnus: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me._

And the interview was over. Who knew Interviews were so long and draining.

He went off in search of his dear boyfriend and his sister. 

"You did great babe." He heard Alec say but he couldn't see him anywhere. Looking round in every direction he heard that familiar laugh run down his spine. "Up here, babe." Alec was up on the second story smiling down at him. 

Making grabby hands for Alec to come down to him and give him a hug and maybe a kiss. 

"Coming," Alec laughed. 

Once Alec reached him he jumped at him wrapping his arms around him nuzzling his nose into his shoulder get a sweet whiff of cologne he had bought for him. 

"What’s got you so clingy?" Alec laughed holding him tighter. 

Magnus tilted his head up furrowing his eyebrows and pouting his lip. 

"Not that I am complaining," Alec reassured quickly. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm just ready to go, where's Izzy?" 

"She went back to the hotel a while ago, we are meeting her for dinner later," Alec replied. 

"Do we have enough time to go back to our room, before dinner?" Magnus smiled a smirk appearing. 

"Yes most likely, why's that?" 

"That suit is making me want you to do things to me." He said nibbling at Alec's bottom lip. 

He felt Alec's breath hitch his words having the effect he wanted them to have. 

"I think we have enough time for that, yeah," Alec replied clearing his throat in the process. 

"Let's go then." He said pulling Alec by the hand to find a taxi and get back to their room as fast a possible. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

His eyes slowly peeling open to the warm sun peeking through the curtain to their room, he smiled at the familiar warmth he felt behind him, making his whole body feel like he was floating. They were back home after a few days in L.A and Magnus had to admit it was good to be home. 

Lying in bed he shuffled in Alec's arms so he was now facing him, admiring his sleepy face and every perfect detail that was on it. His long soft black eyelashes that would flutter so adorable, The scar that was placed on his defined eyebrow giving him an ' _I could be a bad boy'_ vibe, but he was one of the softest kindest people he knew. The small dimple at the tip of his nose that led down past his defined cupids bow to his beautifully crafted full lips that always felt so incredible on his. 

Just as he reached out his hand to run his fingers through Alec's fluffy bed hair he saw a tiny smile creep on to the other man's face. 

"I can feel you staring at me, babe." Alec smiled his eyes still closed. 

"So, I'm allowed to, I'm your boyfriend." 

"That you are." Alec shuffled closer pulling his chest against his own. 

"Plus it would be a crime not to admire every feature on your face when I get the chance." He beamed back watching a tinge of pink blush Alec's cheeks. 

"Well," Alec said opening his eyes. "Let me admire you." 

It wasn't new to Magnus that Alec had stunning eyes, he saw them every day, but seeing them this up close made him completely breathless. 

"There are those eyes I love so much." He said caressing his thumb down Alec's cheek. 

"There's the man I love so much." Magnus still hadn't gotten over the fact that they loved each other so everytime he heard the words his heart would almost explode. 

"And I love you." He said leaning forward those last few centimeters connecting their lips in soft yet heated kiss tongues meeting in the middle. Their lips dancing hanging on to every movement. 

"Oh," Alec said pulling back leaving a slightly displeased Magnus at the loss of contact. " I forgot to tell you I got a phone call from Caterina." 

"Mmm?" He said waiting for Alec to continue 

"She gave me a number of a highly recommended therapist at the hospital." Okay, that was a good enough reason to stop kissing, he guessed. 

"That's great darling, are you going to use it?" 

"Um, I think so I just don't know when." Alec hesitated meeting Magnus' hands where they currently were on his chest. Magnus could tell Alec was still slightly standoffish with the whole idea but if he didn't want to do this at all he wouldn't have taken these steps, so deep down he knew this was what Alec wanted, but would never push him to do anything he wasn't ready for. 

"Well, you know it's there as an option now." He smiled up at him. 

"Yeah," Alec sighed moving to get up.  

"Excuse me, where do you think you are going?" 

Alec laughed looking back over his shoulder. "The shower." 

"Can I join, you know to save time and all that." He sat up running his fingers over Alec's shoulders and down his chest. 

"We have nowhere to go? So time really isn't an issue." Why did Alec have to be so practical? 

"Fine, we can preserve water or something then." He said while nibbling along Alec's shoulder pleased when he heard his breath hitch. 

"I have a small feeling we wouldn't be preserving anything," Alec replied his voice slightly higher in pitch. 

"I won't tell if you don't." He grinned making his way up Alec's neck finding his weak spot, enticing a small moan from Alec's lips. 

Alec pulled his lips between his teeth eyes closing briefly. "Come on then." He said standing up and pulling Magnus along with him. 

Magnus watched Alec strip taking in every curve of that glorious body, pleased to see he had already made him semi-hard from his lips alone. 

Watching the water run down his defined abs he felt himself twitch in his pants, biting his bottom lip. 

"You coming in? Or are you just gonna stare?" Alec smirked pleased with Magnus' reaction. 

Magnus stripped himself of his underwear and slid up next to Alec, curling his arms around Alec's firm torso running his hands up down his spine feeling every bump of every bone or hard muscle. He felt amazing under his hands. Not being able to resist he brought his hands forward and palmed them over his sculpted abs pleased with the small shiver Alec gave from the movement. 

He felt Alec bring his tender hands up his back and through the back of his hair turning his mind into a state of bliss feeling their chests meet in the middle. 

Hooking his arms around Alec's long neck he meet his lips in the middle, the kiss starting out slow both just exploring the others mouth until a slight brush of the others member sent them into a frenzy, the kiss taking hold of them, both losing control, both their lips moulding with each other a fire lit behind it. The urge to touch each other too strong. 

Magnus wanted to feel all of Alec he wanted to feel his hands roam his body making him feel amazing, he wanted to feel every inch of him inside him. 

"Baby, I want you." He said with rushed kisses. 

"In here?" 

"Yes, In here there is stuff in the draw," Magnus said moving his mouth to attack Alec's neck pleased with the small whimpers that left Alec's open mouth. 

Running his hands back down Alec's back he found the two round globes he was looking for and squeezed them softly pushing himself against Alec, both of their now rock hard lengths rubbing together causing both of them to moan into each other's skin. 

Magnus loved being this close with Alec, this intimate. Making each other feel good, praising the other's body. Letting their hearts join as one in a tight embrace of passion and love. Every time losing himself in the pleasure of getting lost in every tiny bit of Alec.

Reaching down past Alec's chest he found the large piece of flesh he had been so desperately wanting to feel between his fingers, feeling Alec harden even more from his touch. Slowly starting to stroke him at a slow pace hearing a stuttered breath escape from Alec's mouth, Alec resting his head on Magnus' shoulder. 

Flicking his thumb over the slit of Alec's leaking tip spreading his milky precome down his shaft moving it with his fingers. Small moans growing louder from his boyfriend, he massaged his fingers up down pleased with watching him fall apart from his touch. 

Alec's pleasured face was beautiful and completely blissed out his eyes fluttering open and closed his mouth hanging open deep pants coming from his mouth, making his own member jump at the sight. 

Moving his hand faster, Alec started to thrust back into his hand on reflex his hips snapping in time with Magnus' strokes. 

While Magnus continued to work his hand up and down Alec's his mouth was kissing along Alec's collarbone and chest soaking up the feeling of his skin on his lips. 

"Ah, Magnus." Alec moaned. 

Magnus smiled sucking harder at the skin that was there. Tightening his grip he went faster seeing Alec's legs wobble at the new sensation. He could tell Alec was close to erupting but he didn't want him to come yet. 

Reaching over for the lube and a condom he passed them to Alec whos eyes were blown wide, blissed out and ready to go back in for more. 

Alec came up behind him his lips sending tingles through his body as he slowly kissed his way down his spine never missing an inch of his spine. Reaching his ass he separated his cheeks and Magnus felt Alec bring a finger to his entrance. 

Magnus' breath hitched as Alec entered him one finger at a time making him completely lose it. His train of thought taken over by the pleasure he was feeling as Alec added finger after finger stretching him getting him ready. He almost buckled over as Alec's long slender fingers grazed his sweet spot deep within him finding it hard to keep his balance. 

"Need more." He whined pushing back on his fingers trying to make them go deeper trying to feel that spark of fire everytime Alec hit that spot. 

Alec's fingers were gone suddenly and he was pushing back on nothing whining at the loss of being filled. But the emptiness was soon replaced. Alec pushed in slowly and Magnus threw his head back resting it against his chest. Fingers were good but nothing felt as amazing as this. 

"Alexander, you feel amazing." His voice completely distorted by the immense pleasure that was taking over his whole body. 

As soon as Alec pulled back and pushed back in a few times he could feel his legs about to give out, the slow drag of Alec's cock inside him sending waves of electricity through his legs unable to hold himself up. 

He felt Alec's arm wrap around him quickly pulling him back towards him as he thrust back into him. Wanting to touch all of his body and see his face "Turn me around." He moaned.

Alec slowly pulled out and moved so Magnus was now facing him.

Hooking one leg over Alec's hip he pulled him closer latching onto his lips kissing him hard. His lips parting unexpectedly as he felt Alec reenter him in one fast movement. The same overwhelming feeling rushing back through his veins leaning into Alec moaning in complete bliss. 

A loud squeal ripped from the back of his throat as he felt Alec pull his other leg up over his other hip his hands supporting his weight from under his ass. Fuck it felt amazing. Magnus couldn't control himself his hands not knowing where to go wanting to feel every piece of him.  

It didn't take long for him to feel the familiar tightening in his lower stomach feeling him tense as he felt his release build everytime Alec pushed back inside him, making him feel complete. His eyes flew into the back of his head as Alec hit it again and again, clenching himself around Alec's flesh screaming for release. 

"Baby, I'm gonna, I'm -" His voice was cut off as let go all over his and Alec's chests coming completely untouched. Alec continued to thrust him through his orgasm as he came inside him filling the condom.

Both their chests heaving completely out of breath, his ears ringing from the overwhelming amount of pleasure he had encountered positive he had never had an orgasm that strong before. 

Alec was still holding his legs as he rested his forehead against his, both looking into each other's eyes, the biggest grins on their faces. 

"I love you," Magnus said as his breath slowly began to settle at a normal rate. 

"I love you." Alec smiled back kissing him quickly and dropping his legs and sliding out of him, Magnus already missing the feeling of them both being connected together. 

Wrapping his arms around Alec's waist he rested his head on his chest never wanting to let him go. "Best. Shower. Ever." 

"I think this is my new favorite thing," Alec said kissing the top of Magnus' wet head. 

Leaning up and meeting his gaze. "I could definitely get used to this every morning." He smiled back his mind completely sated. 

They stood there for a while both in the others arms coming down from their highs until they decided they should probably get to the actual showering part.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 They currently were both laying on the couch both enjoying a meal Alec had whipped up quickly while watching some reruns of friends enjoying there night together when his phone started to ring startling him at first. 

"Who's that?" Magnus asked 

"Just Izzy." He said sliding the button on his phone to accept the call. 

"Hey, whats up Iz?" 

"Hey, Is Magnus with you?" 

"Yeah, I'll put you on speaker." 

"Hi Isabelle, what has got you calling this late?" Magnus asked. 

"I was just wondering if you two have any plans in the coming weekends, Two weekends from now to be exact." 

Alec and Magnus both looked at each other perplexed over what Izzy could be planning. 

"Um, I don't think so?" Alec answered looking at Magnus for confirmation, to which he nodded. 

"What are you planning dear?" 

"Every year we all go down to the lake house for the holidays so I was wondering if you two wanted to join?" Izzy explained finally. 

Alec froze. They had always gone with their parents to the lake house every year. He couldn't go if they were there! Not sure if he would be able to handle it let alone if Magnus would even be allowed in the building. 

Magnus must have noticed his little freakout and offered his hand out for support which he happily took. 

"Isabelle, that does sound amazing but everything that has happened with your parents over the past couple of months I think it would be a tad too tense for me and Alec to go," Magnus replied squeezing Alec's hand a little tighter. 

"Oh, duh. Sorry, I forgot to mention that they wouldn't be there. They are going to England for some meeting so it would just be the six of us, Maia can't make it." Alec let go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding sighing in relief. 

"In that case, I think we are in?" Alec said looking to Magnus to see if that was the case. 

"Yes, yes. I have always wanted to see this famous lake house Alec used to rave about.  Plus I'll get to dress in layers and make myself look cute in the cold." Magnus beamed. 

"You always look cute." Alec smiled back. 

"Oh well thank you, sweetheart, so do you." They heard a gagging on the phone and ended up laughing. 

"Still here guys," Izzy exclaimed through the phone. 

"Whoops," Magnus giggled. "We are in Izzy, can't wait." 

"Awesome, I'll be in touch. Love You's." Izzy replied to which they both replied with quick 'love you too' and hung up. 

"This sounds like it's going to be fun, does it snow much there?' Magnus asked scooting closer to him on the couch resting his head in Alec's lap. 

"Yes, a lot. Especially at this time of year, it's beautiful Magnus. I can't wait to share this with you." 

"Can't wait," Magnus replied smiling up at him. 

They stayed there for the rest of the night until Magnus spoke again. 

"Nervous for tomorrow, being your first day at the cafe?" 

Alec had tried not to think about it lately. He was nervous but also excited. He would have Maia there if he needed any help and that made things feel a lot more comfortable. 

"Yes and no. Yes, cause I don't want to suck and don't know what to expect. But no cause I get to work with a friend and also learn new things." He shrugged. 

Magnus turned to him a pleading smile on his face making Alec think what he was about to ask him. 

"Can I be a cute boyfriend and walk you there tomorrow and wish you luck?" 

How could Alec say no to those adorable eyes, not that he was going to anyway. 

"Of course! I'd love that babe. Such a gentleman." 

"I try," Magnus said shrugging his shoulders looking proud. 

"Speaking of work though I should go to bed, it's getting late." He said maneuvering his way out from under Magnus' head. 

"Wait, I'll come too, I'm pretty exhausted myself. And you are my personal hot water bottle and if you leave I'll be cold." Alec laughed. This man, the man he was in love with was ridiculous but he wouldn't have it any other way. 

"Come on then, it seems your hot water bottle also needs warming as well." He had never seen Magnus move so fast. 

 

* * *

 

 

"You're going to do great, darling," Magnus said straightening his sleeve and kissing him quickly while they stood outside the cafe. 

Alec tried to shake off the nerves kissing Magnus again as it seemed to help. 

"Thanks, babe. I'll see you when I finish?" Alec asked pulling back. 

"You will indeed, we can get dinner after maybe?" Alec nodded finding himself calming down leaning into the hand Magnus had currently cupped around his neck caressing his lower cheek. 

He never thought he would feel this comfortable being this affectionate in public but here he was not caring, feeling happy he was just out in the world with the one man he loved. 

Leaning forward again he kissed the top of Magnus' nose playfully 'I love you." He said still feeling the wave of excitement and adoration every time he said it. 

"I love you too, see you later," Magnus said as he kissed him on his forehead and went to leave waving at Maia through the glass window. 

Taking one last deep breath he walked through the glass doors and was immediately greeted by a cheery looking Maia. 

"You two are very adorable." She said. 

'Thanks." He smiled unable to disagree. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Good, I think?" He replied still unsure of himself. 

"You'll be fine," She said nudging his shoulder. "Let's get to it." 

 

The day was going smoothly no hiccups or major mistakes. Maia had shown him mostly everything and had introduced him to the other two co-workers who seemed nice and got along with them well enough. He was relieved that soon after he started his nerves soon disappeared and he felt fine and he was actually enjoying himself. 

He had texted Magnus during his breaks telling him how he was going and asking how his own day was. 

It felt weird being away from him for this long after spending almost every day from the last week with him, basically always in each others company. He felt stupid thinking it but he did miss him quite a lot. That just made him more excited to see him after work and smother him with kisses. 

He was currently behind the till serving customers when he heard the snake-like voice he had come to hate. That, was when his day took a drastic turn for the worst. 

"My, my Alexander." That voice sending a shock of anxiety down his spine. Seeing her here was very unexpected he wasn't sure how he would cope. 

"It's Alec." He said fighting to keep a smile on his face as it was his first day and he didn't want to look unprofessional. 

"So, this is what your sad life has come to." She snickered. Just block her out, just block her out he kept repeating in his head but was failing to listen to his own words. "Working in this small Cafe." 

"Can I get you anything?" He replied not wanting to give her the satisfaction of biting. 

"Trim Latte." 

"That will be $3.80, thanks." He really just wanted her to leave as soon as possible. 

"So, Alec where are you staying after you stormed out in a childish huff?" His mother continued to antagonize him. 

Childish? Was she kidding! Him the childish one. He could feel the frustration and built up anger within him threatening to spill over. He just wanted her to wait somewhere else or better yet not talk to him. 

"Are you going to answer me?" 

"If you must know I'm staying with Magnus." He wasn't sure if he should have told her that but it just slipped out feeling the need to defend himself in some way. 

"Hah, taking pity on you too I see." Pity? What? He would never, would he? 

She was getting in his head and by the smile on her face, she knew she was. How could his mother be so cruel to her own son? It just didn't make sense was him being gay really that disgusting to her that she would try to humiliate him while at work. 

"Why do you care anyway, it's not like you have ever really cared about me so stop asking questions about my personal life, cause it's none of your business." 

"Alec, If only you would come to your senses and come home we could forget all this." 

He knew exactly what 'come to his senses' meant and he wouldn't go back now, not ever. No matter how much he craved his mother's love, a mothers hug, touch. He had Magnus, his friends, and this job. That was what he wanted. 

"Please just leave and stop harassing me, I'm working." He said passing her coffee. 

"I have to go anyway, but just know people like him never stay with just one person, you won't be enough to make him stay so just think about your decision." And then she was gone leaving an insecure Alec in her path, her words running through his brain  _you won't be enough to make him stay, ........just like I wasn't enough for you._ He thought his heart slowly crumbling. He knew better than to let her words take over but once they were in it was hard to fight them out. 

_Magnus wouldn't leave him, would he?_

_Magnus wasn't just taking pity on him? Just feeling sorry for him?_

_Was Alec really enough? Or was he too much of a burden to bear?_

A hand on his shoulder ripped him from his tumbling thoughts, turning around and finding a sympathizing Maia staring back at him. 

"You heard all that?" 

Maia nodded. "Unfortunately, but Alec you know what she said was nothing near the truth, you are doing great, and you know Magnus would never leave you, you two are the loves of each other's lives." 

"Yeah." He sighed trying to make himself sound believable. He had a feeling he failed judging by the scolding whack he got from Maia. 

"Alec" She exclaimed. "Don't let your mothers words tear you down, don't let her ruin the one relationship you have wanted for years and finally have. This new reality of yours has the potential to be a great one don't let her judgment and nasty words ruin that. Don't give her the satisfaction.”

"I know I shouldn't but I can't help it she knows where all my weak spots are and just gets in my head." He said shaking his head. "You know." He started laughing. "I almost thought that maybe she came to apologize or was maybe just the slightest bit worried about me, how could I be so stupid." 

"Alec, don't think like that. Why don't you go home and see Magnus and have a chat with him, I'm sure he knows best how to cheer you up." Maia said smiling sadly at him. 

Normally Magnus would have the right words he always did, he always knew how to make him feel loved. But at this moment he wasn't sure if anyone could. 

"Thanks, I might take you up on that offer." He smiled as he took off his apron and headed out back to gather his things and text Magnus that he didn't need to come and meet him as he was leaving early. Maybe a walk would do him good, clear his mind. 

It didn't. It only made it worse. Everything just crawling and climbing on top of the other, he hated this day and just wanted to go home and sleep. By the time he got home, he wasn't even excited to see Magnus he just walked straight to the shower stripped himself of his clothes and sunk to the floor head on his knees trying to stop his head from exploding. 

After 30 minutes of just staring into nothing while in the shower he got out and went to watch some T.V still not having spoken to Magnus, and he could see the concern on Magnus' face but he didn't want to talk about it he just wanted to shut off from the world for the night. 

 

* * *

 

 

Alec had been acting strange ever since he got home, he hadn't even spoken a word to Magnus in the time he had been home. Which only left Magnus feeling rather confused, concerned, and hurt. What had Magnus done to deserve the silent treatment he didn't know. 

Magnus walked towards him two cups of tea in hand hoping maybe a relaxing tea might help Alec with whatever was going on up there in that beautiful head of his. 

"Alexander," He said cautiously sitting next to him passing him his mug. "Is everything okay? You don't seem yourself." He said while resting his free hand on Alec's thigh feeling how tense and wound up he really was. 

"I'm fine." Alec's blunt answer hit him harder than expected, his voice sounding void of any emotion. 

"Are you sure?" He tried again, only growing more and more concerned. 

"Yes," So, one worded blunt as ice answers were a regular thing tonight, Magnus thought. 

"You know you can always talk to me, right?" 

"I know." Alec turned and smiled, but it looked so forced he wanted to cringe.

Magnus decided to give up. Whatever was troubling Alec he obviously didn't want to talk about it. 

"Shall I order in then, since it doesn't look like we are going out anymore?" He asked trying to hide the frustration in his voice to Alec's coldness. 

"If you want." Alec had never been like this with him before and it was hurting. 

Biting his tongue to hold back the words he really wanted to say "Any preferences?" Alec's bad mood was starting to rub off on him turning what was a happy excited mood to a sour, annoyed mood. All he wanted to do this evening was celebrate his boyfriend for his first day at his new job, and he couldn't help but feel disappointed. 

"I'm fine with whatever," Alec replied not moving his eyes from the T.V. 

The rest of the night continued like that the silence only growing thicker between them. 

They had never gone to sleep mad at each other before always making sure they would make up before both not liking to be detached from the other for too long. But now the gap between them in their bed was evident. A gaping hole between them both. Magnus had to fight every urge in his body to just let it go and wrap his arms protectively around Alec. But it was unfair for Alec to take whatever this was out on him. 

So, they fell asleep unresolved leaving a hole in Magnus' heart. 

 

The morning wasn't much different. 

Magnus woke to an empty bed, the shower running from the bathroom. Waking up without his morning snuggles with Alec sent unpleasant shivers down his spine. His boyfriend was suffering and he just wanted to help in some way. Trying a different approach he pushed last night aside and tried to stay positive. 

Walking into the bathroom he smiled at Alec who was in the shower. "Good morning, darling." 

"Morning." Alec smiled back his hair all foamy from the shampoo. 

"I'm going to make some breakfast, what do you feel like?" Praying he wouldn't get a cold blunt answer this morning. 

"Eggs and bacon would be nice, thanks, Magnus." Alec not using babe hit him in the chest unexpectedly. But it was better than nothing. 

"Coming right up." He smiled walking over to Alec hoping he could steal a quick good morning kiss. He hadn't felt those soft lips on his in what felt like forever and it was scaring him, the distance that had grown between them overnight. 

Alec leaned forward and kissed him quickly leaving a very smiley Magnus in his wake. 

Breakfast was done and they were both eating the food Magnus had prepared. Nowhere as good as what Alec could do but it was still something. 

"So, What do you have planned for today?" Magnus asked, the silence between them getting to him. 

"I was supposed to be going to work for more training but Maia just texted me rescheduling for two days from now," Alec replied, eyes on his food. 

"Any particular reason for that?" 

"No." So the blunt answers were back, great. 

"Alec, I can tell something isn't right with you, what's going on?" He pleaded. 

"Nothing of your concern, Okay. Just drop it." Alec snapped. Magnus was taken back by the sudden shift in mood. His heart hammering against his chest in the worst way possible. 

"Alec," He flinched. "I just want to be there for you, help you through whatever you are going through." Magnus could feel his emotions from yesterday resurfacing in a new way and threatening to bubble over. He didn't want this to turn into a fight.

* * *

 

 

 Alec knew what he was doing was wrong, taking out his frustration, his hurt, and sadness all out on Magnus but once the words left his mouth he couldn't stop it. He could see the hurt in Magnus' eyes, the way he flinched at Alec raising his voice at him, even surprising himself with that. Trying to tell his brain to calm down none of this was Magnus' fault.

Standing up he dropped his fork from his hand causing a loud clinging sound. "Well, sometimes Magnus, you can't help ok. Sometimes your words don't help." Yes they do, they are the only thing that helps, hearing his voice alone helps why was he saying these things.

Magnus' eyes flashed with hurt, he swore he saw tears starting to form. What was he doing?

"Good to know then. I don't know why you are taking this all out on me, Alec, but I won't sit here and be your punching bag just because you don't want to talk about it." He said rising from his seat. "I'm sorry my words don't help you, all I ever want to do is make you feel better." Magnus sighed hearing every fracture of his heart in that single breath, he had never heard Magnus so defeated.

You do make me feel better you are the only one, you make me feel safe and loved and I love you, he wanted to scream back. But his mind was taking over refusing to speak those words. wanting someone else to hurt just as much as he was and unfortunately that was Magnus, and he hated himself for it. "Well, you don't. You think I don't see the pity in your eyes when you try to comfort me. I know I'm not good enough for you and that one day you will come to realize what a mistake you have made by being with me and you will drop me for someone else entirely." He said his voice still raised.

He just reused his mother's words that she spoke to him and he had never felt so disgusted with himself in his life, he was hurting the man he loved with his very own mother's words. He needed to get out of there before he took this to a place he couldn't come back from. This wasn't fair to Magnus in the slightest. He didn't mean anything that he had just spat from his mouth.

Alec thought he had seen Magnus look hurt before but the look he was currently holding was a whole other level, he felt his heart tear in two at seeing the stary tear slip from Magnus' eye. Lashing out at Magnus didn't bring him any pleasure or relief in any way so why did he do it, if anything it only made everything worse.

Magnus couldn't meet his eyes, but Alec could see the pain he had caused and he wanted to yell at himself for it, he wanted to take back yesterday night, and this morning and not push Magnus away. But it was too late the damage was done.

“You know Alec, it makes me truly sad that, that is what you think of me especially because that couldn't be further from the truth and I thought you knew that. Like I said before I don't why you are lashing out at me, but if you told me maybe I could try to take some of that burden away because that's what people do when the love somebody so much that it hurts to see them in pain, but you obviously don't want that from me." Magnus' words cut him like knives slicing at his skin, the fragility that was so delicate in his voice yet so airly calm made his heart scream and feel like it was being torn in every direction possible.

Magnus was right, and all he wanted to do was break down in his arms and let himself be held, to feel his soft arms around his breaking soul, give him the comfort he desired that he knew Magnus would give him in a heartbeat.

But he needed to leave not being able to trust his mouth and the words that would tumble out. He didn't want to hurt Magnus more than he already had.

"I'm- I'm just gonna go." He said trying to send Magnus an apology with his eyes, but he wasn't looking at him, staring off into thin air, his face looking drained.

Magnus didn't say anything in return, and he didn't have to.

As soon as the door closed behind him everything from the past couple months hit him in waves his chest feeling like it was about to explode.

Fresh air, he needed fresh air.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus stood there as Alec left, trying to compose himself the best he could but he knew as soon as Alec closed that door he would fall to pieces and that's exactly what he did.

Alec's words had felt like slashes to his skin, cutting him deep. But even with all his mean words he still felt pain for Alec it was impossible not too, he loved him that much.

His brain and body felt completely exhausted and it was only 11 am all he wanted to do was crawl back in bed and go to sleep. so that's what he did, but instead of falling asleep he cried. Cried at the empty space beside him, the bed feeling cold without him. He cried not knowing where this left Alec and him and if they could find there way back. Eventually, he cried himself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Sitting there in the quiet park head in his hands, tears were running down his face.

He couldn't believe what he had just done, potentially ruining the most important thing to him in his life. His heart and soul felt destroyed like someone had come along and just crumpled it in their hands right in front of his face and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Would Magnus ever forgive him?

Would he ever look at him the same?

Everything with his parents and his insecurities had gotten the best of him and was ruining his life. He thought he was fine, that he was okay, but the slightest bump in the road set him off.

He wasn't okay.

He wasn't fine.

He was in pain.

He was tired of suffering.

It was ruining his life and the most precious thing to him.

He pulled out the number Cat had mentioned and for the first time, he felt like he took a step forward to better his life. Something so little yet so powerful. He dialed.

This was for him.

"This is for me." He spoke so quiet like it was just his to hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

The air around him had begun to fall cold as the afternoon soon started to fade behind the clouds, the winter breeze icy on his skin. 

He had just got off the phone with the therapist she was nice, a breath of fresh a air, a new perspective on things and told him not beat himself up over this but to try talking to someone who wasn't Magnus so they could both give time for the other to cool down and have a breather. 

But he still felt bad and he would until he apologized, the gut-wrenching guilt eating away at his chest, still astounded he let those words leave his mouth. He was never like that with the people he cared about. Until now obviously, but he had set up an appointment with the therapist for next coming week. 

Contemplating who he should call, only one name was springing to mind, the only one he felt comfortable enough to talk about this with, trusting her completely. 

He searched for Izzy's name and pressed dial, hearing the few rings in his ear before she answered. 

"Hey, Alec how are you?" She sounded happy and he now felt guilty for possibly ruining her mood. 

"Hey, Iz" He tried putting a smile to his lips hoping it would come through to his voice but it failed.

"Alec, whats wrong?" His sister knew him too well. 

"I've fucked up so bad Iz," His voice now beginning to shake. 

"What do you mean? What happened?" He fought back the tears that were threatening to resurface. 

"I've ruined everything with Magnus, I yelled at him and said these nasty things to him I'm not sure if I can ever come back from this. I can't lose him, Iz." The words were rushing out like a waterfall. 

"Whoa, Alec slow down okay, just breath." She jumped in before he continued on his spiral. "Just breath and tell me where you are and we'll have a chat, okay?" Her voice was calming and he appreciated that. 

"I'm at the park you always used to take me after Max," He sighed hearing Max's name. another thing he fucked up, the self-loathing was at an all-time high today and he hated it. 

"I'll be there in 20, okay." 

"Thank you." 

She said a quick love you and hung up the phone. Leaving Alec staring at nothing the concrete staring back. Even that felt like it was judging him. 

He rubbed his face vigorously like he was trying to erase the tears and memories from his brain, but it didn't work.

Time past quickly because it wasn't long before he heard a soft, "Hey," and he knew who that voice belonged to straight away. 

As soon as he saw her open arms he flew into them wrapping his arms around her little frame, the tears now falling. It just felt good to have someone there for him, having some let him cry. He felt some small relief as he pulled back wiping at his eyes, he felt tremendously tired but yet knew he wouldn't be able to sleep properly until things were sorted with Magnus. 

"What happened?" She asked sitting them back down on the chair and placing a comforting hand on his back. 

"I just snapped I let everything get to me and I just snapped, at the wrong person. He didn't do anything but be supportive and caring and I snapped at him. The hurt in his eyes I have never seen that before and I caused it." He sighed into his hands. 

"What caused you to snap? I'm sure once you explain everything to him he will understand, also on top of a well thought out apology." She smiled weakly at him. 

Alec took a deep breath and soon told her everything about how their mother paid him a visit and all the things she said to him. 

"Alec," She sighed. "I'm sorry she did that to you, she never seems to astound me with her cruelty. But why didn't you let Magnus know? he could reassure you that what our mum said wasn't true at all. I know for a fact he loves you more than anything." Izzy was right he knew she was.

Honestly, he didn't even know why he didn't let Magnus know it was like he just wanted someone else to be in an as bad mood as him, and it worked. But deep down that's not what he wanted, not at all, it was the last thing he wanted. 

"I let her get into my head, I let her win, again. I can't even move out and escape her abuse." He groaned growing frustrated. 

"The things I said, you should have seen his face. I have never seen him look so hurt before and that was me, my fault! I don't know what to do." He felt hopeless. 

"Hey, look at me." She paused waiting for him to look at her. "Listen I know all this must be painful and you must feel like crap, but let's try to focus on a way you can make it up to him? Yeah?" 

She was exactly what he needed right now, someone to help come out of this, try to think of a positive way to see his way out and get Magnus' forgiveness. That's what was most important to him at this moment. 

"Izzy, thank you." 

"For what?" How could she not know?

"For being the best sister anyone could ask for, for coming down here straight away dropping whatever you were doing. You didn't have to but you did and that means the world." 

"Of course I'm going to Alec, you're my big brother, you come first before anything." She said smiling down at him. 

He hugged her again squeezing her tight. "Right back at you, whenever you need anything, I'll be there." 

"I know, you have your whole life, I'm just glad I get to give it back to you in ways you always showed me."  

When they were younger their parents used to be away a lot so Alec felt it was his responsibility to look out for his siblings and help raise them and look after them, not having those parental figures around to help with the little things like homework or dinner, those were the things he took charge of. He just wanted his siblings to feel loved. 

"Come on, let's go, I'm sure Magnus would appreciate some flowers on top of a sappy apology." She said pulling him up and heading towards the market down the road. 

Alec liked the idea of flowers, but wanted them to hold more meaning then him just choosing what looked nice he wanted to show how much Magnus really meant to him, and if that took a little more effort he was all for it. 

"Alec that's the sweetest idea, Magnus will love it!" Izzy beamed as he told her his idea. 

"I hope so. Can you help me choose? My color-coordinating skills aren't exactly amazing." He laughed shyly. 

"Of course! It will be fun." She almost looked more enthused than he did about the idea, but he guessed that was a good thing getting the best thing for Magnus. 

They made their way through the stalls stopping at a few Izzy liked the look of, getting some good sibling bonding time. He hadn't spent a lot of time with her since moving in with Magnus and he had missed her a great amount, along with Jace, but his relationship with Izzy was a lot closer as she was always there for him when he needed it.

"Hey Alec," She called from the stall over. He turned giving her his attention. 

"You should buy this and wear it when cooking around Magnus." Izzy smiled finding herself very amusing. 

She was holding an apron that said 'kiss the cook', very original, he rolled his eyes. 

He would have bought it but with everything that had gone on it didn't feel right to buy something like that at the moment.

"As much as I think we would both like it, I don't really feel like buying something like that after today, I just want to apologize so we can be happy again." The only image that had been playing through his brain this whole time was Magnus and the stray tears that he had made him shed. The ones he so desperately wanted to wipe away. 

"You're right, but, I did get a small smile out of you so it worked." She smiled back but her eyes were still clouded with concern. "Come on let's go choose some flowers for your man." 

When he first got to the flower stall he felt completely lost his eyes darting back in fourth in a field of flowers, all very beautiful and not knowing where to start. But thankfully with the help of Izzy and the lovely lady behind the counter he managed to find out the meaning behind every flower and what would look best together, wanting to make sure they complimented each other as well as meaning something amazing. 

"Alec this is going to be beautiful, I might actually cry and they aren't even for me." She laughed pretending to wipe away tears. 

"For someone special?" The lady asked. 

"Yes," He smiled back, "My boyfriend." 

The lady's eyes fell soft at the corners and beamed back at him. "He's one lucky guy, this is a very beautiful arrangement in both regards." 

"Thanks, but I'm the lucky one." 

The lady sighed and threw a hand over her heart, her dramatics reminding him of Magnus. "True Love." She declared. 

Alec ducked his head trying to hide the blushing smile that was currently spreading on his face. 

True love. He hoped it was. He knew it was for him and now he needed to show that. 

"Thank you for all your help with the flowers, I couldn't have done it without you." He said paying her. 

"You're more than welcome." 

Alec thanked her and walked away happy with his purchase. 

"Come on my big softie of a brother, let's go sort this out." 

 

* * *

 

It had been a few hours since Alec had left after their fight and Magnus would be lying to himself if he didn't say he was concerned. Yes, he may be upset with Alec and hurt over what he said but that didn't mean he would immediately stop caring for him and his safety. Not knowing if he would come home or not. He hoped he would, just so that part of his brain could somewhat calm down and stop letting his thoughts eat away at his brain. 

Over the past few hours, Magnus had been trying to wrap his head around what had happened over the past 24 hours, the sudden outburst and Alec snapping it wasn't like him at all and he couldn't think what he may have done, and if it wasn't him then he was completely in the dark and desperately needed answers. The only possible thing he thought may have happened was something at his work set him off? It was all very frustrating making his head scream. 

Magnus had left a happy affectionate Alec when he said goodbye yesterday, both exchanging sweet kisses, so something at work was the only possible option he could fathom at that moment. 

He wanted to try and see things from Alec's point of view, to see why he was acting this way and maybe understand a little better but with having nothing to go on it was near impossible. He never liked seeing Alec in that way, all he wanted to do was support him. 

Alec's words had been playing in his head all day like a song stuck on repeat, and it was starting to hurt his brain, feeling emotionally exhausted. 

Did he really look at Alec with pity? He was sure he didn't as that's not what he felt towards him at all if anything he was proud of Alec and only ever wanted him to feel loved. 

Did Alec really think deep down that someday he might leave him? Did he give off that impression? Did he not let Alec know enough how much he loved him and wanted him forever?

He wanted his brain to switch off and sleep, this whole day taking a toll on him but he knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon. His heart had been thudding uncontrollably against his chest all day the anxiety from the thought that they wouldn't know how to fix this, but he had trust in their long friendship and love it was the only thing he could hold on to. 

Laying there in their bed he heard a small jolt of the front door opening and closing and he felt himself let go of a breathe he had no idea he had been holding this whole time. A mix of relief and anxiousness soared through his body hoping, begging Alec had calmed down. 

He quickly sat up in bed to try and make himself look like he was busy and hadn't been wallowing all day, but he was almost sure his puffy face from crying would give it away. 

A light knock came from the door and a head popped its way into the room, a tiny whisper being spoken into the air. "Magnus?" Alec walked through the door and just stood there waiting. 

Alec looked just as tired and beat up as he felt, it had been a long day for all of them. 

"Yes?" 

Alec scratched at his neck, a nervous tick he always did. " I - I just want to say how sorry I am, Magnus, I didn't mean those words I said. I shouldn't have taken what I was feeling out on you, it wasn't right and will never be right. I'm sorry." Alec's voice was raspy like he had been crying for hours, his eyes all glassy and exhausted. His voice was wavering over every word and he could hear him trying not to break down, and honestly, that was killing Magnus. 

"I know you probably just want some space from me for tonight, and I get that so I will sleep in my room." He paused adjusting something behind his back. "Before I go, I um. I got you these." Alec pulled a beautiful bouquet of flowers out from behind his back, they were absolutely gorgeous already being able to smell the sweet fragrance they were releasing into the air. Magnus had to fight back tears from falling. 

Alec walked cautiously and placed them on his bedside table a tiny smile on his face as he locked eyes with him. "Thank you, Alec, they are beautiful." No matter how upset he was with Alec it would have been rude not to thank Alec. 

"You're welcome. Talk in the morning?" The question was so hopeful it hurt his heart. Magnus just nodded in response. 

Alec looked to hesitate before leaving like he had something else to say, but wasn't sure if he should say it or not. Until he did, and Magnus almost broke down on the spot. 

"I love you." It was so fragile yet held so much meaning and sorrow it made his heart bleed. 

Controlling the thickness he could now feel in his throat "I love you too." He said back trying to smile at him but it didn't quite reach his lips. 

Then Alec slowly left and it took all his strength not to follow and feel his arms wrapped around him. 

The tears he had been holding back fell as soon as the door closed, fighting with Alec was horrible and he just wanted it to be over but he also needed a little more time to clear his head, no matter how hard it was to sleep in an empty bed where Alec would normally lay, he justed needed a breather. 

He rested his head back down on his pillow, staring back up at the ceiling hoping sleep would come to him, but it didn't instead he lay there for gods know how long his mind just swirling back and forth and his heart desperately wanting to go join its other half and stop the suffering. 

He didn't know when but time quickly ticked by and it was now 4 am and he hadn't slept a wink. Turning over on his side a small piece of paper caught his eye, it was wedged between the flowers. Curious as to what it was he picked it up and started to unfold it. 

 

_Dear, Magnus._

_I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you today, it hurt me to see that I did that to you and I hope I can make that up to you._

_I'm writing this letter because every flower that you see stands for something in our relationship and you, the things I see in you and adore about you. I want to explain why I chose each flower and let you know how much you truly mean to me. How much our love truly means to me._

_**Purple Rose:** Stands for Love at first sight and that's exactly what happened, I may not have known at the time but now when I look back I know it was. I saw you walk through those doors, you were beautiful, this enticing aura around you that made me just want to get to know you. You made my walls fall down at a rapid speed and I knew you were special as no one had ever done that before, I'm so glad you walked through that door, because, look what's come of it; us.  _

_**Yellow Rose:** Stands for friendship and Joy which I think is perfect because I always felt immense joy in being your friend when we grew up, seeing you was the best part of my day and saying goodbye to you was the worst but knowing I would get to see that gorgeous smile the next day made it all worth it. You helped me through so many ups and downs and I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend and partner in crime. They say when you find the one it should feel like you found your best friend, and I can say proudly I have. Your friendship is the most important thing to me and I have no idea where I would be today if I didn't have you, so, thank you. _

**_Red_ _Rose:_ ** _The rose of Love and Romance, I still remember vividly the way I felt when telling you those three precious words, remembering I meant every sound,  and every syllable that left my mouth. Finally being able to tell you after all these years and hear it back was the happiest moment in my life to date. It was like I had gotten everything I had ever wanted all in one day._ _I hold our love so close to my heart because I feel it is something so rare I never want to let go of it, something that doesn't come along very often, the way two souls connect so effortlessly, it's something that should be protected. Some people believe in soul mates, some don't. I know for a fact I have found mine._

 **_Orchid:_ ** _The Orchid represents Beauty and Strength, which again when it comes to you they both fall hand in hand. There is beauty in the strength that you possess. The way you keep smiling through all the ups and downs, the battles you have faced but still seem to find a way to smile and push through, it's inspiring to be a part of. The strength you give others just by being near them, talking with them, giving them small words of encouragement here and there, it’s one of your many strengths, one of the many reasons I love you. The strength you give me not only with your words but with your touch, your laugh, everything makes me want to be a better version of myself. Your strength is your beauty._

 **_Camellia:_ ** _The passion and desire I feel whenever I kiss you, whenever I am in your arms, holding you, making each other feel every inch of the other, it's something I know I will never feel again and I only want to feel that with you for as long as possible. You complete me and make me feel whole in this world that can sometimes feel empty._

 **_Wax Flower:_ ** _Last but certainly not least the wax flower it may not look as extravagant and beautiful as the others but to me, it holds the most meaning, Lasting Love and Patience. I am forever appreciative of the patience you have given me over the years and especially over the last few months. That is something I will never take for granted again as that is such a pure and amazing trait to have, it's a shame there aren't more people like that in this world. Sometimes I can't believe I got so lucky to find the most incredible man who was still waiting for me after almost 2 years of radio silence. Which brings me to the last one, Lasting Love. That's what our love is to me, lasting. It lasted so many years and never faded and it continues to grow every day, stronger with every obstacle we face together as a unit, as one. I will always be by your side in the dark times and the good.  I will always cherish you and your heart and I will never push you away again because not only does it cause me more pain, but it causes you pain and that's the last thing I ever want to do in this world, is cause you pain. Instead, I want to bring you happiness, I want to see your smile light up a thousand cities, hear your laugh sing through every room. I want to be with you every step of yours and our amazing journey. I want to hold you and love you, I want to make you feel loved. I want to love you for an eternity, Magnus, forever. Just you and me in this big world making each other happy._

_Something I feel I don't say enough is, how thankful I am for you. You are always there when I need you and you are constantly helping me accept this new life and my past traumas, you help me see ways out of the dark spaces, you hold me close when I have nightmares, you do everything to make me feel safe and treasured. So, thank you for your kind heart, I can only hope I am returning that love and care back to you every day we are together, I love you, so much and I'm sorry._

_I LOVE YOU AND IM SORRY. CAN I HUG YOU NOW? :(_

 

Magnus smiled through his tears at the last line, his heart feeling like it was about to explode. These sweet words, Alec had written, they were all from his heart and as well as picking the flowers individually, was something he would never have imagined anyone would do for him. But here Alec was surprising him once again, making him fall in love with him even more. He would cherish this letter and the words that were printed on it for life. 

Not wasting another minute he walked swiftly to the spare bedroom not caring if Alec was asleep or not he just wanted to feel him next to him, to feel that familiar warmth again that always made his heart feel full. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Alec sitting up in the bed, he looked exhausted his eyes had dark circles outlining them, his expression hard to witness. His baby was feeling guilty but he didn't need to, Magnus just wanted some answers. 

Alec was fiddling with his fingers, he hadn't seen him walk in yet until he did and Magnus saw the tears that were falling down his face. 

Walking over as fast as he could he pulled Alec into a tight embrace wrapping his arms protectively around him, letting him cry into his shoulder. Evey emotion, every sting of pain they had both felt that day, every ounce of relief they both felt in the other's arms was released from both of their eyes. Not realizing just how much he felt empty without Alec today he felt his heart slowly recharge, an electric jolt surging through him as they pulled back and their lips joined together, their sweet but salty tears mixing with their mouths, literally, every emotion being put into the kiss. Magnus cupped both of Alec's cheeks firmly smiling against his lips as they pulled away just staring into each other's eyes. 

"Thank you, Alexander, that letter was beautiful and I loved it and I love you." He smiled at him with his eyes still shining with tears. "Here's your hug," He said pulling Alec in close for another hug not wanting to let him go. 

"I'm glad you liked it, Magnus," Alec said resting his head on top of Magnus' shoulder. "I'm so sorry for snapping at you." 

Magnus leaned back and kissed the remaining tears on Alec's flushed cheeks. "It's okay, I forgive you." Staring into Alec's eyes he caressed his cheek with his thumb, feeling Alec's soft skin beneath his. "Okay." 

Alec smiled back, it was a weak one, every feature on his face screaming exhaustion, but it was still a smile. 

"Magnus, I need to explain." 

"I know, but we are both extremely exhausted and I don't want you to get sick. You don't look very well darling.” Magnus said adjusting them so they were further in the bed. 

"I'm fine, Magnus. Once I sleep I'll be fine, but I need to get this over with I just want to move past it." His eyes begged. 

They got comfortable in bed, leaning against each other, Magnus running his hand through Alec's hair cause he knew how it helped him stay calm. 

"At work, yesterday." Magnus knew it had to do with something that happened at work. "My mother of all people came in." Fuck, that was definitely worse than he thought, knowing full well that Alec's mother can be vile with her words when she wanted to. 

He saw Alec flinch at the mere drop of her name, so he pulled him closer. 

"She basically mocked me for working in a cafe in front of everyone, I felt embarrassed, there were other customers around and I could feel that old familiar feeling creeping back in." His voice was fragile with so much hurt behind it, and he could understand why. A mother going out of her way to make her son feel like shit, he just really wanted to know how her brain was wired, as he would never ever treat his kids that way. 

"Darling, I'm so sorry she did that, that's not fair of her to do that. You should feel proud of your job sweetheart, you're doing amazing." 

"That's not why I shut off from you the way I did, I - she - I told her I was living with you and she must have put two and two together and realized we were in a relationship, she used that against me. I don't want this to sound like an excuse for my behavior either because no matter the situation I know that was wrong." Magnus knew Alec wasn't trying to make excuses for himself, but he understood where he was coming from as he had been there. Things pile up on top of each other and you just want to push everyone away to prevent any more possible pain, sometimes you just don't want to be strong, even though it tended to cause you more suffering. But, Alec was learning to change this and he had a feeling Alec was a fast learner. 

"Darling, It's okay. All I ever wanted to do was to try and understand why you were acting the way you were so I could maybe help you. You know I will never judge you right?" He asked. 

"I know, but Magnus I used the words she said to me against you. She said you have taken pity on me and that one day you will leave, and I used that against you. That's not okay, and I hate that I did that." He sighed, distress written all over his face. 

So that's where he got the idea? 

"I can't say hearing that has made me feel better if anything it stings a little to know those were the words your mother said, that she planted in your head. But you still said them, so deep down you must have meant them? I really hope I don't give off that impression like I am just going to up and leave you. I'm not like that, never have been and I thought you knew that?" He hoped his question came across in a none confrontational way, he didn't want another fight, he just wanted answers and wanted Alec to tell the truth about how he was actually feeling. 

"No, no oh my god, Magnus never, I know you would never do that." Alec rushed quickly after. 

"Something other than your mother's influence must have made you say it, maybe not that in particular but I can see something beyond those eyes of yours a hidden worry you don't want to tell me." He wanted them both to trust each other and be completely open with each other, he could see Alec fighting with his head but he hoped he would let it out. 

"You're right," Alec replied abruptly, taking Magnus by surprise. "Not for the reasons you think though." He sat up to face Magnus properly. "I guess deep down I am scared, scared you will abandon me like many other's in my life, I only have a few people who I truly care about left and I don't want to lose you, Magnus." Alec's heartbreaking confession split his heart in two, new tears welling in his eyes. Alec was baring all to him and that's all he wanted, but it was still excruciatingly painful to hear. 

"Alexander," He whispered. "I'll never leave you. I know my words can only give so much reassurance but let me tell you," He paused linking their hands and kissing every knuckle. "The thought of not being with you is an impossible one. It won't ever happen." 

"But what if the problems that I have are too much for you to bare, for you to handle. I don't want to be a burden in your life, I don't want to hold you back from your life, your career." As he spoke his eyes held so much vulnerability like he was scared of what he was going to hear back. Magnus needed to let him know he had nothing to worry about. 

"That's just it, you are my life." Smiling at Alec he had never meant those words more in his life. "You will never be a burden to me. Never. I plan to be there for you and help you through your struggle, to hold you on those dark days and laugh and smile on those lighter days. To support you in everything that you do. I can't stress enough, you never have been or ever will be a burden to me." 

* * *

 

Alec was left speechless by the incredible man sitting in front of him, the one person who always knew what do say but also what to do. The one person who had his entire heart and always treated it with care. He didn't think there was enough love in this world to give Magnus cause he deserved it in bucket loads, but damn he would try. 

"Magnus," He whispered barely audible. 

"I love you so much sometimes I think it isn't possible to love you any more than I do, but yet tomorrow I know I will and that's never going to change." 

Alec's heart had never felt so alive in his life. "I love you, so much and I'm so sorry. Thank you for giving me a chance to apologize." For the first time in 24 hours, he truly smiled. 

"Always, darling," Magnus said moving under the blankets and dragging Alec with him, kissing him on the forehead and snuggling into his side. "You know as far as romantic gestures go, I think topping that letter and flowers will be hard. It was beautiful" He said playing with the hem of Alec's t-shirt. 

Alec smiled to himself cause he knew exactly how he was going to top it, one day. "I have a few ideas." He shuffled his arms around Magnus' waist bringing him closer. 

"Oh, yeah? Care to share mister I'm going to sweep you off your feet." Magnus said turning to face him so their lips were only inches apart. 

"If I told you that would defeat the purpose, Magnus." He laughed

"Come on just a little tease." Shining his puppy dog eyes at him. 

He picked up Magnus' fingers purposely his left hand but didn't say anything just stared at it for a while. "Nope, this will remain a secret." He kissed Magnus' hand and placed it back down. 

"Fine, I guess that's fair." Magnus tried to sound annoyed but his eyes were soft with happiness and love and he was smiling back at him while he moved forward and kissed him again. 

Alec could get lost in the feel of Magnus' lips forever, loving the way they moved together. Causing the spark inside him to shine brightly. Smiling he pulled back catching his breath "I have missed that." 

"Me too," 

The day's events soon took over and they both fell asleep in each other's arms, smiles on their faces, feeling closer than ever before. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it :) 
> 
> I’m on Twitter @malecsxangel


	14. Chapter 14

* * *

Soft strands of fluffy dark hair tickled the tips of his nose making it twitch as his mind started to wake. The smell of Magnus' hair was intoxicating, his scented sandalwood shampoo making him feel like he was back in a dream. Nuzzling his nose further into the tuff of hair he lightly kissed the back of Magnus' head. 

After the past couple of days, they had just had it felt so good to finally be back where he belonged happy and smiling here with Magnus, his arm draped over his torso, feeling Magnus' back firm against his chest being able to feel every breath that left his body. 

Their chat last night was much needed and not only because of what his mother said but because he had been feeling like that for a while but never realized just how much he had been holding it in his chest. He was amazed that if even he couldn't see it, Magnus could, he really must know him better than he knew himself. 

Just before they fell asleep last night Alec told Magnus that he had reached out to the therapist Caterina had recommended, Magnus was happy for him, he said 'I'm happy you are doing this for yourself.' and he was he was doing it for himself cause he didn't want to feel like that ever again, he wanted to get his confidence back to feel alive again not just with Magnus but with everything in his life. Also trying to come to terms and make peace that he might not ever receive the love he wants from his parents was going to be hard but hopefully she could help him find a way to live with it, without it haunting his dreams. 

Waking up this morning he felt a lot better about everything, their relationship for starters felt like they took a massive step forward and were closer and stronger than ever before he felt secure here in Magnus' arms like nothing else could ever come between them, that they would always find a way to communicate their struggles with one another. He knew he had a long journey ahead of him in every other aspect of his life but he was lucky to have the most supportive boyfriend by his side. 

Alec decided today was their day and they were going to do something special, luckily Alec already had something in mind. 

He felt a soft hand pull his arm tighter around Magnus' waist. Alec moved even closer, their body's now feeling connected. 

Magnus nestled his head further back into Alec's chest his hair tickling his chest. "Good morning." He mumbled from his sleepy state his voice filled with a rasp. 

"Actually, It's afternoon." He leaned over and kissed Magnus' cheek. 

Magnus turned around quickly so they were both facing each other. "Really?" He asked shocked. 

"Yeah," Alec laughed. "We didn't go to sleep until 6 am."  

"We have basically wasted a day, I wanted to do something special with you." Magnus sighed into Alec's chest. "After yesterday and this morning," 

"There are still plenty of hours in the day and night, don't worry Magnus," Alec said quickly stealing a kiss. 

"I know but I wanted to spend the whole day with you since we both have work tomorrow." Magnus pouted his soft lips. 

"We can still do that, what did you have in mind?" 

"I want it to be a surprise." Magnus smiled back up at him.

"Okay fine, you can keep it a surprise as long as I get to take you somewhere today too?" He added, he knew exactly where he wanted to take Magnus, he was nervous but he wanted to do it. 

"You have yourself a deal, darling," Magnus said but soon added on to his sentence just before Alec could kiss him again. "You know this will be like our second date," 

"You're right. I hope you enjoy this one just as much as you enjoyed our first one." Alec was already wondering about Magnus' response to where he was going to take him, he hoped it would be a good one.

"Any time spent with you is always enjoyable, Alexander." 

"Stop it, Magnus, you are going to make me blush." Alec sighed rolling his head back on his pillow. 

"You know, Alexander this may come as a surprise to you but you are actually quite easy to make blush." Magnus teased back propping himself up on one arm. 

Alec rolled his eyes back with a smile on his face, he loved this man so much. 

"Come here," He said pulling Magnus on top of him so he slotted perfectly between his legs. 

"Hi," Magnus smiled down at him. 

"Hi," Alec closed the gap between them both their mouths touching their tongues soon battling for entry. 

Heated and out of breath Alec pulled back his lungs clinging to air. "We should probably get ready," Alec stated between panted breaths. 

"Yeah," Magnus whispered back. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away." He laughed his body collapsing onto Alec's. 

"Magnus don't ever apologize for getting carried away." He paused, running his fingers through Magnus' hair. "I tend to quite like it." 

"Duly noted," Magnus smirked back. "Shower?" 

"Shower." 

 

* * *

 

 

"So, where are you taking me?" Magnus asked as they both finished their coffees and quick brunch. 

"I'm pretty sure I remember something along the lines of 'keep it a surprise' " 

"My bad I must have been so enthralled by your beautiful smile to focus properly." He smiled unapologetically pleased when he saw his smile returned. 

"Ready to go?" Alec asked standing from his seat. 

Magnus nodded and they headed out shortly after.  

 

 

As the cab driver drove through the streets of New York, they started to come closer to the destination Alec had chosen for his part of the date. Alec had been quiet and fidgety since they had left and Magnus was wondering why he was so nervous, that was until he realized where they were going as the cab driver turned down the street of the archery range. "Alexander?" 

Alec turned to him a small smile on his face, "Yes?"

"Are we in the right place?" 

Alec nodded back not saying anything else. 

It wasn't that Magnus was unhappy that Alec had chosen this but it was just the last place he would have thought after his reaction the first time Magnus tried to bring him here. 

They both stayed quiet until they were both outside the cab. Magnus reached for Alec's hand and decided to ask him outright. "Why did you choose here?" 

Alec took a deep breathe "I have wanted to come back here for a while, and I don't know I just feel like I want to try. This was something I used to love and I want that back." Alec said while staring longingly at the doors of the building. 

"Alexander, are you sure? I just don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for, seeing you like that all those weeks ago it was- well it was heartbreaking." He tried not to think back to the look on Alec's face that night, the face of terror of pain. But, that's all that was replaying in his mind. 

"I'm sorry you saw me like that, Magnus"

"Darling you don't have to apologize for that, not now not ever." He paused holding Alec's hand tighter. "You sure about this?" 

"I want to do this Magnus, with you, as long as I have you by my side I can do it." Magnus' heart stuttered. Alec trusted him enough to let him into this part of his world. He knew this may be hard for him but he was also branching out for them to grow together as a couple, to conquer fears together. 

Magnus absolutely loved this idea for a date, Alec was taking a leap, and bringing Magnus with him. 

"If you want to leave at any time or if it gets too much just tell me and we can leave, okay?" When Alec faced him he saw the nerves in his eyes but he also saw the excitement and that gave Magnus all the assurance he needed to know Alec would be fine. 

"I promise." Alec leaned down and kissed him quickly, making Magnus' whole body swirl with giddiness, this was their first date out in public. They could be a clingy new loved-up couple and not care who saw. "I love you." Alec smiled as he pulled away. Those three words, he'd never get sick of hearing them. 

"I love you too," He smiled up at him hoping all the love he felt in that moment was being shown through his eyes. "Now, let's go and see what you're made of hmm?" 

Alec took a deep sigh and smiled on exhale. "Let's go." 

Walking through the doors Alec tightened his hand around Magnus' he could feel his pulse increase through his skin. "Alexander?" 

"I'm fine," Alec replied instantly. Magnus wasn't sure if he believed him. 

Alec turned to him and tilted his head to the side a smile returning to those full lips. "I promise Magnus," The worry was written all over Magnus' face and Alec could probably see that. "I haven't been through those doors in over 2 years it just feels weird but nice but also daunting, I feel a mix of everything but I think this will help me heal." 

Magnus felt himself smile. Finally realizing why Alec wanted to do this, he was trying to fully forgive himself and move on. "This takes a lot of courage Alec you should be proud of yourself, I know I most definitely am." 

Alec stayed staring at him with his head still tilted to the side adorably, starting to make Magnus blush. "Stop looking at me like that." 

"Like what?" Alec's smile grew larger. 

"Like you just found the most amazing thing in the world," Magnus replied lip between his teeth. 

"I like the way you describe yourself." Alec beamed stepping closer his smile now showing his pearly whites. 

Magnus rolled his eyes, why was Alec being like this he couldn't handle him. "Shut up handsome and go get us some bows and arrows and show me if you still got it." 

Alec's grin turned mischevious, "Oh I definitely still got it if we are going by the sounds you were making in the shower this morning."

Magnus' mouth fell open he couldn't believe what just came out of his shy innocent Alexander's mouth. "What has gotten into you." He said but then quickly added. "Actually don't answer that." He laughed. 

Seeing Alec smile like this was breathtaking he looked so, happy. His eyes filled with light, soft crinkles in the corners of his eyelids, his dimples appearing at the sides of his mouth. 

"Come on let's go," Alec said reaching for his hand and pulling him towards the private room

 

* * *

 

 

Alec had to admit to himself when he first walked through those doors his heart felt like it was trying lurch out of his chest like he was going to vomit, but Magnus was there and he needed to remember why he was here. He was okay and this was good and he could have fun, so that's what he was doing. 

"You know I have no idea how to use these, dear. You are going to have to teach me." Magnus said coming closer holding his bow like it was a foreign object. 

"That's part of the fun." He said leaning over and pecking him on the cheek. 

"You are so cliche, Alexander." Magnus shook his head in amusement

"But you love it right?" 

"That I do." He said leaning into Alec's side "And you." 

Alec turned his head down to face Magnus a gorgeous smile on his soft lips just begging to be kissed. Leaning down he closed the distance between them kissing him gently pulling back smiling "Sap." 

"Says the one who bought me flowers," Magnus added nudging Alec's shoulder. 

Alec feigned offense. "Flowers are not sappy, Magnus, they are romantic." This was fun the playful side of their relationship. 

"Okay fine, you can have that, but you are still a giant sap, but you're my giant sap I wouldn't have it any other way." Even though they were just teasing each other Alec's heart would still beat a little faster when Magnus would say things like that. 

"Okay so are we gonna just stand here being incredibly sickeningly in love or are we going to shoot some arrows," Magnus added. 

Alec had almost forgotten where they were the world around them blurring around him as all his focus was on Magnus. 

"Right yes lets." 

"Show me how it's done Mr. Lightwood," Magnus smirked winking as he let Alec take the lead. 

Alec snorted. "Mr. Lightwood?" 

"You are being my teacher, no? Have to behave and use the right terms." Alec pressed his lips together stifling a laugh. 

"You Magnus Bane are ridiculous." Magnus shrugged completely unapologetic

"Come on, I'm waiting." He replied gesturing for Alec to continue.  

Alec lifted his bow and felt his arms stretch at the familiar feeling it used to know except now it felt strange as he hadn't done it in ages. When he wrapped his fingers around the front of the bow he felt a rush of electricity rush through his veins; closing his eyes he took a deep breath in, he had missed this more than he thought. pulling the arrow back slowly taking it all in he opened his eyes again, aiming and releasing watching the arrow fly through the air not hitting the bullseye but close. 

He didn't expect it but he felt an overwhelming need to cry. It all just hit him at once. 

He felt a tender hand reach into his, Magnus' soft fingers locking with his. "Are you alright?" He asked his voice soft and tender with care. 

"Yeah I just," He paused searching for the right words. "I forgot how much I have missed this and I guess it kind of just hit me." He said wiping one stray tear that slipped from his eyes. 

"Hey," Magnus said voice barely a whisper, Alec turned to face him. "Are you sure that's all?" How was Magnus able to always know what he really meant. 

"I miss him." He confessed his voice more fragile then he intended. 

"I know." Magnus took the bow out of his hand and placed it on the ground pulling him into his warm arms. "It's okay to miss him, Alec, that doesn't make you weak, that makes you human," Magnus whispered against his shoulder. 

Magnus always knew what to say, the words to make him feel instantly better or just to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.

Alec nuzzled his nose against the top of Magnus' shoulder, lightly kissing the base of his neck pulling him tighter against him. "Thank you." 

A few minutes passed of them just holding each other in the empty room, letting the warm embrace of his boyfriend's arms hold him close letting him be vulnerable, letting him feel what he needed too. He needed this. And Magnus was always his rock. Always had been.

They pulled back Magnus caressing under his eye wiping the few tears that had fallen. "Do you want to leave?" A concern in his eyes. 

"No," He smiled. It was the truth he didn't want to leave he was enjoying himself and he wanted to do this with Magnus. "I'm having fun with you and this is a good thing." He added. 

"Okay, as long as you are okay." 

"Your turn," Alec said trying to bring the conversation back to why they actually came handing Magnus the bow and arrow. 

"You're okay though, right?" Magnus asked cautiously. Alec nodded kissing him quickly, he didn't know how else to let Magnus know he was okay. 

"I will tell you if I'm not," That seemed to satisfy Magnus' worries as he grabbed the bow and arrow trying to hold it like Alec. 

Alec came around to hold his arms helping him put them in the proper position. Wrapping his own hands around Magnus's and placing them at the front of the bow. The small touches of skin growing more and more intense rushes of electricity soaring through his veins as he stood behind him helping him pull back the arrow. 

"And release." He whispered in Magnus' ear watching him shiver as his breath ran down his neck. 

The arrow released and they watched it fly through the air hitting nowhere near the bullseye but still on the board. 

"That's pretty good for your first try." Alec smiled, but Magnus didn't say anything. "Magnus, are you okay?"

When Magnus finally did turn around he was biting his bottom lip his eyes full of lust blown wide. Alec smirked to himself, proud that he was able to make Magnus a mess. 

"Do you know how hard it is to try and stay calm when you whisper in my ear like that all deep and raspy, Alexander."

"I can imagine it would be quite hard yes." They both laughed, the sweet sounds filling the room. 

The next couple of hours continued like that, the flirty banter, and tension building between them but they still had Magnus' portion of the date and Alec was excited to see what he had planned. 

 

* * *

 

"Ice-skating?" Alec said as though he was thinking about it. 

"Yes?" Magnus hesitated. "Is that okay?" 

"Yes, of course, it's okay, I just." Alec paused scratching the nape of his neck. "I have never done this before." 

Magnus smiled stepping closer into Alec's space linking both their cold hands as the winter breeze blew silently. "Looks like we are both teaching the other something new today." 

Alec pressed his pinkish lips together fighting the smile spreading across his face. "I'm not calling you Mr, Bane." Alec protested with a sly smirk playing on his lips 

"Oh, but darling, you just did." Magnus teased causing Alec to roll his eyes. "Come on let's go, this is going to be fun." 

The sunlight was starting to fade, the dusk of night setting along the sky the lights around the ice skating rink lighting up with beautiful colors as they made their way through the line and grabbing some skates. 

As they sat down on the benches putting on their skates, out of the corner of his eye he saw Alec had somehow found a beanie.  _when did he get a beanie_

"Darling I have to ask where on earth did you get a beanie from?" Not that he didn't like the beanie he actually rather liked it his soft dark hair fluffing out the sides framing his cheekbones, he was tempted to run his fingers through it. 

"They sell them at the counter and I was cold." It was starting to get cold out, he probably should have chosen a place warmer for their date but they were here now and he was determined to enjoy it. 

Taking his scarf off he placed it loosely around Alec's neck watching him blush at the gesture.

"Now you're going to be cold," Alec protested going to take it off but Magnus stopped him.

"I'm trying to be romantic, just take it." Magnus chuckled straightening it around his neck.

He had to admit Alec looked very adorable wrapped up in his beanie and Magnus' scarf with his pink rosy cheeks from the cold air peeping through.

Moving forward he cupped Alec’s face looking him straight in the eyes smiling at his beautiful man. Today had been amazing. Alec going back to archery and bringing him along, opening himself up to that again. He could see the joy it had brought him but he could also see the small hint of a struggle that it had caused him but he pushed through and Magnus was unbelievably proud.

“Thank you for today, I know it meant a lot to you but it also meant a lot to me.” He said running his hand through his hair under the beanie and behind his ear.

"I'm glad I did it I feel a lot better, like I got a part of my life back that had been missing, so thank you for coming with me. I know it might not have been the best date idea but it was special to me so I hope it was as special for you." Alec smiled shyly his eyes falling to his fingers. 

"Are you kidding, that was the  _best_ date idea Alexander. Trusting me with that letting me be a part of that I couldn't be happier." A soft silence fell between them their eyes saying everything they were feeling at that moment. Wanting to seal those thoughts with a kiss Magnus moved forward gently brushing his lips against Alec's, his eyes fluttering closed at the touch. 

"You know I'm quite surprised I can still shoot alright after being out of practice," Alec said as they pulled back finishing tying up their laces. 

“Darling that doesn’t surprise me, you have very talented hands.” He paused smirking. “I would know.”

Alec pursed his lips together with his eyes blowing wide. “Magnus people could hear you.”

“They won’t know what I’m talking about.” He said picking up his hand and kissing it. "Plus stop acting like you are all innocent, Mr flirty pants back at the range." 

“You are relentless.” Alec huffed amused.

“Maybe but you love it.” He laughed. While playing with Alec’s fingers he looked up “Maybe later you could show me your hand skills first hand?” He winked fluttering his long eyelashes at him

 

 

The blush that flew up Alec’s neck and to the tips of his ears was a sight to see, And Magnus was proud he had caused it.

“Magnus, there are kids around,” Alec said his voice a little distorted.

“Maybe, but there are none in earshot,” Magnus replied unapologetically.

Alec shuffled on his seat to get up and go to the rink but before he did he leaned in and whispered into Magnus’ ear deep and sensual “But just so you know, I would love to show you my hand skills later.” And got up and walked away with a massive grin on his face leaving a very flustered blushing Magnus _this time._

Magnus gathered his scattered thoughts and followed, this was going to be fun. Two can play this game and Magnus was determined to win. 

"Are you sure you don't want my help? It can take a while to get used to Alexander." He said approaching Alec where he stood at the edge of the rink glaring at the ice. "I don’t want that peachy bum of yours to get hurt." 

Alec turned and gave him a look as in to say ' _really Magnus_ '

“I’ll be fine, Magnus,” Alec assured him and stepped out on to the ice taking a few small steps acting very confident even turning around with a shit eating grin on his face, until he fell to the ground with a loud omfff falling ass first not only bruising his ego but also his poor bum. Magnus held in his laugh that was bubbling at the surface of his lungs as Alec's poor face looked like a wounded puppy. 

“You’ll be fine did you say?” He smiled teasingly down at him.

Alec’s lips slightly red, cold breath slipping from his mouth an embarrassed smile making its way on to his face.

“Stop taking so much joy out of this and help me up.” He said turning his hazels up to him “Please.”

Magnus contemplated just standing there and watching him struggle to get up but as much fun as that would be he could never say no to those pure beautiful eyes begging him to help him. 

“I can never say no to that face.” Magnus reached out his hand and pulled Alec up in one swift move kissing him on the way up. 

"What was that for?" 

"I'm trying to heal your wounded soul after falling like that in front of so many people." Magnus smiled poking his tongue out slightly. "Did it work?" 

Alec pouted his bottom lip puppy dog eyes on full display shaking his head. The two of them must have looked ridiculous. "I think I need one more."

"Who am I to object," Magnus replied leaning in kissing him as he pulled him further onto the ice. 

"How are you so good at this?" Alec asked as they skated slowly around while Alec was trying to get the hang of it, but ended up looking like a baby giraffe. It was entertaining to watch. 

"I used to come here every Christmas as a child with my mum." He said smiling at the sweet memories sweeping through his brain. His mother first teaching him how to skate. 

Alec went stiff at his answer, "Alexander, it's okay." He laughed. "It's good memories," 

"Yeah I know but I'm still sorry." He sighed pulling them over to the edge and looking Magnus in the eye. 

"Don't be, I'm not sad. I get to share this with you now." He shone his eyes back watching as the lights around the street highlighted Alec's face beautifully. 

"Thank you for sharing this with me," Alec linked their fingers pulling their joined hands up and kissing the back of Magnus' hand. 

"You are very welcome darling, but come on you need to get better at this if we ever think of doing it again," Magnus said kissing the back of Alec's hand at the same time.

They skated around hand in hand for awhile Alec starting to feel more comfortable with his balance, then out of nowhere a child whizzed past them catching them both off guard as Alec lost his balance they both went tumbling down Magnus falling on top of Alec.

Staring at each other both in disbelief at what just happened they both erupted into a heap of laughter, full and loud, Magnus' stomach growing sore from his muscles contracting. Resting his head on Alec's chest he continued to laugh into Alec's soft jersey, his laugh turning to into slow puffs of air forming out of his mouth. "Are you alright?" 

"Yeah," Alec huffed through his slowly disappearing laughter. "At least you came down with me this time." 

Magnus brought his head back up locking eyes with him. "It's more fun this way, you know I can never pass an opportunity to be on top of you." He smiled his teeth pulling at his bottom lip earning another hearty laugh from Alec. 

"Why do I love you again?" Alec teased smiling back up at him. 

Magnus pursed his lips together pretending to think. "hmmm my rock hard abs? My charming good looks? My incredible fashion taste? I could go on but we might be here all night." 

Alec ran his cold fingers through his hair. "You forgot amazing personality, your selfless caring heart, gorgeous smile that lights up my world every morning I wake up, your beautiful eyes, do you want me to continue?" Magnus was lying on the ice on top of Alec the world around him had faded as he listened to Alec's sweet words, they looked insane still laying here but he really didn't care people could stare if they wanted or skate around them, nothing was going to stop him from kissing his man right here on the ice.

Kissing him always felt heavenly like he was coming home like he was kissing his forever, the love of his life. Alec always kissing back with just as much passion. 

They were really that couple kissing on an ice rink with people all around them, yet he didn't care one bit. "Have I told you I love you today?" He breathed as their lips came apart. 

"A few times, but I'd never say no to hearing it again." 

Placing another kiss on Alec's cheek he pulled back "I love you," Going to his right cheek, "I love you," a light press to his forehead. "I love you." 

Alec giggled every time, giving Magnus goosebumps. "Babe, as much as I'm loving this I am currently laying on very cold Ice and I think my butt has gone numb." 

Magnus pulled him up pinching his butt slightly just to make sure it wasn't numb, turns out it still had some feeling left in it if the scream that came from Alec was anything to go by. 

"Magnus," Alec exclaimed.

"What?" He said shrugging back. "I had to make sure it wasn't numb, and now we know it's not. I was doing you a favor." 

"Yeah sure," Alec rolled his eyes tilting his head back laughing. "Come on." reaching for Magnus' hand. "Let's go get some food I'm starving." 

"Ooooh, Darling I bet-" He started in a flirtatious tone but was cut off by Alec. 

"Don't even say it." Alec smiled amused pulling him along and off the ice.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Why did we decide to walk home again?" Magnus shivered in his jacket. 

"I quote you thought 'it would be romantic'" Alec laughed pulling their joined hands up and blowing on them in an effort to warm them up. 

"Never listen to me. It's the middle of winter and I thought this would be a good idea." He laughed leaning into Alec for warmth. 

It was freezing, had been verging on the negatives and lower. Though it looked picturesque with the snow around them it really wasn't worth it. They could have been home by now warm wrapped up in a blanket watching t.v. 

"Thank you for today Magnus, even though I sucked at it I still really enjoyed it and I had so much fun, so thank you," Alec spoke into the quiet night air. 

"You are welcome darling," He said with a massive smile, today had been amazing. His heart so full of joy. "And thank you, for finally teaching me how to use a bow and arrow even though I'm certainly not up to your standard." He said wrapping his arm around Alec's waist wanting him as close as possible. 

"That's fine though because that just means we get to go back," Alec beamed. 

"You want to?" 

"Of course I do, it was great being back there once I got past the initial fear and teaching you is fun." He spoke a real pure joy in his voice. 

Magnus stopped walking turning so they were facing each other. "I know I have already said this but I'm so proud of you Alexander, and seeing that smile on your face makes me so happy." 

"All I ever want to do is make you happy," Alec confessed. 

"And you do, every day." 

"I didn't yesterday," Alec said diverting his eyes to the white covered concrete. 

"Hey," Magnus said brushing his finger along Alec's jawline and tipping his head up. "Don't you think that just shows how strong we are that no matter what, we will make it, together." 

"I like the sound of that." Magnus did too. 

"Come on, let's get home before we freeze our butts off." Magnus shivered again the freezing cold air seeping through his coat. 

They kept walking for another 10 minutes literally only 2 minutes away from home when Alec stopped in his tracks. 

Magnus turned confused. "Darling, what is it?" He asked but was shushed by Alec's index finger. 

"Do you hear that?" 

"Hear what?" Magnus couldn't hear anything other than the sound of their bed calling his name. 

"That," He said moving closer to the side of the road. 

"Alec, what are you doing?" Alec moved closer to the road bending down crouching and scooping something small in his hands. 

"What the-" He didn't finish his sentence his eyes melting on the spot. 

It was a tiny kitten, small enough to fit in one of Alec's hands. It was so cold and he or she was just out here possibly going to die. 

"We can't leave him out here Magnus, it's freezing," Alec said placing the small kitty inside his coat and holding him firmly. 

Watching Alec with this small kitten was unexpectedly very adorable. The smile on his face only growing. 

"I wouldn't dream of it, come on let's take him home and get him warm. I'm sure he wouldn't say no to a bowl of heated milk as well. We can contact the vet or a have a look around to see if anyone is missing a precious bundle of fluff tomorrow."

So with the night taking an unexpected turn, they headed home the last 2 minutes of their trip both completely enthralled by this precious little kitten who seemed to have already stolen Alec's heart. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

The day had been a long one, he didn’t get much sleep last night because Alec had another nightmare and he couldn’t bring himself to sleep after that just wanting to hold Alec while he slept providing the source of comfort he needed. But that had brought on a long tiring day at his office thinking up new ideas and talking with company’s and manufacturers who were interested in his designs. When all he really wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed with his beautiful boyfriend and snuggle up to his large frame and sleep the night away.

As he walked through the door an aroma of herbs and sauces hit his nose. Alec was cooking. He loved coming home to this every day, feeling the stress from the day melt away from his limbs as he waltzed closer to his lovely man, stopping at the door admiring his hunky man stirring something at the stove. It was nice to see his kitchen actually be put to good use.

As he stayed and watched a little longer he noticed the small hum coming from Alec as he was cooking it was utterly adorable he couldn’t fight the smile growing on his face any longer. The need to feel him close to strong he walked up behind him startling him slightly as he wrapped his arms tightly around his waist bringing him closer, feeling that familiar warmth radiate from his body to his. He felt his shoulders loosen and take a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding the whole day. “I missed you.” He sighed against his shoulders.

“You missed me? You were gone for only a few hours.” Alec laughed.

“So, a few hours away from you is too long.” He pouted. Alec didn’t say anything and but he could practically feel the smirk growing on his on his face.

“Fine, I’ll just go do something else then.” He said pulling away to go sit in the lounge.

“No no,” Alec whipped around as quick as ever pulling him back in for a hug. “I missed you too.” Magnus smiled to himself pleased with this outcome. Lifting his head up he puckered his lips waiting for Alec to meet him halfway for a hello kiss to which he did. “Mmm your lips taste nice, what are you cooking?” Magnus said licking his lips trying to figure out what ingredients he was tasting.

“I’m making Satay chicken.” Alec smiled proudly.

“Mmm can’t wait, it smells divine. I knew I loved you for a reason.”

Alec scoffed.“Oh so you are just with me for the food huh,” He said inclining his head down further an eyebrow up in protest.

“You know what they say, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach,” Magnus replied running his hands tantalizing slow up and down Alec’s back pleased when he saw him shiver.

“You’re ridiculous,” Alec laughed leaning forward and kissing him senseless until he felt a light brush of fur at his feet.

“Oh hello my little darling,” He said pulling away and reaching for their newly adopted baby, well kitten but they treated him like a baby. Their little fluff ball was adorable and very affectionate but mainly to Alec and Magnus was working his way to stealing that title if he had a say.

“You know we still need to name him,” Alec said patting the cats head as they both were sucked in by the pure blue eyes that were staring back at them. “Thought of anything yet?

“Me? Why do I have to think of the name?”

“Cause you’re the creative one,” Alec laughed

“I mean yes I like to think of myself as creative but so are you dear.” Magnus protested.

“Stop acting like you haven’t been thinking about a name the whole day.” Alec scoffed laughing into his shoulder.

Magnus tried to hold in his smile but he had been thinking of a name the whole day and he really thought it was quite cute for this kitty who has the fluffiest dark brown fur with waves of white throughout.

“Spit it out, come on I wanna hear,” Alec said again.

“Okay okay so a name did pop into my head and if you don’t like it tell me.” He paused drawing out his pause for dramatic effect. “Armani,”

“Armani,” Alec said again, Magnus liked the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. “Okay yeah I like it, but what about his last name? You know that’s a very important detail. Which last name is he gonna have?”

“Lightwood-Bane,” Magnus said making his own heart jump at hearing that out loud. Even Alec looked shocked by it.

“Lightwood-Bane, huh?”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Magnus asked now worried he may have freaked Alec out for some reason.

“No no, it’s just.” He paused moving Magnus so he was facing him again. His smile tender and beautiful. “I really like the sound of that.”

“Yeah,” Magnus tried but it came out all airy like a whisper.

Stepping closer Alec leaned in further their lips inches apart “Yeah.” Just as Alec leaned in further they were reminded Magnus was holding their little fur baby that wanted to get out of his hands. Magnus bent done and let him roam free and let Alec get back to cooking.

“I forgot to ask how was work? Sorry for waking you in the middle of the night, I know-“ Alec started but Magnus cut him off immediately.

“Hey, don’t apologize for that darling. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay.” He said making sure their eyes met so Alec could see the sincerity in them.

“Okay,” he smiled back, but Magnus could tell it was a little forced and that he still felt bad for waking Magnus up. Magnus would never care if he was tired as long as Alec felt safe and loved he was happy.

“But to answer your question, work was rather boring just a lot of phone calls and emails blah blah, how was your day?” Magnus asked leaning against the bench so he could watch Alec work his Magic.

“It was good actually I went to see Izzy, Jace and Simon for lunch, we finalized a few details about our trip to the lake house for Christmas.” Magnus had almost forgotten their trip away this weekend, the snow, family, and Alec it was going to be amazing.

“Oh yes that’s right, I get to get us matching Christmas onesies,” Magnus said more to himself than to Alec.

“Wait! what?” Alec stopped stirring the sauce. “Did you say matching Christmas onesies?” Why did he look so horrified at the idea they would look cute. Couple goals and all.

“Yes. Please, come on baby it will be fun and you’d look so cute.” Magnus pouted hoping it would break Alec’s stern look of horror on his face.

“You know the others will make fun of us right?”

“Pfft, they’d just be jealous cause we are cuter than them.” Magnus walked closer towards him. “I’ll make it worth your while.” He added trailing his fingers up and down Alec’s arms.

“Are you trying to bribe me with sex?” Alec shook his head rolling his eyes.

“Maybe.” He drawled out the word attempting to sound more innocent. “Is it working?”

Alec pulled his bottom lip between his teeth trying to repress a smile. “Yes, but I would have said yes anyway.”

Magnus laughed. “Sure you would have.”

After settling that matter they sat down to eat, as usual, it was amazing and now they were on the couch watching some comedy show that wasn’t all that funny. Alec lying on his lap while he ran his fingers through his hair.

“How are you feeling with your first session in two days?” Magnus asked, they hadn’t talked much about it, and he didn’t want to push so if Alec didn’t want to talk about he would drop it.

“I honestly don’t know, nervous obviously but I just want to get the first one out of the way.” He sighed. Magnus felt Alec hadn’t finished his sentence so he just stayed silent letting him take charge of the conversation. “What if it doesn’t work?” He asked

“What do you mean what if it doesn’t work?” Magnus asked back.

“What if it doesn’t help or I feel really uncomfortable.” Alec shifted in his lap there faces now facing each other properly.

“It’s important to note that you may not feel better after your first session, sometimes you come out feeling worse as you dredge up unwanted thoughts that you had pushed down, but if you don’t feel comfortable that’s okay too. You just take it as you want, this is your decision and you know what’s best for you.” He smiled down at Alec watching his mind tick behind closed doors.

It was quiet for another few minutes until Alec broke the silence again.

“Magnus.”

“Yes, darling?”

“Could you maybe come with me and then meet me afterward I just-“ Alec paused taking a large breath. “I just need you.” The statement alone caused a rush within him, his eyes threatening to spill over.

“Of course.” Was he all he said not needing to say anything else. He leaned down and their lips met making his whole body feel like it was melting into Alec’s, he’d never get sick of kissing Alec.

"Thank you," Alec whispered against his lips as they came apart for air.  

* * *

 

 

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asked him as he pulled on his shirt getting ready for the day and his first session. 

“Like I don’t want to go.” He laughed weakly, he was really dreading it. He was opening up to a stranger and he was always bad with strangers. Like how did he know how much to say to her or what if he didn’t like her at all? How did he know if he liked her or if she was even going to help him?

“Hey,” Magnus said curling his body around him and facing him. “I can practically hear those thoughts of yours from the bathroom. Take a deep breath.” He smiled. This was helping, Magnus always helped, just his gentle touch would brush the nerves away for a second letting him breathe. Taking the constricted strain around his chest away. 

“Thank you,” He sighed leaning into Magnus’ touch. 

“You want to tell me some of these worries? It might help?” Magnus gestured for them to sit on the bed. 

Walking over the words just started to spill out. “I’m just nervous I guess. Like what if she’s not nice or something goes wrong or she doesn’t like me. And then there’s the part about me actually opening myself up and letting all that pain well up inside me again.” He paused fighting his next words but he knew he had to get them out. Taking a deep breath and leaning his head down on Magnus' shoulder he finally let his actual worries out. “I’m scared. Not of going but of the feeling I’m going to feel as I talk about this stuff, I hate feeling that way.” It was almost a relief to finally let someone other than himself know that, holding it in feeling like he wasn’t allowed to feel scared that it would make him weak. But it didn’t make him weak it made him human he told himself remembering what Magnus told him last week. 

Magnus shifted from his position facing him head on and placing both his hands securely on both sides of his face. “You Alexander are the bravest man I know. Okay, and we’ll do this; you will always have me to come home to, we don’t have to talk or do anything. You’ll just have me here always holding you, believing in you and being proud of you.” 

Alec had to take a minute to process what he just heard. The fact that he had the most amazing supportive man sitting right in front of him loving him, it was still hard to believe. Completely overwhelmed with the emotion he was feeling, he leaned forward resting his forehead against his breathing him in. “Magnus, I - don’t know what to say. You’re constantly surprising me.” 

“You don’t have to say anything. This right here.” Magnus said running his hands softly down his arms making him shiver from his touch. “Says it all.” 

_________ 

He said goodbye to Magnus and made his way through the doors to the room following the therapist whose name was Annie. 

The room was nice. Instead of multiple qualifications spread along the walls like in other places, there were pictures of scenery, beaches, sunsets. It was nice and the chair had soft blankets and cushions it all felt quite cozy and calm. Which helped ease the fluttery feeling in his chest. 

“So Alec, it’s very nice to meet you I have been looking forward to it.” She smiled at him her smile was welcoming no judgment or preconceived ideas about him. 

“You too, I mean I have been a bit nervous but I made it.” He said back as a nervous laugh left his mouth.

“That’s normal for you to be feeling that way, but you are here and that already is a massive step.” She congratulated him. “So why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself and some of the things you are wanting to discuss?” 

Alec paused feeling unsure where to start. 

“We'll take this at your pace so tell me whatever you are comfortable with.” She added. 

Alec started from when he was young and how his parents weren’t around much, how he had to look out for his siblings, and never really got the time to look out for himself. He carried on through his school years and all the relationships he had with friends and his siblings. He could feel the ache growing the thickness in his chest as he continued to talk as he got to the part where had come out to his parents. He was about to continue when she stopped him. 

 

“Alec I’m just gonna stop you there, you are looking overwhelmed and I just want you to breathe for a second, okay, take as much time as you need. We don’t need to rush this.” Alec nodded inhaling a deep breath trying to push the tears he could feel building. Inhale, exhale he told himself over and over again. 

A few minutes past until she asked another question. “When you told your parents you were gay and they reacted this way what was it you wanted to say back to them. What is it that you still want to say to them.” 

He could practically feel the words falling out his mouth. He had never said this to his parents not outright he had always been on the defense, defending himself instead of trying to make them see him as him. “I’m still me, just because of my choice of partner doesn’t change who your son is as a person.” He’s still himself. Nothing about him had changed why couldn’t they see that.   
“If they loved me before, why not now?” As soon as the words were out the lump in his throat grew tighter he couldn’t fight the tears that tore from his eyes. He didn’t want to cry not yet. 

Leaning his head down into his hands he tried to pull himself together. “It’s okay to feel these things, I know it’s scary but once it's out it can feel so much better. Take your time.” 

Why didn’t they love him? Was it really that hard to accept that he liked men? He would never understand why. He felt abandoned he felt like he was ripped from his family without a choice. His family didn’t feel like a family anymore. His parents didn’t feel like family anymore. 

Magnus was his family. Izzy, Jace even Simon, Maia and Clary. They were his family. And he loved them but nothing could really heal the ache of being abandoned by your own parents feeling like you were forgotten and meant nothing to them. Like you could walk past them in the street and they wouldn’t even care. They didn't care about his life anymore, they hadn't for some time and that made him want to hate them. He wanted to scream at them and make them feel as bad as they had made him feel but that wouldn’t solve anything, that would just make him as bad as them. That was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to be better. 

“Going through this must have and still would be difficult for you, but you’re here, you made it. What were some of the things that got you through you think?” She asked as he calmed down. 

“After I told them, it was my siblings. Especially my little brother.” He paused scrunching his eyes. Taking a deep breath and then continuing. “And my younger sister, they were there a lot for me. Izzy was always making sure I went out and socialized and didn’t seclude myself and my younger brother max he.” Pausing again he swallowed. “He was just so young and carefree he always asked what I was doing and if he could join. It was nice being around him like I could escape from my reality for just a second.” 

“And you still have them to help you get through this I presume.” He knew a question like this was coming but he didn’t know if he could dive into the max stuff today the things with his parents already feeling like a lot. 

“Uh my sister yes, Max, unfortunately, is no longer with us. But if it’s alright can we talk about that another week it’s just hard for me to talk about.” He had to remember Magnus’ words. Don’t force yourself to say things you aren’t comfortable with this is about him and what he feels alright with. 

“That’s completely okay, I’m sorry for your loss.” She smiled reassuringly making him feel safe and comfortable. He was surprised at how he didn’t feel as nervous anymore. “Let’s maybe shift a little. Through the years I’m sure you found things that made you happy, things that may be made you feel better for even short periods of time? What are those things? What things help you?” 

A few things popped into his head. archery, cooking etc but there was one clear focus for him, Magnus. “I enjoy archery and cooking those things relax me. I actually just got back into archery after so many years” 

“What made you get back into archery?” 

“I had stopped going as it reminded me of my little brother Max but my boyfriend, he’s helped me a lot and I wanted to share this with him.” The way she smiled at him as he said boyfriend made him smile back even stronger. He was hopeless for the man 

“Judging by the smile on your face. This boyfriend is very important?” She asked. 

Only the most important person to him. “I don’t think I could have gotten through the last few months without him. He's been my rock. He’s opened my life back up, I feel like I can look forward to things again. He’s just been a really great support and it scares me how much I love him sometimes.” 

“Why does this scare you?” 

“We talked about it one night after a small argument, he noticed something was off with me and I admitted to not wanting to be a burden to him scared that like everyone else he will abandon me, deep down I know he won’t. But sometimes those insecurities eat away at me.” 

“Do you think this chat helped you both?” 

“I do, I feel closer to him than I ever have and that’s a lot seen as we were best friends since high school. He’s the one I know it.” 

“That’s quite a statement. And may I add you sound very confident in that statement.” 

“I am.” 

“May I ask is this the young man that was sitting with you outside?” 

“That’s him. I asked him to come.” And meet him afterward. He was feeling drained after this session but good also. He couldn’t wait to see him afterward. 

“What do you love about him?” She was asking so many questions about him. He wasn't sure why but he didn’t mind. He could talk about Magnus forever it made him happy. Maybe that’s why she was doing it? 

“Do you have all day.” He joked but not really. “He’s caring and so kind. He knows how to make me feel better and how to make me laugh. He makes me feel whole. He puts my needs before his own even though I protest. I have nightmares sometimes and I feel bad because I wake him up but he always reassures me that I have nothing to apologize for and that it’s not my fault. I have just never had someone care for me the way Magnus does and I find myself pinching myself every day making sure it’s real. The way I feel for him it’s- I’m unable to put it all into words.” Magnus meant a lot to him but whenever he spoke to other people about him that was when he always realized just how much he cared and loved him. 

“I can tell this relationship is good for you. For the first time in your life, you are letting someone else look after you and put you first. But I can see you also do the same for him. It’s rare what you have. So, keep a hold of that.” 

And then they heard the timer. He had never talked so much about emotions in just one hour he felt exhausted. They said a few more words and said their goodbyes. “I look forward to hearing from you Alec, take care of yourself, yeah?” 

“I will thank you, Annie.” 

As soon as he closed the door he saw those eyes, the deep pools of the richest browns waiting for him with a smile on his face.

 

After what he had just been talking about he felt like crying. The immense amount of feelings that rushed through his heart in that second felt incredibly overwhelming. 

Magnus walked up to him smiling his gorgeous smile Alec had fallen in love with on day one. “Hey sweetheart, you okay?” Magnus asked.

Alec just leaned forward and smashed their lips together in a desperate kiss. Letting everything he felt in that moment out through the kiss. 

Pulling back Magnus looked taken by surprise. “What was that for?” He whispered his voice just as destroyed as his own. 

“I just love you. That’s all.”

Magnus paused his eyes locked to his, hand caressing his cheek. “I love you too.” He leaned forward and pecked him on the lips again ever so gently it felt like just a whisper of his breath. “Come on let's go home.”

On their way home, they stopped for takeout both not feeling bothered to cook. Alec just wanted to relax and get comfy on the couch and watch a movie.  
  
Entering the loft the little pitter-patter of paws came from across the room. Armani making his way over to him. Bending done he scooped him up in his arms, the little kitty snuggling up in his arms. “Hey, little buddy. Did you miss me?”  
  
Magnus came up behind “I swear one day I’m going to get him to snuggle up to me like that. Why does he love you so much?” Magnus asked.  
  
“What’s not to love.” Alec grinned back making Magnus chuckle.  
  
“Nothing, you’re perfect.” That small familiar feeling of a blush started creeping up his cheeks. Leaning over Magnus kissed him on the cheek and continued to walk through the house.  
  
“You go pick a movie while I get this takeout sorted.” Magnus gestured.  
  
They got comfy on the couch, all three of them. The little kitty not wanting to leave his side.  
  
Magnus hadn’t asked how his session went. He was thankful in a way because his emotions were still feeling raw he didn’t know if he could talk about it without breaking down.  
  
As they continued to watch the movie Alec completely forgot there was a movie on the screen his attention solely on Magnus. He could stare at him forever and he’d never get sick of the view. He loved this man with all his heart. They had come so far and the future for them even though he had no idea where it would take them he was excited about it.  
  
“Hey,” Magnus turned slowly looking up at him from where he was laying in his legs. “What you staring at?”  
  
“Hey,” Alec started stroking his fingers through Magnus soft locks. “You.”  
  
Magnus’ smile soon turned into a small frown his brows furrowing together. “You okay? After today.” He questioned.  
  
“Yeah.” He said cause he was. He was okay.  
  
“Good.” Was all that Magnus replied before leaning up kissing him quickly.  
  
“Stay here, okay. I have a surprise for you.” Magnus added as he pulled away and shuffled off the couch. Alec already missing his warmth.  
  
“A surprise? What for?”  
  
Magnus just winked and continued his way to the bedroom making Alec think even more.  
  
5 or 10 minutes later Magnus came back out a huge smile on his face beckoning him to come to take his hand. “Cover your eyes.”  
  
“I won’t be able to see and what if I walk into a wall.” He really didn’t want to walk into a wall. Plus being this tall he’d lose his balance easily.  
  
“Don’t worry sweetheart I’ll guide you.”  
  
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better.” Alec chuckled.  
  
“Hey!” Magnus protested. “I’ll let you know you will be in very safe hands.”  
  
“Okay Okay.” Alec did as told and covered his eyes letting Magnus guide him through the bedroom hesitating with every step.  
  
As they made their way through the smell of flowers and scented candles grew stronger, calming his muscles immediately. Sniffing his nose he tried to pick up on the scents but couldn’t, he was never good with this sort of stuff he just knew they smelled nice.  
  
They went through another door frame, he guessed it was the bathroom door. He took another couple of steps until Magnus stopped him. Whispering in his ear “Okay open your eyes darling.”  
  
When he opened his eyes he was sure his heart almost leaped out of his chest the room lit beautifully with softly scented candles spread along the bath and vanity, vibrant red rose petals sprinkled along the floor and up through the bath that was covered with a thick layer of bubbles. He turned to Magnus in complete disbelief. “What is this all?” He asked still taking it all in.  
  
“I knew today must have been stressful for you so I wanted to give you a relaxing night. And cause I love you and you deserve it.” Once again Magnus was astounding him with his kind and loving heart.  
  
“Thank you.” He smiled back.  
  
“Nothing to thank me for, come on let’s get in before it gets cold.”  
  
Magnus sunk into the hot water letting out a relieved sigh the bubbles surrounding his body. Magnus turned a smirk playing on his lips.  
  
“Come on stop staring and join me.”  
  
Alec obliged stripping himself of his clothes and sinking into the water. As soon as the water hit his tense muscles he felt a shiver of relief soar up his back, not realizing how worked up he actually was. The water felt amazing and the relaxing scents around sifting around the room made him feel like he just wanted to stay here forever.  
  
Slotting himself between Magnus’ legs he lent back letting Magnus hold him. It always felt amazing being in Magnus’ embrace. Laying there for a few minutes he closed his eyes sighing a smile on his face resting his head just below Magnus’ shoulder.  
  
Not being able to help himself he hummed in pleasure as Magnus started massaging his shoulders his muscles loosening at his touch. Magnus was very good with his hands in many more ways than one it would seem. As he massaged down his arm he followed with gentle delicate kisses, so light to the touch it felt like a feather gracing his skin sending shivers all over his body. He felt like he was melting into Magnus’ chest his entire body turning into a gooey mess.

* * *

  
  
  
Magnus continued his massage on Alec for a few more minutes the air was silent with a sweet tension. Magnus touch saying everything he needed to.  
  
“Hey, Babe,” Alec spoke up from his haze.  
  
“Yes, darling?”  
  
“Are you really going to buy us Christmas onesies for the lake house?” Alec questioned taking him completely by surprise how was Alec thinking of something like this when he was doing what he was doing to him.  
  
“Alexander your mind astounds me how is that on your brain right now?” He laughed kissing Alec on the head and resting his chin on top.  
  
“Well it’s just if you are, can I help choose?”  
  
Again Magnus was taken by surprise. Where was Alec and what had he done with him?  
  
“You, Want to help? Has this massage gotten to your head?”

“I’m serious, if I’m going to be wearing this for multiple days then I want to at least have a small say in it. That’s fair right?”

Picking something with Alec would be nice, not that they’d agree on everything but at least it’d be fun.  
  
“Okay fine you have a deal, later tonight we will look online for some.” Christmas onesies were such a ridiculous idea but he wanted to have fun and thought Alec would look adorable in one so why not.  
  
“You need to tell me more about this elusive lake house, what’s there to do there exactly?” Magnus added still running his hands along Alec’s arms.  
  
“The house its self is beautiful a real classic lake house cottage with dark timbers and cozy fireplaces. Lots of bedrooms so it’s great for our family and friends.” It sounded like heaven and exactly what Magnus needed after a roller coaster year. Alec continued “There are a few trails around the house and the lake is just beautiful especially when it snows. Other than that we all just relax and spend quality time together doing mundane things like board games movies, snow fights if we are feeling adventurous.” He laughed.  
  
“It all sounds incredible. I feel very privileged to be able to come with you.” Magnus said trailing kisses up down Alec’s neck.  
  
“Of course you’re coming. I wouldn’t want to go with- uhh without you.” Magnus liked the effect he was having on him. Alec’s body reacting the way he wanted it too. Shivering himself as soon as Alec’s hands came into contact with his thighs running them torturously slow along his skin.  
  
The movements weren’t rushed or frantic. They were slow, sensual all about taking their time and making the other just know they were there.  
  
Alec splashed around as he was turning in Magnus’ embrace, to Magnus’ surprise he slid him up on to his lap, meeting his lips halfway. Wrapping his arms slowly around Alec’s shoulders and dancing his fingers along the top of his spine he kissed Alec deeper with more passion and fire. Wanting to taste everything on Alec’s lips. His heart beating at a rapid pace his blood feeling like it was searing hot as it flowed through his veins this here and now both their souls feeling connected as one, their skin brushing against each other as they rolled their hips together in an effortless rhythm.  
  
The light pants and whispers that started to leave Alec’s mouth only making Magnus want to be closer to him if that was humanly possible but yet it felt like he did. They were together more than just physically they were emotionally as well. Their hearts beating as one. The rest of the world disappearing from their train of thought just for this time that they were together. Together in this moment was all that he wanted right now. It was perfect, just like every other second he would spend with the love of his life.  
  
The way Alec would say his name barely a whisper yet like he was the thing he desired most, the person he wanted most in the world making Magnus want to cry, returning such feeling by gasping Alec’s name against his neck where his lips were. “Alexander”  
  
He never wanted this feeling to be over, the feeling of being completely and utterly in love, the feeling of wanting nothing more than the one in his arms. This was it for him and he knew that a long time ago, even back in high school he knew that. Moving away only made that more apparent to him, missing him every day, wondering if he was okay if he missed him too? But now he didn’t need to think all those things now he had him, they were together and happy, now missing him wasn’t as bad because he knew he’d get to come home to his gorgeous smile every night and wake up to it every morning. He knew he was okay, and if he ever wasn’t they’d get through it together. Alexander Lightwood was his future.  
  
  
 


	16. Chapter 16

“Are you sure Armani is going to be okay with Caterina while we are away?”

“Yes,” Magnus answered for what felt like the 100th time. Alec was so worried about him it was quite sweet. “You know Caterina is a Nurse, right? He couldn’t be in better hands.”

“Yes, I know. It’s just, we haven’t had him long and I don’t want him to think we are abandoning him.” If Alec was this worried about their cat, it was making him think about how protective of their kids he would be, if they had kids. It was making his heart tick faster at the thought.

“Darling, he’s a kitten he’ll be fine. I promise.” He assured him shuffling closer to him on the back seat of the van they were currently in. They were all headed to the lake for the week. “Plus, we are only away for a week.”

That seemed to ease Alec a little bit.

Alec leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Okay.”

“Geez, you two are acting like you’re leaving your child for the first time,” Jace remarked from his seat in front of them.

“He is, at least it’s the first step two something like that.” Alec shrugged, not knowing the feeling he was causing Magnus on the inside. Stay calm he told himself.

“Whoa! Wait you guys are already talking about kids? You’ve only been dating a few months.” Izzy whipped around so fast in her seat he was worried she might have gotten whiplash.

“What? I Uh-.”  Alec’s words stumbled.

Magnus placed his hand on his thigh and jumped in to save his boyfriend from a nervous breakdown. “We haven’t but it’s nice to know we are thinking somewhat the same.”

“Oh my god, I’m going to be an aunty.” Izzy practically squealed making him laugh.

“One day,” Magnus added not letting her get ahead of herself.

“Well I mean I can’t count on Jace and Clary to have any kids anytime soon so let me have this.” She laughed back catching Clary and Jace’s offended faces.

“Magnus,” Alec spoke warily linking their hands. When he considered Alec’s eyes he couldn’t pinpoint what he was feeling. He’d never seen that look before and it was making him feel vulnerable like Alec was looking deep into his soul.  “Have you really thought about it?” He started. “A family I mean. Me, you, and a couple of kids?” The way Alec asked like he was hesitant it would have even crossed his mind. Little did Alec know it crossed his many times.

“Alexander,” He lowered his voice not wanting Alec’s siblings to pry on this conversation. Timing never really was their thing, so why not have this conversation now he thought. “One day I can picture it all. Being your husband.” He very nearly never blushed. Were they really talking about this? Alec blushed back which made him feel a tad more at ease with his thumping heart. “Children.” He paused drawing small circles on the back of Alec’s hand. “Everything.” All this was really all he ever wanted with Alec, from a young age even when they weren’t together, these were the small fantasies that would run rampage in his brain and now it felt like it could be a possibility in the future.

Alec smiled back at him his eyes shining in the afternoon sun that was streaming through the back window. Brushing their lips together Magnus let himself get lost in the soothing rhythm of Alec’s soft lips on his not caring who was there to witness.

“Are we almost there, Si? these two lovebirds in the back are being sappy as hell.” Jace shouted ruining the moment. Was this what it was going to be like all weekend? He hoped not.

Magnus and Alec both pulled back rolling their eyes in unison. ‘Shut up, Jack.” Magnus retorted emphasizing the name, Jack. He felt proud when Alec laughed at that.

Jace turned around his face one of horror “Jack, really Magnus?”

“That’s your name isn’t.” He bit back laughing.

“Unfortunately, no,” They heard Simon state from the driver’s seat. “We still have about another 2 hours on the road.”

“So, you three better stop acting like Children yourselves and also Jace let them be they’re happy and in love,” Izzy added smiling directly at Magnus.

“I am not a child.” Jace protested.

“Some would state otherwise. But, you do you.” Alec laughed nudging him forward in his seat a little.

Magnus sent Izzy the most thankful smile he could muster and then turned his attention back to Alec.

Alec yawned next to him, he must have had another restless night. “why didn’t you wake me?” He asked gesturing for Alec to make himself to get comfy on his lap.

“You always look so peaceful when you sleep, and I was fine. Don’t worry.” He said kissing Magnus’ hand leaving tingles in its place.

Magnus tried not to worry. He really sounded like he was fine. “Why don’t you rest until we arrive?”

Alec frowned his perfect eyebrows at him. “Are you sure? They can be annoying.” He said waving his hand around gesturing to his siblings.

Magnus chuckled sliding a small piece of hair out of Alec’s eyes. “Oh please, I can handle Jack.” He smirked as he heard Jace groan in front of him. “Sleep.” Leaning down he kissed his forehead and let him rest.

As soon as Alec closed his eyes he ran his fingers through his hair in a soothing motion. Looking down at his beautiful boyfriend, his Alexander. His heart had never felt so full.

When he was back in L.A he had always wondered why some part of him never felt right, never complete but now he knew why. He was waiting for Alec. His other half and now that they were together he was complete and nothing could take that feeling away from him.

 

* * *

 

 

 

As his head hit Magnus’ rather comfortable legs his eyes fluttered closed shortly after as he focused on the soft touch of his fingers twirling through his hair, the light hum of his voice as he talked to the others. His heart feeling like it was still beating a million miles but also feeling calm and in love, it all just felt perfect. Spending some time away from the bustling city and escaping to the quiet outskirts of New York in their lake house was exactly what he needed.

Eventually, the soft strokes in his hair sent him off into a blissful sleep completely unaware of what was happening around him.

 

“Baby, wake up we are here.” He was pulled from his deep slumber by his favorite velvety voice. Rubbing his eyes, he pulled himself up off Magnus’ legs and noticed he immediately went to rub his thighs.

“Babe, you should have moved me if I was making your legs dead.” He sighed in post sleepy state.

“You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you.” Magnus shrugged his shoulders innocently. “Don’t worry the feeling is coming back now. Sleep well?”

“I did.” He moved closer to Magnus, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me darling, but you’re welcome. Now come on let’s go inside and find our bedroom.”

“Good Idea.”

Grabbing their bags, they made their way inside, greeted by an overexcited Izzy. “You two are upstairs.” She said to them as she passed them and made her way outside.

Alec was thankful, there was only one bedroom upstairs so it meant more privacy for him and Magnus.

Once they entered the room Alec was hit with a wave of nostalgia. He hadn’t been here in two years and all the memories came flooding back. Good and Bad but he only focused on the good.

Magnus came up behind him kissing between his shoulder blades. “You okay?” He asked.

“Perfect,” Alec replied.

Magnus dropped his bag and made his way over to the bed flopping his body dramatically down on the mattress.

“Tired?” Alec asked dropping his bag and following.

“Surprisingly yeah, your siblings talk a lot.” Magnus laughed while staring up at the ceiling.

Making his way over to Magnus he joined in on the laughter. “That they do.” As he reached the foot of the bed he slowly lowered his body crawling up over Magnus’ body kissing his way up his arms and finding his neck making Magnus moan in sinful tone. “I hope you’re not too tired though.” He smirked as his eyes met Magnus’ seeing the effect he was already having on him.

Magnus met his smirk flipping them over so he was now straddling his thighs. “For you.” He paused running his fingers down Alec’s clothed chest making his blood run hot beneath his skin. “Never.” Their kisses soon went from soft pecks here and there and playful bites until they were a tangled mess lost in each other’s limbs.

“Wait, wait.” Alec rushed out.

“What?” Magnus asked looking confused.

“Nothing it's just I know my siblings and we should probably lock the door.”

Magnus laughed agreeing immediately letting him get up to go do just that.

As he made his way back he decided to lose his shirt along the way loving the way Magnus looked at him.

“Now there is a sight I never get sick of seeing,” Magnus said flicking his tongue along his lips. That tongue that could do magical things.

He dived back down capturing Magnus’ lips while rolling his hips down. “You’re wearing too many clothes.” He said while kissing along his jaw.

“We both are. Maybe we should fix that.” Magnus said running his hands down Alec’s bare chest and undoing his belt.

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Alec went straight for Magnus’ shirt. “Why do you always wear such fiddly shirts?” He sighed getting frustrated at how long it was taking him.

“Because they look good.” Alec couldn’t argue with that.

“I agree but right now I have a feeling it is going to look a lot better off.” He said finally getting the last button free.

“Eager much,” Magnus replied as he slid Alec’s belt from its loops and throwing it across the room.

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Hmm.” Magnus played. “Well, that I can do.”

Their lips connected again as they continued to strip piece by piece. Slowly pushing Magnus’ shirt from his shoulders and throwing it somewhere to the side both laughing and smiling between kisses.

His jeans were beginning to grow increasingly tight and he was needing to free himself from them. Leaning upon his knees he unzipped his jeans and let them fall kicking them off his feet.

Magnus began to do the same with his own pants but he stopped him wanting to do it himself. Sliding them slowly down his toned legs wanting to run his fingers over his beautiful skin. It was intoxicating being like this with Magnus like he never could get enough. Kissing his way up his legs he kissed every spot he could. Wanting to make Magnus fall apart from his lips alone. Making his way up his thighs he purposefully averted his way around the one place Magnus wanted him most. Smirking to himself when he heard Magnus groan in frustration.

“Tease,” Magnus mumbled.

Alec stopped where he was currently kissing his way up Magnus’ abdomen. “Just getting you back for always teasing me.”

Magnus snickered. “You want to tease, oh baby just you wai-“ Alec cut him off as he continued his assault on his stomach with his lips eventually finding his nipple playing with it in his mouth making Magnus arch off the mattress. “But we can do that next time.” Magnus rushed out his voice completely gone.

Watching Magnus lose control like this, knowing he was causing it only made him grow harder in his lower region. Kissing him he ground his hips down with Magnus’ teasing him even further.

“Alexander.” Fuck he loved the sound of his name leaving Magnus’ mouth.

And then he captured those lips in his, Magnus’ hands running up his spine and dragging them through his hair making him roll his hips harder, both sliding together. The whole room growing 10x hotter, sweat dripping down his forehead. “I swear to god Alexander, I am about to lose it.” Magnus rushed between kisses.

“I was hoping you would lose it.”

“So was I but I’d prefer for you to be inside me before that happens.” Magnus thrust his hips up to meet Alec’s this time making a deep moan rip from his own throat.

“Say no more.”

 

* * *

 

They made their way downstairs both still reveling in their highs, smiling besottingly at each other their hair still wet from their shower.

“Where have you two – oh actually never mind you both have wet hair that’s answer enough,” Izzy said as they made their way into the living room finding a comfy chair and slotting next to each other. Alec blushed and just giggled probably finding his blush amusing.

“You almost look as flushed as you were when we were in the shower,” Magnus whispered in his hair making his mind slip back to Magnus doing that thing with his tongue and his blush only intensified.

Curling his face in the crook of Magnus’ shoulder. “Stop it.” He mumbled.

“Where is everyone?” Magnus asked. But Alec was still flustered and was too embarrassed to show his face. He hated the effect Magnus had over him, except he really didn’t. He loved it. A lot.

“Clary, Jace, and Simon went to get pizza from town. Apparently, something about Clary not trusting Simon and Jace’s taste in food.” Which was a fair enough reason.

Alec finally peeled himself from Magnus’ shoulder his face now hopefully a normal color. Looking around at the surroundings he smiled to himself.

“What are you smiling at?” Izzy asked.

“Just how when we were younger me and you used to sneak down here once mum and dad went to bed and would just huddle by the fire with a hot cocoa and just chat about everything.” That was one of his fondest memories here, him and Izzy just sitting huddled together under a blanket, sharing secrets and talking about nothing and everything. He was 10 when they first started the tradition, Izzy 8.

“I remember. God! We haven’t done that in forever. I can’t believe mum and dad never caught us.” She laughed. “You could barely fit under that coffee table when we hid. Oh, that was so funny.”

“You almost got us caught cause you couldn’t contain your laughter.”

“I couldn’t help it.” Her attention went to Magnus then. “Imagine it a 12-year-old Alec, tall and lanky trying to hide under that coffee table.” She pointed to the table Alec’s feet were currently resting on.

‘I don’t blame you, Isabelle, that sounds like quite the picture I wish I could have seen.” Magnus laughed his fingers drawing small patterns along his back.

“Do you want to go see the lake?” Alec asked Magnus as he turned to face him.

“I’d love that, just let me go grab my scarf and jacket. I’ll grab yours while I’m there.” Magnus kissed his hair and went off in the direction of the stairs.

“Do you want to join, Iz?”

“No, no, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it.” She smiled. He could tell she was genuine in her decline but he had missed their chats.

“Okay but me and you we have to spend some time together okay. I miss my little sister.” He walked over and kissed her on the head.

“Deal.” Just as she said that Magnus came back in the room looking snug as ever wrapped up in his thick jacket, scarf and surprisingly a beanie. Magnus passed Alec’s own jacket and beanie to him.

“Wow, that’s a tad cute, matching beanies. Get out of here you two.” Izzy shooed them away.

As they walked to the door leading to outside Alec leaned over and whispered in Magnus’ ear. “I like you in a beanie.”

“I was hoping you would.” Before they left Magnus kissed him and opened the door, his face being hit with a gust of cold air.

Linking their hands they made their way down to the lake.

 

* * *

 

 

“That story about you and Izzy huddling around the fire was cute,” Magnus said trying to hide the inner turmoil he was feeling. It wasn’t that he was upset with Alec or anyone. He just always got like this around the holidays always being reminded that he, in fact, didn’t have any biological family left. But it was nice to see Alec interact with his, it made his heart warm watching the smiles grow on their faces.

“Yeah, I miss it. Our chats.” Alec replied. Magnus couldn’t help but feel guilty at that. He was already feeling insecure so any doubts or anything just found their way into his brain, eating at him. If Alec knew what he was thinking he spoke again. “Not that I regret moving in with you, I don’t one bit and never want to change that for the world.”

He couldn’t even remember when Alec had moved in it felt like forever ago.

“I know but still, you know she can come around, whenever right?”

“I know.”

They continued down the path to the lake an awkward tension falling between them as Magnus just kept thinking. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hindering Alec from seeing his siblings as much as he should maybe he shouldn’t have come on this trip.

Once they reached the Lake they both sat down and took in their surroundings. The tall dark trees, rows, and rows of them as they went further into the forest and just ahead of them the sparkling lake glistening in the afternoon sun. “Wow, this is beautiful.”

“Sometimes when it’s cold enough the lake freezes over and you can ice skate on it, not that I ever have as you would know.” He laughed cold puffs of air leaving his mouth.

Magnus just smiled in response not trusting his voice at this moment which made Alec frown at him. He didn’t want to burden him with his stupid insecurities, he deserved to enjoy this trip not to worry about his boyfriend.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Alec shuffled closer so now there was no gap between them.

“Nothing, just tired I guess.” He tried to brush it off but he knew it wouldn’t work.

“Magnus.” Magnus had to laugh at Alec’s scolding tone.

Playing with the stones that were at his feet he tried distracting him by throwing them into the water. But as soon as Alec stopped him he gave in.

“Look at me.” Alec softened his tone worry etched in his words.

Magnus looked at him but couldn’t hide it any longer.

“What is it? We were fine a minute ago?”

“There’s nothing wrong with us it’s just me don’t worry.”

“I’m going to worry, that’s how it works remember, please.” Alec tried one last time.

“I just feel bad.” He sighed.

“what do you feel bad about?” Alec asked confused.

“You don’t see your siblings a lot anymore and it’s because of me and now I can see that now I’m on this trip.” He could see the look on Alec’s face and this was why he didn’t want to tell him. “Holidays, they are about family and I’m taking you away from yours.”

Alec laughed, actually laughed. Why did he find this funny? He was being serious and was growing frustrated that Alec was finding humor in this. “It’s not funny Alec.” He heard how harsh the name came out and winced.

“Babe no, I don’t find it funny, not at all it’s just the fact that you don’t see yourself as a part of my family. I love you more than anything Magnus and this trip wouldn’t be as amazing as it’s going to be if you weren’t here so please don’t think that.” He finally let Alec meet his gaze. “I have been here many times with my siblings.” Alec paused shuffling closer holding both his hands. “This time I want to share it with you.”

Alec’s words were sweet and at any other time it would have been enough to squash his insecurities but he always got like this around this time of year. He was used to spending his holidays alone in L.A those last 4 years affecting him more than he thought, normally he would be at his apartment halfway through a bottle of whiskey trying to drown his sorrows. But now that he had Alec he didn’t have to be alone, but it was hard to break that cycle of feeling unloved, unwanted and like he had no one to lean on.

“I want to share it with you too.” He smiled back what he could half of it feeling forced and unnatural. It shouldn’t have been forced though he was sitting next to the love of his life, his one true love, his soul mate. That should have been enough, but he just didn’t have the strength in him to fight the burning ache deep in his chest.

“Why do I feel like you aren’t telling me everything?” Alec asked his words cautious as he spoke.

Talking about it now would get him nowhere.

“Alec, please. I’m fine.” He stressed. “Just drop it.”

“Consider it dropped.” Alec bit back dry and obviously pissed off.

Magnus was ruining a perfectly fine fun-filled afternoon with his unwanted insecurities. Alec deserved better than that. He deserved to have fun and have no worries and not be dragged down by his needy boyfriend. He didn’t deserve a boyfriend who was pushing him away.

Looking over at Alec, his face stark white with rosy cheeks, the cold brushing against his cheeks. He was perfect so why couldn’t he let this be a perfect moment between the both of them. But he couldn’t even process the emotions he was feeling let alone voice them at this moment, it would all come out completely wrong and it wouldn’t sit well with him if he said something he would regret.

They both sat in silence over the next 30 minutes or so just staring out along the line where the lake met the trees. He felt so disconnected, he was hurting. The more he mulled over it the more he became awkward and the tension built. He just wanted to reach out to Alec and say something to break this now relentless silent between them.

“Alexander, I’m-“ He began but was cut off as soon as he started. Interrupted by a loud voice.

“There you guys are foods here, come an eat before Jace eats it’s all,” Simon yelled from a few meters in front of them.

They got up and the separation between them felt aloof, unkind, unwanted, awkward. Their hands swinging alone in the crisp air feeling like it was slicing through his fingers.

Magnus couldn’t help himself and stopped just before the entrance to the house. “We are okay, right?”

Alec smiled but just like Magnus’ earlier, it was forced. “Perfect,” Alec replied kissing him chastely then walking inside like nothing had happened. But why did everything feel so imperfect?

“Hey, the lovebirds are back. How was the lake?” Clary asked as she passed them both a beer each.

“Was fine,” Alec responded. Magnus adding. “Really beautiful.” Magnus cursed himself, they were being so obvious and the others were sure to catch on that something was wrong.

Amidst all the tension they still sat next to each other. But as they stayed silent it only let Magnus’ mind wander more. Was Alec really that upset that he didn’t want to talk about it?

They ate in silence as everyone else talked.

Magnus’ phone pinged a few times opening up the texts he got from Caterina. There were a couple photos of their precious kitty tucked into her lap, sleeping soundly.

“See darling.” He showed Alec. “He’s perfectly happy and in great hands.” Alec just smiled back adding to the awkward tension he was sure everyone around the room could now feel.

“Who’s up for a movie?” Simons asked eagerly while jumping from his seat and moving to the DVD pile.

“I’m a little tired. I’m just going to head up.” Alec said surprising everyone including himself.

They all said their goodnights to him except Magnus. He wanted him to stay or for them just to resolve this it felt so uncomfortable in his heart he was on the verge of tears.

Before Alec headed up he smiled down at Magnus and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

“I’ll be up in a minute,” Magnus said while trying to find his eyes to try and see if he could gauge what was going on inside that beautifully crafted brain of his. He knew the bare minimum of affection Alec was giving him was just so the others wouldn’t catch on but Magnus was almost certain they had with the concerned looks they were receiving throughout the night.

“Okay,” Alec responded fast and quick and disappeared up to their room.

“Did that cold air follow you both inside or something?” Jace asked dryly only fuelling his bad mood sending him an annoyed look hoping he would get the message. “You can cut the tension with a knife.” Sometimes he really hated Alec’s adoptive brother, he never seemed to have a filter.

“Jace, shut up!” Clary exclaimed hitting his shoulder.

“What!?”

“You know what.” She replied.

“Don’t listen to him, Magnus. Are you two okay?” Izzy asked concerned.

“We’re fine.” He smiled, but everyone knew he was lying. “I’m going to head up too. Night everyone.”

On his way up, he could almost anticipate what sort of talk or argument that was about to happen. Hopefully, it would wait until tomorrow and Alec had already gone to sleep. He was already so emotionally drained he didn’t know if he had it in him to continue this tonight.

Expecting to see Alec laying in bed with the light off, Magnus got quite the surprise when he opened the door to see the light was still shining bright and to see Alec hunched over on the bed head down like he was deep in thought.

Magnus wasn’t getting away from this discussion tonight. He made his way into their room and took a few breaths in and out.

“Alexander, I –“ But he was cut off before he could finish his sentence. His heart beating a million seconds.


	17. Chapter 17

“Magnus, I don’t understand. Do you not trust me to tell me what’s wrong?” Alec spoke sharply hitting Magnus where it hurt.

“What! Of course, I trust you, with my life.” He sat next to Alec and tried to reach for him but Alec moved abruptly and stepped away.

“Then why won’t you tell me what’s hurting you? Was it me? Did I do something?” He had very clearly caused Alec to think the wrong thing and had made him over think everything. But it was annoying him that Alec thought it was to do with him. It wasn’t him, he didn’t know how or what to say he just wanted a hug, to be held. But instead of voicing that he just said the first thing that came to mind. The wrong thing.

“It’s not all about you Alec. You didn’t do anything.” He didn’t mean for his voice to come across as loud as it did shocking him and Alec.

“What do you mean? I’m not making this about me” Alec said confused.

“You think you did something wrong, you think I’m upset over something you did.” He retorted He wasn’t making any sense and he knew that but he was just retaliating the only way his brain was letting him.

“Well, what am I supposed to think?” Alec sighed. “When you don’t tell me what’s on your mind. When you give me the cold shoulder and I’m left in the dark. Please! Magnus, enlighten me.” He was right. What else was he going to think? Hell, he would have come to the same conclusion if the tables were turned.

Burying his head in his hand's tears stung at his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, he wouldn’t. Feeling the bed dip beside him he pulled his face from his hands and relaxed as he felt Alec’s hand run down his back soothing him in an instant. “Magnus. Just talk to me.” Alec said softly. The whole atmosphere in the room changing at that moment.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed reaching for Alec’s hand and this time Alec didn’t move instead reached for his too and softly brushed his fingers along his skin. “I get like this around the holidays. When I was in L.A I had no one around the holidays. It left me with this hollow feeling and I can’t stop it from reappearing sometimes. So, when you and Izzy were talking and saying how much you missed each other it made me remember that I don’t have anyone missing me. I don’t have any biological family left. But, I didn’t want to say anything, I didn’t want to seem selfish.”

“Magnus,” Alec caressed his face. “Are you kidding me? You know I missed you every day of those 4 years constantly wanting you to come back and I will always regret pushing you away. You have Cat, Raphael, Ragnor, and you have me and our family, Izzy, Clary, Maia, Simon and even Jace.” They both laughed. “Family doesn’t have to be biological. Family is a feeling, and you are that feeling for me.”

No one had ever said such words to him before.

“You know I love you, and you never have to spend another holiday or any other day alone. Because even if you don’t want me I’ll always be by your side.” Alec added cupping the side of his cheek.

Magnus laughed weakly a tear or two slipping from his eyes. “I’ll always want you, Alexander.”

“Good, cause you’re never getting rid of me.” Alec smiled as they rested their foreheads together soaking up this beautiful moment.

Magnus felt better, better than before. There would always be an ache where he’d mourn his mother but as long as he had Alec and even dare he say the others downstairs and his friends back home. He’d be just fine and he was lucky to have Alec here to remind him of that.

“Promise, no more pushing each other away?” Alec nudged his nose against his. Magnus nudged back. “Promise.” And their lips met and everything was as it was meant to be.

“Let’s get into bed.”

They got into bed and folded their arms around each other and soon let the day’s events take over and succumb to sleep.

* * *

 

 

Alec woke suddenly his heart thumping against his chest violently, his forehead dripping with sweat. Another nightmare, they seemed to be a recurring theme these past few nights and he knew why and that was making it easier to process and deal with. They weren’t anywhere as bad as his previous dreams, but they were enough to shake him from his sleep.

He looked to his right to see Magnus sleeping peacefully tucked into his side, laying his head back down he just lay there and admired what he had in front of him. Having Magnus by his side when he woke from these unpleasant dreams was enough to calm his shaky heart, his presence being that soothing factor that assured him everything was okay. He was okay. But most importantly he was safe and nothing that happened was his fault.

Last night wasn’t how he wanted their first night to go on holiday. But it showed they have come further in their relationship and both are more willing to open up to each other instead of hiding and keeping it to themselves. He hated fighting with Magnus it always left a bad taste in his mouth but once Magnus told him his worries, Alec’s heart hurt for him. He knew how it felt to feel like you have no one, but that was the thing he always did have someone. Magnus, on the other hand, lost everything as a child and didn’t deserve that. In fact, no one did. Alec just hoped that his words last night resonated with him somewhat. Because all his words were true. Magnus was his family now, maybe not yet officially but it already felt that way and that’s what mattered. He would never leave his side as long as they both were still breathing air. Magnus was it for him and he knew that a long time ago.

Time ticked slowly by soon passing 2 am and he still hadn’t managed to fall peacefully back to sleep. His mind having other plans and following paths to other destinations filled with over thinking all his thoughts.

Pulling himself slowly away from Magnus to not wake him he grabbed his jumper and a blanket and made his way downstairs.

When he reached the lounge, he wasn’t expecting to see Izzy sitting huddled near the fireplace. But he understood why the same thing probably being on her mind as was his. Shuffling up beside her he wrapped the blanket around them both getting cosy. He smiled as she lay her head on his shoulder. Just like when they were younger.

“Couldn’t sleep either?’ She asked passing him a cup of cocoa. She had made two and must have had a feeling he would be down.

“Yeah, restless dreams.”

“Was it bad?” She asked concerned.

“No, I’m fine. Just being here is bringing it all back you know.”

“I get it. Me too.” Just being here with Izzy was nice, warm, comforting and what he needed right now.

Resting his head down on hers “You have me.” He said his words fuelled with intent. Wanting her to know he’d always be here for her no matter what.

“You have me too.” He could hear the smile in her voice. He forgot how nice it was just to sit in the company of her presence. She was his baby sister. His everything. He’d protect her and hold her forever.

Just sitting here with her was bringing back the memories. Memories that were tarnished, memories that he feared the feeling of. But they were also filled with endless amounts of support. Izzy being one major factor of his support.

He’d hide in his room, he’d bury himself in reading or watching tv shows. He’d try to do anything to distract his brain from thinking until the thinking would overpower his desire to block it all out. It would all come at him like a waterfall all at once bowling him over in the process. He’d feel useless, weak, broken. But, somehow Izzy would know, she would just know when he wasn’t okay and would always be there right when he needed her. He remembers the first time it happened so vividly. It was only a week after the accident and he was still recovering and he wouldn’t let himself grieve, he didn’t feel like he deserved to. But that particular night everything just built and built until it got to high and toppled over leaving him in a deep distress his chest clinging to air like he didn’t know how to breathe. All he remembers was that it hurt, it hurt so bad.

Izzy walked through his door he wasn’t sure how long after it could have been a minute or 10 his brain felt so foggy at that moment. But she was there and she just held him. She knew he didn’t need to talk, he just needed his sister and her love. He just needed to be held and feel like he wasn’t alone. She always knew.

Izzy broke him free of his thoughts with another question. “Are you and Magnus okay?” He could tell she wasn’t prying she was just generally worried.

“We are, just some personal stuff came up but we sorted it out.” He smiled at the thought of his sleeping beautiful man up in their bed.

“That’s good. I was worried Jace may have made it worse but I’m happy to hear that.”

“Jace, why?” He asked confused.

“When you left he asked Magnus some stupid question.” She huffed. “His ridiculous attempt at humour I guess.”

At least Jace was living up to his reputation as a pain in everyone’s ass.

“Idiot.” Alec sighed and Izzy chuckled.

“That he can be.”

The next few minutes were filled with a comfortable silence them both just appreciating this moment they had missed many of. “How are you, Izzy?” He wanted to know.

“I’m good Alec, truly. Studies are going well. Me and Simon are better than ever. It’s just this time of year is always a bit tough without him.” She pulled the blanket tighter around her as if she was protecting herself. He knew who him was. 

This year at the lake it did feel different. They all hadn’t been here for two years not since he was gone. It would take some getting used to.

“Do you remember the first time we came here with him. He was only 4 years old and all he wanted to do was spend every moment out in snow building snowmen and having snow fights.” That was a good memory one he will cherish forever.

Izzy laughed. “Yes, oh god. We all got colds that year because he wouldn’t let us go inside and all our clothes got drenched.”

“We all just were huddled by the fire Christmas morning wrapped up in blankets and sipping lemon and honey.” All sickness’ aside, that had to be one of Alec’s favourite memories here. It was the one time of very few that his family including his parents actually felt like a family.

“Are you gonna visit this year?” He asked her as they fell into another silence. He knew she would know what he meant.

“I am, as I did last year and the year before.” She paused turning her head to face him. “Are you?” She asked cautiously. He hadn’t ever gone. He felt guilty for that but this time he was ready and he hoped Max would understand wherever he was.

“I think I will.” He said barely above a whisper.

“I am proud of you Alec. Not just for this but for everything this year. You’ve come back. I see my Alec again. That gentle smile and happy laugh. The caring sweet Alec who everyone loves. You’re amazing and you should know that.” It wasn’t often that his sister could make him cry but hearing this from her. It hit him harder than he thought it ever would. Hearing the words ‘I’m proud of you’ from someone he cares for and values so much it meant the absolute world to him. The fact that not only can he see the changes in himself but the people around him are too and in a way that makes him feel better simply justifying what he is doing is working. He had never wanted to squeeze his sister so much in his lifetime.

He pulled her in for a hug and held her tight and let the moment sit for how long it was meant to. This hug, this moment felt different to the others. He felt closer more comfortable with her then he had in a long time.

“I love you, Iz.” He said as he pulled away. “But why so soft?” He laughed as she nudged his shoulder offended.

“Shut up, I’m serious.” She exclaimed.

“I know.” He paused wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “Thank you. I’m super proud of you too.” He placed a kiss on her head smiling as his lips touched her hair. This moment was perfect.

Footsteps behind them broke them free of their thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus woke to a cold empty bed, reaching out for Alec with his hand wanting to feel him close. His heart lurching in his chest when he felt the empty space. Immediately his mind stressing hoping Alec was okay. It wasn’t like him to disappear during the middle of the night. He lay back down and gave it 10 minutes just in case Alec had only gone to the bathroom.

But when there was no sign of him returning he made his way out if the warmth of the bed and found his robe and headed downstairs in search of his boyfriend.

“Alexander,” He spoke softly as he heard voices coming from the lounge. His eyes were still focusing but he was sure he could see two bodies.

“Hey babe, did I wake you?” Alec whispered in the nighttime air.

“No, no I just woke and you weren’t there so I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He felt silly now for coming down and interrupting. “I can leave you two though, I don’t want to interrupt.” He smiled genuinely while leaning over and pecking Alec on the head.

“No, stay.” Alec insisted reaching for his hand and pulling him down between his legs.

The fire and Alec’s body immediately warming his cold skin.

“Are you sure I didn’t interrupt?” He asked again. It looked like he had come down when they were having a special moment.

“Not at all!” Izzy insisted. “Stay.”

“We were just talking about the first time Max came here and how he got us all sick.” Alec chuckled wrapping his arms around Magnus, pulling him closer.

“He got you all sick? Oh god.” Magnus laughed.

“You always loved the snow too, Alec, don’t deny it.” Izzy teased from the side.

“Wait so you love the snow but still can’t ice skate? Darling what happened.” Izzy laughed as Magnus spoke.

“Oh my god. Alec is the worst Ice skater. We once tried to get him to do it one year and he just flailed around like a baby giraffe.” Magnus felt Alec tuck his head in behind his neck and mumble something. “Why are two picking on me this isn’t fair.”

“Oh, I know. I took him on a date at the ice skating rink and got to see just how adorable of a baby giraffe he was.”

Alec kissed the back of his neck before resting his head on Magnus’ “That was a good day.”

“It was.” Magnus smiled. Everything about that day was so perfect he couldn’t think of anything that even came close to how he felt on that day.

They stayed downstairs for the rest of the night reminiscing over memories and telling Magnus all the stories and adventures they got up to here as kids. It was a fun easy night and he would much rather be doing this than sleeping.

Izzy told them she was going into town tomorrow to pick up a Christmas tree for the house. He and Alec decided they would join her. It would be nice to explore the small town.

They talked so much they didn’t even realise the sun rising until it was shining in their face as it poked through the glass door.

“Did we really stay up all night?” Magnus didn’t even feel tired.

“Looks like we did,” Izzy said.

This reminded him of when they were younger and would have sleepovers and just stay up all night gossiping and doing silly stuff.

“Hey look.” Alec practically yelled startling the life out of Magnus and Izzy. “It’s snowing.”

“Told you he loves the snow.” Izzy giggled from beside him.

“Only when we are here.” Alec protested standing up and leaving the spot behind Magnus cold. “It’s so pretty I can’t help it.”

Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand and went to open the door but Magnus stopped him in his tracks. “Alexander it’s freezing.” Alec rolled his eyes at him.

“Fine.” He sighed. “Do you want to go get dressed first?”

“Yes, very much so.”

“Okay, let’s go.” Magnus had to laugh at Alec’s antics.

They continued upstairs and both got changed into some warmer wear. Magnus grabbing his dark green jacket the pockets detailed with grey camo and slipped it over his black long sleeve top. Reaching for his maroon thick scarf he wrapped his neck and snuggled right in. Slipping on his pants he startled as something dark and warm blanketed his eyes. But when he felt Alec’s arms wrap around his waist from behind he relaxed and slipped the beanie Alec had placed on his head up and properly on his floppy hair. Turning around Alec had the biggest grin on his face. “You really like this beanie on me, don’t you?”

Alec bit his lips knowing full well what it does to him. “I do.”

“Where is yours?” Magnus asked as he ran his fingers through Alec’s soft hair.

Alec made one magically appear in his hand and gestured for Magnus to take it. “Can you put it on for me?”

Magnus perked up at that opportunity. “Certainly.”

He placed over his dark ruffled hair leaving a few tuffs sticking out here and there framing his perfect face.

Once he was done Alec’s gaze didn’t falter making Magnus feel nervy with the way he was looking at him. “What?” Magnus asked ducking his head.

“Do you know how much I love you?” He wasn’t expecting that and his heart stuttered quickly against his chest.

“If it’s anywhere near how much I love you, then I think I know.” Magnus closed the gap between them and kissed him the temperature of the room feeling like it was at a soaring heat. Now left wondering why he decided to put so many layers on.

“Come, on,” Alec said pulling away. “Let’s go,”

They made their way outside and the snow had started to settle delicately on the ground forming a beautiful blanket of white. It was beautiful taking his breath away at first glance. He now knew why Alec loved it when it snowed here so much.

Magnus pulled out his camera and started taking a few snaps. Sneakily stealing a few of Alec when he wasn’t looking. He got an idea and turned to Alec.

“I know those puppy eyes. What do you want?” Alec laughed his hot breath leaving a path of steam out his mouth.

“Selfie?” Magnus grinned innocently pulling his lip between his teeth hoping Alec would agree.

Alec groaned a little but soon came around with a little persuasion. Magnus hurried over before he changed his mind and snapped away. He got a few of him kissing Alec’s cheek. A couple of them just laughing – those were his favourite- and he even managed to convince Alec into a couples kissing photo. He was definitely going to print them all out when they got home.

“We better go inside for breakfast before Izzy gets the wise idea to cook.” Alec laughed pulling Magnus along with him.

“Good idea. I’m famished.”

Reaching the kitchen. They did indeed hear bickering.

“Izzy, we can make our own breakfast,” Jace spoke.

“Stop trying to make excuses you just think my cooking is bad.” Izzy pouted through her stern gaze at Jace.

“No, it’s just we are on holiday. Why make everyone breakfast it just doesn’t seem fair.” Jace was trying to pull excuses out of his ass and even Magnus thought that was a bad one.

Izzy then turned to nervous wide-eyed, Simon. “Simon is my cooking bad? I have cooked for you before.”

Simon looked like a deer caught in headlights and it was quite humorous for Magnus to witness.

“No of course not babe.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re in love with her. Your opinion doesn’t count.” Jace laughed. “Iz, if I am being honest I just don’t want to get food poisoning while on holiday.”

“I haven’t given anyone food poisoning Jace.” Izzy protested. “Have I?” She asked now unsure.

Magnus had a feeling this back and forth bickering would continue the rest of the morning if they didn’t stop them.

“Alexander, maybe you should jump in?” He whispered in Alec’s ear.

“Where’s the fun in that.” Magnus nudged his shoulder scolding him making Alec laugh. “Okay, okay.”

“Hey you two, stop it. Izzy sit down. Jace shut your big mouth.” Magnus didn’t realise how affected he would be by Alec being in authority and taking charge. His voice was deeper than usual and it was doing things to him. “I’ll make breakfast. Everyone happy?” He asked and everyone nodded.

“Lifesaver bro,” Jace said which made Izzy huff in annoyance.

Magnus slid up behind Alec whispering in his ear. “That was hot.”

Alec turned to face him his smile way too proud for his own good. “So, you like it when I take charge then?” Magnus nodded leaning in and kissing him.

“Go do your thing chef.” Magnus winked as he walked away but not missing the chance to smack his ass on the way.

 

* * *

 

 

Later on, that day they all jumped in the van and headed into town for supplies. Magnus and Alec decided to disperse from the others for a little time together to explore this new town Magnus had never been too.

They stopped at café for a snack and some takeaway coffees and then made their way down the street to a nice quiet park. There were only two other people about. This was nice compared to the bustling city of New York. He felt happy here like they had all the time in the world to just be.

But something had been itching at Magnus’ brain all morning and afternoon. Alec seemed fine, but the recent nightmares he was having lately were worrying him. He didn’t want to pester Alec about it but if he didn’t say anything it would eat at him for the rest of the time they were here.

Taking a small sip of his coffee, he noticed some seats to the left of them and they headed in that direction and sat down.

“Alexander?” Magnus said it as a question

“Magnus?” Alec smiled back his lips in a teasing grin.

“I know you say you are fine but are you?” Magnus was holding his heart in his hands, he didn’t want to overstep. But when Alec’s smile softened into a gentle loving one he relaxed.

“I’m fine I promise.” He believed him he did. Maybe it was Magnus who wasn’t okay. The feeling he got when he woke up in the morning and Alec wasn’t there, he was shocked by the mere panic he felt and maybe he still hadn’t recovered from it. “Having you next to me when I wake up its everything I need to be okay,” Alec assured him.

“It’s just waking up and you not being there it scared me more than I thought.” He didn’t realise he was saying it until it was out.

“I’m sorry, I really am.” Magnus’ heart calmed as Alec drew patterns along his skin with his thumb.

“No don’t be sorry. This is me and my thing.” Magnus added quickly. He didn’t want Alec feeling responsible for this. “You’re okay and that’s all that matters.” Magnus turned to him and went to close the gap between them but Alec stopped him and just stared at him like he was seeing all of him. Alec rested the palm of his hand on his cheek and everything felt frozen in time. Alec was looking at him like he was holding the whole world in his hand.

“You matter too.” Magnus was taken back by the statement. He felt shivers spread all over his body, the words holding that much power. No one and he means no one had ever said that to him in his life and it made him think. He was told he wasn’t good enough he was beaten down and hurt by so many that he never thought he mattered. He always put others before himself always remaining adamant that that was what mattered. But Alec’s words made him think really think.

Alec made him feel like he mattered. Like he deserved more. Like he was more. That if he wanted he could achieve and accomplish anything he wanted. And it all just hit him at that moment knocking him speechless. He did matter.

When he pulled himself from his own self-revelation his eyes went back to Alec and his eyes held so much sincerity, his smile hung beautifully on his face. Whenever Alec would stare at him like this he felt exposed like he could see all of him and he never knew what to do with it. The amount of love he felt all he wanted to do was give back to him in so much more ways.

So, he said the only thing that was on his mind right now and that was repeating itself over and over again in his head. “I’m so in love with you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Alec dipped his head and met his lips in a soft but strong kiss conveying all that they felt.

“I’m so in love you, Magnus Bane.” Alec smiled against his lips

“Can we stay in this moment forever, in this perfect bliss.” Magnus voiced his thoughts out loud.

Alec chuckled pulling back a bit. His eyes when he laughed where the most breath-taking thing Magnus had ever come across, they held so much light, so much joy. “I wish,” Alec whispered kissing him quickly. “But Izzy is currently waving at me from across the road.”

Magnus huffed hating Alec’s siblings for always ruining the moment. But he would take what he could with him.

“Okay, let’s go.” He sighed standing up and clasping his hand in Alec’s “I’m beat anyway and am in desperate need of sleep.” He mumbled his words as a yawn flew out of his mouth unexpectedly.

* * *

 

 

The next morning Alec woke and he could feel someone watching him. Smiling he turned to his side and was met with the most beautiful deep chocolate brown eyes staring at him. “Morning babe.” He hummed leaning forward and kissing Magnus on his inviting lips. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long?” Magnus' answer was short and sweet and it felt strange. Magnus had a smile on his face like he was planning something and that was never a good thing.

“Why are you so quiet? You’re making me nervous.” Alec chuckled uncomfortably.

“I’m not quiet, I’m just excited.”

“About what?” Alec asked warily.

Magnus bit his lip with the biggest grin on his face. Whatever it was Magnus was obviously very excited. “Our long-awaited Christmas onesies.”

Alec threw his back groaning. He had forgotten about those and had hoped Magnus had too.

Magnus practically sprung up and on him. “Please babe. You agreed, you even helped me pick……sort of.” He finished his sentence looking very sheepish.

“Sort of?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Well I mean I was about to go through with the purchase and buy the ones you liked but then these ones caught my eyes and I just couldn’t resist.” He said innocently. “But trust me you’ll love them.” Alec wasn’t so sure. He was no doubt dreading this, but he would do anything to put a smile on his boyfriend’s face.

Sighing in defeat he let Magnus go ahead and grab them. “Show me then.”

“Thank you. I love you.” Magnus kissed him everywhere possible on his face making Alec think that the onesies would be worth it.

Magnus disappeared into the bathroom and he heard a rustle of bags and weird noises coming from Magnus.

“Okay, so just close your eyes.” Alec did just that and heard the bathroom door open and close.

He wouldn’t admit it but this was kind of exciting.

“Okay, open.” Alec opened and couldn’t help the roar of laughter that escaped him.

“I’m taking that laugh as a good thing.” Magnus smiled unapologetically. “they’re great right. I thought they were quite fitting since we just adopted a little kitty.” Magnus was right it was fitting but the onesie was something else. Covered in little kittens with Santa hats on their tiny heads. Secretly Alec was loving it.

Alec slid out of bed and made his way over to Magnus taking in all his fabulousness. “You totally pull this off,” Alec smirked.

“I make anything look good darling, this shouldn’t be new information to you,” Magnus smirked back.

“Where’s my one. Let’s do this.” He didn’t know why he was so excited to do this. Maybe because he would never have even looked in the direction of this sort of thing previously but now it was exciting and he just wanted to have fun with it, with his boyfriend.

Magnus threw him his and he stripped immediately and jumped back into the warmth of the onesie. Welcoming the cosy feel of the material on his skin.

Magnus stepped closer to him his smile so wide he looked like a kid who just scored all the candy. “Can we go show them who the cutest couple is?”

Alec laughed. “Magnus it’s not a competition.”

“Of course, it is, now come on,” Alec followed.

They brushed their teeth and made their way down. On their way out, Alec got a glimpse of them both and burst out laughing. They looked ridiculous.

“Alexander, stop it.” Magnus scolded but he could also see the smile pulling at his lips.

“I’m sorry but we look like thing one and thing two from Dr Suess.”

Magnus stopped walking and held Alec close. “Well maybe later I’d love for thing one to be all over thing two.” Alec stopped laughing and held his breath.

“I think I’d love that too,” Alec replied leaning forward and nibbling at Magnus’ bottom lip.

“Can we go eat now, I’m quiet starving and I’m afraid I don’t think thing one will be enough nutrients to fill me,” Magnus smirked.

Alec snorted. “That was bad.”

“You love it don’t deny it.”

“I do, and you.”

“I love you too but, right now I love food more.” Magnus laughed and walked away.

“Wow, thanks, babe.” Alec shook his head and followed him down the stairs.

As he and Magnus entered the kitchen Simon and Izzy were already up and about. He could see on their faces they were shocked by his choice of outfit. Simon eyes going wide and trying to suppress his laughter. Izzy, on the other hand, wasn’t try as hard as a loud laugh ripped from her lips. Alec just rolled his eyes and ignored them. Nothing could ruin his mood.

“This is taking matching Christmas sweaters to a whole new level.” Izzy continued to laugh.

“Laugh all you want, I am actually quite comfortable,” Alec responded heading over to the bench.

“Magnus what did you bribe him with? This is something I could have never pictured Alec doing.” Simon asked looking to and from both of them.

“What makes you think I had to bribe him?” Magnus poured Alec and himself a cup of coffee.

“You want one or two eggs babe?” Alec asked in between the chit-chat.

“Two please.” Magnus hummed back

“Because Alec would never wear one of those willingly,” Izzy added on to Simons question.

“How do you know?” Alec protested.

Izzy just looked at him and her look said it all. ‘you can't-fool me’

“There was no bribing, maybe just a little bit of persuading. That’s all.” Magnus answered and came behind him where he was currently cooking their eggs and placed the cup of coffee he had made for him on the bench. “Right darling?” Magnus fluttered his eyelashes while kissing his shoulder.

“Oh my god.” Simon practically yelled startling them all. “You persuaded him with sex, didn’t you? Alec, you sly dog.” Izzy sent the sternest death glare Simons way Alec had to try not to laugh.

“Simon, you’re my boyfriend and I love you. But please for sake of my sanity do not bring up my brother's sex life again. I don’t need a picture.” Izzy said.

“Look, I would have done it without the persuasion. It was a nice added bonus I guess.” Alec shrugged turning his attention back to the eggs he was cooking.

“Can all of you shut up, my ears are burning,” Izzy grumbled.

“Hey, what’s going on in – oh my god Alec, Magnus what in the world are you two wearing?” Jace exclaimed rather loudly as he stepped into the quiet chaos of the kitchen.

“Why, you want one?” Magnus quipped. “Sorry, they’re only for me and Alec.” Alec smiled at his boyfriend's sass. Strangely finding it hot.

“Trust me I do not want one. Are those cats with Santa hats? What is happening this morning.” Jace shook his head in bewilderment.

“It’s okay Joel, we know you’re just jealous cause Alexander and I are the cutest out of all of us.” Magnus teased.

“I am so far from jealous.”

“So, wallowing in a pit of self-doubt because you didn’t have the same idea as Alec and me?” Alec practically snorted at Magnus’ response, this was too funny. Everyone around the table did apart from Jace himself.

“I’m almost certain this wasn’t Alec’s idea,” Jace added.

“Maybe not but I don’t mind them,” Alec responded, bringing his and Magnus’ breakfast to the table.

“So, any plans for today?” Magnus changed the subject probably getting bored of teasing Jace.

“Not really just hanging around the house,” Izzy replied and all nodded to confirm that.

Alec waited for everyone to filter out after breakfast before he asked Magnus what he had been wanting to all morning.

“Hey, if you’re up for it there is a place near here I’d love to take you later?”

Magnus smiled at him. “I’d love to go. Just let me go get ready.”

“Okay, I’ll be up in a minute.” He kissed Magnus before he disappeared up the stairs.

As Magnus left Jace slid into his seat. “You all right?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Alec smiled back. “I’m going to take him to the lookout.”

“He’ll love that Alec. I know he will.” They all knew why this spot was so special it had a certain place in his heart.

Jace didn’t look done though and actually looked quite serious.

“What is it?” Alec asked confused and slightly concerned.

“Don’t stress, it’s nothing serious. It’s just…well, I have noticed lately how happy you are and how much you’ve come in these few months. I’m just super proud of you.” Out of everything Alec was expecting from Jace right now it certainly wasn’t this. Jace wasn’t exactly one who would get deep with his emotions.

“That means more to me than you’ll ever know.” He thanked him. It was true, he knew in himself he was feeling better and more vibrant about life but when he heard from the people he cares most about it just solidified the strength he had built in himself. When he looked at Jace he didn’t look done.

“Alec, you’re strong and I can see that being with Magnus has only added to that. It’s like ever since he came back you’ve found yourself again. I don’t know how it all worked but all I know is that it’s probably still hard some days but I have noticed you smile more, you laugh more, you’re more open with people not just Magnus and us. You look happy and that’s all I ever wanted for you.” All his words wove deep within his heart and he felt overwhelmed with what he was feeling.

Jace had always been there for him when he didn’t know he needed a friend. He’d come in at all the wrong times but in the end, Alec realised that actually, he wanted the company. And when Jace would go to leave he would find himself not wanting him too and somehow Jace always knew that and would spend more time with him instead of leaving. They had had chats like this before but never to this depth.

“Jace, I .. I really don’t know what to say other than thank you. For being there along the way and being the brother, I needed.” Alec smiled back forcing his tears to stay at bay.

“Shall we hug it out? This feels like this is a hugging it out moment.” Jace smiled.

Alec shook his head and chuckled. There he was. Alec pulled him in for a hug and it felt like he just let go of another piece of pain in his heart.

“Now go be ridiculously cute with your husband,” Jace smirked. “But change out of those onesies they’re hurting my eyes.” Alec rolled his eyes and continued up to his and Magnus’ bedroom but not missing his chance to make Jace’s ears hurt in the process.

“Oh, I plan to get him out of that onesie,” Alec smirked and heard Jace yell something in response but he was already too far up the stairs to hear it all.

When he reached the door, he found Magnus to be already dressed and ready to go.

“What was that about?” Magnus asked.

“Nothing just Jace.” He laughed.

* * *

 

 

“So, where are we going exactly?” Magnus asked as they made their way along the path to the unknown.

“Somewhere special. I hope you’ll like it.” That was all Alec gave away making Magnus even more curious. Why was he being so secretive?

“I’m sure I will.” Magnus smiled bringing their linked hands up and kissing Alec’s knuckles.

“This place is so beautiful, I find myself still catching my breath.” Magnus murmured.

“Are you sure that’s just not the cold?” Alec teased.

Magnus scoffed nudging his shoulder.

“I’m joking” Alec chuckled. “It Is beautiful though isn’t it.” Magnus caught Alec looking at him and blushed even though it was insanely cheesy. “The views beautiful too I guess.”

“Very predictable darling.” Magnus laughed leaning into Alec’s side as Alec wrapped his arm around him.

“I can take it back.” Alec feigned offence.

“No, no. I’ll take it. I myself find you quite the stunner as well. You’re eyes glisten in the sun it’s quite extraordinary.” Magnus sighed placing his hand over his heart. 

“Oh, stop it you’re going to make me swoon,” Alec confessed adding to Magnus’ own dramatic antics.

“I’ll be here to catch you, darling.” Magnus laughed in Alec’s shoulder.

They continued walking going deeper and deeper into the forest and it was starting to make Magnus think. “There aren’t any bears in this forest are there?” Magnus asked fully aware of his surroundings.

“Hmm, now that I think of it there was that one time.” Alec had a smirk on his face the whole time.

“Alexander, I am serious!” Magnus exclaimed.

“Okay, okay.” Alec’s laughter died out. “I haven’t actually seen any in all the years that we have been coming here but don’t worry I’ll keep you safe. I was a boy scout.” Alec looked so proud about it made Magnus’ heart tickle.

“Maybe but Isabelle told me that was only for a couple of weeks until you got bored.” Magnus had to laugh at Alec’s pout that was forming on his adorable lips.

“I still learnt…some stuff.”

“Some stuff is better than nothing I guess.” Magnus chuckled.

“Don’t worry you are in the safest of hands,” Alec assured looking very confident at that.

Magnus couldn’t disagree. All joking aside he does, in fact, feel like he is in the safest hands and as long as he is with Alec that won’t ever change.

“I have to ask Alexander, where are you taking me?’ It had been another 30 minutes and they still weren’t at the destination.

“We are all most there I promise.”

“Okay but I’m just saying that’s what you said 15 minutes ago.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Alec huffed. “We're here”

But all he saw were stairs leading to someplace.

Alec must have seen the confusion on his face and reached out for his hand. “The stairs only go up for about 20 seconds.” Alec laughed.

When they made it to the top Magnus was stopped in his tracks. It was beautiful. Something he would call the perfect view full of beauty and tranquil feeling throughout the area. Magnus just felt peaceful and full of light. He couldn’t get enough. The trees topped with a dusting of snow from the previous days. The sun peeking through the clouds and shining down on the wide-open lake. He felt he could see the whole world but it also like he could fit it all in the palm of his hand. “This place is incredible.” He whispered in disbelief.

Alec continued to a seat the overlooked the whole thing, both sitting down and admiring the view.

“It really is,” Alec spoke softly like he was thinking like he was remembering the feelings he used to feel. “I can’t believe I haven’t been here in two years it feels so surreal.” His voice was shaky on the tips of his words. Magnus reached to hold him for support.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.” He smiled at him and got lost in the way Alec’s face glowed in the afternoon sun.

“I love you.” It was on the tip of his tongue, just feeling the need to say it.

“I love you too,” Alec said back.

They shared a quick kiss and both just stared out at the picturesque scenery that was staring back at them. Magnus thought about why Alec wanted to show him this place so specifically until it hit him and his heart sank.

“This is why the nightmares are back?”

* * *

 

 

Alec wasn’t expecting Magnus to figure it out but really, he shouldn’t be surprised. That man knew him and all his many layers.

“Yeah.” But it came out as a breath, quick and painful. Magnus didn’t press for more answers and he always appreciated that. It always gave him the time to process his thoughts and feelings when it all felt too much. “Max and I used to come up here and we’d just sit and stare out at the world wondering how something so perfect was in front of us. We’d be up here for hours just talking about everything.” Magnus’ hand found his and held him tighter. “Being here is reminding me of all that and how much I miss it. So many memories, some bad but most good.” He paused taking the breath he needed to continue. “I just wish he was here with us. He was always so energetic and excited about Christmas that it was contagious. Seeing his wide smile as he opened his presents was one of my favourite things."

“I know.” Magnus smiled at him finding it gave him the strength to keep smiling as well. “I can just imagine it now.”

There were another few beats of silence.

“I know we have talked about the nightmares and stuff but I haven’t asked you in a while if you are okay.”

“I’m more than okay Magnus, I’m happy. Really happy and I used to think it wasn’t okay to feel the sadness the grief but it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t define who we are as people. So, yes I’m good.” Alec smiled down at him caressing his cheek. “And the happiest I have been in a long time.”

“Me too,” Magnus whispered into the quiet air surrounding them.

They stayed at that spot for the rest of the day just enjoying being in each other’s company. Everything about this moment was perfect in time. They smiled as they reminisced the good memories of his little brother and all the light he had brought to this world while he was here. He let himself feel all those feelings, instead of pushing them away.

* * *

 

 

The rest of week flew by and it was now breaking dawn on a crisp Christmas morning.

Magnus woke with the biggest smile on his face. This was he and Alec’s first proper Christmas together and as a couple as well.

Rolling over in bed he lay there and took in Alec’s perfect sleeping form. He soaked up the warmth that was radiating from Alec’s body and onto his. If he could he would just stay here forever, just Alec and him no one else to ruin their peaceful quiet.

Alec’s hair was all ruffled and messed up it was just screaming for him to run his hands through it.

“What you are thinking about?” he was brought out of his thoughts by Alec’s sleepy raspy voice.

“Just us and your bed hair.” He chuckled lightly kissing Alec’s bare shoulder.

“My bed hair?” Alec laughed. “Why my bed hair?”

“it’s always so perfectly imperfect. You know it’s not fair how you can just get out of bed looking like a fucking 100 out of 10 and I have to take like 20-30minutes to make even my hair look good.”

Alec turned to face. “Magnus are you serious right now?”

“Very.”

“You could leave your hair down face bare and wear nothing but a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt and you’d still be the most beautiful man on this planet.”

Magnus fluttered his eyelashes to hide his inner self-screaming at Alec’s insanely sweet words. “Keep going.” Magnus grinned.

Alec just moved forward and kissed him smiling against his lips.

“Merry Christmas, darling.” He whispered against his lips as he pulled back.

“Merry Christmas,” Alec whispered back.

Magnus was too eager and just wanted to give Alec his gift now practically wanting to jump on him. “I know we are supposed to wait to share gifts until we are downstairs but I want to give you yours now.” He really just wanted this to be a private thing between them and he also wanted to see Alec’s reaction.

“Only if I can give you yours too?” Magnus nodded back quickly and dashed across the room.

“Okay so technically your actual present isn’t here because It was far too big to hide in any bags but I do have it up on my phone.” He passed Alec his phone and watched his eyes scan the page waiting for his reaction. His heart clambering against his chest hoping he’d like it.

“Magnus, this is beautiful. You shouldn’t have.” Alec declared eyes wide in disbelief.

He had got him a new archer set, everything he needed. The bow was a beautiful silver with a patterned design at both ends, the arrows the same silver but the ends having blue feathers fanning out the sides. It just screamed Alec to him and he had to get it. Alec’s reaction was worth every penny to see that smile on his gorgeous face.

“I’m glad you like it.” Magnus smiled sliding back in under the covers holding a small box.

“I love it, babe.” Alec turned to him and kissed him gently.

“There is also this.” He gestured to the small box in his hand.

“Magnus this is too much.” Alec’s smile was beautiful and ethereal his eyes shining. Magnus could tell he was happy and that’s all he wanted for Alec.

“I’d give you the world if I could, Alexander.” He propped himself on his elbows and smiled down at him.

“Well, that’d be silly because the only thing I want in this world is you,” Alec confessed holding his heart bare to Magnus and Magnus knew that and his whole body felt like pins and needles all over. Alec’s words meaning far more to him than anyone will ever know.

Caressing his fingers down the side of Alec’s face he took in this perfect quiet moment, looking at Alec fondly. “And you have me.” Placing delicate kisses all over Alec’s face he thought his life couldn’t ever possibly get better than right now, here, with Alec.

Magnus gestured for Alec to open his second gift eagerly waiting just as much as the first one. Alec looked a little confused by what they were which made Magnus chuckle. “These are small pins you can either put on the cuffs of your shirt or the collar.” Alec expression came to a realisation a smile spreading up his cheeks again. “I was in an arrow mood,” Magnus explained as Alec pulled out the small pair of arrows looking them over fondly.

“I love them.” Magnus was happy to receive another kiss from Alec.

Magnus had also been thinking of another thing but he didn’t know if it was too much but then decided to ignore his inner doubt and just go for it. “There’s one more thing.” He added shyly.

“Magnus, what the hell, you’re going to make me look like a bad boyfriend.” Alec sighed a low chuckle escaping his lips.

“You could never be a bad boyfriend, darling.” Magnus built up the courage and just went for it. “I know we basically already share a room at home but technically all your stuff is still in the guest bedroom. So, I was thinking maybe you’d like to move into my room officially and make it our room.”

Alec’s smile grew and he rolled trapping Magnus beneath him. “Can we do that as soon as we get home?” Alec suggested.

Magnus giggled as Alec attacked down his neck with soft kisses, “I take that as a yes.”

“A big yes.”

They both got lost in each other after that exchanging kisses to and from each other just cherishing one another.

“I want to continue this but I also really want to give your gift too.” Alec stops and pulls away looking torn between his decision.

Magnus would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited to see what Alec got him. He knew how amazing and thought out everything he does. Alec regretfully hoped out of bed and went to his hiding spot where he had hidden the gift walking back with a shy smile, looking nervous. Magnus knew the feeling.

“It’s only small.” Alec went to continue explaining himself but Magnus shushed him with his finger on his lips.

“Whatever it is I’m sure it is the most perfect thing I could ever receive.” Alec handed him the small bag and he pulled out a long box and flipped it open and his breath left his body. Staring back at him was the most stunning bracelet. Silver with touches of rose gold. The chain linking to a flat but slightly curved piece of silver, picking it up he saw a few symbols underneath turning to get a better look. Tears had started to well in his eyes at this point. No one had ever thought out a gift, gone to this much effort. Alec was always showing him he was worth every bit of effort. “Alexander,” His voicing disappearing. The main symbol being the easiest to identify. Infinity. He traced the outline with his finger knowing exactly what it meant.

“The symbols inside the infinity mean love and loyalty.” Alec came closer peering over his shoulder.

Each symbol inside each circle of the infinity loops were so beautifully engraved. it was the most beautiful piece of jewellery he had seen. Holding so much meaning he never wanted to let go.

“Can I put it on for you?” Alec asked as he sat next to him. Magnus could only manage a small nod still completely taken by this gift making him feel truly loved. More than he ever had in his life.

It fit perfectly. Just like he and Alec did.

“This is beautiful and I feel words can’t even describe how much I love it.” Magnus smiled admiring it as Alec clasped it around his wrist.

“You deserve beautiful things.” He couldn’t help but look up and admire the most beautiful thing in his life. His Alexander staring back at him with those pure pools of love and kindness.

“I love you.” He made sure he emphasised every letter.

“I love you too.” Magnus pulled him in for a bone crushing hug just holding him tight to his chest feeling his warmth radiate through to his body. They were so close he could feel Alec’s heart beating against his chest and if he could he wanted to feel that forever.

Magnus held him tighter and they both fell back Alec falling on his back and Magnus on top of him. Their low chuckles filtering through the room, their happiness. Magnus tore his limbs from Alec and just stared down at him and couldn’t fathom how lucky he had gotten coming back to New York and having Alec back in his life and having the relationship he had always wanted with him. It exceeded his expectations and more. He didn’t know someone was able to love someone as much as he loved Alec. He never wanted to leave him, he never wanted Alec to leave. He was his all and everything, he couldn’t imagine another breath without him beside him.

Alec brought his hand up to his face and just rested it on Magnus’ cheek his eyes softening as he took in Magnus’ eyes. “I know.” He whispered. “Me too.” Of course, Alec knew what he was thinking.

Leaning down and closing his lips with Alec’s they just lay their loving each other letting the other have all of them no holding back.

* * *

 

 

“Hey, have you guys seen Alec around? He said he was going for a walk but it’s been like an hour and I haven’t heard from him.” Magnus asked feeling a slight twinge of worry.

Izzy sent him a look that only made him more confused. She looked like she knew exactly where he was and judging by her face it wasn’t good. Her expression held sadness.

“He told me he was going down the road. He might want your company.” She hinted.

After getting directions from her Magnus headed out his heart beating a little faster than before.

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Max.” He closed his eyes breathing in a deep breath. “I miss you.”

His muscles were tense fuelled with fear. But he wanted to beat that fear and do this. It was time to push that fear away and take back control of his life.

He hadn’t been to Max’s grave not since the day they buried him. As he sat down he felt the immense guilt fill his body. He should have come sooner. He was his big brother, he was meant to be stronger than this, but he was here now.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come sooner. You deserve better. I’m here now though and I hope you can forgive me.” He could feel the tightness in his chest the aching feeling of the pain resurfacing. It was okay though, he was okay. It was okay to feel the pain.

“So many times, I think how I wish I could have done something that day. Helped you, kept you breathing. It still haunts me.” Once he started he couldn’t stop.

“I wish you had a longer life than what you got. A better life. The life you deserved.” He had accepted there was nothing he could have done. Sometimes the world is just cruel and rips away the important people in your life without any warning. He still wished, wished it could have turned out differently.

“I was in a dark place. After you died, it felt like a part of me died too.” He’d never said that out loud but it was true. “I felt lifeless in this world full of life. Lifeless even though I lived.” Thinking back to those dark times felt like another world. He was glad the worst of it was in his past. “I pushed everyone away who meant something to me, it was easier that way. Well, it felt like that at the time. Mum and Dad weren’t easy.” He sighed feeling a tear slip down his cheek catching it with his finger as it fell.

“But the good thing is I’m better now. Happy. So much has happened since that awful day.” He smiled at his next words. “I’m with Magnus now and it’s amazing.” He chuckled softly more tears falling now but not out of sadness. “The one you told me got away. Well, I got him back and I’m never letting him go.”

“He misses you, everyone does.” He wasn’t even trying to stop the tears at this point he just let them fall. Still feeling that void where Max had left their lives every day.

“He was there for me in so many ways. When he came back it was like he brought this light with him that made everything look brighter and I just wanted more of it. All those feelings came flooding back. I love him.” He paused trying to catch his breath.

“You’ll laugh at this but Mum and Dad tried setting me up with a girl. I know ridiculous, I kind of lost it that day and had enough and walked out and never went back. Moved in with Magnus and at first, I thought it might put a strain on our friendship but it only made us closer and now well, you know.” He laughed. “I have never felt like this for someone ever, it’s terrifying.” Inhaling a deep breath shaking on exhale.

“I know what you would say if you were here. ‘I’m happy for you. I’m proud of you.’ Are you proud of me Max? I’m starting to become proud of myself. How far I’ve come. For some time, it felt like that darkness would never end and just haunt me forever.” It wasn’t easy to claw himself out of that it took time and lots of help and he wasn’t ashamed anymore that he needed support it was normal. The fact that he had the best support system also helped.  

He took a few minutes to mull over all his thoughts his mind stumbling over something that brought a smile to his face.

“Magnus and I adopted a kitten the other day. We named him Armani. Magnus named him so any judgement can go to him.” He laughed. “You would have loved him I know how much you wanted a cat when you were younger.”

“He’s a little fluff ball and extremely cute. I miss him. Jace keeps making fun of me for it. Saying I’m acting like he’s me and Magnus’ child. Which to be fair it is another responsibility. But, it got me thinking about adopting kids with Magnus one day, it would be amazing. I bet Magnus would be such a great father.” His mind was such a whirlwind of emotions he couldn’t put them into order.

“Anyway, I’m rambling now.” He chuckled softly. “That was your thing, rambling on and on about what you loved.” He smiled and ran his hand over Max’s name. “But anyway, I just wanted to tell you, I love you and I miss you. I hope you are enjoying wherever you have gone. I’m happy, everything is going good, great even and I finally come to realise I don’t have to feel guilty for feeling this way because it’s what you would have wanted.” Taking one final breath, he felt lighter. “I promise I’ll visit more.”

* * *

 

 

Magnus made his way up the path Izzy had directed him to go and he could faintly see a dark figure in the distance not too far from him. He knew It was Alec by the way he was sitting. As he got closer he started to realise Alec was talking to someone but there was no one else around.

He made his way around the corner and stopped in his tracks. That’s when he saw it. Alec was speaking to Max. His grave. He could faintly hear Alec’s voice as he spoke, he couldn’t hear the words but he could hear the light hum of his voice and sounded strained, troubled. He just wanted to go up there and hold him but he knew this was something personal for Alec himself and he didn’t want to interrupt. Taking some steps back he sat down on the grass and waited for it to be okay.

He himself had never had the chance to visit Max’s grave. It gave him a chance to say a proper goodbye.

Minutes passed and soon he noticed Alec bending down and caressing Max’s name with his fingers. Feeling it in his gut that it was the right time he walked over slowly and squatted down next to him, trying not to startle him. His heart shattered as he saw tears streaming down Alec’s face. Leaning forward he wiped away the pain-stricken tears from his face and placed a soothing kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, darling.” Alec smiled as Magnus grazed his finger along his skin.

“Hey,” Alec reached for Magnus’ hand that was cupping his cheek and just held it as he closed his eyes. “I’m glad you are here.” Magnus was relieved to hear that. Letting go of the tiny bit of tension around his shoulders.

“You okay?” Magnus asked.

“I think I am.” Alec’s smile was genuine. “I needed this.”

Alec stood and brought Magnus back to the seat he was sitting on before. Magnus just stared at Max’s grave as they both sat in silence. Eventually feeling the tears fall. “It just hits you all at once doesn’t it.” Magnus sighed resting his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“It does.” Alec clasped his hand in Magnus’ “It’s alright to feel it and I’ve learnt that now.” There were another few beats of silence. “I talked so much.” He laughed leaning closer into Magnus. “He probably was getting sick of me.”

“I’m sure he would have loved hearing your voice, Alexander.” Magnus held Alec’s hand tighter.

Alec turned to Magnus meeting his eyes, he saw so much feeling, emotion. He had never seen Alec like this and he didn’t know what to expect.

“Magnus, I can’t express how much you mean to me. Word’s never seem good enough in times like these but let me try.” Magnus’ heart started beating fast. “I love you more than I think is possible. You make me smile, you make me laugh. You make those dark days seem worth it. You helped me out of a dark place and you’ve shown me how to be happy again. No matter what I will always stand by you through all the ups and downs. Thank you for being you and thank you for loving me for me, for loving me more than I thought I deserved. You’ve shown me that, that is what I deserve and I just hope I can give back to you what you give to me.” Alec finished his smile ear to ear. That’s how Magnus felt on the inside his heart hammering against his chest yet the happiest it had been. His mind still trying to process all the words Alec had just said.

“I love you too. You’re my everything. You have also helped me so much darling I almost forgot what it felt like to feel happy until you came back in my life. This life we have created.” He paused his eyes falling over every feature of Alec’s face. “I can’t wait to live it with you.” At that moment he didn’t know what else to say other than kiss the love of his life like it was their last moment on this planet. So, he did just that. Everything they have always felt for each other being poured into this moment he never wanted to end.

Alec pulled back eventually, laughing softly tucking his head into Magnus’ neck leaving a confused Magnus still chasing the feeling of Alec’s lips on his. “There are children present.” Alec chuckled leaning his head against Magnus’s forehead.

“Sorry, Max.” Magnus laughed moving his head kissing Alec’s cheek quickly. “I couldn’t help myself.” They both chuckled pulling the other in for a hug losing themselves to the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

“I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you too, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter before the epilogue. 
> 
> Kind of sad. I’ve become so attached to this story. I hope you all loved it. Thanks for your continuing support I don’t think I would have been able to finish it without some of you helping me along. ❤️ You know who you are.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue is finally here. Sorry it took so long.

_**one year later** _

 

Their apartment was filled with laughter and love as their family and friends surrounded every corner talking and dancing amongst each other.

Magnus leaned his head back against Alec’s chest as they stood just admiring all their loved ones in one room.

It was New Year’s Eve, and Magnus and Alec had decided to throw a new year’s party at their apartment. “I love this,” Magnus closed his eyes as Alec kissed along his cheek.

“Me too.” Alec smiled against his skin. “And I love you.”

Magnus tilted his head up showing his toothy grin. “I love you too, baby.” Finding Alec’s lips, he kissed him enjoying the taste.

“Do you two ever stop being sickeningly in love?” Jace appeared at their side.

As if rehearsed both Alec and Magnus rolled their eyes in sync. “Just cause we like showing our affection for each other and you can’t” Alec snickered pecking Magnus’ lips again.

Jace stood dumbfounded. “I show emotion,” He argued.

“Sure, you do.” Alec chuckled against Magnus’ shoulder.

“Stop it you two,” Magnus interjected.

“He started it,” Alec stated giving Magnus the most innocent look he could muster.

Magnus rolled his eyes playfully. “Whatever,” reaching for Alec’s hand he started to pull him along to the dance floor. “Go have fun Jace, that’s what we are doing.”

When Magnus turned back around Alec gave Jace a glance asking if everything was ready. Jace nodded with a small smirk giving him thumbs up.

Alec huffed out a nervous sigh and tried to focus on what Magnus was doing.

If a year and a half ago someone told him he would now be in a loving relationship with his high school love dancing in the middle of their apartment on New Year’s Eve he would have laughed it off but now he couldn’t imagine a world where he didn’t have Magnus.

Wrapping his arms around Magnus’ waist they swayed to the music slowly picking up the pace as the music got faster. He loved this, watching the smile on Magnus’ face as they didn’t break eye contact feeling Magnus’ body move against his. Just completely lost in each other.

The nerves he felt earlier in the night completely gone.

Magnus couldn’t help but smirk up at his boyfriend as he remembered back to the first time they danced together. “I can’t believe you thought you couldn’t dance.” Magnus chuckled.

“I can’t, you just make me look good.” Alec laughed back.

Magnus leaned up and kissed him getting lost in his lips, moving closer and closer. “honey, you flatter me.”

Alec blinked his eyes open trying to find his feet again after the kiss Magnus just gave him. He was pretty sure 30 years from now Magnus would still be able to make him feel the same way after every kiss. “it’s the truth.” He said back.

“Hey, I want to show you something,” Alec whispered against Magnus’ ear sending chills down his spine.

Magnus followed walking through the rooms that were empty and finding himself on their balcony. Shocked breathless with what he saw in front of him. There in front of him was rose petals scattered on the concrete spelling the words “marry me.” Magnus couldn’t control the tears that fell.

Alec moved to stand in front of him wiping a few tears before bringing out a small velvet box from his pocket and kneeling on one knee. Himself finding it hard to contain his tears.

The nerves were back as his clammy hands popped the box open. “Magnus Bane, I love you so much I found it hard to find the right words to express exactly how I feel. But here goes.” Taking a deep breath, he felt his heart stutter against his chest. “When you came back into my life I was in a bad place and I really couldn’t see a way out but one day after the other I started to find a reason to smile again. I started to feel the darkness that had surrounded me for so long slowly disappear. That reason was you. You showed me my worth, you showed me that other people’s words don’t define me. You were there every step of the way putting up with my stupid moods and insecurities.” He laughed through his tears.

“You made me feel special again. You loved me unconditionally and put up with all my flaws. I don’t even want to think what my life would be without you. I used to not believe in soul mates until you came back into my life. I know for a fact you complete me, you are my other half and all I want to do is spend the rest of my life with you, enjoying every precious moment we create. I want to raise a family with you and grow old together.” Pausing one last time he reached for Magnus’ hand pushing the tears threatening to fall back. “Magnus Bane, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

Magnus stood completely frozen listening to every word. He had never felt so loved in his life. His one true love was proposing to him. He needed someone to pinch him to make sure it was real. His heart was beating uncontrollably in his chest. He hadn’t even bothered to stop his tears anymore as they just kept coming. Alec looked so beautiful his eye’s shining in the moonlight.

It took him a while to notice Alec had stopped talking and was waiting for a response. Quickly finding his words he replied. “Yes, yes, of course, I’d love to marry you.” He spoke through his tears.

Relief flooded every bone in his body as Magnus said yes. Pulling out the silver ring and sliding it on to Magnus’ finger everything felt surreal. He couldn’t stand up fast enough and kiss Magnus senseless.

As their lips moved together both sealing the moment locked in each other’s embrace, fireworks began to sound behind them as the clock hit 12 making everything feel like they were in a movie. Pulling apart briefly feeling completely lost for breath Alec whispered against Magnus’ ear. “Happy New Year, babe.”

Magnus smiled back still feeling completely on top of the world. “Happy New Year, fiancé” and kissed him again, he just wanted to keep kissing him.

They were eventually broken apart by the noise of cheers coming from inside. Both smiling from ear to ear Alec whispered against Magnus’ lips. “I love you.”

Magnus whispered back with the biggest grin on his face. “I love you too.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end. I hope you enjoyed this story. I certainly loved writing it :) 
> 
> I have started a new fic called "All I Wanna See is You" If you want to check that out as well. Chapter 6 will be up soon 
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback along the way <3

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought :)


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